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Show A7 Castle Valley Review, February 2009 Continued from Previous Page. among factory workers in Malaysia and Siberia. It is believed to result from a genetic mutation that blocks the calming of the central nervous system (but could be merely psychological, from the stress of working in close quarters). Least Competent Criminals Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) In January, police in Cape Coral, Fla., were seeking LaKeitha Watson-Atkinson for shoplifting from a TJ Maxx. The thief escaped after running from store security, but not before she was knocked down twice by her getaway car. In the commotion, a check made out to Watson-Atkinson fell to the ground. (2) Luke Radick, 21, was charged with attempted robbery of the National Bank of Palmerton in Sciota, Pa., in January. Bank employees refused to buzz Radick in for the simple reason that he stood at the door, covering his face and holding a shotgun. Recurring Themes An exceptionally cold winter brings more instances of the annual tragedy of young boys (rarely, girls) who could not resist the age-old physics experiment to see what would happen if, in sub-zero temperatures, they tried to lick a metal pole. In fact, it happened on successive days: a 10year-old in Hammond, Ind., on Jan. 14 and a 6-year-old in Omaha, Neb., on the 15th. Both episodes ended badly with traces of the boys' tongues left on the poles. Grudges (1) Marie-Eve Dean, 23, was ordered into intensive therapy in December by a judge in Ottawa, Ontario, after her conviction for mischief in making more than 10,000 crank phone calls to the city's 911 line, apparently just to protest the legal system's treatment of her former brotherin-law in a child-custody case. (2) A South Korean man identified only as Kim, wanted in Seoul for murder, had a more enduring grudge. Police charged the 37-year-old man with the November slaying of his high Casey’s Pockets Leading Economic Indicators -- People With Too Much Money: (1) The owner of a local ski shop told the Vail (Colo.) Daily in November that he was confident he could sell his parking space in a town garage for his asking price of $500,000. After all, he said, it was on the top floor and next to an exit. (2) The upscale residents of Gate Mills, Ohio, near Cleveland, are so grateful to their town's 61 government employees that they volunteered $50,000 in holiday tips in December. -- Among the best-selling and most controversial toys of this past holiday season were the $39.95 Mattel "Gotta Go" Doll and the $59.95 Hasbro Baby Alive, both because of their interactive features, especially their digestion/excretion functions. The latter doll comes with its own food ("green beans," "bananas") and a warning ("May stain some surfaces"). The Gotta Go includes a toilet and brings the flushing process to life for the child. An industry insider told the Washington Post that next season's toys would be even more realistic. -- The Economy in Crisis: (1) The Platinum Lounge, a lap-dancing club in Chester, England, announced in November that it would begin selling advertising, in 4-by-6-inch body-paint squares, on dancers' derrieres. Said the club's agent, "I had to do a lot of research ... to come up with the optimum size for the (ads)!" (2) In the midst of widespread unemployment in Sweden, the Haxriket i Norden company announced in November it would hire 20 professional witches well-versed in tarots, crystals, herbs, exorcism, and "contact with the other side," in the expectation that desperate consumers increasingly would require counseling. -- Although to many outsiders, the concept of "clothing" on Muslim women suggests full-body veils, many married women in Syria are decidedly more playful, feeding a market for daring and quixotic underwear (to be worn in private, of course, and only for one's husband). Musical panties (some that glow in the dark), bras with "hands" covering the cups, and underwear designed to collapse and fall to the floor at the sound of hands clapping are just three of the popular items at boutique shops, according to a December BBC News dispatch from Damascus. Cutting-Edge Science -- Ewww, Gross! Two brain surgeons in the western U.S. admitted that recent operations had shaken them up, though both said the patients have since been doing nicely. Dr. Peter Nakaji, expecting to find a dreaded tumor in the brain of a woman in Phoenix, was heard on video of the surgery chuckling when he realized the problem was merely a worm on the brain stem (probably acquired from poor sanitation). And in December, a 3-day-old infant was doing well in Colorado Springs following the discovery and removal of a tiny, almostperfectly-formed foot from his brain by Dr. Paul Grabb. -- More than 1,000 new animal species were discovered in the last decade in the area surrounding the Mekong River that runs through Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and Vietnam, including striped rabbits and a spider bigger than a dinner plate. Also found was a pink millipede that secretes cyanide, according to a December World Wildlife Fund report. A News of the Weird Classic (May 1997) Ms. Courtney Mann, the head of the Philadelphia chapter of the white-supremacist National Association for the Advancement of White People, and who is a single mother who works as a tax preparer, was rebuffed in an attempt to join a Ku Klux Klan-sponsored march in Pittsburgh in April, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Though she has been in the NAAWP for at least four years, the Pennsylvania KKK Grand Dragon turned her down for the Klan march because Mann is black. "She wanted me to send transportation (to bring her to the rally)," said the Grand Dragon. "She wanted to stay at my house (during rally weekend). She's all confused, man. I don't think she knows she's black." (Copyright 2009 Chuck Shepherd. Distrib- Time for Deciding on a Future Casey D. Wood Graduation approaches. It is merely four months away, and I find myself full to the brim with two separate, but seemingly connected emotions. The first is excitement, and the second is an overwhelming sense of terror. I find that with each passing day I become a little bit more excited about all the things that are quickly approaching. I’m excited to decide what I want to do with my life, to move on and experience new things, to see if I am dedicated enough to make it in college and in the real world, to learn new things about myself and about the world, The Duplex school music teacher after stewing for 21 years over the teacher's 1987 accusation that Kim cheated in class. and most of all, I’m excited to test myself and reach the limit of my potential. I know many students who are going to be graduating with me, and I am excited to see what they can do and what they can make out of their lives. Almost completely overtaking my sense of excitement for the new adventure that I will soon embark on is my sense of terror. I find that, as many graduating seniors feel, I am worried that I haven’t tried enough and worked hard enough. Applying for colleges and scholarships is such a grueling process, made more terrible by the waiting period. I continually stress over the questions: “Will I get in?” “Will I get a scholarship?” and “What am I going to do if I don’t?” And I watch as those I am closest to experience those same fears. I wonder if I will be able to handle leaving my home and family. Although I am excited about the challenge, I wonder whether or not I will be able to make it in college. As the minutes tick away, the two emotions battle in my head, leaving me almost overwhelmed. As I more fully consider these questions and challenges awaiting me, a beacon of hope shines above each emotion and assures me that things will be okay. I know that there are people out there rooting for me. I know that even if I falter, the people of the Castle Valley, my family, my friends, and all those people I have the opportunity to associate with, will pick me up and help me to overcome any obstacles that may arise. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to live in this area and to be affiliated with all the wonderful people here. As graduation approaches I find that more than anything, I hope to be able to return someday, and raise my family in this wonderful place. Graduation approaches. I know that whatever happens, everything is going to be OK. |
