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Show A6 The Emery County Review, Tuesday, August 19, 2008 The FAMILY PAGE Horoscope Focus On The Family Crossword Figuratively Speaking FOCUS ON THE FAMILY Sibling Rivalries Start from a Lack of Discipline Dr. James Dobson Q I’ve been very careful to be fair with my children and give them no reason to resent one another. Nevertheless, they continue to fight. What can I do? The problem may rest in your lack of disciplinary control at home. Sibling rivalry is at its worst when there is an inadequate system of justice among children -- where the “lawbreakers” do not get caught, or if apprehended are set free without standing trial. It is important to understand that laws in a society are established and enforced for the purpose of protecting people from each other. Likewise, a family is a mini-society with the same requirement for protection of human rights. For purposes of illustration, suppose that I live in a frontier community where there is no established law. Policemen do not exist and there are no courts to whom disagreements can be appealed. Under those circumstances, my neighbor and I can abuse each other with impunity. He can steal my horses and throw rocks through my windows, while I raid the apples from his favorite tree and take his plow late at night. This kind of mutual antagonism has A a way of escalating day by day, becoming ever more violent with the passage of time. When permitted to run its natural course, as in early American history, the end result can be feudal hatred and murder. As indicated, individual families are similar to societies in their need for law and order. In the absence of justice, “neighboring” siblings begin to assault one another. The older child is bigger and tougher, which allows him to oppress his younger brothers and sisters. But the junior member of the family is not without weapons of his own. He strikes back by breaking the toys and prized possessions of the older sibling and interferes when friends are visiting. Mutual hatred then erupts like an angry volcano, spewing its destructive contents on everyone in its path. In many homes, the parents do not have sufficient disciplinary control to enforce their judgments. In others, they are so exasperated with constant bickering among siblings that they refuse to get involved. In still others, parents require an older child to live with an admitted injustice “because your brother is smaller than you.” Thus, they tie his hands and render him utterly defenseless against the mischief of his bratty little brother or sister. Even more commonly today, mothers and fathers are both working while their children are home busily disassembling each other. I will say it again to parents: one of your most important responsibilities is to establish an equitable system of justice and a balance of power at home. There should be reasonable “laws” which are enforced fairly for each member of the family. For purposes of illustration, let me list the boundaries and rules which evolved through the years in my own home. 1. Neither child was ever allowed to make fun of the other in a destructive way. Period! This was an inflexible rule with no exceptions. 2. Each child’s room was his or her private territory. There were locks on both doors, and permission to enter was a FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY Week of Aug. 17 Holiday Mathis Apropos of the time of year (back to school!) requiring our efficiency and planning to thrive, the sun transitions from Leo into meticulous Virgo this week. The constellation of Virgo hangs out in a dense area of the sky surrounded by many auspicious, brilliantly lit star nebulas. The Virgin’s close proximity to these constellations suggests easy access to the riches of the universe, including but not limited to learning. ARIES (March 21-April 19). Take out the camera and start snapping. It’s not because you see something so unusual -- quite the opposite. What you see is the same as what you saw yesterday, and it will be the same tomorrow. But you haven’t documented this part of your life yet, and you’ll want to remember it. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). New territory entices you, but it’s way too soon to commit much of your time and interest to this mystery. You’d rather this experience be quick. It’s either a win or a loss, and it really doesn’t matter to you. It’s about satisfying your curiosity more than anything else. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The moments that define you are not profound. Identity struggles play out on the most mundane battlefields -- the kitchen counter as you make your breakfast or standing over an uncooperative printer at work. You’re learning that when you are aware, there is always an opportunity to express your individual spirit. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Welcome to your endless to-do list. It’s probably all revocable privilege. (Families with more than one child in each bedroom can allocate available living space for each youngster.) 3. The older child was not permitted to tease the younger child. 4. The younger child was forbidden to harass the older child. 5. The children were not required to play with each other when they preferred to be alone or with other friends. 6. We mediated any genuine conflict as quickly as possible, being careful to show impartiality and extreme fairness. As with any plan of justice, this plan requires (1) children’s respect for leadership of the parent, (2) willingness by the parent to mediate, (3) and occasional enforcement of punishment. When this approach is accomplished with love, the emotional tone of the home can be changed from one of hatred to (at least) tolerance. (Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Solid Answers” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2008 James Dobson Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) John MacIntyre in your head right now. Getting it out on paper helps, although wondering what to do first might be temporarily paralyzing. So wing Monday and Tuesday and then make a formal plan. You’re a genius when you apply yourself. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). You think you’ve seen it all. The new people you meet seem vaguely familiar, and the strangers all remind you of someone you met before. Then, on Thursday, something happens to interrupt your flow. Suddenly you’re in a position to see it all as new, brand new. Your days feature the spirit of discovery. THIS WEEK’S BIRTHDAYS: You have no problem asking for what you need this year, and that’s why you’re more satisfied than ever. Make a bold request before the end of September. You’ll be cashing in! Your health and well-being improve through the fall, and by November you feel positively radiant. Love leads you to unexpected travel in December. You learn new skills in February, and by June you’re already in a position to teach them to others. Your family grows by next July. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Hindsight is a romantic. There’s no way to tell, though, whether the piece of past you’re looking at was nearly as good as your memory paints it. Be open-minded. Today is better than yesterday, provided you don’t waste it wishing things to be as they were. Your weekend brings hugs and kisses and all kinds of intentions. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Making 16: Percentage of employees who say they “would never dream of asking for a pay raise,” according to a study conducted by Ceridian for Online Recruitment. 19: Percentage of workers 34 years of age or younger who say they would be comfortable asking for a pay raise. 81: Percentage of workers 34 years of age and older who say they would be comfortable asking for a pay raise. Source: Ceridian. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: Ranks of firefighter, scientist, doctor, nurse and teacher on the list of the most prestigious occupations, according to a Harris Poll. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5: Ranks of real estate agent/broker, stock broker, banker, accountant and entertainer on the list of the least prestigious occupations. Source: Harris Interactive. 2: Number of times higher that the desire to emigrate is in countries at the bottom quartile in GDP (Gross Domestic Product) worldwide than in countries in the top quartile in GDP, according to the Migration and Remittances Factbook 2008. 51: Percentage emigration rate among college graduates in Belize. 80: Estimated emigration rate of college graduates in Guyana, Jamaica and Haiti. Source: Gallup. 3.5: Projected average percentage merit pay increases that U.S. employers are planning to give their employees in 2009, according to a report by Watson Wyatt Worldwide. 4.4: Percentage average increase for employees whose performance ratings exceed expectations. 6: Percentage average increase for employees who far exceed expectations. Source: Watson Wyatt Worldwide. 18.8: Average age at which college students reported that they took responsibility for their own finances, according to a survey by Higher One. Source: Higher One. Continued on Page A8. 34: Percentage of female workers who say they feel that they are paid less than counterparts of the opposite sex with the same skills and qualifications, according to the “Workplace Equality” survey from CareerBuilder. com. 11: Percentage of men who say they feel they are paid less than their female counterparts. Source: CareerBuilder.com. 65: In order to attract and retain proven corporate leaders, percentage of companies that are offering non-compete agreements, according to a survey of business leaders conducted by ExecuNet. 44: Percentage who are offering guaranteed severance. 51: Percentage who are offering stock options/equity. 80: Percentage who are promising a performance bonus. Source: ExecuNet. Idle Thought “Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.” -- Albert Einstein (Copyright 2008 John MacIntyre Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) Puzzle answers on Page B7. |
