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Show Diversions The Utah Statesman ,6 Friday, April27,2007 www.cambridgecourt.net Pre-Emgtive 500 CANYON ROAD,TOGAN, UTAH 84321 PHONE: (435) 753-S28B, 760-5464 Critics KPtfRTMENTS The Invisible' "From the producers of 'The Sixth Sense'../' You know the movie's going to be good when the best thing they can say on the movie trailer is, "From the producers of (insert good show here)." This is code for "This movie sucks. But if we can mention a good show during the trailer, maybe you'll go see it." In a totally unrelated note, I've always wanted to be invisible. Every time the question or having superpowers comes up, inevitably I answer, "Invisibility." It would just be loads of tun running around smacking people in the head and they had no idea it was you. "The Invisible" is the stupid kind of invisibility. It's the reason why Patrick Swayze was invisible in "Ghost." That's right, 1 used a Patrick Swayze reference. What of it? Here's to you Patrick Swayze, for making shows like "Roadhouse" and "Dirty Dancing." You deserve a bit of recognition. Take a bow. I pre-emptively think Patrick Swayze would hate "The Invisible." Bring on "Ghost 2." SAVE 1O% FACULTY & STUDENTS ANY O R D E R E N D S MAY 5 t h 753-1292 • CampSauer.com * 82 W. 100 N 'Next' I can see the future. Every week I am told the name of a movie, and I can tell you if it's going to be good or bad. Ifs impressive, I know. Nicholas Cage does not have this talent, however, or he would never have taken on a flop like "Next." Anybody can act like they see the future, but it takes a real talent to actually pull it off. Nicholas Cage wants you to believe that "Next" will be the "next" big thing (did you see that pun coming, Nick?). But if I know anything about movies - and my being a pre-emptive critic should tell you that I do - I know that my peers and I are going to skip on this movie to spend the summer watching "The OC" reruns and lamenting our subpar finals. But don't take my word for it. Go home, sit on your couch and wait. You'll see. But I don't want you to get bored or anything, so maybe you should watch some old "The OC" or something. I've seen the future, and this movie should not be in it. I know that Nicholas Cage didn't see this one coming, but I pre-emptively hate "Next." — ByZach Pendleton/zpendletonQcc.usu.edu —By Aaron Peck/aaronpeck@cc.usu.edu 'The Condemned' CKESTWOOR B ten I wood Lvnwood Edge wood 736 E 900 N 880 N 650 E 736 E 800 N A group of Texas death row inmates have been given the chance to fight to the death for the chance of having their sentence dropped to life in prison, 1 actually don't know that this movie takes place in Texas, I'm just assuming. Personally, I think this is a great idea, not only for a movie, but tor the American justice system in general. Like take ten people who have reckless driving tickets, and have them compete in a demolition derby. Winner gets off with a warning. Or have ten pot heads compete in brownie-eating contest for the cnance to get oft with a lesser sentence (they'd be regular brownies, just to play with their heads a bit). It's really the perfect system. No matter what people do wrong, we can reward those who are best at it. I can't wait for the wet T-shirt contest they have for women guilty of indecent exposure. This new system will make people think twice before commiting a crime. 'Just how good at embezzling am 1?' they'll think. I also think we should keep the fight to the death for people who talk during movies. Especially during "The Condemned." I pre-emptively love this movie —By Steve Shinney/steveshinney@cc.usu.edu Crest>woods [kuh n-veen-yuh ns] Definition: Low summer Rates! (From $450) -Private bedroom; private bath -Expanded cable; Free High Speed Internet -Air conditioning; Covered Parking (Edgewood) -Washer and dryer in your apartment -Practically on Campus Synonyms: Summer, Social, Fun, Good Times Used in a sentence: With Crestwoods, your housing choice is made! See also: www.logancrestwoods.com When will Jamie Kennedy learn that no one in America thinks he's funny? Well, not since the short-lived "Jamie Kennedy Experiment" aired on the WB anyway. Mr. Kennedy has been wearing out his big-screen welcome with famously unfunny flicks like the Razzie Award-nominated sequel nobody wanted, "Son of the Mask" and the slightly more tolerable gangster parody "Malibu's Most Wanted." For better or worse, Kennedy's latest on-screen venture looks like the spiritual successor of the latter. In "Kickin' It Old School," Kennedy revives his over-the-top hipster impersonation as Justin Schumacher, an accomplished break dancer who awakens from a 20-year coma only to find that everything in his parachute-pant-filled reality has been turned upside down. His parents have amassed considerable debt and his high school girlfriend is now engaged to Lex Luthor himself. Predictably, Justin will have to reassemble his former break-dancing posse to win back his girl and save his parents, although I'm not exactly sure how break-dancing is going to resolve either of those conflicts. I will give one thing to Mr. Kennedy, though: It's about time someone poked fun at all of the "You Got Served"s and "Stomp the Yard"s of the world. I pre-emptively hate this movie. —By Mack Perry/mackp@cc.usu.edu The pre-emptive critics write knee-jerk analyses of upcoming films based solely on hearsay, advance publicity and movie trailers. They have not seen the movies. Attention jewelry buyers: New York Jewelry Outlet Going Out of Business SALE 70% off everything! We did not mark prices up just to mark them down, most jewelry at melt down prices. Everything must go including showcases, pictures, and even the safe! Across from the Tabernacle in historic downtown Logan. open Mon.-Sat. 12:00-6:00 Bw Flash For Little Cash 73 North Main 435-750-NYJO 'Kickin' it Old Skool' >UFO From page 5 and the looks on their faces after seeing the show, it was priceless," she said. "It made everything that we did worth it because we just created an experience that would stay with those patrons forever, and you could tell just by their expressions on their faces." Ballam said opera is the only serious art form that is on the upswing in terms of a younger demographic, because opera offers a visual as well as an audio experience. "People of your generation are not as satisfied to sit in a dark room and listen to something as they are wanting to see something happen," he said. Opera is the world's finest music and the world's biggest stories, he said. People keep coming back to opera performances because it is so dramatic and touching, Ballam said. For those unfamiliar with opera, Smith said one thing to be aware of during a performance is to look for super titles. These titles appear above the stage and act as live subtitles to help the audience follow along with a storyline being spoken and sung in a different language. So if you're not quite sure what's happening in a scene, you can glance up and read it," Smith said. The 2007 season begins July 11 and ends Aug. 11. Ballam said more than 25,000 people came to watch last year's opera season, and he said he expects just as many people, if not more, to attend the 2007 season. "We've had people come from abroad," he said. "We had one come from China last year. He came expecting to stay one day, and he ended up spending two or three weeks." Utah Festival Opera —britg@cc.tisu.edu Photo courtesy Tamaro Brown OPERA PERFORMER MICHAEL BALLAM has been helping organize Utah Festival Opera for 15 years. FRIDAY institute "COUNTY FAIR" closing Social ACTIVITY Company office is located at 59 S. 100 West in Logan. To reserve tickets and order by phone, please call 800-2620074 or 750-0300 ext. 106. For more information concerning particular dates and show times of each production, visit Utah Festival Opera on the Web at www. ufoc.org/. Hey Y'all, come join us Friday, April 2.7, fora night at the Institute "County Fair11 from 8~n pm. Come enjoy a free meal, a live band, a mechanical bull, a dunking machine, >( blow up toys and so much more! Come one, come y'alli.^ |