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Show GETTING MARRIED BEFOREYOUR BRAIN IS FULLY DEVELOPED IS NEAT BY JOSE /MAN WHO UNDERSTANDS IDAHO BETTER THAN YOU ART BY YOUR MOM (LOVE YOU, HONEY!) ith the number of hermits, spinsters and crazy cat ladies on the rise, Utah has taken action to prevent what otherwise may have turned into catastrophe. In a recent move, Utah has now made it illegal to be 25 and single. This legislation comes as a great relief to those who, for whatever reason, are nearing the over-the-hill quarter life period and have somehow forgotten to put a ring on it. Fred Locke, an avid supporter of the bill and a professor of Having As Many Babies As Quickly As Possible at the U, said he is thrilled that the state has passed such progressive legislation. "We just don't have enough young, underprepared couples getting married these days," Locke said. "We used to see plenty of young folks getting married before they were psychologically stable, financially literate and socially mature. We just don't see that anymore — and that's a problem." Students at the U have welcomed the new legislation and generally seem very supportive. "Twenty-five is very, very old," said Brian Litrell, a sophomore in interpretive dance. "I'm glad the government is helping these people get it together. Clearly, those who are not married by 25 have some serious psychological issues, so it's really nice to see that the government is so willing to step in and force them into conformity." With a dwindling world population and a desperate need for more occupants in our local prisons, this legislation has beneficial implications across the board. Locke said he hopes W EDITORIAL CARTOON We regret to inform you that, due to budget cuts, editorial cartoons will now be replaced by coloring book pages,) the new legislation will be an incentive for couples to devote less time to courtship and more time to important things like childbearing. "Young folks are getting distracted by things like having a career, experiencing true love and being socially responsible," Locke said. "These kids should be devoting their energy to having babies during these prime childbearing years. With a little planning and dedication, one couple could bring as many as 25 new taxpayers into our community before becoming old and useless." Mary Yung, a junior in neuroscience, says she is excited for the opportunity to go on more awkward dates with men she is completely uninterested in. "Typically, I only get asked on one or two awkward, unplanned dates per week," Yung said. "Now I'll have that opportunity practically every day:' Others aren't as enthusiastic about the idea. "I was planning on becoming rich and famous soon," said Rhys Ponsable, a senior in social media history who lives with his parents and has his tuition paid by his rich uncle. "I can't be rich and famous if I'm tied down here in Utah." Since the announcement, 55 percent of U students have reportedly transferred to BYU. "It's about time the government started controlling the minute details of our lives," Litrell said. "I'm just glad this happened before we ran out of young mother blogs." letters@chronicle.utah.edu PRINCESS HELIOTROPE ADMIRES THE PRETTY FLOWER SHE FOUND IN THE PALACE GARDEN. WHAT COLOR IS THE FLOWER? 10 I MEAN, THAT'S JUST YOUR OPINION, MAN THIS CARTOON IS BY *LOOKS AT SMUDGED WRITING ON HAND* JAN KING |