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Show PAGE ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT 4 MONDAY 3/28 Daily Utah Chronicle Hittin' the books HERE I DREAMT I WAS A CALENDAR Smith'sTix outlets everywhere. March 28 Monday Have you ever hunted the man who broke your mother's heart/left her with all of his gambling debts for a vengeful twenty years until you slaughtered his weak ass in the belly of a whale? T h e D e c e m b e r l s t s , who put the "effin' a" in MFA, sure have. Read E r y n Green's affixed preview for more details on tonight's show at Lo-Fi Cafe (165 S. West Temple). Doors at 7 p.m., tickets are $12 from Austin-based singer/songwriter/ Free Mason (and by "Free Mason," we mean "guitar prodigy") Chris Duarte's name rhymes with "piss party." And while we can't guarantee any drink specials at Ego's ( 6 6 8 S. State St.) tonight when Chris Duarte takes the stage sometime after 9 p.m., we can promise a guy making music often compared to the late Stevie Ray Vaughn...whose name rhymes with "Skeezy Pay Swan," which, incidentally, is what Hate car shopping? Afraid ofpaying too mucl Don't have tinr-° [know Ifie tricks dealers Use to make their profits. I /hqw to spot wear, tear and body damage. By '• g,you through the car buying process, I can save ?y.an<j! teach you how to know, rnot worry1 that v Buying a good car. -"*••'* FREE CONSULTATION! Michael Westley | Qbonlqc 1 CALL TOD.; ' fHfa f/w lof MOftf! Of? "Vi5!r 801.879.7541 ' www.ihelpbuy.com they called his mother, that harlot. Tickets are $12, show is 21 and up. We know, we know-right now you're saying "Oh Calendar, you trippin'!" Well, yes and no: Since we're morally opposed to tying our shoes, we only wear Velcro...which, incidentally, makes the fact that we can't manage to walk a straight line ("No sir, ocifer, we too drive, we can't drunk...") all the more remarkable. Know what's significantly less remarkable? Cameron Diaz actually thinks that her new show on MTV, the ofi-so-down-with- thestreets"Trippin," which premiers tonight on MTV at 8 : 3 0 p . m . (where she takes other celebrities around the globe for some high-zoot philanthropy) will actually save her from being eaten by the antiJustin Timberlake lions, which we are, as of right now, amassing, training and sending to her house. (Clarification: "Trippin" will do no such thing). Silly rabbit, charity is for Oprah. Oh, and speaking of Oprah, " T h e Bachelor" premiers tonight on ABC at 8 p.m. See, when the only people that watch your talk show are tragic housewives, it's kinda hard to get a date. Well, that and Oprah eats every man she meets. Lesson to learn: Money can buy popularity, but it sure can't buy the attention of men other than the "straight" John Travolta. And a quality rendition of "Their Eyes Were Watching God." Money apparently can't buy that either. Made for TV? More like Made-for-VO. (Calendar note: Sodomy jokes were narrowly averted at this point...and two others. You can get us...back...later.) «P^«P^ W ^ W ^ mk mM U H University Location 222 S. 1300 E. • 562-7200 AISO at: 7800 S. State • 25&-58D0 OfferfiondWith ChroniclB I Coupon Only. Expires 3/31/05 j BACON RANCH | BURGER ! - With purchase of bacon ranch burger. 16oz drink, and fries. J Call it lit-rock, grad-core or just plain bookish, The Decemberists are here to turn your pages Eryn Green ASE Editor The bespectacled Colin Meloy and his bookish band of Decemberists are quite possibly the most well-read musical collective on the planet. Unlike other up-and-coming indie rock acts that spend the majority of their time haunting, hipster coffee houses, spastic dance clubs and high-fashion thrift stores, The Decemberists are more likely to be found shuffling about the dusty shelves of a dank, dark Portland, OR Library (the overcast Northwestern city is ground zero for all things Decemberist), buried knee-deep in i6th century Celtic literature. With lead-singer/songwriter Meloy's writerly background (the near-sighted vocalist might be the only bandleader working today that can boast a genuine creative writing MFA), the band's humble-yet-brainy sensibilities and fondness for penning lyrics centered on the trials of heart:wrenchingly human aniheroes, The Decemberists are not just defying standards, they're pioneering a new movement in music. Call it what you may— the sound-and-sensibility has been classified by confounded critics as everything from lit-rock to grad-core to intelli-folk—The Decemberists appeal is unlike any other: Think of it as prog-rock sans dungeons and dragons, with a veritable arsenal of instrumentation (including, but not limited to, the shofar, "Hey guys, has anyone seen my original edition of 'The Canterbury Tales?' I can't find it anywhere." Colin Meloy (center) and the blustery Decemberists curl up for a group read. squeeze-box, banjo and cathedral organ) and a sprinkling of Herman Melville just for good measure. And, unlike the undeniably exclusive indiepop scene from whence it came (while cool-kid dress codes may vary geographically, every indie scene has an aestetic standard), The Decemberists' charm is not relegated to inthe-know scenesters—everyone, no matter how jaded, can get into Meloy's infectiously layered tales of wayward prostitutes, lovelorn secret agents and vengeful sailors. It may sound haughty, but The Decemberists brand of psudeo-academic musicality is as humble as its heroes and her- oins, right down to the dust in its teeth. Do your ears—and your brain—a favor by heading over to Lo-Fi Cafe" (165 S. West Temple) tonight for a frontrow lesson in geek-rock, as taught by The Decemberists. Doors open at 7 p.m., tickets are available at the venue— and hey, if you're too broke to afford the price of admission, you can always trade that first-edition "Moby Dick" for a spot near the back. egreen@chronicle.utah.edu Check back with the ASE section later this week for an in-depth interview (or book review!?) with The Decemberists. Make the clear choice. Sprint is hiring at its retail locations. A career at Sprint is like no other. Here, you're part of a team. What's more, you're part of a revolution. We are going beyond today's standards to provide our customers with the best experience possible in advanced communications. The choice is clear. 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