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Show ree 22s 1999 Have Brains at Lunch with a lobotomy Opinion by Jean Croasmun, Courier staff I’m listening to some guy eating lonch they ifeoly that we have no minds of our House waiting for George to declare war across from me, bash Hillary Clinton with the wait staff. Not for any good own, but then we try our damndest needlessly on another country and give the media something to talk about. | guilty) friend. Or that time he was fixed in Dallas. Or that time when he was eight and he fell off his bike and slid most of the way down this hill outside of Philly and busted up his mouth and knocked out the rest of his baby teeth. Oh. wait, that wasn’t Emo. That was me. that even I got him at a half-way house for stray animals. When I brought him home, he could easily curl up in the palm of my hand. Now, sixteen pounds two ounces. as adults, we some- times feel the need to hide behind imaginary guises pretending to be someone -we’re not merely because that someone fits the ludicrous role society expects us to play. We hate and despise the terms “stereotype” and “conformist” because Emo likes to drink from the toilet. Emo hates kitty treats and other cats. Emo is scared of his own shadow, but refuses to cower in fear. Emo attacks anything he is afraid of—his tail (when he was more. agile), my other cats, beams of light, loud trucks, disturbing glances, and peo- . ple who are too nice. Cats have never been considered the most stable nor friendly creatures to prowl the earth, but Emo is bizarre. He tolerates me because he knows | control . the Iams. But Emo doesn’t have that better-than-thou attitude most cats maintain. He’s just plain mean. And _Emo’s all about showing it. I remember Barbara pale our last First Lady, wrote a book with Millie the dog while they both hung around the White. and nota they were un-American doesn’t represent dog. Like because a cat “ the tail-wagging ten-— dencies of the nuclear family. A few years later, Bill and Hilly geta dog and an intern and whatever else they need Being exactly what is expected is just that—what’s expected. How dull life would be if everyone met our expectations. I like blue have neither to become one with the national norm. They find more peaceable ways to give the media something to talk about. Is that so bad? At times hiding is a good thing. Like when I was a little kid, I hid behind my mom so | didn’t have to say ¥ hi to strangers. When I got older, I bought an when hair. I. like tatoos. I see a kid skateboard me realize that even though | am in an partner, that’s what | think. to prescribed notions on how I should — the, ~ ‘excessively homogenous part of America, I am still in the middle of a melting pot. It makes me realize that there is hope for our youth. Not everyone wants to grow up and have 2.5 kids, a Golden I’m growing my hair longer Thar made me think that it wasn’t such a bad idea to hide behind the name of | my cat, Emo. If I keep using my own name, people might expect things from me, like expecting me to live up to some sort of stereotype. | dont want to live up down _ street looking like a little punk. It makes Retriever, so I can hide | but I’m so very excited answering machine, and hid behind sunglasses or schooners of beer so | didn't have to talk to the throngs of desperately stupid boys in Park City. Now, age-induced fatigue and fatigue-induced age behind bangs. And I hide from responsibility with my caller i.d. rar types. had a cat, Socks, wie appreciate that he embodies everything that is not cat. Emo knows no stereo- - a station wagon and a suit- and-tie job. But sometimes when I look around and | can’t find a nose-ringed girlholding hands with her tattooed life- Maybe Hillary should write a book with their new puppy. Maybe then she would learn what we expect from a First Lady and stop trying to make a difference. Maybe then she would stop. speaking -unless spoken to, stop thinking unless told to. Maybe then the guy across from me would shut up and leave the waiter alone for long enough so I could finally _ order my ene because| my own size, and éat a well- balanced diet of vegetables, grains, and big dead animals that will rot and decay in my colon for half a week. No, no and no again. | REO peoLike when (and up with a professional golfer while work- It’s odd big to-do was made of the fact that they name later, I can barely pick him up. Emo’s my cat and | could convince ple that he’s been through a lot. that time he nearly got arrested the cops mistook him for his best ing at a golf tournament Emo’s were “oT I will write use Clintons . my pseudonym, the name under. to the going to move into the White House, a look down on us if we don’t. I want when } Now, I’m thinking about using Emo as I remember geta real job, sit up straight, pick on someone lunch. % iace he Se pee er eben eae stance, or her run for senate. Not because she’s still married to a great big * tdiot. He’s slamming Hillary because she’s the First Lady and as such, she’s not supposed to speak her mind or have ‘opinions. I guess he expects her to sit -around and bake cookies and write taking the dog’s name as her ee as I just want a waiter. think Babs and Millie sold a lot of books. BS esc political- an TG ae her dress like a professional, talk like a lady, aT Whitewater, don’t. 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