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Show 20 January 1997 abound regarding that many-splendored, they say. According to the Brothers Gibb, love is higher - Snowbird ski pass for significant-butshameless other. On a lark one lonely Saturday night I answered a mail-in survey from a Salt Lake dating service, than a mountain and thicker than water. partially out of curiosity but mostly Dire Straits would because an old cheesy photo of me had ended up on the company’s new billboard. I fi gured crazy little thing called love. Love is gold, and means Sorry. to a choose love over fortunate never having few, love to say you’re the free I’m placing ie odds, 5 ceri that the purveyors of these gilded maxims never their soulmates searched watch Vendela the Ceant avian ski last summer. After two weeks of ogling the Tram deck holding hands with the a particularly interesting woman at the — beater in the Bogner one-piece, our © health club, along with a bit of sheepish but intelligent banter that confirmed heartache only slightly mollified as her my belief in her soulmateability, I “man” trips ? ~. threw my usual caution to the wind in favor of full-fledged and unso/\icited stalking. Using sleuthing methods I learned decades ago in a Hardy Boys book, I procured all of her for vital statistics, called her at work and in the, Wasatch Front. This particular neck ‘anak one date in trade. After a three- his powder cords and lets his monoski clatter to the asphalt. Go figure. Park City in high season actually shows a paradigm shift toward female predatory behavior. Many’s the week cockamamiest epicenter of all things hour interview with a beautiful sales-_ end night when romantic that I’ve ever had the misfor- | tune to inhabit.. Mephistopheles, not Cupid, wields the bow and arrow here, woman who “met her husband through airesses leave their five-carat stones in this dating service,” I was offered the membership options: $3000 for the the dresser drawer of their Deer Valley digs and descend and He Gold upon Cisero’s with of the woods, so replete with outdoor sports* pro-. ~ fantasia, is handsdown the most arduous, strangest, sure has a strange sense of humor. I’ve never heard such sad and bizarre tales of matchmaking and unmaking, and I’ ve hung my hat in a variety of resort towns with active gossip columns. Men and women alike suffer motion to be good for at membership, which included video biographies of my prospective spouses, and a lifetime membership. _Excuse me, but for three large ones | would assume a guaranteed spouse till death do us part, eliminating the need outstretched overserved the many living heart donors since I immigrated to Utah, I feel compelled to members prefer to continue dating for years, since they can choose from hundreds of beautiful members across the country,’ it was explained to me. The Mrs. Robinson. The Sundance Film festi-. val week also adds spice to Park City’s econo-membership, with no video and. bear witness to this strange and teary only one year of membership, was a Main Street, a week _ that fairer sex by a country mile. As one of trend. My first Utah love fell on me like a ton of bricks during a weekend visit from neighboring Colorado. A darling . local lass ensnared me in her web in Salt Lake’s nefarious Port O’ Call, skipping going from the introductions to sharing her bed in a matter of a few hours. “It’s not true what they say about Utah after all,” I thought blissfully. The nightcap became a long-dis- _ tance affair, smooth sailing until I was cross-country by the sweet girl’s second cousin (a legal partnership in Utah) “It is true what they say about the Wasatch!” I realized to my chagrin. Chalk one up for Cupid. of our mere $2000. After claiming my posterboy status and haggling like a champ, I _wangled the Gold membership down to $2500 from the gracious sales executive, provided I pay by cash, check or charge that evening. Upon her epiphany that I wasn’t prepared to kick April, howare women in the resorts frees the ladies to at the helm, pick and choose their consorts. Like full lambs ahead, to the slaughter, encumbered women single and alike are smoth- they can spurn at their leisure, waiting for Doctor Right to cross their threshold. Despite their supply far outweigh- ing their demand, never have I seen -such ‘abomination and mismatch in the goods are odd,” said another. I was women’s relationship choices. “Is she regaled with stories of expedited matrimony, not for love but to obtain a free karoake to Joe Jackson’s lullaby as we really going out with him?” we back to normal in Park Give. Be’elzebub speed steering the vast majority of redblooded single folk into pheromone frustration. Despite. my sordid history in Page 13 _ ONLY $142 TO ORDER DIRECT CALL TOLL FREE 1-888-255-1997 RYTON g CATCH RCLITA ish A\boye -, debauchery. Come | _ ALTERNATIVE HEALTHCARE you, manner of sin and things meals, and Wendover getaways that to Utah all and ered with offers of ski lessons, free I moved includes meet ever, the Undaunted, to down some of my booty for some of their booty, the graciousness magically fled my host and I was shown the exit. “Don’t let the door hit ‘ya where the Lord split “ya!” The aforementioned ratio of men to following year. Friends at Alta warned _ me that my first foray was anything but a fluke. “At Alta you don’t lose your girlfriend, you just lose your turn!” offered one misogynist local in dire need of a tryst. “The odds are good, but | sure around her cousins. THE UTAH GUIDE TO half his age. A plea- Wasatch love is especially poignant to its male denizens, outnumbering the “Well, some million A BOOK OF ALTERNATIVES, A BOOK OF HEALING. eschewing _- their absentee husband for a local boy toy for future dates. threw her the double-whammy: an outdoor James Taylor concert under a full moon. Paydirt. Six months later we’re happily cohabiting, working toward a business partnership and arguing only about the name of our next Golden Retriever puppy. A vomitous scene I admit, but it’s much cheaper than the dating service, and I feel totally at ease FINALLY... talons, the local hex, though the irony of cuckolded Utah, I beat the Devil at his own game model/Rhodes Scholar sashay across | oe iy Superb Mountain Views kkk ** Southwestern Cuisine Relaxed, Informal Atmosphere www.shallowshaft.com — ce Adages For the Wifter » Sasori Located in Alta, Little Cottonwood Canyon b Resewations & Schedule Info: 742-2177 |