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Show 'tJ'v'iTj -- turWT 'riiijjIf igirir " jrgHjr iii'1v" V' Male menopause can be cause of family strife By Gary Lesser Lifestyle Staff Writer It happens all too frequently. Ask any loving wife whose husband of 20 years has deserted her for a beautiful girl young enough to be their daughter. The marriage had been a good one, she thought. Three wonderful children, vacations abroad, good sex life, success at the office and in the community-all good omens; and best yet, none of the danger signs of a failing marriage. She couldnt explain it. Then one day, it finally hit her its the menopause. Menopause? Certainly, but not hers. His. Menopause is the sharp decline in the production of the female sex hormone, estrogen, some time in the middle years, causing annoying symptoms such as depression, anxieties and hot flashes. Gradual and Slight And while the male decline in production of testosterone is gradual and slight throughout his entire adult life, he has little on a hormonal basis to parallel the womans menopause. Some time in their middle years (40 to 60), however, men do go through a menopausal syndrome, sometimes known as a male climacteric, that includes the bodily and involutional psychic the changes accompanying transition from middle to old age. Its symptoms are the same as a womans: depression, loss of libido, hot flashes, anxieties, irritability, ad infinitum. Recent studies have shown that male personality disturbances, extramarital affairs and divorces peak most sharply between ages 40 to 60. And, says a Department of Health, Education and Welfare report on work malaise, a general feeling of obsolescence begins to overtake the middle-agemale, as he realizes his life is, from that point on, all downPeople throughout the professional world are at a loss to explain the syndrome. Some endocrinologists attribute it to hormones; some dont. have Psychiatrists blamed it on everything from to psychological changes factors. socio-cultur- Family Impact Marriage counselors have their theories, too. And although theyre not sure what causes the male menopausal syndrome, they do know it has a marked effect on family relationships. Dick Macfarlane of the Family Service Counseling Center, relates a case representative of the menopausal extramarital syndrome the affair: Hes a successful professional man in his middle 40s, with children 18, 20 and 22. His wife doesnt turn him on anymore and he told her so. Hes locked into his job and inhas become intimately volved with his secretary. Hes seeking hes in a crisis his youth in life, says Mr. Macfarlane. He thinks hes got nothing ahead in Ufe or in his marriage. He doesnt know what to do. Our societys emphasis on and orientation toward youth increases this manifestation of the syndrome, menopausal says Dr. Bernard I. Grosser, psychiatrist at the University of Utah Medical Center. Turn to Youth Dr. Grosser points out that men, feeling old and no longer sexually stimulated by their wives, often turn to younger women. middle-age- d P akr Sribmu xjiiestyle J U Section W 1 omen Sunday Morning, May 27, Food Family 1973 But these affairs, says Stan Richards, arent very stable. Dr. Richards, director of the Service Family Counseling believes that people Center, who act out role relationships in affairs dont generally have good spousal relationships. Contrary to popular belief, affairs are no more prevalent 10 now than years ago. We're just much more open about it, he says. Affairs combine the best of both worlds. You can have a without quality relationship really having one. The man can feel young again and the girl can see him as a protective figure the sugar daddy syndrome somebody who can show her a good time. For him, it is status, a conquest and part of the Don Juan syndrome. Not Demanding Adds Dr. Grosser of extraMidctle-age- d sexuality, men usually find in young girls sexual partners who arent that demanding. If they did, heaven help them. Young people are often frustrated because they think they must have the values of their parents generation, says Dr. Richards. Conversely, old people want to be young. marital First in a series I its guess a against the values particular age groups. rebellion of their Dr. Burt Chamberlain, of the Counseling Center, believes affairs are indulged in by people who seek the status quo, but need change. Its like the carrot out in front and the pitchfork in back, he says. Dr. Richards says people who think these affairs are going to become lasting relationships are only kidding themselves. Only Superficial d hill. 2bf Salt Mv They are only superficial relationships. They have no lasting bases, he says. The man cant carry on a relationship with his peers so he tries with a younger person. Achievement oriented societies invariably have one goal, whether official or not, placed on a pedestal above all others. In America, its money. And traditionally, the mans the breadwinner. Men, says Dr. Chamberlain, want to spend the first 20 years of their working life reaching financial security, and when they attain that goal, they can take up with their family. Thats one of the biggest mistakes men make, he says. They think they must go out and make a million. So what happens? When the family starts to disband as the kids leave home, the man finds that at 45, hes living with a woman he hardly knows and cant relate to. Then what does he do? He looks for a younger woman, says Mr. Macfarlane, as a formal denial of reality. Hes moving into a happy part of life, but he denies it he wants youth. Tribune photo Lynn Johnson by ... "He s seeking his youth he's in a crisis in life. He thinks he's got nothing ahead in life or in his marriage. He doesn't know what to do," says Dick Macfarlane , marriage counselor. Peak Periods However, says Dr. Richards, many will try to work out the problems before giving up on their marriage. Statistics show that peak periods for divorce are during the first six years and then after 20 to 25 years of marriage. Having children in the home can, and does, keep many families to- gether temporarily. man experiencing the syndrome of the male climacteric finds he has a new set of needs, but none more important than the love and understanding of his family. The middle-age- d They often have a frenetic desire to go out with younger women, he says. If you are His wife must understand shacking up with a what hes going through, woman and performing sexwith and help a 'says Macfarlane, ually woman, you are then, in a him deal with it. Shes got to man help him talk about it to una sense, derstand his inner feelings. again. i Art layout by Sam Smjth And, adds Macfarlane, what the wife needs is an awareness of his problem, a realization that its only temporary. She must understand that many of his changes are prompted by his reactions to HER menopause. Sex a Barometer As for the idea of a sexless marriage causing the man to run out and seek i younger woman, Macfarlane says that sex generally is a barometer for the rest of the marriage relationship. 1 If the marriage overall is good, their sex life will be good too, and vice versa, he says. The breaking up of marriages, the extramarital affairs and the age gap in some wedded couples may be explained by cultural roles and values. The woman's role is defined as the childbearer who should have physical attractiveness. A mans is defined in terms of on power and performance, the job and in bed. If men and women were under less pressure to play out their roles, would those who deviated from the norm feel the pressure so greatly to return to that norm, ask some sociologists. Different cultural values, too, could ha e great effects on the male climacteric syndrome. Anthropologist Margaret Mead believes the importance placed upon achievement by a particular society may determine the extent of the menopausal symptoms. In primitive societies, says, there arent long career lines, because the men die too young. But in our society, depression comes as a man realizes hes achieved all hes going to achieve such as getting to be vice president of his bank, and realizing he cant move upward. For the male, this is purely an exogenous event, she and he seeks excomments, ,s in getogenous solutions ting a young wife. Much is dependent on how old age is viewed in the socie- t ty. Orientals and alurigines place a higher value on aging, and naturally, their rate of climacteric syndromes is much lower than in cultures with different orientations toward aging. Some societies, then, would have few incidences of male For menopausal syndromes. the members of their culture, the male climacteric would be a rarity indeed. n But thats not the case in America. Here, young is beautiful, bigger is better, woman is mother and man is provid- er. The male climacteric is rampant and cannot in any way be viewed as the product of a single cause. Theres interplay among an infinite number of causes. The hormones are dropping, libido is sinking, parents are dying, children are leaving, job horizons are shrinking and mortality is nearing all causing the male menopause. |
