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Show COMMENTARY Away out: My journey from the brink of suicide I IiIltop TIMES 2 April 21, 2011 Hilltop TIMES -Ice 1948 Hilltop Times Editorial Staff: Lee Carter ... Standard-Examiner publisher Mary Lou Gorny Hilltop Times Editor Anne Morrison Hilltop Times Writer Krista Starker Hilltop Times Correspondent Ryan Larsen Hilltop Times Correspondent Deadlines: Editorial and news items are due by noon on the Friday prior to the Thursday print date. To submit news items e-mail hilltoptimesqstandard.net or call (801) 625-4273. For Classified Advertising, call (801) 625-4300. For Retail Advertising, call (801) 625-4388. The Hilltop Times is published by Ogden Publishing Corp., a private firm in no way connected with the U.S. Air Force, under, and in compliance with, a Memorandum of Understanding with Hill Air Force Base. The content of the Hilltop Times does not necessarily represent the views of, nor is it endorsed by, the U.S. Government, the Department of Defense, the Department of the Air Force or Hill Air Force Base (collectively, the Government). The appearance of advertising in this publication, including inserts or supplements, does not constitute endorsement by the Government of the products or services advertised. Everything advertised in this publication shall be made available for purchase, use or patronage without regard to race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, marital status, physical handicap, political affiliation or any other nonmerit factor of the purchaser, user or patron. Editorial content is edited, prepared and provided by the Standard-Examiner, 332 Standard Way, Ogden, Utah, 84404. Additional editorial content is provided by various military and civilian wire services and Hill Air Force Base public affairs departments. Call 801-625-4273 with story ideas or comments, or contact the editor, Mary Lou Gorny, at mgorny@standard.net . Call 801-625-4300 for Classified Advertising or 801-6254388 for Retail Advertising. BY MAJ. KARRY GLADDEN Air Force Network Integration Center S COTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. — I recently celebrated two important anniversaries. On Jan. 30, 2010, I decided when and how I was going to end my life. The night before, I went to bed and slept for two hours, as I had for the previous nine or so months. Once I was sure my wife was asleep, I got out my laptop and researched how long it would take to bleed out from a femoral artery injury. This bit of information helped me narrow down the when and how. It also took away the last stumbling block. It had to look like an accident, primarily to ensure my sweetheart didn't spend the rest of her life wondering why I committed suicide or blamed herself. It is important to know that I got to the brink of suicide the same way most people do — a series of stressors in my life built up until they simply got the better of me. To make matters worse I had chronic back pain, which had been increasing since an injury a year ago, and resulted in less and less exercise — an important way to relieve stress. And although I made sure members of my family received counseling for the major life events we were all facing, I just "manned up." Through it all, I continued my duties as a flight commander at Ramstein Air Base, Germany, and later, as an executive officer at Scott Air Force Base. Here are signs I ignored: • On the way home from work one day, a truck veered into my lane. I made no effort to move and was disappointed when it didn't hit me. • I was sleeping less and less, lying awake with racing thoughts, only falling asleep when exhausted. • I wasn't eating. • Ironically though, I gained a lot of AIRMAN "AIRMAN HAWC Nest Fitness Tip from the Health and Wellness Center The Freshstart program to quit tobacco is a four-part series that meets weekly for one month. All active duty, dependents, retirees, Department of Defense federal employees and contractors are eligible to attend. Call Pat Cerone Health and Wellness Center at (801) 777-1215 for more information. THINK SAFETY Hill's Total 2011 DUIs: 12 Hill's Last DUI: WiepteA /9 Units Involved: 75a viedec4e SeWuvrt curd Neeteeett Ofteltatiatl4 .5vadditoput Airmen Against Drinking and Driving provide rides when designated drivers are unavailable. Call 777-1111 to request a ride anytime. Hours of operation: Fridays-Saturdays 10 p.m.- 6 a.m. Sundays 9 p.m.-midnight. L. Airman 1st Class Madison Donnell 75th Communications Squadron Where are you from? Spokane, Wash. What is your favorite part about being in the Air Force? All the friends I have made. If you were not in the Air Force, what would you want to be doing? Going to school and studying medicine or law. What is your favorite type of music? Anything travel all over the country and experience everything it has to offer. ends? I'm game for anything as long as I'm not just sitting around. What are your future goals? Figure out what I want to do with my life, get my education and get into a career I love. What is your favorite childhood memory? Riding What are your hobbies? Reading, going out and doing outdoor activities in the summer. horses. Europe so I could See JOURNEY I page 3 United we stand for Japan BY TRENTON HIRSCH! Youth Center/Torch Club Vice President T orch Club (youth 9-12) and Keystone (youth ages 13-18), the Boys' and Girls' volunteer clubs based out of the Hill Air Force Base Youth Center, are raising money for Japan and we need your help! The two groups have teamed up with Col. Joseph Scherrer, 75th Mission Support Group commander, to raise a goal amount of $750 to buy soccer balls and baby dolls for children in Japan who have lost everything. In order to achieve this, the groups have decorated more than 200 envelopes and tied them to "Cherry Trees" representative of Japanese cherry blossoms. People who wish to donate to the cause can take an envelope off the tree, place their desired donation in the envelope, and bring the sealed envelope to either the Youth Center (Building 883) or Child Development Center (Building 470). We would greatly appreciate donations of five dollars or more so we can reach our goal but anything will work. You can find our donation trees at the Youth Center, CDC, Base Chapel and Commissary. One hundred percent of funds raised are going to Japan. So please help; Japan needs all the help it can get. We will be taking the donations through April 30. For more information, contact Drew Ulsh or Amy Gohlke at (801) 777-2419. What are your favorite things to do on the week- except honky tonk old country. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? men. • Sleep is a wonderful and restorative thing. • No one, my commander included, saw me as weak or "crazy." He was very supportive. He even called me — in the hospital — to congratulate me on my selection to major. I learned I had been selected for promotion from a call on a stainless steel phone with a cord too short to be used as a noose. • Military personnel stay an average of four days longer than our civilian counterparts. Why the disparity? Probably because we have a tendency to "suck it up and move on," going back to the same environment at an increased risk of relapse. After five or six days I realized in horror that I had successfully hidden this from everyone, including my sweetheart of 19 years. I wondered how many others were going through the motions as well. We know there are others, we see the reports. How many times have we been surprised by their actions? As I felt better, I felt obligated to be as vocal as I had been silent. I told my story to my unit, the Air Force Network Integration Center, and I'm telling you now. For those supervisors, friends, spouses and Wingmen: • We have to embrace the Wingman culture. A Wingman is not a name and phone number on the back of a card. It is someone you know well enough to see when something is wrong, or know enough about their life and struggles to take them aside and offer to talk. If our relationship only exists Monday through Friday from 7:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., I'm not going to share my deepest darkest secrets with you. • Look at your Airmen. There are signs and they are not always "giving away their weight. • I went through the motions of life; I went to work because I had a responsibility to my family and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Jan. 31, 2010, is the other anniversary, the day I decided to live. It was a Sunday morning. During church I realized that normal people do not stay awake at night researching how to die. At home, I took my wife aside and told her everything. I also asked her to remove our firearms from the house, not to leave me alone and take me to the emergency room or mental health first thing in the morning. Just telling that one person, the most important person in my life, paid big dividends. She didn't look at me like I'd sprouted another head; she was upset that she hadn't noticed and that I couldn't tell her. It wasn't that I couldn't tell her, I didn't want to add to her stress. I felt better. I got up Monday morning and decided that just telling my wife was enough. I put my blues on and told her everything was going to be okay. I didn't need to go see anyone. She gave me the option of going willingly or in the back of an ambulance. We went to mental health and I chose to admit myself. I would have been admitted either way, but believe me, self-admission is the way to go. The mental health staff were very professional and sympathetic. A very knowledgeable senior airman spoke with my wife and me and started the admission process. A civilian provider made arrangements with a local hospital for care. Once at the hospital I realized that I had never been so embarrassed or ashamed in my life. "How did I get here?" "What will everyone think?" I tried to figure out what I would tell everyone when I got out. I quickly learned a few life lessons: • There are others there just like me, not just with the same experiences, but other Air- What is your favorite quote? "Originality is hearing something somewhere else and conveniently forgetting where you heard it." - Unknown Report suspi- cious activity via the AFOSI 777-7000 EAGLE EYES program action.line.pa@hill.af.mil When you call or send an e-mail, your comments will be recorded and staffed through the agency responsible for action. Please give your supervisor and chain of command the opportunity to SUICIDE PREVENTION ASSISTANCE Mental Health Clinic 777-7909 Chaplain 777-2106 Military OneSource (800) 342-9647 National Suicide (800) 273-8255 Prevention Line TriWest Crisis Line (866) 284-3743 TriWest Behavioral (866) 651-4970 Health Contact Center EAP (800) 222-0364 777-1163 Occupational Medicine Services Wingman Advocates 777-2255 777-3056 / 3057/ 3058. Watch — Report - Protect Force Protection is Our Business - Everyone is a Sensor Pia!: work with you in answering questions and solving problems before calling the Action Line. This will help me better serve your interests. Items of basewide interest will be published in the Hilltop Times. Phone numbers — The base agencies listed can be contacted if you have a complaint or a problem with their services: Security Forces 24-hr. Crisis Information Force Support Squadron Base Restaurants Retirement/Compensation (civilian) Equal Opportunity Office Employer Relations Military Pay Civilian Pay Air Force Suggestion Program Hill Straight Talk IG Complaints (for appointment) IG Complaints (after hours) 777-3056 777-3056 777-4134 777-2043 777-6142 777-5455 777-7129 777-1851 777-6246 777-6901 777-9696 777-5305 777 - 5361 Fraud, Waste or Abuse (recording) Loud Noise (complaints) 75th Medical Group Civil Engineering Hill Pride Hotline Public Affairs Military Housing directly 777-5361 1 - 877 - 885 - 9595 777-4918 777-1856 777-7433 777-5333 825-9392 Maintenance Safety Office 777-3333 Safety Office Hotline 586-9300 Sexual Assault Response 777-1985 777-1964 Coordinator (or) Union 777-3257 AFOSI Narcotics Hotline 777-1852 Family Assistance Center 777-3090 (when activated) |