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Show WASATCH Want to Save the Animal MOUNTAIN Kingdom? Get Out Your Checkbook By Randy to. Therein lies the situation. Contributing to such organizations is not like joining a club, where you pay your dues once a year. You give what you can , but even though you have done that, you still receive the next mailer. Heaven help you if you read it, because next thing you know you'll be whipping out that checkbook all over again to fend off the latest attack on birds, bees, or something in between. I wonder if I’m on their list as a “softy” —a person who keeps responding to ever-increasing mailings, although having already given . INSURANCE <4 MANAGERS Hanskat I don't know where it all started — probably somewhere between Marlin Perkins watching Jim get his ass kicked by that anaconda in the Amazon and The Aristocats. No matter, it started and I’m hooked. on dem animals. I loves Hooked dem critters of all shapes, sizes, varieties, whatever. And how do I show my love, other than the usual petting? I gives dems animals alls my damns moneys, that’s how. You see, I am of the mind that the humans of this world have enough benefits already. Hell, we get to walk upright. We get to buy CDs of Billie Holiday. And we get to make our own choices about having kids, owning Pintos, eating Twinkies and such. Plus, last time I checked, the human species didn’t seem to be in danger of extinction. Animals aren’t so lucky. Animals got outfoodchained by us humans, and we just love to mess with their deal. We shoot ‘em, skin ’em, chase ‘em in snowmobiles, try to eradicate ‘em if they eat our non-indigenous cattle, and look down generally upon them all. Hey, where else but in the human race could an idiot such as Buffalo Bill be the stuff of legend? All the twit did was shoot buffalo, which is about as hard as shooting a barn at close range. Anyway, since animals are pretty much under siege (especially in these Republican dominated times), I try to help them out. I give to the animal groups, not the human groups. I give to, at last count, six wildlife organizations — The Nature Conservancy, The Audobon Society, The World Wildlife Fund, The Wildlife Federation, The National Parks Conservation Society, The Humane Society, and one or two others. One or two others? Yeah, I really don’t know how many I belong TIMES rc Locations in Park City and Salt Lake City, Utah 649-8572 © 261-2898 Fax 801-261-2594 Contractors Liability « Workers Compensation Health and Disability * Pension and Profit Sharing Performance and Bid Bonds « All Types of Bonds : Hanskal «pamps'© oT randy money. There probably is an asterisk after my mandating more name, mailings than even Victoria's Secret can manage. Why don’t they mail to non-contributors? They’re not as easy a mark. It’s got to be tied to that guilt thing you thought only your Mom could work so expertly. By showing an endangered leopard or an abused tomcat, how can you hold back your feelings (unless you’re some callous fat slob with your own neo-Nazi talk show)? “We need your help or the world, as you know it, will end.” lines work on me. Hey, if it’s the last leopard on the planet, I don’t want to be held responsible for his or her it could have been demise, when subprevented with a mere $15 scriber-level cash outlay. DANA eye col LV envelope for more dough. Checkbook, please. If everybody was as easy a mark as me, World Wildlife Fund would The Winter Sports mining It would Don’t miss the action at the Utah Winter Sports Park, just five miles from Park City. See ski jumpers soar from one of the Park’s four Nordic jumps. Or experience the thrill of jumping yourself — public recreational ski jumping instruction is available most Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, 1 to 3 p.m., on the Park’s 18- and 38-meter jumps. Or watch Freestyle aerial acrobats train and compete at the Park. Day Lodge, snack bar and ski shop, too! Jump on it! Call for information, rates, athlete development programs, events schedule or brochure: 649-5447 fund the strip of Jim Hansen’s | Park Is Jumping! dwarf IBM and Microsoft. It would be the Godzilla of conservation organizations. 801-649-4400 800-825-8889 Ie) PREMIER REALTY But it gets painful after awhile. You like to think we’re all making some progress environmentally, but the mailings say otherwise. “No matter that you already gave us help this year, the abyss is just around the corner.” I expect a calendar to come in response to joining one group, but along with the cool pictures is that WILLIAMS Honesty, Integrity® Experience UTAH front yard, just so he could see what it was like! It wouldn’t just try to stop poachers in Kenya, it would poach them. ! 3000 Bear Hollow Drive (via Hwy 224) Park City And there would be room for all the animals and forests and peaceful settings. And people would comprehend that keeping such things wasn’t costing them a penny, but paying big dividends. Guess I better get that check- book back out. money for trivial anyway? @ Who things, needs like March 22 and 25 Subaru U.S. Freestyle Aerial Jumping Championships at the Utah Winter Sports Park the food, PAGE 17 ‘ |
