Show uncle bertrams chate by coper by joaeph bow e uncle bertram would have a curate the parish which all told only mus ers souls did not really want one and we botner constance george and I 1 certainly did not want one lut it was no use uncle had made up his mind to it and nothing would have stopped him it was one of his new tads I 1 must tell you that mother 1 widow and with us keeps house tor our bachelor uncle As long as 1 can remember the rectory had been our horn we all except constance who is lust 17 and sentimental tilfen the usual amount of arguments and we all 0 course failed as we usually did when uncle bertram was bent upon some new scheme shadow ot this latest fad hung over our heads with unusual heaviness and when the following advertisement appeared in the leading church paper we felt that the new trouble was indeed upon us wanted by a country rector a young curate iso objection to one bresh from the university to whom a title might be given broad minded preferred offered board and resi dence in charming old rectory with beall salary dry bracing climate plent of spare time could be guaran teed tennis golf boating bathing hockey bicycling riding driving motoring and the use of stables uncle nad no less than 30 replies to his advertisement oh those replies borne of tt em were worth keeping after much consideration uncle weed ed them down to five and then the tun began fhe five selected candidates were each requested to come in turn to have a personal interview and as we are ten miles from the nearest railway station we had to put each ot them up for the night the first mr lovelace a delicate poetical looking man arrived on a bit terly cold day after the ten miles in our pony cart with in a stubborn mccod mr lovelace pre dented a forlorn appearance indeed 1 was sure that uncle bertram bad tried his best to be cheery and equally sure that he failed signally all along the way ah he said as he brought his drenched victim into the hall now that we re home at last mr lovelace all the trials ot the journey will be tor gotten we were all in the hall and con stance looked compassionately at the half drowned man who rolled his eyes towards hers as though he descried in them the only kindred spirit mother said she hoped he had not taken cold that she had ordered a fire in his bed room and that tea would be ready eoon after he had become a few degrees less cold and a few shades less blue at a given signal a cough from un ie bertram we all left the drawing room that the rector and his select ed candidate might be alone I 1 never heard exactly what passed between them but after about an hour and a halt uncle came out of the draw ing room excited and rather cross and said to mother in the dining room mr lovelace has taken a chill and will retire to his room at once he would like a small quantity of quaker oats sweet spirits ot nitre and hot water bottle then he returned to the drawing room let the door open and said to mr Lovria ce there Is a very good express train early in the morning and no doubt with this chill you will be glad to get back to your aunt in lon don as soon as possible uncle nothing daunted speedily ar ranged tor the next man a mr robin from nottingham to come on approval fates were kinder to him inas much as he arrived on a fine warm day and driven by george the only person who can make him go came home in his best style uncle who hates monotony had this time arranged quite a different plan of campaign tea was sent in tor them in the study and constance though for that matter all of us but constance espe dally for obvious reasons was kept out ot the way as much as possible however we gleaned a good deal about mr hobin from george who had not wasted the opportunities afforded by a ten miles drive he s a bounder said george and can t possibly do his chief reason for replying to the advertisement was that he might live in a rectory mother poor mother said she hoped he had been vaccinated and wished she had not given him the best spare room the atmosphere seemed charged with possibilities and we wondered how long uncle bertram would keep him bottled up in the study after a time our patience and curiosity were relieved for when uncle came to us I 1 saw by his face that the man s fate was decreed and although we were sorry tor him at first all pity left us when at the evening meal he said I 1 wonder it I 1 might have a drop of irish ismons of temperance meet ings came to our minds and we kicked each other under the table there Is nothing more to chronicle about mr kobin he too left by the early morn ing train after squeezing constance s hand I 1 wonder dian didn t strike at the number of journeys he made to and from the station during the time uncle was interviewing curates the dext specimen was a sporting parson bu he was a nice man and we all liked him I 1 believe he would have 1 been a success but tor some unknown reason he dian didn t take to us whether his taste or horseflesh was hocked by the sight of aar or whether he cou t stand our coffee it Is bad I 1 know we never knew I 1 think massif that he the advertisement or took 1 too literally he wrote to uncle bertram after his isit and sald th t if he hear of any one chii wanted tra ning f r be colo ales he w u d rem aber hia fourth who tried his late was a mr fitzgerald he gasn wasn t very young and yet be wanted a title ha bad i been to cambridge unattached when middle aged and eventually got his de grea his history before that epoch was veiled in mystery the only clue to hi past was his apparent familiar ac with royalty the touch ot mystery and his intimacy with the roya family made him interesting but I 1 could see that uncle thought him rather doubtful t wish he bad told us candidly what he bad been I 1 expect he had done something like winding the royal clocks though if that was the cae why need he have ashamed of such good work I 1 can not understand J I 1 think mr itzgerald would have suited us in many ways but uncle dian didn t feel sure of him so he was dis f missed tho agh with less than anle dismissed his other hunsuc candidates alter mr fitzgerald there was only inq other possible curate a mr mer ton left when with george and me se out to meet mr merton ht said as plainly as any horse could say now mind much more of this annec essary curate conveying and I 1 shall strike an fell into his most and uncomfortable jog trot forthwith to emphasize his intention when he baw mr Merton who had described himself as cheerful and homely look ang he simply turned up his nose sniffed and refused to move when starting time came only those who have had similar bitter experiences will believe when t say that move he would not till george ran tn front of him with a handful ot oats we always carry a nosebag toi him tor the first two miles of oui journey I 1 shall never forget that afternoon mr merton shiny fat and beaming I 1 jerking the reins and calling at neb till I 1 was hoarse george furious running in front of our sulky horse with the handful of oats at the end of the first two billea managed to seize the oats and devour them then be al lowed george to get into the driver s seat mr merton getting up behind took the bit between his teeth and raced home mr merton hung like grim death on our of a back seat well somehow mr merton dian didn t dc either though he wanted to be come our curate and said he should have enjoyed the quaint life quaint was his own word and know he meant it naively and not rudely but was getting impatient and Impat lenca only made him more ariti cal and not less easy to please As soon as mr merton had been dis missed uncle informed us that he was 3 advertising again it was a very dit terent advertisement this time how ever wanted t curate tor a quiet country parish age immaterial but must be earnest and a gentleman in in london there were not so many replies but uncle said they were more to the point we were not allowed to seq them and of course there was none 0 the tun of the curates coming down to the night instead uncle bertram in them at the waiting room in the ralla ay station allowing halt an hour tor six interviews but he always came home afterwards downcast and alone uncle bertram Is still without a curate |