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Show THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, June 14. go jump inside a tiny raft and 2000 - Page 22 try to float a river flowing a million gallons a minute through a slot canyon. It doesnt make much sense to me, but by golly white water rafting is what we signed up for, and white water rafting is what we are going to do. Summer vacation (Part 2) carry on a complete conversascenic road into the mountains tion before spacing out and to go white water railing down looking up at the scenery and the Trinity River in northern saying, aint it cool maannn? His sidekick is the epitome California. I am not of a flippin California girl; Just before I jump in I blonde, and a vocabulary also unconsciously start humming limited to fer sure, radical, the theme song from Titanic. dude, power up and keeps We all survived in calling me Pops. I nick name spite of Skipper her Flipper, because she keeps and Flipper and talkin. flippin had more fun than I am almost certain that she is legal in Utah. by Gary Torres ably arent must have done too many bad DAY 6 of the disShe talks in 1960s. the to alive ' drugs experiment. I am I so fast that facts. dizzy get trying pute my suffering from mashe to and then listen like It goes something keeps lnutrition, dehythis; answers but loved ones on a all asking questions, get your dration, sun burn, small rubber raft, then put herself before I ever can. fatigue and my them on a river that is filled Pops, dont ya think this is judgment is cloudwith glacier ice water and go sooo kuulll?... I do man... I ed so I concede and down said river where the mean, really I do... soo knarly, we are headed to most treacherous eddies, huh Pops?" Six Flags Amusement Park. Now I know why the State holes, waves and currents We arrive early and find that imaginable are eagerly trying of California checked us at the the parking lot is so full that to swallow you, put you border to see if we were we have to park back in Utah through a spin cycle or two, transporting fruits and nuts and take a train to the then spit you out... if you are into the state... because they entrance gate. The lines are have more than enough long, the people are weird, and lucky. I Our pilot, or Skipper, as already! my bow'els are still sensitive. Now for remember this an I hand my wallet over to the kept calling him, was easterner who had migrated adventure: a leaky raft, our attendant and she takes all my out west and found peace and crack guides, and a bologna money out and claims it still tranquility by becoming a sandwich with sprouts they isnt enough. I explain that I only want to vegetarian, chanting with want you to pay lots of money. Now I know that if Bubba incense, rubbing a quartz visit the park for one day, not he would been have here whose and rock, complete buy stock in it, she rolls her would floated on have the check rivef Dude, was, vocabulary eyes at me in a way that says, and a six pack it out, knarly, sweet, and yah an inner-tub-e idiot, they Stupid middle-ag- e maannn. (of Pepsi) and been hooting all think they are sooo clever. Reluctantly, I jump on the and hollering the entire time. I roll my eyes back at her in a I, on the other hand, take my leaky boat, with all that I hold way that says, Stupid dear to me in this world, life with just a tad bit more impertinent brat thinks her IQ piloted by a man that has caution. I mean, what is the is higher than her age. $1.27 to his name but wears point of wearing seat belts, While waiting in lines and $150 sun glasses, doesn't eating healthy, getting ade- watching the rides, I get sick. believe in banks, hasnt quate bran, and taking your Anything that twirls, spins, voted... ever, has a tattoo that each day; then goes bump, hops, skips, rolls, Peace Out, and cant says, DAY 5. We travel up a curvy f multi-vitami- n pretty much makes me want to puke. Okay, the Cave Guy is a wuss when it comes to amusement parks. I send my too kind and loving wife with the kids and I go back to doing what I do best; paying for everything, sitting on the bench, and wratching people. Because we are flying out early the next day and I know that we wont leave the amusement park until late, I call ahead for a motel room near the and towels chained to the wall. Ya can bet the Well leave the light on fer ya guy has never stayed here. Now I know what happened to the welcome light and welcome mat... someone stole them. My too kind and loving wrife doesnt let the kids touch anything until she has sprayed everything with Lysol and pulled dowrn the covers and checked the sheets. My too kind and loving wife decides that we should leave this place before one of us some dreaded disease... but I argue, It is airport and guar- catches international almost midnight, wre only saw No Vacancy signs as we drove in, and we have to get up at 5 a.m. to catch are earl morning flight on El Cheapo antee the room for late arrival. My thinking was that any national chain motel near an airport would be a safe, secure, clean place to sleep a few hours, since business travelers frequent them. Later, as we arrive at the motel, we go past a guard shack and are stopped by a guard. As I go to the front desk to check in, the lady is behind a bullet proof plate glass window and talks to me through a voice box similar to a bank teller window. This doesnt exactly calm my fears of being mugged, robbed, or killed and confirms all my suspicions of California. I think to myself, make a note to send a letter to Tom Bodel, and tell him that he is full of it. Well leave the light on for you hah, if it hasnt been shot out. But it is late and I have already paid for the room so I continue. I notice a few guards walking the compound. Finally, we make it to our room, which is stripped bare; no clock, no pictures on the wall, Airlines". She finally concedes, but makes me take the first watch at the door and says she will relieve me at 3 a.m. I reluctantly put my pillow in front of the door so that if someone does break in, at least they will have to move 180 pounds of dead weight. DAY 7 of the experiment. Finally the day I have been looking forward to since we left Monticello. We are going home. The only thing that stands in front of us is a plane trip and 5 hour drive from SLC. I keep on wishing that I could do the Dorothy (from the Wizard of Oz) trick and just click my heels three times and say there is no place like home. Upon arriving home, I take a drink of our pure Monticello water and come to realize it is true... There is no place like home! BUSINESSlDIREGTORiYflBUSINESSBlREGTQ REDD MECHANICAL PLUMBING HEATING AIR CONDITIONING SPRINKLER SYSTEMS OwnerContractor Michael W. Redd 435-678-29- 61 Hollingsworth General Contractor New Home Construction 435-587-29- rairie Dawg Portable Toilet & Septic Service Southeast Utah's Complete Portable Toliet Service Sanitary Liquid Human Waste Hauling Septic Tank Maintenance Pumping Mobile and Wheelchair Accessible Special Occasion Flushable Units Available CALL Soapys Gallery LJ's Qufltincf Bee Construction Custom Additions Remodeling Complete auto body & frame Most advanced paint system Windshield replacement & rock chip repair alto serve your welding need. Brakes. Gasoline Alignments! 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