Canyon Country Zephyr | 2004-08-01 | Page 2

THE 7©™*""*?8®/ AUGUST-SEPTEMBER 2004 eR UTA AUKe emer Uk Ay i TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT... aoe THECANYON COUNTRY ZEPHYR P.O. BOX 327 MOAB, UT 84532 Jim Stiles, publisher [phone] By Jim Stiles www.canyoncountryzephyr.com [e-mail] [e-mail] ele eee RaL CnS abe) at sins Robert Funkhouser Erica Walz Cactus Rat Scott Silver Wendell Berry Martin Murie Dan Rosen Bill Boyle Mark Steen Philip Hyde Chinle Miller Ric Cantrell Lance Christie Julie Cozby & the Heath Monitor Files the artist John Depuy historic photographs eee a eer Rac) Zephyr pilot/aerial reconaissance aulSwanstrom webmaster Gary Henderson subscriptions G transcriptions Linda Vaughan circulation Moab. Marianne Apadaca Salt Lake City: Nancy Jacobsen Colorado: Tracy Murphy & Mark Anderson Arizona: Kathy Aldous THE ZEPHYR, copyright 2004, VU botycwray sate h The Zephyr is publishedsix timesa ioty at Moab, Utah. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of its N(aile (oy ecerCe Asa skis Me) Cars Va stuleey SEC on) am Allphotos and cartoons are by the PL Iota anoles a scrs loge Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds. replaces the need to add an exclamation point. It stands alone as an exclamation point. I remain a member in good standing of the Order of Kentucky Colonels who still represent all that is chivalrous and noble in our fading culture and so I do attempt to curb my vulgarity when in the company of true gentlemen KEEPING SECRETS (arare event) and, of course, the lovely ladies. But more often than not these Trying to keep a secret is almost impossible these days, but rancher Waldo Wilcox kept a good one for half a century. Last month, when his secret was - days, simply to establish ground rules of conversation, I’ll ask the woman, “How do you feel about the ‘f word,’” and more often than not they'll reply, finally revealed, it became the second biggest global online news story of the “Don’t worry, I use that word all the f---king time.” day. Since 1951, Mr. Wilcox has protected one of the most remarkable Women are tough in the 21* Century. archaeological treasures ever found in the American Southwest—the But that brings us to Dick Cheney and his recent hurled epithet at the Wetherills would have been impressed. He protected them simply by not hapless senator from...where the hell is Patrick Leahey from? Vermont? Close telling anyone. Like Wilcox said, “The less people who know about this, the enough. As we all know now, the Vice President lost his temper on the floor _ better.” of the United States Senate and ordered Mr. Leahey to, “Go f---k off.” Ihave Strung along 12 miles of a mountain creek, deep in the rugged Book Cliffs also heard the alternative attributed quote, “Go f---k yourself.” Either variant of southern Utah, is a series of prehistoric Native American villages that have serves the same purpose. remained untouched and virtually unseen by anyone for a thousand years but Now... am regarded with disdain and caution by most of the conservative Wilcox and his close friends and family. establishment, though many of you know that I have been just as annoying to The ancient villages were occupied for over thirty centuries by the Fremont the knee-jerk liberals in these parts as well. Sean Hannity and Rush Indians until they were suddenly abandoned almost a millennium ago. Since Limbaugh would take one look at me at me and think Heathen Degenerate _ then, only the wind and the rain have touched the thousands of artifacts left Scum. | look like the kind of low life that would say, “F-ck off.” behind. Until now. But Dick Cheney? Our Republican Vice President? Co-leader of the Moral Wilcox, worried that after his passing, the vill ight be vandalized and Majority? A man whostands for all the high minded, high moraled principles destroyed, decided to sell his secret treasures. He was paid $2.5 million and that the Religious Right thinks our great nation was built upon (like slavery, “has retired to Green River, Utah. Ownership of the 4200 acres has been genocide and child labor)? John Ashcroft’s oe iptee Scalia’ s fishing buddy? transferred to the state and federal government. Rush’s frequent radio guest? A h Lhijinx of Bill On June 30, state arcl shuttled news organizations to the remote Clinton? site—it was a media circus. Watching the news coverage that evening on the Welcome to the bottom of the barrel, Dick! Salt Lake news channels, Waldo Wilcox looked utterly bewildered. You could And of even greater significance than his initial utterance, the Veep is almost see him thinking: What have I done? I don’t blame him for worrying, totally unrepentant. When pressed by the media about his outburst, he later although I don’t know what other options he had. But as recently as last week, said, “I felt better afterwards,” and maybe he did. Maybe there is a lesson to updated news reports indicated that the sites have already been be learned here. We should all be so unrepentant. vandalized—by the very media who traveled there. Is anyone surprised? When President Clinton had to appear before the Grand Jury and they So what happens now? Now that The World has been informed? In an age asked him about his sexual escapades, clearly Bill should have replied, “Yep, where everyone feels they have a right to experience first-hand, every secret treasure our shrinking dwindling planet conceals...what can we expect? I did it. AND I FELT BETTER AFTERWARDS!” Of course, he did. What man wouldn’t? Guided tours? A canyoneering/archaeological adventure trip? A State When mothers ask their children to pry themselves away from their Play Lottery? Will local Chambers of Commerce demand easier and faster access Stations to take out the garbage and those innocent little cherubs look up so that their tourism economies can grow? Will the government need to construct a 30 mile circumference cyclone fence to keep the human predator sweetly and say, “F---k off, Mom,” their parental units can smile broadly at population out? And I don’t limit my ‘predator’ comments to just grave each other, swell with pride and proclaim, “Isn’t that wonderful...emulating diggers and moki poachers...every eco-tourist who wants to say he or she “did the Vice President.” Waldo’s artifacts” will bear part of the responsibility for its eventual All across our great land, Americans of any political preference, regardless degradation. . of their race, color, creed, national origin or sexual persuasion can all be In fact, the idea of protecting special places by keeping them a secret has ‘ united by a common theme...a mantra for our times: “F---K OFF!” stirred debate even cae I NaS Steve Allen, a guidebook . : And we owe it all to Dick. 1 feats writer, our oper ator P Utah Wilderies: die believes that the mor ple who visit wild areas, the better. In 2002, the Salt Lake Tribune ae Allen’s firm belief that wilderness must be seen to be protected. “We need more people out there, not less,” he said. “Right now, the wilderness lands of southern Utah are in flux...we need as many wilderness supporters as we can get.” But what of growing concerns that too ay people, no matter how wellintentioned, run the risk of loving suck to death? Allen says, “If places get too crowded, we can take appropriate steps (to limit access)... There are 10 canyons on the tick list. There are 1000 other canyons.” The idea that as one canyon gets trampled by non-motorized recreational overuse, we can just move to the one is troubling to some, including me. But others will insist that keeping a place “secret” is an act of selfishness and arrogance. And that its anonymity will ultimately lead to its demise. I am convinced that, for very. un-selfish reasons, rancher Waldo Wilcox protected this priceless treasure for half a century. For those who will argue that he did it for the money, remember that he sold his land for less than $600 an acre—not exactly ranchette prices. Also consider how many government bureaucrats, at how great an expense, and with what degree of success will be required to perform the job he did alone. To all of you reading this...please...take comfort that the Book Cliff sites are there and forget about it. Just leave it alone. Doit for the Fremont and doit for Waldo. A few of us at Arches used to keep a secret. For years, a couple of fellow rangers William Shakespeare and I protected a remote site in the park, not because it would be construed to have enormous value, but because it would not. We called it the Secret Spring...when the “secret” got out, everything changed. For the complete story, turn to page 14. DICK CHENEY SAYS WE CAN ALL ‘F----K OFF!” First of all, let me freely admit that my language of late has descended into the depths of depravity, into realms my dear ernane noe never have dreamed possible. Maybe it’s just the d which we live, but I have unwittingly assumed the | title, ono occasion, of gutter mouth, The ‘f word’ in particular, has become a particular favorite. There doesn’t seem to be another word in our language quite as satisfying or meaningful, or effective. When I say, “The world has gone insane,” it doesn’t have nearly the resonance of, “The world has gone f---king insane!” PAGE2 The ‘f word’ actually IN DEFENSE OF MY PALS AT ‘FOOTPRINTS’ —or how I learned to stop worrying and love Rex Tanner. No one has done more for this community than Jim Collar and John Andrews. The owners of Moab-based Footprints have a record of public service and charitable contribution that is unmatched in southeast Utah. ‘They've worked with the Moab and La Sal Schools, in the kindergarten summer reading program, with the Human Society of Moab, they've offered free computer classes to Moab residents, donated to the new Moab Regional Medical Center...the list goes on and is more than impressive. Personally, they’ve been unflinching supporters of The Zephyr and have always been kind and generous. We've also enjoyed each other’s company and I’ve come to appreciate Jim and John’s excellent appreciation of the absurd and their dry, rapier wit. This spring Collar and Andrews approached me with the idea of running a second Zephyr ad—' “this one will be just for fun,” they said. Jim and John proposed a series of ads to wake up the town again...to give it a humorous shot in the arm. They succeeded beyond their wildest ambitions. In the April/May issue, Footprints introduced its first ‘Top 10' list. Their first contribution was called, “Top 10 ees es Like to See Jennifer Speers Purchase.” I ht the Dewey Bridge subdivision and tore down a $600, 000 fomei in order to restore the land.) Among the ‘ten’ was: “The current crop of Grand County Commissioners—while not listed for sale, it’s pretty clear, if the price is right...” It did not sit well with a couple of the Councilmen, especially Rex Tanner, whe was reportedly furious. County Administrator Judy Bane and Deputy Boys and to send a message: ae Council isnot amused. Jim and John were surprised at the level of anger and hadn’t meant they senta letter of apology, explained that they’d never meant ‘to hurt anyone personally and moved on with their lives. And then they did another ad. Their next ‘Top 10' list, the “Footprints Endangered List,” included “Tattooed Missionaries,” “skies without contrails,” and even “The Canyon Country Zephyr (no lie there).” But Collar and Andrews also added, “Elected officials who actually serve the public.” They did NOT write “Grand County elected officials;” they might well have been talking about that foul-mouthed veep Dick Cheney. But it didn’t matter. To use the vernacular, they were toast. A few weeks later, Administrator Bane chanced upon a Footprints employee at a local store; that employee returned with some. surprising news—specifically because of their Zephyr ads, the county had terminated its working relationship with Footprints. Ilearned about the coup de footprints a few days later and Se to give Ms. Bane a call. asked if the rumor was true and she advised me that, “When a business bashes its employer,” this kind of result was inevitable.