| Show O 0 foxe 1 1 r mean should be patented dinah mandy wha fob foh you give flat dat baby a big piece of dohk ter chaw ona on 9 don you alt all know the poh chile 11 choke on it mandy dinah don you see de tied to dat piece er tat fat dohk 7 de do udder end s tied to de chile s toe ef he chokes he hell 11 kick an it if he kicks he hell 11 jerk de dohk out ah reckon louall ou all cain t leam learn me bothin bout braingin up chillen chil lun in boston gamme some whisky shouted the man who had rushed headlong into the barroom I 1 want it bad do you desire it bad or badly sir inquired the gentlemanly bartender with significant emphasis the man decided that he wanted it badly politically speaking mrs hasher said the boarder who Is up on politics don t you think you could revise the tariff on my hall ball room somewhat I 1 could responded the landlady with an ominous glitter in her eye and I 1 should like to but let me in form you that any tariff revision on your room will be of an upward char acter couri courier journal not a lawyer mrs why did you refuse mr Blackstone 7 miss he ile s a base deceive deceiver ma he has been pretending to be a lawyer bu but t he hes s an impostor mercy mel met how did you find outa when be he propose proposed d to me last night he didn t say whereas or aforesaid once new york weekly NEEDED THE MONEY R I 1 im in writing an article on how to live on 10 a week what are you doing that for to get a bit ot of the ten accounts for the mystery and so the romans once invaded great britain said miss Gil gilligan ligal to whom her uncle charles had been reading of caesar a conquests that accounts tor for it then accounts tor for what asked uncle charles for there being so many latin words which resemble our english ones the romans very naturally picked up a good many of our espres alons while in england wonder I 1 never thought of that before where lie the east yes I 1 ve just returned from a two months visit in the east the portland young lady was saying and oh I 1 had such a lovely time those easterners are so different from us though what points did you visit inquiry ed the new newcomer comer in oregon I 1 do hope you saw dear old boston boston the portland girl I 1 should say not I 1 was in montana portland oregonian Oreg onlan proper sort of son in law yes sir I 1 love your daughter and while I 1 am poor I 1 am there there don dont t spring that old r gag about being poor but honest I 1 wasn gasn t going to I 1 was going to say that I 1 was not honest enough to let it keep me from getting on in the world when I 1 got my opportunity that s the talk go and marry her and then come back here I 1 want to unfold a little scheme too bad a risk wife that insurance agent who dined with us last night seemed a very gentlemanly fellow Is he going to take you deara husband no he says I 1 am too great a risk wife why there isn t anything the matter with you is there husband no no but he learned that you cooker the dinner the prod gal s resentment I 1 realize said the unhappy parent that the way I 1 have brought you up conclusively proves that I 1 am little better than a fool sir cried the wayward youth I 1 appreciate the fact that your age protects you from my just resentment it if you were a younger man I 1 would soon teach you that no man can speak dis respectfully of my father in my pres ence practical girl a idea why do you waste so many hours on beautifying devices inquired the old fashioned fashioned woman why not de vote that time to thinking beautiful thoughts 7 9 oh fudge retorted the modern damsel my beau isn t a mind read er A look ahead before you decide to marry my child there are some serious things to be considered yes papa it has just struck me that a divorce costs a great deal more than a marriage license t sent mental she was a woman WO man said the boeti cal cat boarder whose beauty turned men s hearts to fire and their necks to rubber I 1 sup pose added the prosy old bachelor bachel 0 r A reckless assertion I 1 notice that the washington post says that wall street men must live strange isn t it that even the most careful and conscientious of journals will at times indulge in excusably reckless assertions perennial failure old Dough Dougli graft has made another assignment its it s getting to be chronic with him isn t tit it oh ob besl yes the boys on the street refer to him as old peach crop at the front door weary willie say lady im dat hungry I 1 don t know what to do I 1 mrs goodart very well poor man walk around to the kitchen and well give you something weary willie dat data s a long walk lady couldn coulden t yer hand it out here just as well manipulated the scales scale what did van osier oster say the fish weighed 7 thirty two pounds and four ounces he ile says he weighed it himself a let a see what s van osier oster s busl bust ness iles he s a retail coal dealer huh sunset charms oh mr chappey exclaimed miss gush why t you up on the hill to see the sunsets it was just too lovely replied chappey sent my man up to do it tor for me we he aundah stands that ot of thing don t you know slandering the dear departed jawback my mothers cooking mrs jawback well she deserves it but I 1 didn dian t think you d edge it so shortly after her death under protest can you let me have a good room here for a week asked the new yorker sure replied the chicago hotel clerk we cn can let you have one tor for as long as you want to stay oh III need it longer than that I 1 don dont t want to stay in this bloomin town ten minutes but I 1 simply have bate to philadelphia press counting the buttons tes yes said the tailor councilman ordered a four button cutaway but he changed it to a three button Is the three button more stylish asked the other oh no but as he was going out he saw some children on my doorstep playing that old game rich man poor man thief thief 1 I philadelphia press frequent occurrence 1 I ive ve been reading of a man who reached the age of 50 without being able to read he ile met a woman and for her sake made a scholar of himself in three years 16 and arid I 1 know a IL man who at middle life was a profound scholar at the age of BO 50 he met a woman and tor for her sake made a tool fool of himself in three days who wouldn t howl she gracious how the wind does howl to tonight night I 1 he ile yes it probably has the tooth ache she the toot toothache hachel he ile yes have you never heard of the teeth of a galop gale stray stories 91 her newest beau nell you d better come to choir rehearsal to belle I 1 can t nell you it d better wore wo re going to try a new hymn to night belle so am I 1 going to try a new him that a why I 1 cant can t come the amende honorable what dye d ye mean by slandering derin ln me III perkins ns k how d I 1 slander ye sim walton Wal tonT said I 1 wrote a po try book well didn dian t ye I 1 did not I 1 wrote a poultry book sim I 1 ax your pardon A safe wager I 1 see that a member of the newport colony makes this naive excuse when threatened with an interview my lawyer will not allow me to talk for publication any more well III bet it wasn gasn t a comat that said that something lasting here s an account of a small boy at the zoological garden who fed an aurang boutang an indelible pencil with possibly fatal results result that small boy deserves an indel ible impression f from rom his mother mothers s slipper doubtful distinction young hooper seems to have won distinction with his very first book 0 yes A book trade journal put it among the ten worst selling books of the season AFRAID TO CROSS HER v af tommy I 1 in gola swimming mother no you cant can t go tommy well the cook told me I 1 could mother oh ob in that case I 1 guess you can go his own great foolishness fordy your wife to think you 11 get if she lets you out of her sight you must have once done something very foolish to have a woman looking after you like that butts I 1 did I 1 married her of course the plump girl which do you take first fir S t your dancing le lesson aso n or your phy culture exercise to gain flesh the thin girl oh the dancing les lea son grace before meat aou ou know benefited do you enjoy a holiday T no answered the candid person but I 1 derive benefit from one after playing baseball or riding in crowded cars for six or eight hours ordinary work seems much pleasanter it must be so isn t it funny that all editors are either bachelors or happily married how do you know that arent all the newspapers ers in favor of more stringent divorce laws necessary modification knox why don t you cut that out tone your talk down a bit kandor well it its s all right to call a spade a spade isn t if knox instead of calling it you might whisper it occasionally 1 1 I I willi patience her motto in life has been I 1 will patrice and has she lived up to it she certainly has she never said no to a marriage proposal in her life leading question 1 I m at the point where I 1 don t know which w be the best bald the bill ville farmer whether to raise a big watermelon crop or to whirl in and buy a railroad to haul the crops the other tellers fellers raise premature may s father gave her his consent to marry tom before tom proposed and then took it back bac I 1 I 1 suppose the heartless old if a no n om ddn propose A |
