Show C4 — The Herald Journal Logan Utah Thursday November 27 2003 ©G-eaCsuo- ©tf D©inijg inraarirDages ps Jane ' NEW YORK l APj I lai UltikkI marked her first anniversary nil Nov 17 -- - the anniversary of the divorce that ended a marriage The pist year has been' flaunting lor her in many'” w ays: Bouts of depression onie awkward dates distress ' the first lew times she ale out alone at restaurants' ' Lately she feels happier and more confident thanks in -’ large part to support from -' friends and fellow churchgo- ers in Statesboro (hi "If not for their prayers" she said "I probabjv wouldn't be alive ' 1 ' - self-estee- m - : ' - a of a of Americans legion grow ing confronting the trauma chal-f- ‘ bO is one of: lenges and opportunities' divorce after a marriage of ' finally falls long duration ‘ apart i No firm statistics are avail- ablebut experts say ihere'is no doubt that breakups among couples married upward of 25 years arebecoming more ' : ' : 'common although they're still less likey than div orce among younger couples With - Jane Harkleroad divorcee 60-year-o- ld looks” - - facing their parents divorcing: wonder Whyaren’t people talking about us and how we’re facing the loss of everything we ever knew?"’ said Karen Kahn Wilson a twice-divorc- 'that no men are out there for ' them while their are nut there dating having ' the time of iheir life or so it " - Experts say men and women are equally likely to be wounded by the breakup of ' long-termarriage hut they generally agree that older divorced men have better luck finding a new wife " "Unfortunately for women it appears still to be easier for an older man to capture a' younger woman than the reverse" said Dr Robert But-- : ler president of the Intern- a- V tiorial Longeyiiy Cenfer-US- The initial months after the divorce were difficult and some financial worries remain Harkleroad said hut life improved when she moved into a smaller house and went back to work at a college library She said her husband has remarried — to their former real estate agent — while she has tried dating ' ''It's mu been the best experience'' she said " People are nice hut some of them area '' ' hit forward for me" Jane Burroughs of Stevens Point:' Wis' believes her 1997 divorce which ended ii 31-- '' year marriage reflected ' dilemmus faced hV many women her age! life even unhappy expectancies spouses in their 60s or 70s may find motivation to start their social life over again "Sometimes it's people whose ntarriages have not been good for many many years and they ’re just waiting for their kids to be grown" Ahrons a California sociologist who has written extensively on mar? - riage and divorce ' "There's the realization of ' the emptiness when the kids leave home the realization ' that they stillhave many years ahead and their spouse is not :' "Mygeneratibn was caught inthe middlebetween the the person they want to spend women's liberation movement the rest of their life with" versus when you stayed home Ahrens said 'and took care of your chil- - '' Harkleroad said she sensed drenshesaid "I chose Ujrelatively early in lief mar-- : ' ''' -- 66 — ' ' m ed psychologist whose specializes in helping ex--a spouses cope with divorce Butler said some grown children worry that their parr ents' divorce will affect their “The adult children may be quite suspicious of the sudden appearance of a new woman in their father's life or a new man in mother's life" he said Betsy Stellhom 56 a clini- ' cal social in Manhattan-'“Howeveworker from I have seen Bethesda Md divorced in mar-wh- o women even in their late 60s ' February after a initiated the divorce w ho riage She has stayed close to her 27- - and wanted to be liberated' More and niorc women are in daughters — the youngest' the work force' they have Jives with her — but she says the divorce was hard on them more choice's Bob Tremblay 59 divorced "The oider kids in a way ' three years ago after a have a tougher time they're ' so used to it being a certain marriage and says he is now way forso long” she said happily reunited with a girl- friend from his high school Stellhom said she divorced : after learning her husband was days " ' 'y j' '' annual meetings Saturday Noy 1 5 at West- : ihinsfer College in'Salt Lake City 'Two of Utah State s students received an honr said parlment of English 1 : ' lleMont a "living” ghost town State English graduate students Lisa Matt Sti ffler and Angela ' Waidie also presented papers at the meetings 5S ii pbkore soday f U(aK hks held eniiual ' f- v meetini for the pis 45 years: Isaid Sijxvin A :The 'primary puqxise of the hieetins is to " were rnvited to have their research published in fH'kore Vtudems at Utah s institutions of v (lie series Papers of ihe Ufah Folklore Society” j!TeJ ' lcamng a forum in whch to present Only finir papers from the conference were their research ilicus-' ' anf in cImiscji for publication ihe series Siixirih from Students “T Brigham Young University said ''!GieMwoa-stallj (if the' tradition IndianiUniyeraity the University ofiJtah examined ' l Utah Valley State College and Westminster-familin ofa single hunting multiple generations ' and wiis titled “Death or Dynamism? College alsp participated in the meetings ' For mtire information on the meetings or the a Utah Hunting Family’s Past Pre- Examining ’ '' Folklore Programat Utah State contact' sent and Future': 2 Minter's talk focused on the folk traditions- : Sijxirin at (435) - puskin-GciejI- e vi'-V - - - '- V - 797-272- The Herald Joiimal supports local merchants non profit orginaxa-tion- S and local crafters by sponsoring online shopping Visit The Herald : Journal for all of your Holiday shopping we feature exclusive items hard to find items and items sold to fund many local nonprofit prginizations Collectors Pins Hacky Sacks Wind Chimes Cache Legacy Pewter Frames 36"DoN House Gift Card Kitchen Aid Mixer : $800 $500 $700 $3395 $1200 $19900 $1985 $24900 ' seeing another woman but she stressed that the marriage was strained well before that she felt a mix of emotions' “There definitely was the grieving” she said “But also a sense of relief when you fmally make the decision Once I made it I neverhad the feeling' ’Oh thiis is a mis- Post-divor- Herald j Journal v — she and her were both still in college when they married Why the breakup? nd 1' ce : take’” Mia McNefney 55 ended her marriage in 2001 32-ye- ar "I matured” McNiemey said “Women’? indepen- dence women’s roles — I waffled on them a long time : ' ' ’ : 29-ye- ar V Vi Jane Burroughs stands near family pictures on the wall in her Stevens Point Wis home on Nov 18 2003 Burroughs 57 was married in 1966 and got divorced after 31 years She is recently ' retired and says she has no interest in remarrying 28-ye- ar - of Marys AP photo A grad students make good showi ng at statewide conference J-- ' inheritance: USU - iris© full-tim- 37-ye- ilarkleroad ftfo© e But his relief at ending work as a secretary riage that she and her husband and I also had to do all the were not fully compatible years of marital friction is housework and raise two kids "Hut I was brought up in a tempered by virtual estrange' I It fell on all when ment from his me" Baptist background: ' said had she and a son 28 two married married for better daughter Burroughs emotional breakdowns and for worse" she said "I had "My wife and I we were underwent counseling for 10 no intention of leaving"' ready for divorce — it should ' before she have Harkleroad said she and her years deciding happened way back before the kids came along" needed more independence to husband eventually realized said Tremblay an electronics boost her After ‘ they both were unhappy and divorce ensued to the surprise " one final argument in a long " ' technician from Somers of a son and daughter in their string both spouses decided it 'Conn Wiis time to end the marriage' i' But losing contact with his 30s shesaid She put olT dating for children was different: “It was like a knife was stuck in my three years then met some a heart and twisted” men through the Internet “I ' tell my dates right from the Though divorces affecting “ I I do not do marwas brought up children can be young beginning ' said she wrenching — especially if riagv again" in ' Baptist back- Her on the disputes Hare over custody ' and visitation — divorces by other hand is engaged — a ground c l had no ' today ©a ' ! The double standard doesn’t ' work for me: Take care of the kids have a job when he " needed me to have one not -have a jobwhen he didn't ' need that’ |