Show Friend sh p proved beyond doubt I 1 thought this paper was friedly to me editor so it is whits the matter nowa I 1 made a speech at the ban last night and you dian didn t print a line of it baltor W elp what further proof did you want of our pa overheard at the breakfast table I 1 see said mrs jinks as she laid abe morn ng paper down that they have located a wretch out west who has four wives and all of them liv ing mr jinks looked thoughtful then he said abruptly molly what lunatic abslum is be in informal on wanted farmington ah there a that old poem about hushing bees I 1 always did like that aimley husking beeer what do ou meana faroli agton why you never in the country during the season of husking bees cumley no how in the haorld do you husk a beeb later news jiggs and his wife have had a quarrel oh t heard abo t that a month ago they patched that quarrel up though dian didn t the apparently they patched it up so that it actually became a new one last night THEIR EXCUSE TO GET HOLIDAY how do make it that baseball kills so peopled well more than 10 grand moth ers funerals are attended by off boys every summer romantic and a triumph how romantic it would be said the girl with the blue eyes for one to have a big strong and handsome lover almost killed in an automobile wreck or something and then taken to a hospital only to toss in delirium and call one s name and for one to go to him and comfort him and marry him while he lay pale and helpless on his cot wouldn t it be beautiful said the brown eyed girl and concluded the blue eyed girl have all the nurses just dying with envy the cruelty of strength good morning said the dairy maid to the limburger how do you feel to daya strong and robust replied the cheese I 1 feel as if I 1 could clean out the place how do you feela pretty weak and quite blue replied the milk you look it said the cheese laughing 1 I told you there was nothing in this water cure business cincinnati commercial tribune foot in it again mrs this Is my baby clr brakes she Is lust 2 weeks old today to day mr brakes ah yes to be sure she ah she Is well ou know they say homely babies always grow up to be beauties so you may be athani tul or er that Is well I 1 mean to say how much she resembles her mother cleveland leader politeness belle and did you tell him you would call your mother it he attempt ed to kiss you beulah yes I 1 did the first time the first time gracious you every timea no you see I 1 had to show him some politeness so I 1 coulden couldn t be talk ing to mother all the time no aroh states for him brown of augusta I 1 hear you re going to leave maine for the west jones going to kansas jones of bangor not on your life I 1 m on the water wagon now and the only reason im leaving maine is to get out of a prohibition state do you suppose I 1 want to take any bigger risks cleveland leader coulden couldn t understand scotch how old la that new scholar ask ed the principal twelve years he says answered the teacher yes he s never been much away from home and as his mother and father arc scotch people he can t understand their language yonkers statesman needed it in his bus ness jones automobile ran away with his wife and mother in law an scared era so they have been speechless ever since my my do you think jones could be induced to sell that automobile looks that way jenkens notice crimick says you write over the heads of the people what does that meana scribbles it appears to mean that he considers himself the people A matter of locality the king of the cannibal islands laughed uproariously the idea that it costs 65 a year to dress a wife Is too funny he said why it doean doesn t cost me that to keep all of mine in dresses 1 poor soul what makes the bearded lady go morose she saw in some paper that jascu line girls t in fashion any long er atlar ta constitution fifel A 4 A system wanted there should be some system de whereby it would take as long for a man to spend his money as it does for him to accumulate it you speak bitterly I 1 have good cause T work eleven months in the ear earning enough money to satisfy the florida hotel keepers during the other month at their mercy charley dear said young mrs I 1 see that the races are corn ing yes why don t you call on the book makers beforehand and tell them what a good customer you have always been and see if they won t let you off a little cheaper this timea wants to get even church if a man Is going to be struck by an automobile the difference whether the machine is going ten miles an hour or gotham A good deal of difference how Is a man who is knocked down going to tell a chauffeur what he thinks ot him it hes going at fifty miles an houra same old story where s your new year resolution nowa well the blizzard came along an my left ear froze an my left leg was hit by the rheumatism an but what 11 ou take atlanta constitution D sc sharper why do you suppose bos ton Is cabled the huba carper because it is the centre ot gravity sharper no because the rest of the horld goes around it on occasions of excitement all the world s a stage said the man who quotes yes said the friend who was read ing a newspaper but now and then it looks more like a prize ring the resemblance he s like a weather bureau ther dometer you mean he la to telling the temperature no he stays out all night cleveland plain dealer A pea in a bladder cholly it you refuse me miss dolly I 1 shall bah jove I 1 shall put a bullet in me head dolly cotshott Hot shott absently how it will rattle around in there i bring ng it home to him the congressman s son had been misbehaving jimmy Sniff kins said the teach er sternly what kind of a recess a that alve recess for which your fathe recently voted himself mile an imaginary recess ma am well that s the I 1 ind you 11 take tor the next two weeks philadelphia bulletin qu te an enjoyable affair mamma did ou hate a good time at dorothy s party harolda harold I 1 should say I 1 did great mamma what little girls did yo dance witha harold aw I 1 dian didn t dance none but at supper I 1 had two plates of ice cream an got most of jim brown s wren he lookin an he hit me an I 1 licked th out of him past the lawless age police justice you say you are a college graduate and yet here I 1 find you charged with drunkenness bisor conduct assault inciting riot resisting an officer A college grad aate indeed what have you to saya prisoner nothing your honor ex capt that I 1 had forgotten that I 1 gasn wasn t etui in college good cause for admiration gunning well im surprised at gunning to hear you speak so well of skinner when auve just been complaining that he cheated you in a bargain by george sir the man who can cheat me has my admiration lind respect A sense of propriety you wouldn t sell your vote would youa no suh answered mr erastus pinkley but if a gemmen foh office was to give me two dollaus common gratitude would make me vote foh him washington star what puzzles the foreigner I 1 cannot understand ze language the foreign nobleman complained the matter counte first you say ze young man Is a raw auth yes zen ou say he Is halt baked pretty secure did sambo leave his wife in pretty comfortable circumstances 7 asked the man of his colored servant oh yes sah she feels putty secure replied the servant what did sambo leave her pour razors sah the popular fad t see that society decrees that horseback riding shall be the popular ad at the seaside this summer this seems like bulte an improvement over last year s fad at newport what was that divorce getting A laughing likeness lawyer how can we use this flash light picture as evidence against the accused his eyes are shut tight detective but his mouth Is open so wide we can identify the filling in of his back teeth detroit free press NO DRAWBACK you forget sir that I 1 have a million while you are peorl but I 1 am willing to marry you anyhow lessons in creeping patience how did she teach the baby to creepy patrice oh she held him up at the window when her husband wag trying to get to the gate on the icy walk I 1 believe yonkers statesman reward for good conduct bags what do you think of this meredith idea of marriage for ten bangs does a man get any corn mutation for good conduct 7 life state of grace sam have you reformed since your conversion suh what do you mean by that well suh ah steal tm white folks no more no special inducement she I 1 wonder why so few men are regular churchgoers 9 he I 1 don t know unless it s be cause there Is no law prohibiting it kapsas city independent 1 |