Show ATUs belong on CM IN' CM O fi1 O O d) 5o u o E o3 —I 2 2D X 00 d) CD £ seven seconds after flars dust Slightly quieter than snowmobiles but with the same raison d’etre these beasts are starting to cover the west for everything from fanning to hunting This first hit my radar last year when I was standing on a similar corner on a Wednesday night in Richfield Utah It was October and I witnessed the homogenized and airbmshed version of the famous Sturgis ride-i- n for Harley riders The streets are full of ATVs and the motel lots are full of trucks trailers and a few bewildered foreign tourists wondering where the horses and Indians were The entire town was an ATV orgy Southern Utah is not supposed to look like this How it got this way is an ugly bar- room brawl of taxes tourist cultt councils and a ture that feels it has a right to go everywhere and see every- thing without putting any effort into it I don’t think this is what Woody Guthrie had in mind Aboutcheer when out from the NASA space geeks acknowledging that their Spirit and Opportunity landers were talking back to them from Mars a concomitant roar could be heard at a crowded bar in Southern Utah ' “Duuuude! Check it out They put two ATVs on Mars! Look at all the red rock” In a languid coffee shop across town 12 people looked up from their French roast and copies of Utne Reader and sneered “If they can put two ATVs on Mars why not all of them?” Caffeine and alcohol are of my mental health ' so it’s hard for me to take sides I’m just standing at the comer of Damned If You Do and Damned If You Don’t trying to figure out the acronyms — ATV OHV it’s all bleak to me I guess there Vehicles and are those that are simply ' Vehicles just looking for a place to raise a little Whenever Isee a glctag truck ulth a connle Mm halaadaggrecarlottsly tnm the truck betUtblak eta aether gessua carrying her hahles" When he wrote “This land is lard-bu- Off-Highw-ay - Dennis Hinkamp is a freelance humor columnist living in Logan He is among a number of freelance writers whose columns : appear in The Herald Journal as part of an effort to expose readers to a variety of community voices He is not an employee of the newspaper Feedback at dhinkampOm8ncom “If the truck breaks down your land this land ismy land” Whenever I see a pickup truck with a couple ATVs balancing precariously from ' the truck bed I think of a mother possum carrying her babies or maybe some sort of internal combustion equivalent of a lifeboat : All-Terra- in the folks that want to get back to a population density of one I’d like to ban the Republican Party reality TV and decaf coffee but I can’t The people who ride them pay taxes and are probably here to stay ATVs are not going to be banned on the basis of safety since if we did that we’d probably also have to ban bikes skis and Mt Everest Just as iri theory crosscountry skins and snowmobiles can share a trail in theory mountain bikes and hikers could share an ATV trail In theory the universe exists oh several dimensional planes but I remain unconvinced Ellen Eccl a T)-- re Presents ii y The World Famous GDemini titans Continued from p6 “The Perfect Score” Rated 3 This is the scheme that would imaginable bodily fluid spew from him or spilled on him Here he gets carried away on another wave of gross-ogags all of them desperately straining for laughs few of them truly earning any He plays an uptight risk assessor who falls for a childhood friend the Polly (Jennifer Ariiston) The writer-directepisodicjokes from John Hamburg (who also wrote “Meet the Parents”) quickly feel repetitive But the support- jng cast including Philip Sey- motir Hoffman Bhryan Brdwn and Alec Baldwin is stellar PG-1-3 for sexual content language crude humor and sortie drug 90 min Two stars out offour —The Associated Press PG-1- have landed “The Breakfast Club” kids in detention It involves six students instead of five and they represent a more ethnically diverse cross-sectio- n of campus But their forced bonding — and the inevitable ' catharsis and enlightenment that result — are the same as in the 1 985 John Hughes teen classic The “Score" kids have nothing in common when they band together to break into a testing center arid steal the SAT but one at a time they end up confronting dreams fears and resentments it would all seem standard if not for the presence pf Scarlett Johansson Leonardo ' Nam a sort of Asian Jack Black gets the best lines andJias a look of constant mischief in his eyes that makes him totally unpredictable PG-1- 3 for language sexual content and some ' drug references 93 min' two stars out of four — The Auodated Press ut free-spirit- ed or long-standi- “Along Came Polly”! Rated PG-1- 3 Yet another movie -- r following There’s Something About “Big Hsh" Rated PG-1-3 J - MHDer ©rcWestira The legend lives on! — Brian McCuskey for The Herald Journal “Something’s Gotta Give’’ Rated PG-1- 3 Jack Nicholson plays an aging stud who dates only younger women Diane Keaton plays the older woman who might convince him otherwise Keanu Reeves plays the young doctor' who gets in their way Jack and particularly Diane rise above the leaden dialogue and labored plotting to give terrific performances but even so writer-directNancy Meyers cant resist telling us why we should bother to sit through this very longmovie: “We are cute" Jack announces during a late-nigpancake feast with Diane Well thafs something — but you've gotta give us more than that Two stars out of four — Brian McCuskey for The Herald Journal or ht Edward Bloom (Albert Finney) is an expert raconteur who embellishes stories of his life his son Will (Billy Crudup) is fed up with not knowing the truth and with living in the shadow of his father's tail tales When Edward ' falls HI WHI demands that his father finalty teH the straight story fortunately for the audi-ence Edward refuses and we ' are treated instead to phantas- magoric flashbacks of the dying man's youthful adventures Directed by Tim Burton the film has astonishing visual style but - Mary” “Meet the Parents” and “Duplex- ”- in which Ben Stiller is humiliated and injured in countless ways and has every the flashbacks seem random and pointless— and the old man a bit of a bore Two stars out of fouc ultimately Thursday March 11 7:30 pm Tickets! $15$21$25 © ' 435-752-00- 26 Center for die Arts 43 S Main Lojn wwwccnterfbrtkeartsil Pate s THE ATP SpMMMalhf Cxh Valbf lUak Cacht TOkpSUaric' KLGN-Mr— ! 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