Show A cucumber grew A green cucumber grew where dews sweet nectar sent where n a garden old were odors redo lent the sunlight k ased the vine the earth its succor lent and breezes sang by daiy diy where moon bean crafts were bent thus this cucumber grew to girth of wondrous span plucked and sold at last to mr dagomar the peddler ed long and sold it to J m slack who peeled and ate the pick with dl vers smi e and smack then that p ackle g een began to hump its back it griped and bucked and growled tried every wicked tack f rolled over and lay down then bunched up 1 ke a rock 1 J m he plumb collapsed as limber as Ms sock they called the do tor hence he looked both wise and strong cope with pain and pang and e iry inward wrong 1 he pumped jin s insides out it dian didn t take him long but jim he gagged a d died 1 spirit joined the throng of those long gone before who now are ha e and glad upon his tomb we read this doleful mes sage sad A green cucumber grew where dewa sweet nectar lent jim ate t and now dwells in climes mag ent J joshua s append t s joshua Fumble berry farmer wag born with a pain sometimes it was in his stomach and sometimes it was in his imagination but it was ubia altous joshua was not one that suffered in silence but was a devout apostle of the philosophy of lung crony in a paroxysm of gout nature knows best and she says roar L nd a goshen joshua complain ed his long enduring v ife ye 11 be havin that there appendicitis in yer mind some day and the doctor won t be able t do a thing fur ye cause he cain t operate on yer imagination and wl en ye git dead sot on it bothin but an operation II 11 ever git ye over it you folks talk too much snarled joshua horii but I 1 s pose ye wouldn t be happy if ye dian didn t jam about so much wind er missed a on anally when I 1 m sick im sick am t ia ye coant s pose I 1 m sick cuz I 1 enjoy it do yea that was the begian ng A man g ts mighty 1 me sympathy in this world moaned joshua at 10 p m two days later when a sharp pain attacked him in the left side about three inches below and slightly back of his lower vest pocket deliberately at first then with ac celebrated cele rated rap city the truth rushed upon him he had appendicitis go fer th doctor mirandy go quick he bawled ive got it this time sure ef I 1 should die moaning afore ye git back they s 40 hid in the granary that ye dian didn t know about an holding his hand clasped close ly over the pain my will s made out and down t in th office squire biggem but go go as mirandy her arms akimbo stood immovable in an attitude of gathering defiance johua Fumble berry ye ain t got no more appendicitis than I 1 hev an I 1 ain t goin t mal e no dark ride eight miles through mud and water to g t ye a doctor when ye don t need none I 1 ve been a good an faithful wife ter ye and allus cared ter ye when ye auz sick but I 1 m through chasin pill peddlers t fix up yer am agitation agi nation so there so there was accompanied by a determined deter mired stamp of the foot and joshua knew the ultimatum was final but his blood and his imagination were up besides dian didn t he have appendicitis itis and gasn wasn t he at that very moment a man marked for the cold and clammy silence of the graved mirandy Fumble berry joshua spoke intensely ef you don t git th doctor fer me afore midnight die er git a divorce an an I 1 don t keer take yer choice joshua retorted the wife stolidly take yer choice then go myself fer the doc tor he sobbed jumping from the sofa and shuffling into his overcoat et I 1 die ye 11 be satisfied but I 1 ain t goin t die without a chance ter keep ye from spends my money yet awhile oh lord oh lord gamme strength he beseeched as he feebly passed out into the dooryard towar the barn an hour later doctor phil graves of pike s corners was aroused from his 11 clock snooze by a loud rap ping come on out t our house quick doc shouted Fumble berry through the closed door order yer bosses hitched as I 1 go past th livery stable they ain t no time t lose whose sick queried doctor graves in the weird light at the top of the stair case but all he heard as ceet clattered down the steps was out to Fumble berry s eight miles north and the rumbling of wheels A man is never stupid denying he Is daft it Is only when left to our nar row ruts that we retrograde con and rivalry are blessings one slovenly habit on the part of a man or woman may mean failure in stead of success in life analyze your self hearing an eight year old boy tell what he saw at the circus Is better than going yourself another hot wave Is coming says the weather man duck it s only 20 cents a yard A broken feminine heart is best mended by a young man who feels lonely so long as a man borrows only your ideas your money is sate A hardshell mud turtle s life is full of snaps 1 once more the katydids are laying it onto katy te tho caller hurried away in the darkness muttering fervent anathemas upon his luck doctor graves shuffled out 0 his pajamas and prepared a hasty toilet for a cold and cheerless ride over black and soggy roads bespattered and benumbed he reached the Fumble berry home just as the kitchen clock struck the half hour after midnight who s sick he queried entering the house and handing his coat to mrs Fumble berry I 1 thought it must be you got some company it s joshua lisped mirandy quiet ly pes goin t die joshuaa shouted dr graves joshuaa why he drove in after me I 1 know doctor I 1 coulden couldn t go lamely lie s got the appendicitis in his appendix and he cant live lies in here come in buried in a heap of feathers quilts ind family overcoats lay joshua fum bl eberry shaking pitifully and groan ing immoderately well III be blamed gasped doc tor graves explosively turn over here let me get a look at you any pain herec pressing the flesh over the appendix no doc no its on th sida oh oh oh appendicitis don t come on the left side mr Fumble berry let s it donta it donta screamed the excited patient I 1 thought it could come on both sides both sides at once eha growled the continuing his examina alon mr Fumble berry doctor graves waa deliberately impressive as he held something aloft on the end of his pen fe you ve had a wood tick on you all A surprised groan was the only in ter and the physician contin aed have your wife put a bandage about you to 1 beep the blood off the linen and then go to sleep good night well do tell mirandy whimper ed joshua repentantly did ye ever know about that there appendix 11 grow in on the right sided but yer glad ain t ye mirandy thet I 1 ain t dead ain t 7 where did ye say that there money was hid in the granary joshua dip somatically I 1 hain t had a new got dress ter seven years re plied mirandy it s in a tin box in the corn shelter mirandy sighed joshua meekly git a new dress mirandy git a new dress and mirandy did the patriarch ed tor old patriarch time must feel something of rage and remorse at his ac cumulated failures to take from the sere and whitened brow of the coun try editor his crown the rural editor strangely unlike many business men grows riper and keener as the frosts gather hoar and upon his head the aver age merchant or professional man retiring breal s the ingrain habit of years but to idle and fret going to the sunset land restless and unhappy have ou noticed with what a se rene and philosophical the coun try editor nears eternity 7 gentleness sweetness forgiveness and forbear ance mark the columns of his paper where once he ft as prone to rip and roar and twist the caudal appendage of those who loved him nota what is it to grow olda asks one with the editor it is more than to lose the glory of the form the luster of the eye the plumpness of the cheek it Is to lose also from out the quiver at the editorial belt the arrows of aloe the javelin of wormwood the shafts of venom and to gain upon the pencil tip a pure and pleasing gen bieness that scatters calm and serenity in every home old wood is best likewise old wine old friends and an old editors writings there is in the ageing pastoral scribe none of that frigidity of years that piping childishness that frets at sundown no futile wailing at time to fly backward no belated and pitiful patching up of the body against the grave there is in him a mature mellow ness a reserve of wisdom from which ho may draw at will a relish as of salt a hint that he is seeing by aged night a million stars he could not see by youthful day and all this draws about him countless friends who love and cherish him his boys or his younger partner take from his shoulders the bruising cares he may not toil regularly of old remaining at home for an hour with that grand baby or to let old dobbins nip a bit of grass beside the road but ere the day Is much begun he shuffles oft toward his favorite chair before the desk where work has blessed him io thee many years and thus perhaps there they find him some evening when the paper has gone to press his arms upon his desk his head upon his arms asleep forever A dabbler in lifes serious work lends little mere importance to ress than a child making mud pies in the street whatever you do do it earnestly and not the season for dabbling tootsie tootsies woot sies in the limpid stream Is about oyer for this year and the summer resorts as lonely as a bachelor in a seven room flat some women content themselves with a little dab of powder on the noe while others will have nothing less than and tinting the man that fritters away his time will have few nice warm frit ers in this world it takes money to buy beef fritters and things the primrose path of dalliance will soon be full of cold and chilly snow thus do our dreams of summer fade the days of atie 1904 mosquito are numbered says an exchange hope the number Is 13 A summer resort injury to the heart is usually healed by the time of the first frost indemnity is a great balm to a broken heart |