Show bract cal po anter I 1 think sa 1 the manufacturer it would be a good idea to advertise this new brand of soap as be ng absolutely pure don t do it iad protested his eon who had recently grad bated from n school where advertising is taught while you wait make it 98 per cent and the women will snap it up for a bargain H s coat of arms aeb port choppe s got ter be a mil 1 bonaire they tell me yes so hear vi on t speak to common foil s no more wonder what his coat of arms isa wll it 1 ke the pictures on the sice of he gold wagon in a circus parade but a feller told me the other day it was a string sausages ram pant on a field tripe THERE YOU ARE carrye ahe third time we met we became engaged edna why such delaya in a double sense it I 1 get my divorce and my all said the fair caller I 1 can pay you of course but haven t you any property in your own asked the cautious lawer I 1 have a building lot in outsole hurst just so well my advice madam Is that you drop the suit why soa insufficient grounds A tip for leap year maids two women set out to win the the same man and each entered the game with a different plan one put on fine garments to dazzle his eye and the other for him baked an old fashioned pie the swell dresser did nothing ou giggle and talk the pie baker said nothing but she won in a walk it runs both ways my boy said the parson to the young man who was about to enter a poolroom I 1 am exceedingly sorry to see you on the downward path oh all right replied the auth who happened to hold a win ning ticket I 1 m going in the opposite direction not at home A little girl on being told by her mother that when a child died an an gel came and took her up to heaven thought deeply for a moment then said ma if an angel comes asking for me say I 1 am not in new yorker strenuous faith Bil lbrown your friend greening seems to nave a lot of faith in home apathy hea Jay jones never saw anything equal to it why last summer when he had an attack of hay fever he act bally married a grass widow one of many the lady dont you do anything tor a livings the hobo yes m I 1 m er canvas ser the lady indeed what do you canvass fora the hobo me livin thought it was hills burns billings loves a joke even if it be on himself he laughed like all possessed when a fat lady in sat upon his hat scabby abut he know it was his hat he thought it was hill s had been misinformed they tell me said the english tourist that you have female train robbers in this bloomin country some one has been stringing you replied the native american all the sleeping car porters are men equal to the occasion domestic oh please mum what shall I 1 doa half the soup Is spilt and the boarders Is at the table mrs firmly empty the box c red pepper into left there will be enough then natural deduction she so you danced with miss de copier at the ball last nighta he yes did she tell youa she oh no but I 1 saw her going into chiropodist s this morning TO whom apology Is due hello jones 1 yes but this Is smith oh well arent you going to apolo gizea yes when I 1 see jones undecided mr newlywed Newl iwed where tre you go ing today my deara mrs newlywed Newl iwed I 1 dont know I 1 haven t read the bargain advertise mente yet his greatest sorrow burt I 1 have no doubt you are sorry about your uncle s death standing it brought iou into a lot of money west yes he was doing a good business you know and if he had lived a year or two longer he might hate left me a good deal feminine D you take me to soa asked the bachelor no indeed replied the leap year maid then what would you take me fora he asked for better or for worse she an power of express on gone was your french chauffeur seri bously hurt in the automobile acci denta yes he was knocked practically speechless Speechless 7 howa shoulder dislocated can t shrug no such teaching necessary so you re a school 9 said the first traveler teach the young idea how to shoot eha I 1 don t have to do that replied the other my school Is in ken burky A commendable purpose but to what do you wish to con vert usa asked the native to the use of the goods we have foi sale replied the advance agent ot civilization A gentle reminder there Is a great deal of religion mixed up with nature said the young minister who was making a duty call we find an instructive sermon in each blade of grass true rejoined the strenuous female member of his flock and you have no doubt noticed that grass as a rule Is cut very short not tim id they say capital Is very timid remarked the young man with the gold headed cane well I 1 guess you wouldn t think so answered the young man with the cigarette if you d have seen the way mazle father treated me when I 1 asked him tor her hand engagements patience there Is a great differ ence between engagements you mean an engagement of armies and an engagement of a man and yes not much difference the always claim to get the worst of it on the women mrs crotchett Krot chett I 1 thick it was hate ful of you to go to the theater without me mr crotchett Krot chett I 1 wish I 1 had sent you in my place it would have in te rested you more mrs crotchett Krot chett what did ou seea mr crotchett Krot chett hats and bonnets they are experts they say that lots af money is dropped in wall street yesa but bet it never hits the street why nota there are people there who are quick enough to catch it in the air one point in its favor why your flying machine won t even leave the ground said the man who had been induced to observe the experiment well answered the inventor after some reflection my machine may not be as much of a traveler as some of the others but its a heap safer poss bay the reason ashes the valedictorian of her class shea yes bonde why they gave it that sort of a farewell name oh ashes saying farewell to the idealities of life as a preliminary to bumping up against the realities A D plo matic miss I 1 guess marry tommy brown when get up said four year old margie why do you really like him so mucha asked her mother oh it isn t that answered margie but he likes the same kind of candy that I 1 do discovered I 1 I 1 think you re the biggest man in the world plum As you have found me out ot course there s no use to deny it but it wouldn t be modest you know for me to go about boasting of my su one enough her father sternly youns BAU can you support a young man startled why I 1 only wanted your daughter TOO BAD magistrate and what brought here prisoner coln er church magistrate to church prisoner yes when de coppers vaa cabasin I 1 dodged into church an hid but de found slight reform jenkins still having a gay time eh lushman no I 1 sworn off drink ing in a measure jenkins in a measure ah sat with an ordinary glass now eha As indicated he I 1 wonder if the report is true that old bought his daughter a husband 9 she 1 don t known but the poor fellow looks as it he had been sold same hea employed by the railroad company no 1 understand he has charge ot chii department the what he makes the lime tables source of knowledge are you aware ot the fact that a stool an ask questions that a wise man can t answers I 1 ve heard so but 1 never knew it until now making a long story short husband you have an exception ally good dinner tonight to night dear wife I 1 so glad you like it I 1 got it up expressly to please you husband hum how much shall I 1 make out the check for pretty old my son said mr brown thia coin is a thousand years old it was given to me when I 1 was a boy gracious papa said sonny 1 I dian didn t know you waa as old that pa had been there bay pa queried little johnnie what Is the reverse elde of a coin it s the sid 1 always nae when I 1 toss anoche man tor he cism replied the old mai hitting up the 1 I see that cotton has reached the highest price recorded in the past thir ty years wonder it it is the mightiest bat tin record a i i 1 |