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Show The I'ullotin OUR COMIC SECTION THE FEATHERHEADS Wise Guy .ASST, LIKE SOME VOTERS Scrapi What Is your Idea of disinterested patriotism?" "A brass band," answered Senator It will play with equal Sorghum. of Kuni A enthusiasm for any kind of a political procession that manages to got the right of way." Overttudy man must be a student all bis days to bold a position like yours," remarked the admiring constituent. BELIEVE IT, OR NOT That Is very true, "answered SenaA dear old lady was at tor Sorghum, and, like a student, 1 the lurid language of two electri- got bo weary of hard lessons that I cians who were working In her uni going to organize a movement to house, and complained to the com- Include n sports page In the ConRecord." Washington pany, In due course the two men gressional were sent for and usked for an ex- Star. planation. His Idea Well, sir," sahl one, it was like this. I was up the ladder and I let Sunday School Teacher Why was the hot loud fall on Bill. It went It that David said he would rather down Ids nock. And Hill, he sold to be a doorkeeper In the house of the me, You really will have to be more Lord? careful, Jack.' Bright Boy So he could go outside If he didn't like the sermon. And Hn Got Away With It ratlilinder Magazine. Your confounded hair restorer has made my hair come out more Just So than ever!" growled the customer. Unele My boy, you must never Ah, you must have put too much bite the hand that feeds you. on, sir!" replied the Boston Boy Certainly not; uncle. barber. Slade the hair come all the It would be a hazardous undertakway out. Instead of only halfway." ing. The hand Is almost certain to be covered with deadly bacteria. NO IIURRY Too Early to Show Elation Affable Friend You are not looking too bright today. The Other No, I mustn't You see, the doctor lias ordered iny wife away and If I look pleased she won't A OMoi I'LL HAVE fdim-kc- quick-witte- d go. Unutterable Emotion Now, then, what should a polilo little boy say to a lady who has given him a cent for carrying her grip?" Im too polite to say It, madam." Boston Transcript Dining to Diicord Society," said Miss Cayenne, minds tne nf minstrel show." Where they say Gentlemen, Playing to an Empty House FINNEY OF THE FORCE re- be seated?" Yes. Only they say, Ladies, be I could teach you to swim in three lessons." And seated.' then the 'music' But I dont want to learn that starts I" fist. We're going to be here for a couple of months. Another Side That fellow Is highly educated, Contract Casualty lie must be smart" Two men were getting ready for Oh, he may be," responded the a dip In a swimming pooL man In the street. But he worries Your shins are In pretty bad over things that I never heard of." one. Hockey Louisville Courier-Journaremarked shape, player?" I Just "Oh, no," was the reply. How About It? led back my wifes weak, suit Ilousewlfe (to subscription salesman) No, we' don't want no magaEven Up zines. We dont want no nothin. Dorothy It must be quite three Salesman How about a cheap years since I saw you last. I hardly grammar? knew you, you have aged sol . Doreen Well, .1 wouldn't have Infallible known you either, except for that I've got a new Idea. Fortune In dress. It" What now? Evidence Its an alarm clock that emits the Mother Jane, do you know If delicious odors of frying bacon and Johnny has come home from school fragrant coffee." Boston Transcript yet? Jane I think so. I haven't seen HIS PREFERENCE him, but the cat Is hiding under the stove. l. Just n Vacuum Frosh (knocking at senior's door) You told me to call you In time for your first class, but I didn't wake up myself. It's ten oclock now, your class Is over, and you can sleep as long as you want Maybo So Fred Mother, was there hair-oi- l In this old bottle? Mr. Spoon What kind of bells T Mother Why no. That was glue. you prefer? Frel Maybe that's why I cant get Mr. Bell (who has a nagging wife) Dumb bells! my hat off. No Diplomat The hill was steep and' the load heavy. The donkey did its best, but at lost It stopped and would not budge another Inch. The driver saw a man passing. Excuse me," he said, but could you help me to get this load to the top of the hill? Its too much for one donkey." FAST STEPPERS Free Speech At least we enjoy freedom of speech! What good is It," rejoined Senator Sorghum, for a man who doesn't know how to use it except for just So Sorry Traffic Officer Whats the matter with you? Driver I'm well, thanks; but my engine's dead. Dora, will you marry me?" Have you asked mother?" Yes, long ago: but she wouldn't have me." DISTANCE IN ONE WORD Do you think you can with your neighbors? keep up Mrs. Time If we can't, my dear, we'll move. Mr. Time Yes, Indeed In wlrnt book do we find the greatest deeds of heroic men Inscribed?" The marriage register." Mr. Dogg I always try to meet men half way. Mr. Jones And I've noticed that you meet your liabilities only about half way. nt Why Not? an- con- WIfie now. I can't afford an operation trol myself! llubby No, you'll Just have to "You mustnt try, dearie. You'll talk about the old one for another feel better after a good laugh. year. Easily Satisfied These Modern Mammas I I'm going to be married.' Congratudolences. Tears Not in Order run off with My husband has other women. Ob, I Poor Kitty Your grandfather seems to be But little hard of hearing." work to keep you occupied. "A little! Why, once he conductMissus, you'd be surprised wot a little It takes to keep me occu ed family prayers kneeling on thi cat" pled." Sydney Bulletin. I couldn't give you enough |
