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Show i. 'Washington Gossip Capital. letter.) ECRETAllY SHAW will bc the Blory-tel- li r of the administration as soon as He kh? gets into harueM. Ilustratcs moat ofhisprop-- r os! t Iona by anecdotes. A lihitor was complaining of a man out weet wliu had made a lot of money by accident and at the expense of worthier men. "It seems a ahame that such an ass should get rich, said the visitor. That reminds ine," said the secretary, of a man I heard of out in Iowa. He was playing seven-uone night with some friends, and although he was a good seven-uplayer he could not win a game. He sat for two hours and stewed and fumed and lost steadily. Finally he threw down his cards In disgust and said: The most alarming tendency of the signs of the times is the enormous prosperity of doggone fools, and walked out of the room. . p p pany to dig it out and bring It to the United States. You can help me make a lot of money if you will go into the scheme, h:fiuiEc the original Noah's Ark would he the best paying attraction at the St. Louis fair. Up to the present time Senator Hanna has not invested in the Noahs Ark scheme. Representatives Cooper and Burleson, of Texas, were in the house barber shop yesterday. Mr. Burleson had difficulty in arranging his necktie. I'd like, he said, to choke the haberdasher who Bold me this tie. Cooper gave a long whistle. "Haberdasher," he repeated. Why, Burleson, there isn't a man in your district who A young man connected with affairs at the eapitol at Washington is a de- voted believer in the germ theory of disease and in the virtue of disinfectants. A few days ago he heard of a case of scarlet fever in his neighlmr-hooand he straightway went to a drug store and got a mixture of liquids with which to disinfect Ills clothes. He dosed the clothes liberally. Shortly afterward he was riding in one of the senate elevators. Senator Vest came in, leaning on the arm of his faithful attendant, Jim' Edwards. The senator elevated his Homan nose and sniffed the air. Then he said to Edwards: Somebody in this car is dead." d Kanator Culloin. 1 Sr M U,M The members of the senate committee on miucs and mining were discussing a proposed law relating to silver mining. Senator Kearns, of Utah, opposed one of the features of the nn-a.- v r-- MU Shaw. parts in the so ial comedy at the capital. Their entertainments are looked forward to with and with something of curiosity, as it Is understood that, in accepting the conventions that surround official society an. make it a little different from society in other places, tiny will not entirely sink their own individuality, nor relinquish cimitdi'tely the broad hospitality and democratic cordiality of the section from which they have been transplanted, and in which they were popular and prominenf. These qualwill give to nil ities, it is a nos which will do dlstinctivi they go f ir towards addin;: variety to and nliiwng the monotony of Washington's t.ocial life. pb-as'ir- lflii-ved- , Method of FroimUlon oa tha AN3 HIS ENGINE" Crptain Thomas Blxby, under whom Samuel I. Clemens Mark Twain semd as pilot and engineer on the old Mississippi river boat Swallow, has given in a New Orleans paper the following description of the engine of the Swallow: The craft was a little, shaky affair, which plied between St. Louis and Cairo. It had a stern wheel, a place for freight and passengers, a pilot house and a place on what may be called the pilot deck for the engine. That 'engine' went aboard when it was needed, and only then. It burned no wood or coal, but ate a powerful sight of grass. It was a large gray mule named Jerry, which worked a treadmill that propelled the boat. Samuel Clemens was chief engineer and pilot. He had a system of signals which was effective and ingenious. By pulling a cord he could raise a head of cabbage Just out of r.'ach of the mule. The engine would start and begin to walk after It, and the boat fio&te 1 majestically down or up the river, as the case might be. Without desiring to be personal, I will say that Jerry was one of the most Intelligent animals I ever met. His voice waB more on the order of a fog horn than a whistle, being too much of a barytone for the latter. When Samuel wanted to whistle for a landing he Just hit Jerry with a stick. Youth's Companion. RECKONED ON SPELLING Jokar Who Went l'p Agalnit an Old, Olil Game. It Is related that Dr. JameB Wise of Covington, Ky., is the victim of one of his own Jokes, and that he is in on account of it. From all the evidence that can be produced it appears that some time ago the doctor went up against an old game. One of his friends met him and, Doctor, producing a pencil, said: see this pencil? I can make it writ any color I want to. Lets see you make it write indigo blue. The owner of the pencil promptly sat down and wrote Wonlil-Il- a g i CalqlM HADN'T knows what a haberdasher is, and you Representative Kyle of Ohio enjoys didn't kuow yourself until you came the reputation of lieing the best, singer to Washington. in the house. He is ore of the new be true, replied BurleThat members from the Uuckeye state, and son, but may it that I am nothing proves white his melodious voire has not yet If not progressive. been heard in debate upon the floor, It has been heard not in the house, but Four important treaties have been elsewhere to hurst forth in sweet and ratified by the senate since Senator ala At is song. he inspiring banquet ways set down to break the monotony Cullom took hold of the committee canal treaty, the of with an inspiring the song which generally proves the big- treaty for the purchase of the Danish gest success or the feast. When he West Indies, the Hay treaty with reflrst came to Washington he kept his spect to laws and customs of war on talent buried, but by accident or other- land and the extradition treaty bewise his colleagues learned that he tween the United States and Great Britpossessed musical ability, and now he ain. Also numerous conventions of and his songs are in great demand. lesser Importance have been ratified He learns all the pnpuar airR, and to upon which former chairmen of the hear hint render them is better than committee had been unable to secure action by the senate. listening to opera any day. Mr. Cullom has ably represented the date of Illinois in the senate since A delegation from Nebraska recently 1 SS.'J. His present firm expires in came to Washington to look after som public buildings. In tlin delegation UftiT. It may be said that every honor were two farmers who had never trav- in the gift of the lepiihlit-aparty of eled. They entered the sleeping car Illinois lias lnen enjoyed hy Senator Cullom and looked worried. during his long political What's the matter? asked the career. chairman of the delegation. "This ain't no sleeping car," sadly While Representative George Prince remarked one of the rural gents. of Illinois was greatly engrossed in There ain't no beds." the argument which Chairman Loud of the postoffice committee was makMrs. Shaw and her charming daugh- ing on rural free delivery a page handters have proved valuable additions to ed him a card of a visitor who wished the cabinet circle, and with the pass- to speak to him in the house corridor. ing of Lent they arc playing prominent Mr. ITinee took the pasteboard mechanically, glanced at it and told the page that he would lie out soon. Just then Mr. Loud again monopolized the attention of ti e Hinds man and some minutes elapsed before he remembered lm caller in the corridor. Rural fn-delivery was still running through his . mind when is' roach oil Hie doorkeeper. "Where !s the man who wants inc?" I know that he asked i f that oflicial. name pert illy well, but I can't think who ho is." The dco.'kf epr r looked rt the card which Mr. Iliiuc held out and then broke into a lauyh. It bore the name "George Washington." speech-makin- TWAIN "Hut." exclaimed Senator Stewart, this scheme will help you. That may be so." replied Kearns; do not think it is right. Re"hut sides." tie added. "I have as much iiimii-as auv mortal man ought to have, and nm willing to let the other fellows have a chance. As Senator Kearns' wealth is estito $l'Vlrt,""0 mated at from there is likely to he a universal agreement with his view of the situation. 1 1 Turkey' Vlixt'S.trri-i- l Kput. The Chli kail Siheiif, or Hull of tl Holy Garment. 1n mud sacred plai in Turkey. f"r il Midlers the nnintl :if the Prophet Mohammed, his stal ids salior. his standard, and. anaui other relies, tv.u hairs from the voi irslde beard, which are iurlivi in t of gold. cai-k- l 1 Senator Hanna receives many curious leitcrs. but (he preposition which was nii'le to him the ut'.eT day takes Women uf V'Hjglhlp, the palm for imhri m ss. Tin Royal of Encianl has "On the li.p of Mount Ararat." wri te his correspondent, "there Is til pre- oilhia'.'.y lb cideil i, at women arc not. served, buried timid icrnui snow, ilieilde fur the liiyrie of I'lllow of am oiy.iniziiiK a coin- - the Royal Society. Noah's urk. half-mourni- ng Then the doctor tumbled and said, "That's pretty good. I'll Just go down the street and try that on Theodore Hallam." Down the Btreet he went, looking for Mr. Hallam. He finally found him and, producing the pencil, said: Theodore, here's a pencil that I can write any color I want to with. Then the doctor gathered himself for a good laugh. Lets see you write ecru.'' said Mr. Hallam. The doctor smiled, picked up a piece of paper and started to work, and for ten consecutive seconds said nothing. Then he said swear words, and added: "I have forgotten how to spell that word. JAPAN RUSHING TO BANKRUPTCY. Iiland Empire or tho Eat liu Hko Kccklruly Extravagant. Frederick Taylor, a son of the late Moses Taylor of this city, known Internationally for his work as an explorer was a passenger on the steamreship Nord America, which arrived cently. Mr. Taylor made a study of the Boer prison camps In Crylon and Bermuda, explored the Jungles of Borneo, visited the Malay Peninsula, and many points of interest in China and Japan. Mr. Taylor had no very exalted opinion of til commercial integrity of when comthe Japanese, Chinese. of the pared with that It has been the experience." Bald Tar he, of all good sound banks in the of the east and most, particularly Chartered Hank of India, Australia, and China, that In all their dealings with Chinese merchants for many years thpy never lost a dollar, while with the Japanese they lost thousands. During the time 1 was in Japan eight banks failed. The Japanese government Is in financial difficulty, largely the result of undertaking tho building of its own ships, the establishment of steel foundries, and the expenses of war with China. Unless there are early reductions of expenditures, Japan will soon be bankrupt. But in the matter of enterprise the east. Japanese are the Yankees of the New York Times. esp-dal- ly Wunlnl to Ho Prepared. said Meandering Mike, Lady. "would you give a starvin' man sonic-thi- n to eat." Perhaps. But you are not starving." Hut an ounce or "1 know it, lady. prevention is worth a pound of cure, ain't it? When friends meet ceremony often goes lip in smoke. Siu-bt- 1 ii'2 Mlsalaalppl Kivcr. Chat on Men and Affairs of Prominrncs at t!ia National (Special MARK Usually a girl Isn't urnu'd man. afraid of an the Great Desert ILsilwayi and Irrigation Have Caused the Wind-Bea(- Sands to n Blossom Like a Garden. EFCRE the railways came region where rainfall is more abundthe Great American Desert ant Theie la no nobler spectacle than was a most primitive re- a dreary waste converted into an emgion, writes Robert E. Hill erald oasis by water artificially apIn The Worlds Work. In plied, and in the desert may be aeea 18S0 It was Inhabited by a some of the most profitable and skill- population about aa dense as that of the Sahara now, but In practically the aame state of culture; and the mission bells rang over the same civilization as existed In 1528. The Inhabitants practiced irrigation, agriculture and architecture very much like that of the Egyptians of and constructed dwellings of unburnt brick and stone. The aborigine found sustenance on the desert, but of a kind upon which the. white man could not exist. Maize was his staple of diet. This with the tunis (fruit of the prickly pear) and the roots of various yuccaceous plants, supplemented 1 a few wild animals, provided an aboriginal diet pure and simple. In Mexico the old deRert cities and country estates were practically in the same status of civilization that existed in the first century afeer discovery. The cities had no commerce except by caravan; the estates were great feudal districts with their fortified haciendas, to which all the surrounding people were attached as fiefs. For 200 miles along either side of the international border in Mexico and in our own desert country the unconquered Apache spread devastation from the Pecos to the Colorado; and the only white men there were the soldiers at scattered and lonely outposts, or "bad men," endeavoring to hide from civilization and scarcely better than the Apaches in instincts or action. Here and there in the United States at the widely dispersed water holes were a few nomadic ranchmen who owned cattle of primitive breed for which there were no purchasers, except the army and beef contractors. Some mines were there also, but these were merely those with easily ores and limited in depth by the distance which a man could dig in solid rock without machines or powder and from which burdens could be carried on the human back. In Utah alone had the white man obtained a foothold. With the advent of the railroads the modern conquest of the desert began. It was first awakened from its centuries of lethargy by the whistle of the locomotive in the 80s. In the Great American Desert in the United States and Mexico there are now more than 9,000 miles of railway. The flrst railways constructed were designed merely as highways between the Atlantic and Pacific seaboards. No thought of revenue from the desert itself was anticipated. Next came a great longitudinal line following the ancient trails of the Aztec from Mexico to Santa Fe. Mining and t population son fallowed these trunk lines, which are now extending out even Into the utmost recesses of the desert, and these feeders built or in process of construction will soon equal the aggregate of mileage of the original trunk lines. From the PecoB in Texas to California, a distance of 1,500 miles, the route of the Southern Pacific followed a belt of country devoid of water except occasionally in the Rio Grande. Not a herd of cattle. a modern house, a farm or a mine existed along this desert stretch. Nor y would they exist, had it not been for the construction of this railway. Now its course is marked by many prosperous embryo cities and villages. Nut withstanding the apparent scarcity of water, one of the most remark- to-da- y, to-da- Moilern Dpurrt Homo. (This pretty house in southern California stands on a site once covered n sands. Irrigation by has wrought the change.) able features of the American Desert Is that water lias been secured, often la apparently impossible .plaoes. and in quant! lies that have made possible I li existence of cities and industries, lake the deserts of the Sahara and Asia, those of America have a supply uf underground water. Though not often Kiiflici'nt for agriculture enough has usually hern found to afford a supply for i attic, railroads and niine.i. soil The sterile ami hopeless-lookin- g of Ihe desert when arlillrially watered is apparently more fertile tliuu that wind-beate- ful agriculture in the world. The wheat fields of Utah and Sonora, the great cotton farms of Coahulla, tha alfalfa valleys of the Rio Grande and the orchards of California are all Inspiriting examples. The transformation made in the desert where Irrigation haa been possible la marvelous, and in one instance in southern California has resulted In the development of communities of great wealth Aboriginal llomo la tho Doaorb and culture, where the ideals of per--', feet conditions for existence are aA nearly attained as possible. The Great American Desert In 1900 worth of yielded over $100,000,000 metals, chiefly silver, copper and gold, and there is every reason to expect that the mineral output of the desert will be quadrupled in the next decade. The total population of the Great American Desert in 1900 was about ' 1.500,000 people, or 1.5 to the Bquare mile, or twice as many to the square mile as the Sahara. Of this total population in the United States, 300,000 are in southern California, leaving less than one person to every two square miles in the remainder of the territory. Of the remaining 700,00(4 people in the American portion of the are in cities, desert, at least four-fifttowns and mining camps. As a place of residence the desert is one of the most salubrious on earth. Like the greater ocean, the desert has been a great storehouse of tragic, pathetic and mysterious history. What stories could it tell of the annihilation of those who have tried its conquest before the coming of the railway! Now and then an old bridle ' bit, a spur, perhaps a buckle, rusted and corroded, recall the days of Spanish reconnaissance. Great ruins like those of Casa Grande, Gran Qulvera; of San Vincente, testify to the death of communities that failed by organized effort to thwart natures inexorable law. Deserted houses of more modern structure, such as those of old Fort Bayard, recall the dayq not long past when soldiers lived and endured the desert life. But now steam and telegraph have annihilated even the. Great Desert distances, and its future is bright and hopeful. j hs STRENUOUS LIFE il IN WASHINGTON Colorad Cltlian Haa Hast of with Trolley Cr. A dusky citizen of Washington while laboring under the effects of several to pints of hallucination attempted wreck a Pennsylvania avenue motor car one evening last week. He butted into it with great force, the impact driving the car back a considerable distance and putting out all the lights. Several passengers who were dangling from the straps were flung to the floor with much violence and the startled fare register rung up seven unauthorized fares. The shock was felt even in the power hi,se. where the pipe of the chief engineer was rudely hurled to the floor and the night watchmans dinner pall fell off a window sill. Experts who saw the accident are convinced that the only thing that prevented the telescoping feature, which, which is usually a characteristic of head-o- n the collisions, was elasticity of the colliding bodies or rather, of the dashboard and the dusky head. Strange to say, the only visible indication of the collision is a deep dent in the forward end of the motor, the other party to the bump having walked off apparently in good condition. Cleveland Plain Denier. Tunnyton'a Crolng tha liar." Did Tennyson find the suggestion for one of his latest poems. 'Crossing the Bar," in the letter written by the ReVi Donald Cargill In li!X0 to a friend who was under sentence of death? Thus II runs: Farewell, deurest friend, nevef to see one another any more, till at the right hand of Christ. Fear not, and the God of mercies grant a full gale and a fair entry into bis kingdom, that may carry you sweetly anil swiftljj over the bar, that you find not the rul of death." , i |