Show 71 e- M 25 1527 Columnists Baseball season bringing back memories - Seo'pacw't j— Call me a regular American gay if you want but baseball season is kind of special to me For one thing it means ice hockey season will be over in just a few short months But it also brings back a lot of memories because I like so many other regular American guvs was once a Little Leaguer I was on a team called the “Indians" although I was puny of chest so if you saw me in my uniform you’d have thought my team was called the "ndian" because the end letters got wrinkled up in my armpits I had a “Herb Score" model glove named for a player who went on to get hit in the eye by a baseball I remember particularly this Dave Barry one game: I was in deep right field of course and there were two out in the bottom of the last inning with the tying run on base and Gerry Sinnott who had a rtuch larger chest who already h'd to shae was at bat As I stood there waiting for the pitch I dreamed a dream that millions of other kids have dreamt: That someday I would grow up and I wouldn't have to be in Little League anymore In the interim my feelings could best be summarized by the statement: “Oh please please please God don’t let Gerry Sinnott hit the ball to me" And so of course God who as you know has a terrific sense of humor had Gerry Sinnott hit the ball to me Here is what happened in the next few seconds: Outside of my body hundreds of spectators thousands of spectators arrived at the ball Feld at that very instant via chartered buses from distant cities to see if I would catch the ball Inside my body my brain cells hastily met and came up with a Plan of Action which they announced to the rest of the body parts “Listen up everybody!" they shouted “We’re going to miss the ball! Let’s get cracking!!” Instantly my entire body sprang into action like a complex sophisticated machine being operat ed by earthworms The command fashed down from Motor Control to my legs: ‘Get ready to ran'" And soon the excited replv fashed back: "Which leg first??" Before Motor Control could issue a ruling an urgent message came in from Vision Central reporting that the ball had already gone by in fact was now a good 30 to 40 yards behind my body rolling into the infield of the adjacent game Motor Control reacting quickly to this surprising new input handled the pressure cooly and decisively snapping out the command: “OK! We’re going to fall do n!!" And my body lunged violently sideways in the direction opposite the side the ball had passed a full two seconds earlier fopping onto the ground lke some pathetic spawning salmon whose central nervous system had been destroyed by toxic waste as Gerry Sinnott cruised toward home Those boyhood memories! I have them often although I can control them pretty well with medication Actually when I got older I continued to play organized baseball in the form of "league a game in which after work you put on a comical outfit and go to a public park to argue with strangers For the first several years the team I was on had a nice relaxed attitude by which I mean we were fairly lenient if a player made a mental error For example if the tall was hit to the shortstop and he threw it to frst the frst baseman wasn't base there because he was rooting through the ice cooler looking for beer we’d say to a the person who brought the been "Hey! Arfr make the mental error of bringing ’light’ beer to a softball game! It can cost a fielder But we seconds!" valuable him or anything wouldn't In later years however we got more and more young guys on the team who really wanted to k in: guys who wore c!eats and batting gloves 2nd held practices where they were always shrieking about the importance of "hitting" somebody called the "cutoff See BARRY on EE bt fre Sexy lingerie ads wasted on women Los Armies T e3 SMca's We have a strange situation here I’m old enough to buy lingerie but I’m not old enough to read the ads for them Movies may be going to the dogs By ROBIN ADAMS SLOAN King Features Syndicate My pal says movies are going to the dogs — literally What does he mean? — RA A Movies do seem to be going to the DOGS: The bewitching Benji is making a comeback in “The Hunting of Benji" “My Life as a Dog" took first prize at the Gijon Film Festival in Spain Mike of “Down & Out in Beverly Hills" is returning to the silver screen in (would you believe?) “Spot Marks the X" the upcoming ‘Goin’ to the Chapel” will feature a e mischievous mutt called Rasputin from MGM is Howie Mandel in “Walk Like a Man" — in which Howie spends 70 as a man percent of his time on who thinks he’s a canine because he’s been raised by a family of dogs All this and John Candy in Mel Brooks’ new “Spaccballs" as a half manhalf dog character called — "Barf"! Gossip Q Q Who is Vanessa Redgrave seeing these days? — HE A All heads swiveled recently at the New York celeb rendezvous Patsy’s when Vanessa paraded in with a handsome bearded escort Since her beau of 10 years Timothy Dalton is still over in England winding up the new James Bond epic “The Living Daylights" as 007 everybody was trying to figure out who the man was Someone nally realized Vanessa's “date" was John Clark her sister Lynn’s husband How come TV star Scott Baio even though he’s in his early 20s has the reputa- Q tion of being a real mama’s boy? — KW A Scott who stars in the “Charles in Charge" series is very much in charge of his own social life He dates a number of attractive women his own age Scott however also comes from a close family His parents Rosa and Mario occasionally socialize publicly with their famous son For instance at the Hollywood wedding of the mother of actress Melissa Gilbert Scott’s “date" was his very mom Even so when it comes to Scott’s personal life he likes to keep things all outside the family Q I was quite surprised to read that Eddie Murphy away from cameras or nightclub acts is a very quiet retiring person Can this be the real Eddie? — DT A Eddie shy? Come on now! One thing Eddie enjoys is taking in the show at Chippendale's the famed New York male strip palace where he's inevitably trailed by a bevy of enthusiastic females He thoroughly enjoys bantering and frolicking with members of the audience as well as with the hunks in the cast Murphy cracks jokes signs autographs and holds hilarious court in a manner that obv iously belies his image as a quiet type CAPITOL PUNISHMENT: A young congressman who has already earned a reputation for arrogance has his colleagues chuckling over his office accommodations on Capitol Hill It seems he got into the office lottery late and as a result was given limited quarters which a number of legislators are hoping will take the fledgling congressman down a peg or two Q A photo caption in a major New York newspaper concerning the forthcoming 50th anniversary of “Gone With the Wind" claims that the only surviving cast members of that movie epic are Oliv ia de d and Butterfly McQueen Out of that huge cast can this possibly be accurate? — BR Erma Bombeck necessarily translate that well on me Month after month I used to I’m not talking about the ones grab a particular catalogue order in a that appear family newspaper this one particular strikanything where the model wears a chenille model wore and wait anxiousrobe and a black strip across her ingfor the ly postman Every time eyes to presene her identity my order arrived I tried on the I’m talking about the intimate garment then returned it ith the explanation it was the wrong colapparel that appears in cataloor gues the Penthouse of purchasers everywhere It took me awhile to figure out Male and female bodies are our petty differences The clothes draped over one another in sewere being modeled by a ductive poses dotted occasionally woman six feet tall with a bikini that wouldn’t cover weighing 86 pounds with long a vaccination and a black hair secured in a bun She mesh tank top that will never was also a beautiful Hispanic play in Duluth Minn without a with high cheekbones who could zip-ithermal lining hook a handbag over her hipbone Pajama tops plunge to the knees sensuous satins cover In a way television is responsinothing and a stretch lace teddy ble for lingerie into what with a thong back is close to erot- used to turning be referred to as a ic If any of these lingerie ads had and Alexis and the decorated the barracks of the mil- womenKrystle on the soaps languish itary all wars would have ended around the house all day in lingethree to five years sooner rie drinking white wine The othMy question is not so much the er night on “Amerika” a Russian propriety of these ads (it does sympathizer was wearing a nightcross one’s mind) but why do gown that could have made the they waste them on women? Do' VFW forget that Nebraska ever But then we’re not you actually think we’re naive existed talking about women who clean enough to believe that wqfare gothe basement and stick their ing to look like the heads in toilets nymph in the ad wearing a bra with matching lace A friend of mine who was visitgarter belt? ing picked up one of the cataloI learned a long time ago (four gues the other day sniffed and months next Tuesday) that what said “Why would you wear these always looks sensational on a things? Because they dry faster?” I was never that young model in the brochure will not A All I can say is news to Evelyn Keyes that report would be n who portrayed Scarlett O’Hara's younger sister (Keyes even wrote an autobiography using that very title) as it would be to Fred Crane who was cast as Brent Tarleton one of Scarlett's suitors in the opening sequence at Tara Fach performer is so very much aliv e that w riter seems to hav e done both a disservice by overlooking their names in his article Q Who is the voice of Sugar Bear the cool cartoon character in the cereal commercials? I thought it was the late Bing Crosby but now that there are new TV commercials with the same voice it’s got to be someone else — OG A The voice of Sugar Bear belongs to actor Gerry Matthews who has been the voice of Sugar Bear for 20 years These days Matthews is playing everyone’s favorite cereal star at the Sugar Bear Film Fair a special children’s program for the American Film Institute Article’s author tuned in to what life is like after age 65 me Sm1 ‘3'e I live in Riverside Calif and newspapers are my hobby I ran across something in the Yucaipa Calif News Mirror that tickled my funny bone It doesn't say who the author is but that person is certainly tuned in to what life is like when you get to be 65 I hope you will share this little essay with your readers — ANN’S FAN DEAR ANN LANDERS: DEAR I Thanks for sending on that funny hope my readers enjoy it as much as crowd can skip it They for at least another 20 years FAN: I funny piece I did The won't get it have noticed Everything is farther away than it used to be It even twice as far to the corner and they have added a hill I have given up running for the bus it leaves earlier than it used to It seems to me they are making the stairs steeper than in the old days AnJ have you noticed the smaller print they use in the newspapers? is Ann Landers There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore as everybody speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them The material in dresses is so skimpy now especially around the hips and waist that it is almost impossible to reach one's shoelaces And the sizes don’t run the way they used to The 12s and 4s arc so much smaller Even people arc changing They arc so much younger than they used to be when I was their age On the other hand people my own age arc so much older than I am I ran into an old classmate the other day and she has ageJ so much that she didn’t recognize me I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning and in so doing I gl j need at my own reflection Really now they don’t even make good mirrors like they used to I want to call DEAR ANN LANDERS: your atten- - j J tion to a terrible problem that has developed all over the country It has to do with medical care for individuals 65 and over The restrictions imposed by the government arc so crippling and unrealistic that a patient has to be nearly deaJ before he or she is admitted to a hospital for examination and treatment It appears to most caring physicians that the government is hiring people to prevent patients from being admitted to hospitals or to find reasons why they should not have been admitted and to deny payments not only to the physicians but to the hospitals The physicians and the hospitals arc penalized if they admit ratients that the government says should not have been admitted Wc have had a terrible time in Nebraska because s the Medicare bills are sent in to Iowa and which dels payments for several Sen Idward Zormsky months fortunately recently openeJ hearings regarding most dethe situation will improve lays and hopefully Most people are not aware of these problems until they become ill then they sudJenly realize what happened to medical care in the United States Fatients arc forced to leave their hospital beds before they should because the hospital can collect only so much from the government on Medicare Very few satients can spend S400 a day for a semiprivate room so they go home much sooner than is prudent The results arc sometimes disastrous I could go on and on but this letter is already too long I hope you will print it Americans need to be made aware of the mess that has been created in Washington Sign me — A PHYSICIAN IN OMAHA DEAR OMAHA: You’se touched on only a few that have things gone wrong with the delivery of health care in our country I could write a book on this subject based on the letters I have received over the last few years W hat to do about it? Get Congress in Washington to throw out those cruel regulations that discriminate against the poor and the elderly or replace the repiesentativcs and senators wuh legislators who will truly serve all citizens — junior and has fi I |