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Show Fc and to make a long story short, the two of them meet Han Solo, who is cool and also accompa- nied by Chewbacca. They all get on Han Solos ship, the Millennium Falcon, and go to save the princess (you'll never believe this, but Ben Kenobi is the same Kenobi in the first three movies!! Crazy) Anyway, they get to the Deathstar, which is featured by most of the crew being trapped in a garbage compactor. As the room gets smaller, Lukes voice gets higher until they are saved by witty lines. Eventually, Darth Vader kills and Luke escapes. But more importantly, Han Solo escapes Luke destroys the Deathstar, and everyone is happy except for Anakin, (hes Darth Vader! Out of control!) who of course is most likely very moody. Everyone in the galaxy celebrates by yelling, Woooo That is untiL.. Episode a Good Guys Lose -Which you skip because my title already ruined it for you. This movie begins on the planet Hoth, which is quickly discovered by the empire. Luke heads to Degoba to be trained by Yoda Meanwhile, Han Solo and the gang float around, eventually landing at the cloud city to meet Huggy Bear ish Lando Calrissian. Luke meanwhile learns to stand on his head and make rocks float, as it is the key to destroying Darth Vader. He doesnt finish his training, unfortunately, because the script requires he go to the cloud city also. Darth Vader captures Han Solo and crew and freezes Han Solo. Leia says she loves Han, after which Han says like a pimp, T know. Luke shows up just in time to fight Darth Vader, who cuts off Luke's hand and tells him, L.. am... your... father." Of course none of us care because we all want to know who Han Solo's father is. Luke retaliates by yelling really loudly and falling down a pipe. Luke proves to be t when he doesnt suffocate and then is picked up by the Millennium Falcon and Princess Leia, who probably isnt related to him After all, that would be a little TOO crazy. (On another side note, Leia kisses Luke earlier in the movie and finds out they are brother and sister. Weird!) This all takes us finally to... Episode a Good Guys Win -Starting right back on Tatooine. Leia tries to save Han, who is frozen and kept by a large, slimy creature that may or may not be my high school history teacher. Eventually she ends up prancing around in an outfit that is ingrained into every 14- - DIXIE SUN Stanton Roseman, Obi-Wa- n Craig Blake, Opinion Editor Brad Plothow, Sports Editor Lora Hudson, A&E Editor Maisie Metcalf, Photography Editor Wendi Epps, Advertising Manager pV .y Vc iv A Han Solo and company hit DVD BY CRAIG BLAKE Sun Opinion Editor Dixie lull Solo w; ls always niv liivonte "Star Wars" chanu'UT Then agiun, Hon S )lo w; ls every- one's favorite character In fart, if Luke Skywalker was here and he watched Star Wars," he would admit that Ian Solo ls f cvxiler, and he would cry to sleep tomghL Sit now that the original "Star Wars" trilogy has finally been released on DVD, you, Hike tutd ctm till watch the bravo Utm Solo and some other teople save a galaxy far, far ttway. Because of the completely confusing nature tutd mind boggling plot of "Sltir Wars," (Darth Vader Ls Luke's father' What) I have designed til's informative tutd helpful column to suninuuvo the "Star Wtu-smovies in the pixst DVD era. For the first tune, the entire "Situ- - Wtu-sstory will apttetir on one piece of jtaperi Tins is monumental1 So let's get duvct-linto it, sttulmg with. Episode 1: Jar Jar Binks Ruins a Movie - Which begins with the suspiciously Asitut Thule Federation attacking Naboo. Coming to save the day, the suspiciously British Jedi Knights, OurGon Jinn tutd his Pudawtut Obi Wtut Kenobi, who both have suspiciously Asian ntunes, aie shot at by robots. Sooner or later they end up on a planet suspiciously covered almost completely with pristine Astroturf, which continues to be hint-sel- " suspicious long after the word suspicious loses meuning. There they meet a terrible acci- dent of special effects. Jar Jar Bulks, who is determined to ruin films with potential Somehow they end up on a planet far away inhabited almost exclusively by bad actors There, the Jedt and the princess (who apixiared earlier, trust me) win ownership of the worst actor on the planet, Anaktn Skywalker, whose role is to repeat the main idea of tile lust sentence, by betting on him in a I x xl race (Yes, a pxxi race.) Exxiner or later, Anakin blows up the Trade Federation in a well thought out accident in which he says t.he worst line of all time, Let s try spinning, that's a gixxl trick." Anakin tutd Jar Jar Bulks become heroes for destroying a film, imd gets permission to train Anakin. (In a side note, Jin is killed by Darth Maul, who has been chasing them the whole time, and is also the largest attraction of this movie, yet only achieved side note status here. Also, Senator Pol pa tine, who I didn't talk about, is an evil Sith Lord.) This lakes us directly into... Episode 2: Angry Temagers Ten years afler Episode 1, Anakin has managed to become very moody, but is fortunately still a bad actor Princess Amidala falls in love with Anakin, mostly because he is a jerk, and is promptly sued for statutory rape. Scxiner or later, Jango Fett is cloned into an aimy the Ftepublic can use Obi-Wa- Qiu-Gon- against another army that slips my mind. spends most of the film chasing people, and Anakin spends most of the film kicking things and yelling. Senator Palpatine continues to be neglected by me. A couple of planets and buglike aliens later, Anakin's arm is cut olfby Count Dooku and the clone army wins. Highlights from this movie include Yoda bouncing like an elf and Anakin yelling. Everyone is happy, except of course Anakin, who is moody. He continues to be moody until.. Episode 3: The Alleged Movfe -In this movie, Anakin allegedly embraces the alleged dark side causing much alleged pain to All of the Jedi allegedly die, and Senator Palpatine (who became Chancellor Palpatine in the last movie, oops), allegedly becomes the emperor. Anakin allegedly becomes Darth Vader, thank goodness. He also immediately stops being whiny, and starts being tough directly into... Episode 4: Good Moves Start Here - Which begins when Princess Leia steals the plans for the Deathstar, and ships them ofT in a droid named 12 D2, accompanied by C3PO to the planet of Tatooine. That's right, the planet once inhabited only by bad actors has since been graced by Luke Skywalker, who isn't an actor at all, but a farmer. wanders into the desert where Luke gets beaten up by a lagge group of angry men in rubber suits. Luke is rescued by Ben Kenobi Obi-Wa- n Obi-Wa- 1 R2-D- 2 space-resistan- Rhiannon Bent, cho laki the s iron Michelle Nelson Kailee Heger Kate Chapman Tiera Oliver Nate Law Margaret Prevost Jonathan Lisonbee Obi-Wa- n ,t' f Ja bod; Dixf not i of c sexu Dt Adviser have HOWTO REACH US Dixie State College ;he Also he hat :ng. hoi. ilco DIXIE SUN North Plaza Building, Room 125 225 South 700 East St. George, UT 84770 Phone (435) Fax (435) 656-40- dixiesundixie.edu http:sun.dixie.edu DIXIE SUN is distributed each Wednesday during Fall and Spring semesters as a publication of Dixie Arts. Letters and Sciences, and Dupe State College Student Activities The unsigned editorial on the opinion page represents the position of DIXIE SUN as determined by its editorial board Otherwise, the views and opinions expressed in DIXIE SUN are those of the individual writers and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of DIXIE SUN or any entity of the college TTie 76 year old mans brain. (Ask your local 6 year old man.) Luke appears finally, now a full Jedi To summarize things, Luke kills everyone, except Bobba Fett, who is of course killed by Han Solo. The reunited team heads to the moon of Endor almost exclusively to spark the acting career of Warwick Davis, a midget who would appear on other delightful movies such as Willow. Soon Luke faces Darth Vader, and Luke kills Darth Vader. (Or does he?) The Emperor (Senator Palpatine who"has been successfully ignored for most of this story) attacks Luke, and then Darth Vader (Anakin) redeems himself by killing the Emperor. The Deathstar 2, a product of vast originality, is destroyed, but Luke gets himself and Darth Vader off safely. Finally the trilogy ends with what Harrison Ford calls, The Teddy Bear Picnic. Nice call Han, nice call So there you have it folks, all six Star Wars movies there for you. Now I would encourage you to go watch these movies all by yourself, if for no reason but to see the hero of the show bravely and courageously defend the galaxy... Han Solo, I salute you. able mg ndii nav a ne it. |