Show HUMOR OF OFT THE DA DAY Y The Luckless Bachelor I know a bachelor whore sight night la t. dim din and dally daily graft growing Ing dimmer One Once strong and slim and trim he might At AI present easily b be trimmer Ilia ills hair once one dark and andi very i ry thick I Is I. turning gray gry and thinner Once Om-e hungry now lie he oe bas a trick Of or merely picking at his dinner i lie Ut u Col to hA have hAe e a cheerful smile iUt ut hoW now hi his hi look U la full of sadness lie grumbles that most moat men mell are vile lIe lIend And nd that the world h has little litter gladness The ventures he ht ha has halO cave e So well 1 that he tie 11 be lit 4 uI lul c hut But recently he has 1 f. f ed hJ edA A tendency to tx be r do o loved Ion 1 ones climb upon In his hilt knees Or smear him with their sticky Micky tinkers fingers Tin TIe seldom Idom that sweet an ecstasies Invade In the comer corner where he lingers A cynics cynic's sneer distorts his face tace lila Ills heart Is I. robbed of all aU affection He Ile lingers In a lonel lonely place And Ancl clinics clings to pitiful dejection His JUs usefulness outlived he sighs s For pleasures which 1 he left And there is lurking In his eyes The look of one whose life was wasted I He lie lives In gray despondency fly Ily Impecunious nephews harried The truth Is that he could not be beMore beMore beMore More piteous If It he were married Chicago Record Record How It Happened Several of ot them were traveling tra together to to- together gether Jethel in a smoking carriage from Manchester to Glasgow and the con conversation t turned tanned l round to the merits and aud demerits of various ways of ot preserving pre pre- serving health One stout florid man held forth with great reat eloquence on the subject Look he be said Never Xe at me a aday's aday's days day's sickness in my life and all nil due clue to simple food tood Why gentlemen he continued from front the age of twenty to that of forty I J lived an absolutely simpie simple sim sim- pie regular life no lire no effeminate delicacies delica des cies no late hours no extravagances Entry Ery Ev E ry day in fact summer and winter I J was In bed hed regularly at I 9 0 o'clock and up again at 5 L in the morn morn- fag ing I worked from 8 S to 1 I. then hud had dinner dinner dinner-a a plain plaiD dinner mark my word words after atter that an hours hour's exercise then Excuse me sir sir interrupted the facetious stranger In the corner but what were you in for London for London An An- savers One Ono on Worthington A story that causes much amusement amusement amusement amuse amuse- ment was told around the ticker InWall in inWall Wall ali street offices officeR concerning B B. B A. A Worthington president president of ot the Chicago Chica Chica- go and Alton railroad In the summer of 1011 Mr Ir Worthington Worthington Worth Worth- ington took his hili family to a farmhouse In Indiana where quiet and rest seemed seemed seem seem- ed to be assured Close by however howe was a pigsty the presence of or which was WaR Indicated under certain wind con con- Mr II Worthington planned to toJO togo togo go JO there again this year but wrote the farmer fanner that the w would uld have to be attended to before he en engaged engaged engaged accommodations The farmers farmer's reply was waB brief Can accommodate you all right There have ha been no hogs on the place since Mince you left Sew New York Telegraph Surprised Him There was waN a n fellow tellow who proposed os to all the girls just for fun tun He had no Idea of getting himself engaged but buth buthe buthe h he enjoyed the he preliminaries So ho was disagreeably surprised once and It ser c served l him bim right Miss Evelyn he bo said soulfully do do you think you could love me well enough to be m my wife Yes darling she cried Well now er er now I know where to come in case I should want t to marry Detroit Free Press if Sure of It Tomm Tommy went home hOlla one day with a anice anice anice nice new ne- ne golf ball hall Look at the lost last ball I found on the links fu ruttier father ther Hut nut you are sure Tomm Tommy said Mr lr that it was a lost ball really Oh yes yes es said the buy boy I saw the theman theman man and his ruddy looking for it it London Opinion t I True Love True Truo Love Lovo You love love- that Perkins boy dont don't you sold the jealous little boy to his hiR girl playmate Yes I do was the reply Well if he ht comes t-omes around here her Ill I'll mash him lour to a Jelly But ut Ill I'll still love lo jelly Yonkers Yonker Yonkers Statesman On the Contrary ry Mr I id I hH have t ca called lied sir to ask for tor th the hand of your daughter Old Gentleman with emotion Sho is the only child I have antl anil her mother moth moths er or is gone on Mr Hardhead Oh hastily that's no objection I assure you Stray Stray Sto Sto- ties ries Her Other Self Solf Youre ourt In in love lo with a blond remarked remarked remarked re re- re- re marked the fortune teller but after you blurry her beware of a brunette who No o danger remarked the patron Its Us the san naDU woman Ladle Ladies World Conserving lg E Energy ergy Yes Yen el said tin tilt old man I find my strength Is IK falling tal somewhat I used to walk around th the block every ery mornIng morn morn- In Ing lint hut lately I 1 feel so o 0 tired when I got get halfway I have to turn and come buck buck- back Woman Woman's Home Comp Combs Ion lon The New Mileage Been Un away H nn Yep e Much of H It trip I 1 should say ta so o two forty po post poet t. t ro r I vilie Journal Courier The Omnivorous Goat It is claimed that goats will eat the following Hazel crab blackberry cedar ce e cedar dar dare hemlock holly bollI willows haws buck hickory sn sagebrush elder grell t. t sumac ash Jr grape Jack oak mahogany vine maple ter III rosebush cherr cherry alder aider apple poplar all 1111 kinds of or oak plum elm and many others As to weeds e appears to he be to tu their taste t even en n to the poison h Ivy which 1 sonic some br breeders lers Rt say the they eat eRt provided the they have ha Ii a variety of or other w weeds d 4 to vary their diet Browsing gives the tile venison on or ur game flavor tIa to the for tor that reason Is N to be he preferred Fed Ked Fedas Kedas as sheep or tons cows the flesh ba has bas the mutton mutton mutton mut mut- ton fIa tint flavor lr 1 I ISkin Skin Disease In n Horses The following powder given tn each day dayIs Is said to be good for tor skin disorder lu horses Finely powdered IIII Iodine of or pot- pot ash four mince mince- granulated sugar and common salt of nt t eat t Ih a h b one oue pound Mix life lIx well together until and divide dl Into two thirty-two powders powder no corn but let the till grain feed reed lie II outs ut and wheat brut bran Use UNe tincture of f Iodine on the lumps every er second dI day until the th skin becomes becomes be be- comes oms a Uti little It tender lender r i I IA A Safeguard I f 4 I NI NItin tin iI i t I I I A 4 Traveler Traveler Shall Shall I have time to get something to eat cat Conductor Conductor- Yes Conductor Yes sir Traveler Traveler Can Can you give ghe me u a a guarantee guarantee guarantee guar guar- antee that the train wont won't start Conductor Conductor- Ye Yes Ill I'll eat with you Philadelphia Telegraph Smallest Book In the World The st liu In 1 the he world orld is l 1 I In to tin tilt II library r of ot III always ny under I lock lid tutu and k kt key y It I N is n it copy eow of ot the lilt nl of Omar hoar I Ilia I i us The tiny tin volume win aas l h hy I Dile u lle is nl lit 1 Cleveland CIt O. O I. I It w lied each i separately I our l oar of di the th size would just JiM lt cover r a post past lIst at stump stamp TIMM is hundred of them Willi would hI weigh to II pound New Nety York Mall |