Show I Z'ht5altakeZribunt let 111 N S rç Lifestyles Desk: 237-207- FRIDAY October 2 1992 5 A29 Industrious ants WOULD YOU WE LIRE-T- ready to feed VIDEO OF OUR THE VAMP( the grasshoppers C ? TRIP 140W Sometimes it's tough to tell a cat from a grasshopper Once again our three cats head into the winter with no preparation at all except perhaps the slight thickening of their coats as the nights grow chilly and a little more practice for their winter sleeping I ' r I e i f ': or - 4 -- A 4 efr6øøe'Se11r t 4 0100 ' :$ f:' '1 1 iii - - Bill - Hall ''t'7:-' r ' ' ' ' : ' - ' ' - :? ' 4 4 - k 13 ':' '''''' 'r ' ' ' 'Y 7 i4 J t 1:— :' '' 1 li: 4' Once again they are counting on somebody to feed them through the winter And guess who's elected? George or Bill will be elected commander-inchie- f come November But Sharon and Bill have already been elected the supply sergeants of the winter cat cupboard And I didn't even know I was running But I should have learned by now Cats (and horses and dogs and other drones in and out of politics) are the grasshoppers from the fable of the grasshopper and the ants The industrious ants (like Ant Sharon and me) spend the whole summer planting and weeding and harvesting laying in a store of life's fuel to see us through the months when the earth is cold and hard and not its usual generous self In fact Ant Sharon demonstrates each year about this time that she comes from a long line of ants just as Ant Bill demonstrates each spring that he comes from a long line of farmers I get twitchy each spring to go out and till and plant And Ant Sharon gets twitchy each fall to buy huge stores of macaroni and potatoes and beans and rice and chocolate-coate- d peanuts — all the basic foodstuffs By this time of year Ant Sharon and Ant Bill are filling the freezer and pantry with enough to survive a siege by the Serbian army And what are the other occupants of the house — Sterling Sydney and Lyle — dosix-mon- ing? Zip Nada El goose eggo Sterling Sydney and Lyle are sleeping Sterling Sydney and Lyle are lying around licking their coats (which is every bit as disgusting as it sounds) Sterling Sydney and Lyle are eating Most of all they are eating But man does not live by catnip alone And neither does Ant Sharon We all have to eat And its not that the cats just assume we will provide for them each winter They are like the grasshopper in the fable in that they don't dwell on such matters at all They loaf and play all summer And come winter they just go on eating without wondering how food got there or who worked his buns off providing it Cats don't think at all They just eat They have the mind of a grasshopper Brains are irrelevant To them the only organ that matters is the mouth I'm sure there was once a time in the wild when cats and used to hunt and harvest and store But permissive ants like Ant Sharon and Ant Bill have ruined them Like the ants in the fable we swear each year that we will never do it again We walk past the dancing cathoppers our shoulders loaded with food glaring at them as we head into the storehouse preparing for winter doing all the work But by December when the last of the wild food is gone and a cat comes knocking at your lap looking for somebody to sit on you prove once again what a pushover you are You go to the storehouse and find the food you hadn't really meant to provide but just in case you weakened And you feed your stupid howling grasshoppers a bowl of winter cat food But this is absolutely the last time And this year I really mean it teen-ager- s Bill Hall is a columnist and editorial page writer for the Lewiston Morning Tribune a Salt Lake Tribune group newspaper ' :': tl: ' :1Z1 ' Y 46' f Y ' - 'L ' '' 't:' --- ' -' ' ' - HOT OR i---- --'' 0 N T ' t 4 — '' ' y T $ 1'':'ft ' 1 1 ' v 4 ' C471: t: -- :- '0' ! :t "' : : """ :: ''i - ' ': crt-ts' - 71rlor'''4'74 41-4- -- ' ' '' ti t r-- k ' r '1 r ' - - I ' I - 111( - '' ' - t I ': r '°- - : : t - w I i 0 rt 'i p-t iAd k - 1 :iiisvev1ticrt - ' ' - — "4 ' - ' A ' r ' t ” c-- 1 ' ' 44 4: - ' A k i s ' :- JI - ((' '' t ' 1 ' r ' 4 o' - '-'-'i ''' ' l' : ! 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I t " 4 - '' ' ' 0 L Treasure Trolls game is a challenge for two to four players J LI To o o In 0 - el I'll: iti Editor's Note: Probably the worse thing you can tell someone in this culture is that they're boring says Alan Caruba director of the Boring Institute Still boringness grows unchecked across the land This article from the Los Angeles Times finds out why By Mary Ann Hogan Summer is gone thoughts turn yawn boring rite round-bellie- stand-u- p rs middle- Life seems lackluster Some of it we can talk about TV bores us to tears Presidential candidates lull us with soporific of the recitations sigh same or same or But some of it we can't talk about Heaven forbid we tell visiting friends they bore us to death Or a boring hostess that her yawn of a party makes our eyes glaze over our throats ache for more oxygen And here comes Cousin George the emotional just dying to show us more color slides from his trip to the Grand Canyon How do you tell him the sheer force of his dullness has knocked everyone within earshot into a somnolent stupor? You can't don't know how to do it" says Ca"They're fighting words Probably the worst thing you can tell dow "You think of Dana Carvey someone in this culture is that on 'Saturday Night Live' doing an animated George Bush You know they're boring" says Alan Caruba director of the unlikely Maplethat someone has told them — wood NJ outfit known as the 'Gee — maybe you should move Boring Institute your hands around or do someSo you say nothing as George thing animated with your body' drones into his second hour: Someone told them they were borat are we the ing and they don't know how to fix "Here " He doesn't it But they try" head trail notice the drowsy nod the frewho heard (An quent glances at the wristwatch as President Bush in the Rose Garhe presses inexorably onward den recently put it this way: "He talking about his motel kept going and going and going Heaviness hangs in the air just like an Energizer Bunny") Cousin George has managed as At the heart of it boring people Samuel Johnson put it to be not are so they can't enonly dull but the cause of dullness gage other people or pick up on in others their signals the body language "Since the American mythology the stifled yawn the glassy smile is essentially egalitarian — no one the wooden -- How interesting" has to listen to you because you're while the feet move toward the sushi table in the other room royalty or nobility — we feel a personal obligation to be interesting In rhetorical theory its called to others" says Dan Melia asso— or not having a sense having ciate professor of rhetoric at UC of audience Berkeley Says Berkeley professor Melia: To not do so is to commit a culhave to know what moves "You tural crime: being boring It saps people: the life from romance ends politiWhich isn't to say that rational cal careers kills the thrill of learnor DOS loading or protonumbers on otherwise the plug ing pulls zoan traveling habits are inherentcongenial gatherings of decent ly boring What matters is what conversation-lovinpeople do with them What's worse "The truly boring you "It's not boring if you can relate person has no idea he's boringit to the rest of the world and what says Barbara Cadow a USC psychologist who teaches professors matters to people" says Harriet Swift a Bay Area writer who covhow to liven up their classes ers popular culture You can just know don't Since people they're Carl Sagan getting hold of imagine will one tell them no and it doing the habits of the tsetse fly mating boringness grows unchecked — The Lives! The Loves! The Agacross the land — but always in ony and the Ecstasy!' " other people never us Conversely an inherently borIn truth its as American as ing teacher can make sex or gossip Wonder Bread incredibly dull It happens behaviorists say when people are inhibited or unHeaven help students of a pedacertain and so cling to convengogue who revels in the technical: "An LCD might be conducive to tions — of dress speech thought Uh-o- h g ld g - t :11 two to four players ages 5 up d featuring real hair neon-colore- d Trolls Players choose a favorite Troll roll the Jewel Die and begin travels to Wishbone Mountain To win a player must collect each color Wishstone and be the first to reach Wishbone Mountain Cost is $999 at Toys may be taking over the world The Troll craze will account for $800 million in merchandise sales in 1992 Among diverse Troll merchandise is Pressman Toy Corp:s Treasure Trolls Search for the Wishstones a game for "II" Us Woman's income goes up but so does shoe size IA A habits social organizations like to the side of the pool The result: Boring "It's a dominant motif in -class American life" says Mervin Freedman a San Francisco State University psychologist and an expert on personality "There's a measure of security in not standing out" At some point the daily practice of not standing out takes its toll Cousin George is so worried about what other people might think of him that he's afraid to show any personality at all He becomes caked over with limitation He doesn't think or feel much for himself He wears the same white shirt because to try yellow would be to take a chance He talks only about himself Or his particular interest Of his trip to the Grand Canyon and how it relates to him and to all his other trips to the Grand Canyon Because to venture into the world of ideas of spontaneous could communication — of fun be to drown "It's sad when you see someone and they trying to be roll Troll to top of Wishbone Mountain Is-i- Those little dolls known as Trolls with 111111J II - t "z e ': ?IX' r -- : 3 0- 00000- ' '4 t if -: :t '' l :2'' : ' 43"':- - t: f A & ' 4--- t-- 3' e- : 01'': e ':"-if ' f : iz'' a' ! hr-:- ! ' : ' i i ::' tt er 1 cto 1' ( : - ---- ''' 4 ' - ‘T- --- ( A - $ t:--- I - z 11' ' s' -- ' The average woman's shoe is 812B a size larger than 1965 according to Evans Communications Salt Lake City She spends less on clothes In 1960 a woman with average $3296 annual income spent $147 By 1990 she made $19816 but spent $802 Women sew more longer working hours but a high refresh rate blurs it so VGA is bet" ter if your CPU is faster Technocrats misguided messengers of the Information Age might well feel passion for their LCDs and VGAs "But interpersonally they may be so limited that they can't engage other people in that interest" says Freedman Which is why boring is so deadly in politics Ask people what they want says Melia and they tell you — on paper at least — Paul Tsongas Give them Tsongas in the flesh and they nod off Or take Jimmy Carter and Mike Dukakis — "two of the most boring public speakers in memory" according to University of Iowa historian Ken Craiel "They were stilted They didn't know the conversational style as Reagan did and as FDR did" says Cmiel who has written a book about American modes of public discourse "They were adept at another style — the technical style They could recite all the facts and figures about bombers about welfare but they had no way of moving from the technical into the conversational — into something people could relate to" And then there's the bureaucrat who has turned being boring into job security In the mouth of the bureaucrat -- angry voters" becomes "public input expressing divergent viewpoints" and "going broke" becomes "possessing a long-terneed for revenue aug20th-centur- In 1987 women spent $450 on patterns fabric notions By 1991 the average spent on sewing was $646 a year with 150 million patterns sold of 1991 brides About 40 made wedding gowns Sixty percent spent $534 million for them You show me your patch Smoking — or not — is setting a social trend according to Salt Evans Communications Lake More are trying to quit using nicotine patches keep them in stock Several million have patch prescriptions Manufacturers can barely keep up with the So many in fact drugstores can't ' - 1 '''' - ""' i ' I 'l' '' r-- I lc e 'k4- v:-it- t titf --t- - 'bf' ''''N 11 4i- 4140 - 411ii - ' - 11:01111 N 1 show you mine r1:)ALr )41--1- elH'4:-::- - I : 1 y B-- 1 0 - ":: : - - - V ' 7L Ir- - - - ? f : tt ? - i - swip e mentation" What's missing is any inkling of what Cmiel calls the conversational style Whether over cocktails or on the podium its where people do more than exchange information They exchange moments: glances asides humor body language context ( : taking yourself the emotion out of it" Not surprisingly there's a biological basis for all this The human brain seems to have a physiological need for stimulation for something to process "In the most boring environment there is — sensory deprivation — we create stimulation by hallucinating" says David Stewart a USC consumer psychologist Which is not unlike what happens when eyes glaze and mind wanders when Cousin George corners us In the end boring is far more than a yawn It's a slight on our basic human needs So take action: abandon protocol Tell someone they're boring What's the worst that could hap- pen? Cousin George will never send you another postcard Aww Shucks - - At r r' ' ) ) I) rit- r --- -- :: ' ' 4f:-'r- - i s - - i' 4'r'- - ' 1 t t I - t-- -- i 1 J 4 1-1- - '& r 1"''' ' 4' - - - "GARBAGE" magazine has disposable diapers on the cover 'GARBAGE' gets to bottom of diaper dispute The third anniversary issue of GARBAGE magazine has surprises for "green- juggernaut watchers Chief among them is the cover story delivering a Pampered bottom at the seashore and the title "Disposable Diapers Are OK- The suris an environmental that prise magazine takes such a stand The article was written by the magazines founder and editor Patricia Poore who tells her story as a mother trying to do the right thing Not only does she say disposables are OK she also shares her growing skepticism of environmentalist dogma She calls ocates cloth-diape- r ad-- "propagandists" I suggesting rather than a symbol for the throwaway society -------- - -- 'r and garbage crisis disposable diapers are a symbol for- "vigilante environmentalismA companion article by ar- chaeologist William Rathje shores up the editor's contention that diapers environmentally are no big deal Mr Rathje explains that disposable diapers and cloth diapers have similar environmental impact negligible in any case and that the pathogens contained in dirty diapers do not create a public health hazard in landfills already full of germs pet feces and medical waste Readers can purchase the magazine $5 per issue by writing to GARBAGE 2 Main St Gloucester Mass 01930 --: of 4 I "Theyre almost exchanging personalities" says Cmiel "When you adopt a technical mode — which is how you write for technical journals — you're consciously J r- - ‘ r i |