Show F8 LIFESTYLES The Salt Lake Tribune - 1 - - I i - that model by the time their daughters were thinking of be- I CHICAA() TRIBUNE f- CHICAGO — If she had not chosen to become a doctor lb o Tran says she would have remained ignorant about sex until her wedding night Tran didn't realize how little she knew until 1969 when she was a medical student in Saigon She was observing a surgery with fellow students all of them male when the surgeon made a joke about the male patient's anatomy "Everyone laughed and I was stupidly standing there" she recalls "The Vietnamese culture is very closed I had had no sex education at all in school or at home My mother was too shy to talk to me about sex" Tran's daughter Bich (pronounced bik) grew up in the United States Now 18 she first learned about sex in her class "We saw a movie and got a booklet put out by the Tampax tampon company and then the pastor took the guys in one room and the nuns took the girls in another" she says The nuns explained menstruation to the girls Later that night Bich left the blue booklet near Tampax-bothe television hoping her mother would spot it and start a discus- tr if I 4 4 wouldn't have to force their views on them The daughters could say 'These are my needs these are the consequences' It's built in" Humor works too Mothers and daughters often joke about sex to ease their discomfort Bernie Wong recounts a story she told her daughter when Jaz now 20 was approaching puberty When Wong was a young girl in Hong Kong she recalls "My breasts started to grow and I got very worried about what those two lumps were I went to my i ' k twiNs 414 — r -- "'' "4 144 1 '"4110ke it 1 - N i d 1 0 Ael eo ' ' V 4 '''' i k - f4 - i 'N mom My mom said 'Oh my something's going on' You could tell by her face she was joking but she said 'Let's put some Vicks lap° Rub on them' She didn't Michael Meinhardt Edrea Goldberg Perlis with daughter Dara says: "I guess I always felt I should know more than my daughters do I don't" really explain" "My husband and I have a healthy sex life and we've never hidden it" Karen Queen says "It's kind of a joke with the kids when we close the door: 'They're doing That is one of the best ways mothers can teach their daughters about sex Bassoff says "Children want to see that their parents are comfortable with sex and that their parents look upon sex favorably not as a dirty activity or something that's wrong" she says "It's dangerous to be exhibitionist but there should be some sense that sex is right I think mothers can take a lead from their daughters" about how much they want to know The daughters say they are curious about their parents' sex sixth-grad- e x sion Despite her resolve to be more open than her mother had been Tran hadn't discussed sex with her own daughter "I'd been like an ostrich hiding in the sand" she says Ah the facts of life Despite the sexual revolution of the '60s mothers and daughters still have difficulty talking about sexuality and the changes that occur during puberty The Trans are one of r several pairs inhow about terviewed recently each about with other talk they mother-daughte- sex Most of the moms interviewed say they are more open about discussing sex with their daughters than their own mothers were with them Most of the daughters say they can talk to their moms But everyone says sex still is difficult to discuss The difficulty spans generations Maxine Grossman 77 says she did not get any information about sex from her mother Her daughter Melanie 53 learned visabout sex during its to her gynecologist When Latosha Montgomery 15 gave birth to her own daughter last year she says she knew only the basics about menstruation "Before any of it I would have liked to talk about my body changing the emotions I was gopre-weddi- ing through" she says All the daughters say they will talk openly about sex with their own daughters Their mothers say Elp 47474 try' t ' $ 41114i1A :k cation about sex Young women seek more answers about sex as they become adolescents just when they also seek independence from their mothers "When the daughter becomes sexual she is separating from her mother and talking about sexuality is very personal" says Evelyn Bassoff psychologist and author of Mothers and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go (Plume $895) "Theoretically talking about sex is a nice thing to do Mother and daughter want to be close and to share But the daughter is likely to feel intruded upon and likely to feel her mother is getting into her head and her body" Adolescents often are marked by their tendency to do the opposite of what their parents advise so some mothers hesitate to talk about sex with their teen-agdaughters Others say they have tried to avoid that problem by providing the information early "I believe you can talk to your kids when they're 3 4 6 8 and it open" says Karen Queen keep -If kids are used to talking about different things it will be easier when they're older" Taking a broad approach also can help "A new way of training moms to relate to their daughters is to help them be problem-solverfrom me" Often no matter how much they know or how forthright they try to be it is hard for mothers to talk to their daughters about sex because daughters are confronting situations foreign to their mothers "Each generation that tries to talk about sexuality finds so many things they did not experience" a says Dana McDermott-Murphwho studies parentpsychologist ing at Loyola University "I never had to deal with sex on the first date I had to deal with kissing on the first date" Krissy Queen 17 says she and her mother talk easily about sex ("When I was in eighth grade I came home with a hickey and my morn laughed at me") but her mother wonders if she has the answers to all of Krissy's questions "Kids know so much" says Karen Queen 45 "Theyre not asking how to so much as what the ramifications are Even when Magic Johnson announced he had AIDS he said 'Use condoms' Ile didn't say 'Abstain' Edrea Goldberg Perlis' 16- year-oldaughter Dara corrected her when Edrea told Dara she hoped that she would go on the pill if she became sexually active "She told me the pill is not safe sex" Edrea says mystified "I guess I always felt I should know more than my daughters do I y lives "One Sunday night we sat down dinner" Edrea Goldberg Perlis recalls "and Dana said 'So Mom was Dad your first?' It was like 'How's your meal?'" But there also are limits to what daughters want to hear about their mothers' sexuality "When a mother discusses her sexual activities it can be ex- e to one" says day McDermott-Murph- mother really has to be extremely clever in figuring out how to impart information without making the daughter feel as if she is being drawn too close to the mother and her autonomy violated" y of Loyola "From 6 years old you don't do everything for them but you help don't" On Salurdav June 27 1992 0 celebration will be held in hcmor of BM ond Gen Andertan's 50th wedding cmnive- rsav Family and Betty Jean Whetsel friends we invited to share in this Ott GottJen Wedding Anniversary of Kenneth end Bens lean Alfred Whetsel their chlWren and grandthiktren extend an Invitotion tO oil friends and rela Oyes to loin them in kri1 a Celebration on Saturday June 27 1992 from 6:30 to e30 pm Soith- gale Word 2702 So Moir Street Salt Lake City Liloh No gitis please Kenneth and BOW a-of two A HAPPY 90TH '400 e ' went Runs Woodall are The tornilY having on Open House tor her 90th Birlhdov on June 26 1992 from 9 at the Edison Ward Chapel 1410 West 700 South Solt Lake City 1lah No gifts please Of Rabert vid No 4A-- d el" ASPIRATIONS 'Ife --- 1 '"Y '1i 4- 4- r TURVILLE June 24 1992 i ' Ft)4'4 elhe arZaCie I ZION NATIONAL THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE yac PARK — Lynn Williamson was attending fir! Luther College Decorah Iowa when a program was offered by 'HI a LA 25 Temp" : : ') love" When the summer came to an — end they returned to complete their college careers "We were married last Feb- ruary and followed our dream We came back to this beautiful Williamson to Zion National Park Lynn country We enjoy hiking the sheer red rock cliffs and pursuing new vistas The scenery is awesome and the people who live here are so hospitable and kind It is a great place to call home" They worried about making a living "Dean is a photographer and works part time at Flanagan's restaurant close to the park entrance I do watercolors and work part time at Bumbleberry Inn This is a haven We want to be here r - - forever" For the future the Williamsons hope to save enough money to buy materials and build a dome house "We will do it ourselves And enjoy every minute" July 4 will be a special day for the young couple They plan to travel into the park and surround themselves with family and friends as they repeat their marriage vows "We must do this in our setting" GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY DALE & JANE SMITH The family al Dale and Jone Smith Invite you to loin them to celebrate their Golden Wedding Anniversary at an Open HOUSe on 2' 1 1 ' vo1 ' ' I k - ltt?t ' — ' daughters-in-la- Nadine and Ka trina with seven precious 't - 14ti4e I It 't4 ) 444 bers they hove been ossoclofed 'Ain " cation to be held V-9- P t ' Io tI 1 t 4 1 At Thursday evening jone251992610 9 r pro Or be Ned- 14411 tope Home 4699 mighiand Lake Ciev Dr: Soit Utah : : e I erienashia fl 0 chrIshed oft respectfully desire Your only "Your ': 486-152- 2 Expires --- '40604 - i 1 I rd ' mi 1 l' a: 4 J HAPPY GOLDEN WEDDING Ivan & far Ilene Anderson dye and Diai Siloam Scott Don t N 4N I - - 4IR cwel Their I grandchildren d three children and five cid I t 4 ' :- 3 ' - 0 0 ot o pAi 6 (0 t tr4 I a by Iii - 0 : i) L: 1 ti t k - c-- N 4 I a i iiv 1 ' --- - - 4 - ::':106471- anl McKay is high if you forward to starting your day a challenging assignment and dive right into it with confidence SOeak up set limits and say 'no' when appropriate Don't make excuses for your mistakes Know it's safe to be honest in your relationsHps It seems so simple Yet so many women suffer from low And that prevents them from reaching their potential (and from feeling great!) And That's why CareerTrack developed Peak Performance It's an opportunity for you to learn how to keep your high — and live with more confidence energy and enthusiasm 157 So Main: Salt Lake City 2" I' eisd p rC 7 ' - i -'- 7 0 I i kInnA JAi ilrfN How to give up fear as an excuse for not getting what you want in life Affirmations: a process for reaching peak performance habits into your g How to integrate routine daily An exercise to help you identify your own values and recomrnit to them back after a failure How to get your esteem-buildin- -- VW I The 7 telltale signs of thinking How to turn your 'critical inner voice' into a friendly helpful force Why trying to suppress negative thoughts can actually make them worse (and what to do instead) ep to n nr plays in your life When to learn from criticism and when (and how) to let it roll off your back How to sidestep the common traps that sabotage many talented womm's esteem self-estee-m Pie' - - 1::- )- AVM t 1 FINANCING AVAILABLE So" request & rvisrmatatu 1 I "! 4 '!1 1'1 ' I r Lai no 1 other "?1 74? fo27 ' ')'-- 'eli t i rei:''''':-::'-- ?0i3-1- ! 1 C-- ''044 1 I i 9 1 self-estee-m Healthy ways to control anger depression guilt and other negative emotions How to draw on your intuition and 'internal wisdom' And Peak Performance is a completely n based on course principles practical of behavior You'll learn the warning signs of 'low and what you can do right now to boost and performance your It's a wonderful empowering retreat You'll join other women in a safe supportive athiosphere to gain important insights and develop new skills You won't have to partidpate in any risky or comfortable exercises The experience will be moti— vating and km --- and you'll leave with renewed energy a new plupose and a new exciting outlook Call to register now Self-Estee-m well-know- self-estee- m self-ima- IN SALT LAM CITY JULY 10 Tuition: $49 per person (consider 01111314t a with i friend!) 1444p 'CI attending their T3 Ito Many participants get tvation paid by their company s4rislw race Red Lion 255 S West Temple Street Salt Lake City UT Time: 9 am - pm check-i- n begins at 8:15 arn Lunch is on your own The am - 1 pm Program Number: 46197 Priority Code UA32007 To REGISTER CALL self-estee- m The visualization process women athletes use to go beyond their personal best — learn to Overcoming negative body image appreciate your body and feel healthiet energetic and more attractive CareefEack 1 ci professional development programs 6 it ? 1 1 k4ta5n41ekgtAy411"f05 1 North America's leading producer of 359-019- 2 41k—04o1Le014!0Aq-Afollo4smk- t f f How getting to know the child you were can help at its core you raise your How to identify and avoid people who aren'tt good for you I 4000kAlkata004 1 - workshop for women WORKSHOP TOPICS: The important role - Finest Quality Diamonds at Lowest Prices! will be honor in iheir granclacrenrs iro NIO There will oe an Oben Haktb from IVO Pm on June Trth re 2512 E Evening Sior Drive (3970 Hoficelay AN triends crud fornliv or e invited A cruise is schoweNed in ceiebrarion of the event 1 x - r'--- t- - 11 -'- 4 'I - - ) c AIL i aillik tsa464 4 74 I t- w ' 7 P to01-- 4 4 A if4"1-d- one and respectfully M m i tilf L31 )t tfia 13- t I wo WI f oortivr oo0 Ar(11 14r7114: t qit IAIRMIMINI - m Maws 10 9 pm 10-- 6 P-ti-Vr - Kaylynne Stone!)' and Wynn Clayton : Happily ' Engaged with McKay 1 Diamonds Kathy P) 4 --4 -- k I 4 or cir en 4 MonSat 44 - The children of ivon J Andersco and Veriene Becksfeod Anderson would like lo announce We cerebration of ther prrenrs 50M Wed-- r We d° Birthday Parties! Tole Supplies & Classes Satin Ribbon 0 yds0100 Flat Lam 100yd Battenburg Lace & Linens Craft supplies at a discount Fautastic 111464 DePartment r 1 nA- 1 mt' oo' honor by 10r4 OW Wouses Ivan It AnderS011 62792 dren no gifts your Offi 25-8- 5 :isom1 '' five IP I1 IF ii r4 I 3275 East 3300 South 7 Anniversary an June V WW2 A family dinner wiN te held in Iheir I pm Movie Reviews! Every Friday in The Salt Lake Tribune Weekend Section A one-da- y 4P Ar PreSWICe ding OFF Bridal Boutique sale items and fabric not included Limit One coupon per customer At wilt' to their oar- Ms( Sath Wedding Anniversary re- - 1 ttc 1 from 6:00 City Utah They ore the par- 1 eh of tour chit- en Bonnie Rob- - : art S Rodger and : Jeffery They also r tOCNO 15 gremdctill- - Pw Fry 1992 (WO pm Friends and reiatives may celebrate with them at Liberty Ward MS Harvard Ave Solt Lake F B fenny of June P end Robert B Fry are honoring parents at on Open House Friday evening June 26 to t' - '" Robert & The their 2 Off ONE ITEM VANY f GOLDEN WEDDING June Phirmon PEAK PERFORMANCE' 25415 The children and grandchikiren or Bishop Frank and Oro Tovior Maxon invite oll reiotives friends neighbors Ond coil ward rhetm be r SELF-ESTEE- Of SOTH ANNIVERSARY FRANK AND ORA MASCARO Co a I Large SeIeetion UNFINISHED 25-6WOOD 5 Off AU DAISY KINGDOM & Selected PLUSH BEARS STAMPS 35 Off BUNNIES 45 Off 42-5Selected FABRICS 0 yard Selected BATIENBURG Ad ult & Cltddrens DOILIES 2711' LEGGINGS 25 Off Also at Off Seiedeii GRAPE VINE BASKETS & WREATHS CRAFT SUPPLIES RIBBON TRUVLS LACES DISPLAYS & MUCH MORE selected GLUE GUNS 'an( please gletee wide Clearance at br the Christian Ministeries in National Parks "Students were given the option to elect from three places where they would like to serve" Mrs Williamson said "I chose the Grand Canyon For some reason they transferred me to Zion National Park I had no idea where or what it was" She came in 1987 and fell in love with the area "I stayed that summer work- err: ing part time at the lodge It was a wonderful experience The scenery was spectacular it And I met such nice people es- $ pecially Dean originally from Pennsylvania who was working here for the summer We fell in self-estee-m g lea By Donna Lou Morgan &KW Os June 22-2- 7 tier husband llaraid Bud three 22 grand- 'Wit sons Inree cloughters d vV children and eignt ' '': chileren wish This lovely and gra- y clous lotty rnony Wary rettrts on it Ibis auspicious occasion Be ''it Dorattn was born in Logon Utah June 24 1917 to Ernest Lee and Rosornond Kent Richeson Family members will honor her at a tornliv celebration ton 'shc ft -- DIG SIDEWALK SALE 4 De bal te a-- EEO - : for the future 4(3171 HAPPY 75TH BIRTHDAY DOROTHY P I 04" Mrs Roy (Kenna Jean) Boncroft They have three grandchildren Tittony Ltrser Brandon ond Ashley BOACTOtto It f( A""4 — gi friendship k lies Dana Cloy-to- n Jeremy and Amy Thatcher Ann Thomson Sharma and Da- Lc (Jill) sen and George pm f Mrs doughters 4 i Please lust Utah Lake C89 This special acca- sion will ix hosted byte two dough-tor- s cmd their font 7s 00:0-”-- " Orors3chieken mrnorable OccoIon from 2 to 4 pm at Distinctive Catering 285 East 2700 South Soit in hOnOr Timing can be the biggest obstacle to mother-daughte- r communi e' Bountiful Utah They cre the PCW ents of two sons Kevin and Craig and two beoutttui GOLDEN ANNIVERSARY BILL & GEN ANDERTON GOLDEN WEDDING & tAt -- - e 64 pm Bountiful Utah Orchard Stoke Center 3599 So Orcherd Drive them think out their needs feelings options and all consequences I think if mothers had Kenneth 1 tremely uncomfortable for a daughter" Bassoff says "The s d BIRTHDAY RURA WOODALL SED tgErrc they had similar plans "When she was 6 or 7 I used to talk to her about menstruation" says Latosha's mother Tracy 32 "but you just can't give kids advice on things you don't know When I came on my menstruation I ran screaming and hollering to my mother 'Someone hit me: someone cut me' Then she told it se- - coming sexually active they -- — F 1 - - - - Sunday June 21 1992 'Liberated' moms also find it tough to talk about facts of life By Ruth Richman - - - |