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Show Cheer up once more. Soon will come the freckle harvest. The fool who rocks the boat kills more than the icebergs do. r What's the proper Scotch word for the blowing up of a golf ball? i r If every day were Sunday, think of j all the money there would be in base- ' ball. The political bosses are faring worse this year than even the um- pires. Still, before frying an egg by wireless wire-less it is of course necessary to catch the egg. The unsinkable boat and the aeroplane aero-plane that will not fall are still to be achieved. The sleeping porch Is located first nowadays and then a house is built around it New York has a society burglar, which shows how easy It is to break fnto society. Washington is a city of magnificent distances. Also it is magnificently distant for many an aspiring states- man. New York now has a special force of policemen to guard shoppers, but even that w"'. not prevent bargain counter rushes. A woman In Philadelphia was lately convicted of being a common scold. But why single out a single poor woman T News of an elopement of a young school girl in Atlantic City corroborates corrobo-rates the report that mariage is still prevalent The meanest husband has been discovered dis-covered in New York. He wanted his wife's alimony cut down because she had gone to work. Tarring and feathering anarchists is not the best way to demonstrate that all the fools and misguided people peo-ple are anarchists. Stuffed humming birds are now up s against potted English sparrows.. Everybody Ev-erybody is invited to eat sparrows, the more the better. Now it is a German aviator to be killed. At the present rate there is no danger of accumulating a surplus population of airmen. Maybe the 'iceman will come down from his lofty perch when he hears that a machine has been invented for making ice In the home. , One of the beauties of the sleeping porch at this time of the year Is that one can enjoy a shower bath without arising from one's couch. A rich California girl has Just broken brok-en her engagement with a European nobleman. This is infinitely better than repenting at leisure. England planted its first settlement tn this country 305 years ago, but today to-day American millionaires are making settlements on the English. An eastern housewife has discovered discov-ered a way to make jam out of spinach. spin-ach. Perhaps she'll make shredded wheat out of sideburns next. A Philadelphia man has gone to Brazil to take moving pictures of the boa constrictor. Imagine asking a boa constrictor to look pleasant! Two brothers have been brought together, to-gether, after many years of separation, by means of a tattoo mark which is the only excuse for tattooing. With baseball and presidential campaigns cam-paigns going on simultaneously, congress con-gress is one of the dullest Institutions on this justly celebrated earth. Boston Is to try using a "Jointed snake" car on its crooked streets, showing that the Hub's versatility Is equai to its classic plcturesqueness. A machine has been perfected by which the three dollar investor draws out five dollars. It's a fine machine, but the Inventor has been arrested. Cornell scientists put radium, wireless, wire-less, the telephone and antitoxins among the seven modern wonders of the world. But why overlook the kitchenette? Some Chicago bachelors would like to adopt sons, but object to wives. This shows to what depth of desperation the prevailing styles of feminine garb will drive particular men. |