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Show an a harangue tn which “Don Senor ibe and ‘viva la libertad’ figured i when he was done danced about us in t and h to one sqguint-eyed encom waist with Mazie his dirty ged ferocious at ru n Adams’ paw But him with edo (Ohio) biade, and the gang y set us down for bern fight- 1 They dope you out as High MuckMuck ij accept you, said Jones, he vant to know if you've yught any arms and powder.’ Tell ‘em I’ve brought art, music, eauty and science, and that against that quartette prosaic explosives en't deuce high in a well-thumbed euchre deck,’ retorted Tib, grandly. rhen he tipped us the cue and we all burst into a few sweet strains of song, as sung in the ensemble of ‘The Dear Gazelle.’ It fetched ‘em, sir. It fetched ‘em to their knees. They groveled. 1 guess they'd have chucked the whole blooming revolution for reserved seats in our show. But Tiberlus had made up his mind to act the conqueror, and he told Jones to take us to the most pretentious habitation in town, that he might confiscate it for government purposes, A miserable little hotel, built to accommodate about 15 was the best thing n this ] and into it we went, while r boarders departed via Tiberius Smith HE LEADS TO VICTORY But i What Jor about lu weapons? per msly from the ra 1 the B. Bowles.) kinetograph,’ BY HUGH I never meet had and t Tibe from doings would e 1, hi he often murmur ve n tha ( hu he parentheses said S sharp to the hat? w ] I ca a San id no harbor, roadstead Ι Jose but i believe tot 1 as that imply an we were A machine gun? left ar eliff the h instructions to hike back to if they scented the foe. In ¢ troops way . ugt 16 he far led Tib out } beyond them to the wouldn't have to do much g. Just take prisoners after the esident had shaken a little magic out of his cuff The Blotter—Retentive; absorbs a great deal The Desk—Receptive, sympathetic; likes to be leaned on The Ink-Well—Extremely versatile can. write a wrong or wrong a write The Scissors—Sarcastic and ma licious; very cutting and ever willing This pleased them immensely, and they sai we were their saviors, Jupiter Sta and all that kind of stuff. But we were in a very disagreeable situation. The warm climate didn't make the ‘Gazelle’ rags so bad for the girls, and we men knew we could get used our make-up after a while. But only a narrow strip of beach separated us from the sharks, and Tib and his picture game from the dusky trifiers in front. However, it was grin and bear it, and we were there to tote the machine and fixings up-to a point near the white cliff. “No one troubled us that night, but on the néxt a horrible screeching aroused us from uneasy slumbers, and when the pirate and I got down into the 1 we could just catch a glimpse of Tib's armor twinkling in the moon far ahead your per shepherd's ever waits for an opportunity to make Ru \ To r irned to I found ther we and | e was the e enemy ί n e | a i, all fe i me {if we al 1 ἑ i 1] given COI i 1 troj { Do, itl i λ A . n 4 ; ΐ the he Nov we " 4 and Sa € diligences to h ἵ se 4 de Gua to ¢t , Our treuse CcOasLW ise when we high heavens they call it.’ han ng I never did start a sme but what something good turned | “Of course there was a lot of horse up unexpectedly Tell ‘em I’m their sense in Tib’s talk, but I knew he was feudal lord playing president just throughhis lust We UIE. be blasted,’ gasped of empire He told me afterwards Panana Jones. Then he added ‘Do that if he could have held down the t ull the banana privileges be job, he had intended to map out a canal tween here ynate?’ route and sneak a stake from Uncle You. ee y do, answered Ti Sam rius, draw his tin rapier and “But to return to the well-filled inn his helmet into a jaunty poand the homesick allies of the insurrectionists That afternoon Tib and | “Jones ran towards the mob and beJones reconnoitered the only approach Crimsonbeak—I'll'll bet it was a vλ I never knew a ft need oil Yonker ‘let breast but Tib | | about $1,500 | “Whether it was the loss of their funds, or the moving pictures that turned the trick, we were not destined to learn. For on the seventh day a little vermin-infested tub poked her nose into the harbor, and we all shipped for San Jose, where we picked | up some civilized rags and caught a Frisco steamer.” man LIKE MOST OF THEM. | (Ῥ Ἀ | | — Benham—I saw you and Mollie Williams talking for all you were worth on the street this afternoon What was the burning issue? Mrs. Benham—We were talking about an old flame of mine.—Chicago News Li and were rows upon rows of yellow wafers. | We divided ‘em up equally and Jones said each one’s share amounted to THE BURNING QUESTION. ntleman the tyrant | 5 ] tin t t loose Uncle ind some merry lay on ignored Tib Give ‘em idle and a bit of that warb so choked up I didn’t believe nd His Guess. *rimsonbeak—I see a ton ofoil btained from the tongue of single whale | Joi were ( Tib had the to luff, or to loaf, in the offing, o machine all ready, and as a fearful hereabouts, and then beat in wh how! went up behind us he turned on the wind went down, But we didn't maybe to get awa from the Smith the illuminations There on the cliff Instead, we boomed right by in+ the But when it came to writing down the pranced the Fighting Seventh cavalry, night, and after a i rable ten hours real answer he was the only Roman while Banana Jones split the shadows found ourselves in Arcate, a small on the asphalt with hoarse shouts and military or I first met ( ampbell at the “Away | town that would make a sewing ma ing field forces in the world.’ ders, accompanying his vocal stunts chine feel homesick and as I came to from Home club Then, after he had spoken several by hurling rocks among the bushes— Arcate is made up of a dozen wood know him, | learned to love him and nore pieces, Jones saw theilluminain sh making enough noise for a en houses, built down close to the And zh him his old master on, and his hard-baked face cracked whole regiment beach, and one street running back 8 18 the winter nights drove us to into various smiles ‘If they'll only “*An would ye save me, blow!’ cried about five blocks from the shore our pipes and the cozy companionship come by night,’ he murmured. Tib | Along this artery of travel are a of the blazing hearth, he detailed that You see we carted the picture ma“Forgetting my peril, really believhuts of bamboo which has until] now escaped the pub | handful of native | chine around to amuse the audience ing that the brave phantoms on the sticks, covered with leaves of the co lic ken, except as garbled press re between the acts of ‘The Dear Gazelle,’ white rock stood ready to succor me, coanut palm, while in the ynvirons of ports have at times hinted at inex and almost all of the pictures were I fixed my eyes on Old Glory and the burg poisonous pools uf stagnant plicable situations without furnishing war scenes. Fortunately it had esfave them Dixie. Any one ought to water fill the air with miasma, steam the solution. I can see now that eaped injury in the explosion, and fight by that tune! Between notes I ing thickly %%m the 90-degree heat. Smith, in his world-wide wanderings only needed to be dried out to be in could hear the great gasp of astonishMazie Adams crept down to the bag in search of circus and menageriefurfighting trim. ment from the foe, as they halted. gage deck and wept bitterly, nishings, or in piloting some theatri“But the rest of us hadn't come Then the crackling in the bushes becal venture, was the blind factor in “‘Cheer up. little one,’ encouraged down to Central America to build up gan to recede, and Banana Jones many a half-published equation, Tiberius, sootnmgly. ‘For every tear republics, and we were in a fair way chuckled, ‘They’ve vamoosed! Best now shed you shall have a piece of ice If I remember correctly, I had been Hanscom had just killed | to mutiny. peReres I ever saw. to wear on those fairy fingers.’ commenting ou {lc frequency of revoa tarantula, and was now writing a “You can safely gamble that the inlutions in quarrelsome Central Amer“But as if the heavy atmosphere surrectionists down on the beach ica when Campbell first opened his and sickening odors were not enough, looked upon us as real warriors when heart, filled his pipe and began the the tin boiler in our little craft blew the sun rose and brought no invaders. narrative which was to charm me for up near daybreak, and we were forced Tiberius was so chesty that he wanted many an evening. to go ashore in our nightclothes, to pursue the enemyand incidentally “It is true,” he began, “that Cen- where we shivered in rugs and old annex San Salvador. But as white sails until the broiled sun relieved the tral America has been a bargain councliffs aren't always handy, we held situation, To our joy we foundall of ter in petty warfares for years, and him back. our stage trunks had been saved, but has peddled out more genuine lem “Well, three days passed and our our every-day finery was naught. ons to would-be Caesars than anv stage costumes began to look tar“Get busy,’ erled Tiberius, in his other spot of its size on the map. nished. Then came the second at‘Unpack the trunks and Some of the disturbances have been | merry bass. tack. Our scouts said it was a differslip into the calico of Act I. When exceedingly eccentric, others, just ent party, and when they approached we reach Guaty we'll have some nice, plain, vulgar killings; but I doubt if the pas’ it was hardly dark enough ever there was a more picturesque newlinen suits. Remember, children, to operate the machine. Tib cominsurrection than that in which TiI'm all that ever was, multiplied by two.’ manded us all to follow him, and arberius Smith, of Vermont, filled the ranged us in a semi-circle position “And that’s what we had to do, and president's cozy corner for one week, for the curtain raise in act II. a nice-looking lot we were. Mazie and with his reserve battery of comic and the other fairies in pink tights opera singers and his ever-reassuring “‘*Now warble!’ he commanded, and “Ha! ha!” defied all comers. The and long, bespangled cloaks didn’t go we did, with a fringe of lime-light so bad with the furnishings, but the passing of Tiberius and his. adminisplaying over our rich vestments and pirate, George Hanscom, and I, the tration is not mentioned in history, scared faces. What the enemy thought nor did the consular agent hear of it Alpine shepherd, kind of jarred on the on seeing 28 fays all covered gold and in time to stir up the Washington rest of the furniture. Tib’s rotunda, cut glass, giving the serenade, will newspaper men with sanguinary energetic form was encased in a tin never be known. But it staggered ’em. { wires. And probably the slob element suit of medieval armor, and he swore Mazie Adams and the other Venuses down there, Known as the common it felt good. By the time the town sang and looked like angels, and the \j Ϊ thy 4 people, nave long since forgotten was fairly awake we were all arrayed brownies didn’t care to buck up Yellow Wafers. it in our picnic clothes, and I guess they against a celestial choir without any “But the story of that glorious thought we were a sure-enough bunch investigation. weepy letter to his old mother in week should make brave reading, } of fairies “Tf you can hold 'em a few minutes, Utica, N. Y. Mazie was sobbing that nevertheless, and the battle put up | “While the dusky rabble was en- | she did not see any chanceof freezing we'll win in a canter,’ cried Tib. by the Green Mountain man and his | joying us with wonder-lit eyes, a tall, “At that we all stalked forward a her digits with Guatemala ice, and corps of gayly-clad sopranos and a| thin, mahoganized-skinned man apfew paces with the best lilt of the the rest of the bunch were swearing, light brigade of giggling danseuses, proached and greeted us in good old whole piece pealing from our ruby or sniveling, as the sex demanded, reenforced by sad-voiced contraltos, Anglo-Sax He said he was Alfred when Tiberius visited us. lips. Then came the weleomeorder to an Alpine shepherd, a regulation pi Jones, more commonly known on the “‘Children,” said he, kindly, ‘list. stand aside, and the faithful old rate, and much green-room truck, inctcoast as ‘Banana’ Jones He had lived | Why weep? We've arrived here. The picture gallery began to squirt photos dentally demonstrates that art and in the country for 15 years and was | boat is busted. We can’t leavetill anon the cliff. What with the howling of science need not always stagger to too lazy to leave it. He informed us other comes. It seems two factions the ballet, the hoarse cries of Jones, the ropes because of ranting brute he could talk any lingo between Purare sparring for the strangle-hold on the bugle calls and prancing pictures, force gatory and Guatemala City, and Tib this forsaken land. If we remain neuthe brownies were held up for fair. at once hired him as ticket seller “Tib—you know we called him Tib side or tral, one the other, or both, “866 ’em run!’ cried Banana Jones. Tib himself threw a fine cluster of for short—had a way of making every will pick us up and sell us as slaves “Then, just as the old One Hundred Spanish, having toured a circus one and everything loyal to him to uwners of the dank mangrove and Fortieth infantry begin tramping When his round, brown eyes concen through South America once on a swamps. Tib didn’t Know a manby, we all, with one common impulse, i But he was shy on dialects trated in two beady twinkles, you had grove from a yard of felt, but it soundinsane with elation, charged the parto believe in him and do his bidding So Banana Jones was delegated to ed good and he used it. ‘Think, Mazie, alyzed ranks in the brush. With one He believed in himself, and simply scout for so 1e diligences, and he said | of being compelled to pluck rubber long-drawn-out screech they fied, but bubbled over with assurance when he would once he was able to tear his | gum with those fragile lily stalks, he not before one beggar gave me a cut making the hardest shots imaginable eyes from Mazie, and was just explain said. ‘Think, Gertrude, of making in the leg with a big cheese knife. And he had the blamedest schemes ing that he hadn't seen a white wom | bean bread for some. chocolate-frosted Tiberius would run amuck, and soon Yet, most of them pulled through in an for ten years, when 50 tatterdemalbrute that remembers when he walkes distanced us, the twinkling and clangone Way or another. If he didn’t land ions, arme with ancient guns and a on all fours. Nowif I can obtain the ing of his tin suit only reveali his what he was gunning for, he'd net large acct mulation of realty on their backing of one party we are that much whereabouts. When the conipany something else almost as good So ands and are feet, t came howling stronger, and wil] come out all right caught up with him he was trying to when he de led to take a comic opera down the lane Remember, Tiberius Smith always lift a good-sized chest in his arms troupe to Guatemala City, M L fe yt,’ said Banana Jones, simwins. Why, children, once I fell so “155 probably full of tortillas,’ re ams side-stepped thirty per wee ply there's a bit of revolution on, low that I was forced to join an Uncle marked the pirate, after we had reorder to lead the ballet. and ind the insurrectionists hold the town Tom’s Cabin company and play I was turned to the hotel. hypnotized to go as. first teno They are expecting a president from ice in the Ohio river. Did 1 stay ice? “‘] think, children, it’s their war were 25 of us al! toid, four men Ask me. To-day you behold in me the Frisco. The junta was to send them chest,’ gasped Tiberius, who had been two dozen womer Tiberius down a regular fire-eater this week.’ sole owner of “The Dear Gazelle” opunable to carryit alone. eould surreand enough Az 1 ‘*That's me,’ cried Tib ‘I'm on! era troupe, and president protem. of Guaten to make ders of us “We tore off the cover and there I'm the esident! I go a mile in less Iscaniati, or whatver name under Heave I 8 but he was a man Tiberius why his folks dubbed him its mark, The Waste-Basket—Intemperate, ag gressive; frequently gets full, and is fond of scraps. The Writing-Paper — Diminutive quiet; can easily be covered, and al Ways remains stationery. The Calendar—Contemporaneous but lazy; always up to date, but fre quently takes a month off The Revolving-Chair -Retrogressive but philanthropic; goes backward, but 15 always ready to do a good turn stage name—and | obeyed | Judge | long, lean valentine guided me | ad to the firing-line to | 1 Jone we ned you? Mrs. Widdle—It's just splendid! Now, hurry through dinner and get dressed, so we can go to Mrs. High }up’s ball; and to-morrow night we'll go to Mrs. Tiptop’s party; and the next night, you know, Mrs. Wayup has a musicale, and we mustn't forget the Globetrotter’s reception the night after—New York Weekly. The Paste-Pot—Persistent, persever ing; possesses the faculty ui sticking to things The Pen—Enterprising, ambitious; my elif Γή. horn, suit to separate. ed Tib—he sometimes called | me hir aned Jones Home Life. Mr. Widdie—Well, my dear, you've made so much fuss because I don't spend my evenings at home, like a good husband and father, that I have Does that resigned from the club. OFFICE PERSONALITIES. believe ey par liberius looked at him sadly and . | Sa 1 it was merely a device the } ow moving pictures on a screen. be But ; icture wont hurt ‘em,’ be- | Tyi 1 7 No,’ cried Tiberius, exultantly, ‘but il scare em like the deuce, Why, man, n that one big box I've columns of inf y, hea artillery, troops. of cavilry, a litle drummer boy, a Red ( society, and the Private’s Farewell to His Aged Mother. It’s the most economical method of transport- This ¢ ve us } and re- come the Γ Jose couldn't make en A ine I [ι ff . w ( I and upu told me these a grew molst, and in 1 tain 1 ] mat hard Dn b Al ( heard patroz As kr | 1 tr ‘ I} 16 1 icles of his his eyes { ; ghowmar er rem 1 PENWDEXTER could e to the beach. Tiberius pondered thoughtfully, | up Hanscom, the pirate, tapped the wl irdware in his belt, and said: ‘We've| ) enemy against a big white a be a Good Jokes the Interior; the only read over wi Changeable Weather, Maine Man (finishing a_ story)Yes, sir. I killed that bear with nothin’ but this little jack-knife “Yes, my son is very brilliant. He has a poet’s dream.” Dreams he is a “Ah, yes, I see. poet.” Guess you never hed a tussle with a bear, did ye? New York Liar—Oh, yes I was out fishing one day on Staten island when a big bear made a rush for me and knocked the pole from my hand leaving me without even that means of defense. Well, sir, 1 grabbed that bear, threw him down, and held him there until he froze to death. Maine Man (gasping)—I might ‘a’ done that many a time “myself, but the weather up our way don’t change so quick as it does here—New York Weekly. His Little Joke. DEAR LITTLE BROTHER. “The run on the bank is over, isn’t it?” “O, yes; it petered out as soon as the crowd saw there was more money coming in than was going out.” “You knew it to be a perfectly solvent bank, didn’t you?” “Of course.” “Then why did you join in the run on it?” “QO, just for fun.”—Chicago Tribune. Wanted to Give Demonstrations. “Do you know what should be done with liquor?” asked the total absttnence judge to the hard-looking man at the bar. “No, judge, I can't exactly explain it here,” replied the hobo; “but if you've got a dime and will come outside with me, I think I can show you!” Yonkers Statesman. “FALL OUT,” HE MEANT, Brown—Well, you've got the quarter; is your sister coming down? ‘I've arranged it beautifully, old chap. I told her it was you, first, and she said to tell you she was out, and then I said I was fooling, and that it was Charley Jones, and you ought to have seen her hustle to get into a clean shirtwaist! She'll be right down!”—Chicago Journal. No Great Loss. He had just been introduced to the widow of a man who had married for money. “What kind of a man was the late lamented?” he asked. “Well,” was the suggestive reply, “he was just an expense.”—Chicago | Daily News. FORCE, The Youth—Do you use anything for your batr? , The Ancient—No; I just let it grow out. Understood Both. Indulgent Father—Myson, your education has cost me $20,000. I have spent all I have and you must nowgo right to work and earn a living at something you understand. Finished Son—Well, father, which would you rather have me be, a baseball pitcher or a billiard marker?— New York Weekly. The Old “Birch.” Church—I see it is said that Juniper is said to be the most durable of woods. Gotham—And yet, so recollection goes—and away back to a little schoolhouse—the birch wood I came in contact far as my it stretches red country is the first with, I be- lieve—Yonkers Statesman Promptly Furnishing an Example. Horace—What’s your father’s busi Miss Kope—What fools some young ; ness, my boy? men make of themselves when they Boy—E ‘asn’t got er business. are in lore! Horace—I mean what does he werk 9 Mr. Speonamore—They do, indeed at Dora, wif you marry me ?—Chicago | Boy—E doesn’t work, ’e’s a police Tribune. | man’ |
