| OCR Text |
Show direct, 1 Bassett to me, “LABOR, TRADE AND CAPITAL”|} Bill, fore vour eyes? en's g~vings? yk York to eat spaghetti, to watch of took of some the wood εἲ the erke d I'm stranger in the as it was and iet place, sundown and ir nobody ἈΝ stop Bill takes silk hat off ] head and brashes w'th his sleeve and put it back ;?” says What the man By O. HENRY Across our two dishes cf spaghetti In a corner of Provenzano's restau rant, Jeff Peters was explaining to me the three kinds of graft Every winter Jeff comes to New ‘had you forsert? Didn't you wn right beDon't you hear the When I wore one of these,’ says Bill, ‘and felt emba assed, 1 always Not lone that having one now I had to use yours 1 hardly know how to begin, sir, In explaining our busiwith you, but I guess we'll try “When I regained conscientiousness | your pockets first.’ I found myself walking into an un “Bill Bassett felt in all of them, and identified town on the A, T. & 8. F | railroad fhe Peaviners hadn't left | looked disgusted f their thumb Rocky 1 ck a Li wis and Clark swollen rivers and impet the shipping in Kast river from the depths of his chinchilla overcoat, and to lay in a supply of Chicago-made clothing at one of the Fulton street stores During the other three seasons he may be found further west—his range is from Spokane to Tampa. In his profession he takes a pride which he supports and defends with a serious and unique philosophy of ethics. His profession is no new one. He is an incorporated, uncapitalized, unlimited asylum for the reception of the rest less and unwise dollars of his fellow the | ] ] | 1 ly require careful | | | | | | prep aration in advance. | | Bill | breaks in Ricksy,’ ‘4 know, You finish. needn't You Bassett need $500 to make the first payment four and on a blonde typewriter roomsful of quartered oak furniture » for advertisAnd you need $506 1 contracts And u need two weeks’ t the fish to begin to bite Yor of relief would be abo an as eure i I ift s, he winds ( tit: ar g into gold wa é Mr. Good Fair body coul ib the magic ( at kin cheerful to gas swifter | up seen you with your Most any ring for a etu was ready,’ S0-cent much ain't I ‘Hit as rgency ownership by 11 An¢ | er ipal advocating only sa ‘The ing the pump Bassett, eoach braggy πὰ and six’ll | expense .money. I don't suppose Bassett, ‘never yet, in trouble, did I from business. I knew Monty would stake me to web money if I could show him a fly buzzing ‘round in the locality Bill Bassett said all towns looked alike to him as he worked mainly in the dark. So we got off the train in Los Perros, a fine little town in the silver region I had an elegant little sure thing in the way of a commercial slungshot that | intended to hit Bassett behind the ear with. I wasn’t going to take his money while he was asleep, but I was going to leave him with a > ry ticket that represent in experience to 1 I think that was the amount he had when he got off the train. But the first time I hinted to him about an investment, he turns on me and disencumbers himself of the following terms and expressions Brother Peters,’ says he, ‘it ain’t a bad idea to go into an enterprise of “*Trade, how much?’ he says to some kind, as you suggest. I think I will. But if 1 do it will be such a cold “*Put your money up, Labor,’ says proposition that nobody but Robert E. I. ‘I never yet drew upon honest toil Peary and Charlie Fairbanks will be for its hard-earned pittance. The dol- | able to sit on the board of dirctors.’ lars I get are surplus ones that are “Τ thought you might want to turn your money over,’ says I ““T do,’ says he, ‘frequently. I can’t sleep on one side all night. Ill tell you, Brother Peters,’ says he, ‘I'm going to start a poker room. I don't seem to care for the humdrum in swindling, such as peddling egg-beaters and working off breakfast food n Parnum and Bailey for sawdust to strew in their circus rings. But the amibling business,’ says he, ‘from the profitable side of the table is a good | compromise between swiping silver spoons and selling penwipers at a Waldorf-Astoria charity bazaar.’ ‘*Then,’ says I, ‘Mr. Bassett, you don’t care to talk over mylittle business proposition?’ “*"Why,’ says he, ‘do you know, you ean’t get a Pasteur institute to start up within 50 miles of where I live. I bite so seldom.’ drive up to the door before you know it, Miss Cinde la. Maybe you've got some scheme under your sleeve-hold ers that will give us a start.’ “Well, Son,’ says I, ‘I'm fifteen years older than you are, and young enough | dear me'’ in Arizona called Los Perros I sugge* 2d that we once more try our luck on \erra cotta. That was the home of Montatue Silretired ver, my old instructor, now harsh. ‘“Robbing” sounds Bassett. All I bad to do was to find out what street it was on. That town is so quiet that I could stand on the corner and hear the tumblers clicking in that safe lock—‘“right to 45; left twice to 80; right once to 60; left to 15”°—as plain as the Yale captain giving orders in the football dialect. Now, boys,’ Says Bassett, ‘this is an early rising town They tell me the citizens are all up and stirring before daylight. I asked what for, and they said because breakfast was ready at that time. And what of merry Robin | Hood? It must be Yoicks'! and away with the tinkers’ chorus. I'l] stake you. How much do you want? Speak up, Capital. My dear young friend,’ says this ground squirrel of a Ricks, standi on his hind legs and juggling nuts his paws, I have friends in Denver who would assist me. If I had a hundred dollars I—’ “Bassett unpins a package of the currency and throws five twenties to Ricks, Not even a watch,’ says he anything in my pockets except a plug | burglary ought to be wiped of chewing—they wasn't after my life | ‘Ain’t you ashamed of yourself, you out, too.” and that saved it. I bit off a chunk | whited sculpture? Going about dressed to yet take out an endowment policy anc sits down on a pile of ties by the like a head-waiter, and financed like a burning the pockets of damfools and I've been broke before. We can see | You haven't even got carfare track to recogitate my sensations of | count. greenhorns When I stand on a the | ts of that town not half a mile thougbt and perspicacity | What did you do with your transfer?’ street corner and sell a solid gold diaaway. I learned under Montague Sil| The man speaks up and says he And then along comes a fast | rgpnd ring te a yap for three dollars, ver, the greatest street man that ever freight which slows up a little at the | has no assets or valuables of anysort. I make JUST $2.60. And I knowhe’s spoke from a wagon There are hun But Jassett takes his hand-satchel town; and off of it drops a black bungoing to give it to a girl in return for dreds of men walking those streets Out comes some collars dle that rolls for 20 yards in a cloud | and opens it. ill the benefits accruing from a $125 this moment with grease spots on of dust and then gets up and begins | and socks and half a page of a newsnen, ring. H 3 profits are $122. Which of | their clothes. Give me a gasoline to spit seft coal and interjections. I paper clipped out, Bill reads the clipIn the wilderness of stone in which us is the biggest fakir?’ lamp, a dry goods box, and a two-dol 866 15 is a young man, broad across pings careful, and holds out his hand Jeff seeks his annual lonely holiday “*And when you se!l a poor woman lar bar of white castile soap, cut into he is glad to palaver of his many ad | the face, dressed more for Pullmans to the held-up party. a pinch of sand for 50 cents to keep little——’ than freights, and with a cheerful ventures, as a boy will whistle after “‘Brother,’) says he, ‘greetings! her lamp from exploding,’ sé ys Bas‘Where's your two dollars?’ snick sundown in a wood Wherefore, | kind of ¢mile in spite of it all that Accept the apologies of friends. I am sett, ‘what do you figure her gross ered Bill Bassett into my discourse. mark on my calendar the time of his made Phoebe Snow's job look like a Bill Bassett, the burglar. Mr. Peters, earnings to be, with sand at 40 cents There was no use arguing with that chimney-sweep's. coming, and open a question of priviyou must make the acquaintance of a ton?’ burglar. “Pall off? says 1. lege at Provenzano's concerning the Mr, Alfred E. Ricks. Shake hands. “ ‘Listen,’ says I. ‘I instruct her to “Νο, he goes on; ‘you're both little wine-stained table in the corner “‘Nunk,’ says he, ‘Got off. Arrived Mr. Peters, says Bill, ‘stands about keep her lamp clean and well filled babes-in-the-wood. Finance has closed between the rakish rubber plant and at my destination. What town is halfway between me and you, Mr. If she does that it can't bust. And mahogany desk, and trade has pat the framed palazzio della something this?’ Ricks, in the line of havoe and ecorwith the sand in it she knows it can't, the shutters up. But of you look to on the wal). ; ‘Haven't looked it uy on the map ruption. He always gives something and she don’t worry. It's a kind of labor to start the wheels going. All “There are two kinds of grafts,” yet,’ says I. ‘I got in about five min- for the money he gets. I'm glad to industrial Christian Science, She pays right. You admit it., To-night I'll sald Jeff, “that ought to be wiped out | utes belore you did. How does it meet you, Mr. Ricks—you and Mr. 50 cents, and gets both Rockefeller show you what Bill Bassett can do.’ by law. I mean Wall street speculatrike you?’ Peters. This is the first time I ever | and Mrs. Eddy on the job. It ain't “‘Rassett tells me and Ricks not to “Hara,” says he, twisting one of attended a full gathering of the na tion, and burglary.” everybody that can let the gold-dust | leave the cabin till he comes back, his arms “Nearly everybody will agree with around. ‘I believe that | tional synod of sharks—housebreak twins do their work.’ | even if it’s daylight, and then he shoulder no, it’s all right.’ ing, swindling and financiering all rep you as to one of them,” said 1, with a “Alfred E. Ricks all but licks the starts off toward town, whistling “fe stocps over to brush the dust resented. laugh. Please examine Mr. Ricks dust off of Bill Bassett's shoes way. “Well, burglary ought to be wiped off his clothes, when out of his pocket credentials, Mr. Peters.’ “*My dear young friend,’ says he, ‘I “This Alfred E. Ricks pulls off his drops a fine, nine-inch burglar’s steel out, too,” said Jeff; and I wondered “The piece of newspaper that Bill will never forget your generosity shoes and his coat, lays a silk handHe picks it up and looks at whether the laugh had been redun- | jimmy. Rassett handed me had a good picture Heaven will reward you. But let me ; kerchief over his hat, and lays down dant. me sharp, and then grins and holds of this Ricks on it. It was a Chicago implore you to turn from your ways | on the floor. out his hand “About three months ago,” said paper, and it had obloquies of Ricks of violence and crime.’ “"T think I will endeavor to secure Brother, says he, ‘greetings Jeff, “it was my privilege to become in every paragraph. By reading it “*Mousie, says Bill, ‘the hole in the a little slumber,’ he squeaks. ‘The Didn't 1 see you in southern Missouri over I harvested the intelligence that familiar with a sample of each of the wainscoting for yours. Your dogmas day has been fatiguing. Good-night, last summer selling colored sand at aforesaid branches of illegitimate art said alleged Ricks had laid off all that and inculcations sound to me like the my dear Mr. Peters.’ I was sine qua grata with a member| halfa-doiiar a teaspoonful to put into portion of the state of Florida that last words of a bicycle pump. What “"My regards to Morpheus,’ says I of the housebreakers' union and one | lamps to keep the oil from exploding?’ lies under water into town lots and has your high moral, elevator-service ‘LT think I'll sit up a while.’ of the John D. Napoleons of finance at | “Oil, says I, ‘never explodes, It's sold ‘em to alleged innocent investors system of pillage brought you to? “About two o'clock, as near as 1 the gas that forms that explodes.’ But the same time.” from his magnificently furnished ofPenuriousness and want. Even Bro could guess by my watch in Peavine, I shakes hands with him, anyway. “Interesting combination,” said 1, fices in Chicago. After he had taken ther Peters, who insists upon contamhome comes our laboring man and with a yawn. “Did I tell you I bagged “"My name's Bill Bassett,’ says he in a hundred thousand or so dollars inating the art of robbery with kicks up Ricks, and calls us to the | to me, ‘and if you'll call it professional one of these fussy purchasers that are a duck and a ground-squirrel at one theories of commerce and trade, adstreak of bright moonlight shining in shot last week over in the Ramapos?” pride instead of conceit, I'll inform always making trouble (I've had ‘em mitted he was on thelift. Both of you that you have the pleasure of actually try gold watches I’ve sold | knew well how to draw Jeff's stories. you live by the gilded rule. Brother “Let me tell you first about these | meeting the best burglar that ever set ‘em with acid) took a cheap excursion Peters,’ says Bill, ‘you'd better choose a gum-shoe on ground drained by the | down to the land where it is always barnacles that clog the wheels of soa slice of this embalmed currency. clety by poisoning the springs of recMississippi river.’ You're welcome.’ just before supper to look at his lot titude with their upas-like eye,” said “Well, me and this Bill Bassett sits and seeif it didn't need a newpaling “I told Bill Bassett once more to Jeff, with the pure gleam of the muckon the ties and exchanges brags as or two on the fence, and market a put his money in his pocket. I never raker in his own artists in Kindred lines will do. It had the respect for burglary that some few lemons in time for the Christmas “As I said, three months ago I got seems he didn't have a cent, either, people have. I always gave somepresent trade. He hires a surveyor to into bad company. There are two and we went into close caucus. He thing for the moneyI took, even if it find his lot for him. They run the times in a man's life when he does explained why an able burglar some- line out and find the flourishing town was only some little trifle for a southis—when he’s dead broke, and times haa to travel on freights by of Paradise Hollow, so advertised, to venir to remind ‘em not to get caught when he's rich (clling me that a servant girl had again. be about 40 rods and 16 poles 8., 27 “Now and then the most legitimate played him false in Little Rock, and degrees E. of the middle of Lake “And then Alfred E. Ricks grovels business runs out of luck It was out , he was making a quick get-away. at Bill's feet again, and bids us adieu. Okeechobee. This man’s lot was unin Arkansas I made the wrong turn | He says he will have a team at a “It's part of my business,’ says der 26 feet of water, and, besides, had at a crossroad, and drives into this | Pil Bassett, to play up to the ruf- | been preempted so long by theallifarmhouse, and drive to the station town of Peavine by mistake. It seems below, and take the train for Denver. fles when I want to make a riffle as a | gators and gars that his title looked T had already assaulted the disfigured It salubrified the atmosphere when Raffles. “Tis loves that makes the bit | fishy. Peavine the spring of the year be that lamentable boll-worm took his dego ‘round, Show mea house with the | “Naturally, the man goes back to fore. 1 had sold $600 worth of young parture. He was a disgrace to every Chicago and makes it as hot for Alewag in it and a pretty parlor-maid, fruit trees there— plums, cherries, | and you might as well call the silver fred E. Ricks as the morning after a nonindustrial profession in the counpeaches and pears. The Peaviners | melted down and sold, and me spelltry. With all his big schemes and | prediction of snow by the weather were keeping an eye on the country| ing truffles and that Chateau trick on| bureau, fine offices he had wound up unable Ricks defied the allegation, road and hoping I might pass that | the napkin under mychin, while the | but he couldn't deny the alligators even to get an honest meal except by way agein, I drove down Main street the kindness of a strange and maybe police are calling it an inside job just One morning the papers come out | Packages of 31,000 each. as far as the Crystal Palace drug unscrupulous burglar. I was glad to because the old lady's nephew teaches with a column about it, and Ricks | store before I realized I had commit | a bible class see him go, though I felt a little sorry I first make an impres- comes out by the fire-escape. It seems the cabin door. Then he spreads out ted ambush upon myself and my the aileged authorities had beat him five packages of $1,000 each on the for him, now that he was ruined forsion on the girl,’ says Bill, ‘and when white horse Pill. ever. What could such a man do she lets me inside | make an impres- to the safe-deposit box where he kept floor, and begins to cackle over the “Tho Peaviners took me by surwithout a big capital to work with? sion on the locks But this one in his winnings, and Ricks has to west- nest-egg like a hen. prise and Kill by the bridie and began Little Rock done me,’ says he. ‘She ward ho! with only feetwear and a “Tl tell you a few things about Why, Alfred E. Ricks, as we left him, a conversation that wasn't entirely Saw me taking a trolley ride with an- dozen 15% English pokes in his shop- | that town,’ says he. ‘It's named was as helpless as a turtle on its back. disassociated with the subject of fruit He couldn't have worked a scheme to ping bag. He happened to have some | Rocky Springs, and they're building a other girl, and when I came ‘round on trees. A committee of ‘em ran some beat a little girl out of a pennyslate the night she was to leave the door mileage left in his book, and that Masonic temple, and it looks like the trace chains through the armholes of | open for me it was fast. And I had took him as far as the town in the Democratic candidate for mayor is pencil. my vest, and escorted me through “When me and Bill Bassett was left wilderness where he was spilled out keys made for the doors upstairs. But, going to get sonked by a Pop, and their gardens and orchards alone I did a little sleight-of-mind turn no sir. She had sure cut off mylocks. on me and Bill Bassett as Elijah II], | judge Tucker's wife, who has been in my head with a trade secret at the “Their fruit trees hadn't lived up She was a Delilah,’ says Bill Bassett. with not a raven in sight for any of down with pleurisy, is some better. I to their labels. Most of ‘em had | “It seems that Bill tried to break us. had to talk on these liliputian thesises end of it. Thinks I, I'll show this Mr. turned out to be persimmons and dogin anybow with his jimmy, but “Then this Alfred E. Ricks lets out before I could get a siphon in the Burglar Man the difference between the| business and labor. He had hurt some woods, with a grove or two of blackgirl emitted a succession of bravura a squeak that he is hungry, too, and fountain of knowledge that I was jacks and poplars The only. one that | noises like the top-riders of a tally-ho, | passes up the hypothesis that he is after, And there’s a bank there called of my professional self-adulation by showed any signs of bearing anything the Lumberman’s Fidelity and Plow- casting his Persians upon commerce and Bill had to take all the hurdles | good for the value, let alone the price, that | between there and the depot. As he of a meal. And so, there was the man’s Savings Institution. It closed and trade. was a fine young cottonwood had put forth a hornet’s nest and half | had no baggage they tried hard to three of us, representing, if we had a for business yesterday with $23,000 “‘T won't take anyof your money asa of an cld corset-cover. gift, Mr. Bassett, says I to him, check his departure, but he made a mind to draw syllogisms and parabo- cash on hand. It will open this morn‘but if you'll pay my expenses as a “The Peaviners protracted our fruittrain that was just pulling out. las, labor and trade and capital. Now, ing with $18,000—all silver—that’s the There traveling companion until we get out “Well,” says Bill Bassett, when we when trade has no capital there isn't lese stroll to the edge of town. They reason I didn’t bring more. of the danger zone of the immoral deftook my watch and money on ae- had exchanged memoirs of our dead | a dicker to be made. And when capi- you are, trade and capitai. Now, will icit you have caused in this tewn’'s count; and they kept Bill and the | lives, Ἱ could eat. This town don't tal has no money there's a stagnation you be bad?” finances to-night, I'll be obliged.’ “‘My young friend,’ says Alfred E. wagon as hostages. They said the look like it was kept under a Yale in steak and onions. That put it up| “Bill Bassett agreed to that, and Ricks, holding up his hands, ‘have | first time one of them dogwood trees | lock. Suppose we commit some mild to the man with the jimmy. “Brother bushrangers, says Bill you robbed this bank? Dear me, we hiked westward as soon as we put forth an Amsden’s June peach I atrocity that will bring in temporary wixdt come back and get my things. “When we got toatow that,’ says | could catch a safe train reer NLA RETSS ETLEET SC I rolls for twenty yards. | | | it — — — - “So Jassett rents aroom over a saloon and looks around for some furniture and chromos. The same night I went to Monty Silver's house, and he let me have $200) on my prospects. Then I went to the only store in Los Perros that sold playing cards and bought every deck in the house. The next morning when the store opened [ was there, bringing all the cards back with me. I said that my partner that was going to back me in the game had changed his mind; and I wanted to sell the cards back again. The storekeeper took ’em at half price. “Yes, I was $75 loser up to that time. But while I had the cards that night I marked every one in every deck, That was labor. And then trade and commerce had their innings, and the bread I had cast upon the waters began to come back in the form of cottage pudding with wine sauce. “Of course I was among the first to buy chips at Bill Bassett’s game. He had bought the only cards there was to be had in town; and I knew the back of every one of them better than I know the back of my head when the barber shows me my haircut in the two mirrors. “When the ne closed I had the six thousand an 1a fewodd dollars, and all Bil Bassett had was the wanderlust and a black cat he had bought for a mascot. Bill shook hands with me when I left. ““Brother Peters,’ says he, ‘I have no business being in business. I was preordained to labor. When a No. 1 burglar tries to make a James out of his jimmy he perpetrates an improfundity. You have a well-oiled and efficacious system of luck at cards,” says he. ‘Peace go with you. And I never afterward sees Bill Bassett again.” “Well, Jeff,” said I, when the Autolyvean adventurer seemed to have divulged thegist of his tale, “I hope you took care of the money. That would be a respecta—that is a considerable working capital if you should choose some day to settle down to some sort of regular business.” “Me?” said Jeff, virtuously. “You can bet I've taken care of that six thousand.” He tapped his coat over the region of his chest exultantly. “Gold mining stotk,” he explained, ‘every cent of it. Shares par value one dollar. Bound to go up 500 per cent. within a year. Non-assessable. The Blue Gopher mine. Just discovered a month ago. Better get in yourself if you've any spare d@ars on hand.” “Sometimes,” said I, “these mines are not—” “Oh, this one’s solid as an old goose,” said Jeff. “Fifty thousand dollars’ worth of ore in sight, and ten per cent. monthly earnings guaranteed.” He drew a long envelope from his pocket and cast it on the table. | “Always carry it with me,” said he. “So the burglar can’t carrupt or the | eapitalist break in and water it.” | 1 looked at the beautifully engraved certificate of stock. | “In Colorado, ! see,” said I. “And, by the way, Jeff, what was the name of the little man who went to Denver —the one you and Bill met at the station?” “Alfred E. Ricks,” said Jeff, “was the toad’s designation.” “I see,” said I, “the president of this mining company signs himself a. L. Fredericks. I was wondering—” “Let me see that stock,” said Jeft quickly, almost snatching it from me. To mitigate, even though slightly, the embarrassment of the moment I summoned the waiter and ordered another bottle of the Barbera. I thought it was the least I comié @o, tage, - | | “*You couldn't call ctct SEINMINNIEEOBBEAA Yr: | or rolled gold watch chains, or similar 1 seem to see unfurnished lodgings. | law-defying swindles that you could Let us go there and wait till dark.” “There was an old, deserted cabin sell on the plaza to the pikers of the in the grove, and we three took posparetic populace, have you?’ No,’ says I, ‘I left an elegant Μπο session of it. After dark Bill Bassett | of Patagonian diamond earrings and | tells us to wait, and goes out for half He comes back with a armrainy-day sunbursts in my valise δὲ | an bour. Peavine. But they're to stay there till | ful of bread and spareribs and pies » of them blackgum trees begin to ‘*‘Panhandled ‘em at a farmhouse ‘Eat, the market with yellow clings lon Washita avenue, says he. Japanese plums Ι reckon we drink, and be leary n't count on them unless we take | “The full moon was coming up er Burbank in for a partner,’ bright, so we sa the floor of the Very we | sa assett we'll do eabin ana ate in the light of it. And Maybe after dark | this Bill Bass be to brag ome lady, “Sometimes, 54] n€ with his nd open the Farmers & Drovers: Mamouth full of count produce, ‘I lose all patience with you people that up pulls al think you are higher up in the profesNow, what could ne ot nearby. ‘ reon in ὶ ff on the ot in the present emer{ comes ENC Ὁ set us feet again? wards us Uc 1 jo it, Rick ΠΤ fat an with a big I conf Mr. Bassett,’ says ere but dressed ex Ricks ng 1 inaudible out and εἲ ng a hand satchel of a slice of pie, ‘that at this immedi or railroad te junc 1 could not, perhaps, pro by us and mote an enterprise to relieve the sit not appearoperations, such as I La uation το And off it drops, a black bundle that Hard by, in yon wood, | desert a pal. ] you've brought along any hatr tonic Ee EEE a ——— ᾿ EEE |
