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Show ., , - ,;.- .. GLENN HALTERMAN ' COMMENTARY I'f .•. t Warning: danger of death · In the days since our wedding nearly four weeks ago, my wife and I have been enjoying an outpouring of generosity from family and friends in the form of gifts for us and our home. Many of these benevolent bestowals have been appliances and other sundry gadgets designed to make our lives easier. After the receipt and opening of each present, I have taken it upon myself to read through the owner's manual in order to familiarize myself with the do's and don 'ts of proper usage. From my reading I have determined the reason they include the warnings in the instructions for our new appliances must surely be for the same idiots who go through the drive-thru at McDonalds, order coffee, spill it on themselves, then sue for damages. If any of you think of writing in this week, about how you've been offended by something I've said, just rem ember that if you do, we'll all know that you Al are one of those idiots who can't drink a beverage and drive at the same time or B) the one who inspired _the warning on my new waffle iron that it not be used over a camp fire. It seems as if the makers of so many products nowadays feel as though they need to write their manuals with the chimpanzee homemaker in mind. Why else do you suppose the people at Toastmaster saw fit to tell me that I shouldn't put cardboard into the slots of my new toaster in lieu of bread? Have others done this when they've had a craving for some ruffage? Or what about the warning on our new clothes iron: "Do not use around poisonous gases." Why do we need to be told this?! I have deduced from this statement, though I may be wrong, that during a great conflagration in his home, with flames dancing around and n oxious fumes overcoming him, someone had the brilliant idea to press a shirt and some pants before he left the house. The result: a dead guy, a ruined cotton Van Heusen with a button-down collar, a singed pair of Dockers and a product liability lawsuit against the manufacturer of the iron for $10,000,069.95 (that's $10,000,000 for the dude, and $69.95 for the duds). Perhaps what it comes down to is that, in addition to the Navajo, Piute, Cheyenne, and H opi, there is another group of Native Americans which is rising up an becoming a great nation- the Sue Tribe. And despite the best efforts of manufacturers to cover their posteriors from these money-hungry nincompoops with ludicrous product warnings, members of the Sue inevitably devise a newer, more stupid, and potentially more lucrative use for a product that they haven't been warned against-like putting a Crock-Pot in the microwave on its lowest setting for six hours. · And while baseball is gradually going by the wayside as the great national pastime, it is being simultaneously replaced by frivolous . . litigating. I think I need to end here ... my carpal tunnel syndrome 1s acting up and I need to make a call to my lawyer. Damned keyboard manufacturers! Glenn Halterman is a political science major from Parowan. PROFESSIONAL STAFF AND DESK Editor Campus Editor Consulting Sports Editors PHONE NUMBERS: Larry Baker 586-7751 Jim Robinson 586-1997 Neil Gardner 586· 7753 Brett Jewkes 586· 7752 STIJDENT STAFF AND DESK PHONE NUMBERS: A11oci1te Editors D.W. 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Letters mus~ be su~~ittcd by noon Fridays for Monday edit ions, Tuesdays for Wtdncsday ediuont and Thurtdays for Fnday cdmons. Critnncu: Any individual with a grievance 11.gainst the /ournal should direct ~uch probl~m first t~ the editor. U unresolved, that grievance: should then be direc ted to the /ournal Steering Committee, which is ch,ircd by Dr. Frain C . PearllOn, 586· 7971. Uni ..rs/ry foumol: Offices in SUU Technology Building 003. Mail ar SUV Box 9384, Cedar City, Utah 84720. FAX 1435) 586-S4 87. E-mail addreh : journalO.uu.edu O PRINTI.D ON REC YC LED PAPER. PLE~SE RECYCLE THIS COPY. ..,.-HJ$ O~E.. ~~cs. A P\'l'f.+\ , 'SOC~ l'<'"' ~~ S'i\\...L 5iuC,~ - t\~lf -t\ 1~)(-f /tT "~ \..f', ' '?~\C.t. . ltl 1.T ,.... # \ DERK Journal 1-7- '15 JOSEPH SOBRAN COMMENTARY · The underworld and the overworld We're supposed to smirk automatically at the phrase "conspiracy theory, 11 as if the very idea of a conspiracy were somehow outlandish and, well, paranoid. Federal prosecutors seem to have made a pretty convincing case that T erry Nichols and Timothy McVeigh conspired to blow up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995. At least nobody is suggesting that all the jurors in the two trials were loco. The idea of conspiracy is essential to criminal law. It means nothing more than secret cooperation to commit criminal acts. It's implicit in such common expressions as "accomplice, 11 "organized crime" and "ge taway car." The alternative is to believe that criminals always act alone. Yes, and musicians always play solo. Of course the re are some silly conspiracy theories. That doesn't mean that there aren't also sane and sophisticated conspiracy theories. Those who indiscriminately deride curiosity about conspiracy are often trying to steer our attention away from the possibility of official corruption, the existence of which is pretty well attested. But the most damaging corruption may not consist in illegal acts. Just as there is a criminal "underworld" that continuously conspires to break the law, you can think of the political process as the working of an "overworld" in a conspiracy to remake the laws to suit itself. If the widget industry receives tax subsidies by persuading legislators to make laws in its favor, no crime has been committed. And this can be accomplished without gross bribery. Key senators and congressmen may b e receptive to the argument that new, high-tech widgets are vital to national defense (and might be manufactured in those honorable gentlemen's states). This patriotic proposal may be transacted over lunch, immensely boosting the profits of the widget industry, and the taxpayer.never the wiser. When there are no limits on what the taxing power may be used for, you are bound to get a whole class of people seeking to have it used on their behalf. What would otherwise be illegaltaking people's earnings by force-becomes legal when a government does it. . · The people who live and prosper by discreetly arranging to have their larceny legalized is what I m ean by the "overworld." Their ranks include politicians, businessmen, educators, etc. Because they control the legislative process, they not only don't have to commit crimes, they don't even think of themselves as s'1ady operators. These folks do share certain characteristic attitudes. They dislike "extremism," by which they mean any political principle that would keep government power and activity to a minimum. They are equally opposed to communism and " cutthroat capitalism" (whose evils they impartially equate with those of communism). They believe in a government that's "flexible," "compassionate" and "adapted to today's needs." They tout the virtues of " compromise." They favor "partnership" between government and " the private sector," because the modem world is so "complex" and "interdependent." And of course they are scornful of "conspiracy theories." Such people always sound reasonable, and they control the government. If their sense of honor isn't very strong, it would also be h ard to catch them doing anything flatly illegal. They aren't a secret cabal or a closed society. Anyone can join their ranks-anyone who wants to play t h e angles, to use the government for his own benefit at the expense of the unsuspecting taxpayer. An overworld exists in every society, a parasite class that figures out how to get others to work for them while keeping the law on their side. In many societies there are outright lords and slave owners who may directly command their serfs and bondsmen; in a nominally egalita.r ian society a more devious approach is necessary. You may be working much of the day to support your neighbor without knowing it. You know that a lot of your income goes to the government, but you don't exactly know where it goes from there. That's how the system is designed to work. fo seph So bran is a nationally syndicated columnist. |