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Show .: BRANDON SCHRAND SIGNE I PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS Philadelphia USA COMMENTARY Holidays at my house... It's that time of year again when we're resting in the down time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's that odd time of year when the mood sh ould be jolly, houses warm, and the stress levels should be low. N ope. Unfortunately that's not the way it is-or at least not in my family. Thanksgiving with m y family is usually a huge blow out. This year I took a rain check and opted not to travel to the tundra of Soda Springs, Idaho. But I got the full report of typical events that transpired on the home front. Let me explain: Signs that you have had Thanksgiving dinner with Brandon's family: 1.) You're drunk. 2.) There arc bullet holes in your car. 3.) The 8-track player in the trailer house is belching out that family favorite by Black Oak Arkansas, Hot and Nasty. 4.) Outside, the ratio of broken-down cars to cars that actually run is seven to one. 5.) Uncle Lenny, after having his fifth glass of Wild Turkey, offers you a Chevy 350 engine block for doi ng so well in college. 6.) Uncle Jug-Bob body slams grandma after his ni nth Tequila shot and is later found passed-out in his '78 Gremlin. 7.) Cousin Vince wants you to smoke a bowl an d staple slices of pimento-loaf to "SparkPlug," the three-legged cat. 8.) Aunt Pudge wants you to try a scoop of her homemade Yam Chowder made with real pickle juice. 9.) G randpa declares that the farting contest will be held following dessert. Eigh t year-old Peggy wins the contest and is awarded with a six pack of13uckhom beer. 10.) Cousin Becky is accused of stealing a bowl of giblet gravy and a carton of cigarettes by hiding them in her 'Jiffy-Pop hair-do.' After searching through her head-forest all that is found is "Spark-Plug," the three-legged cat and a pair of welding goggles. It is also discovered that Uncle Jug-Bob hoarked the bowl of giblet gravy and upon passing out, spilled it in the back seat of his '78 Gremlin soiling his denim upholstery. Don't get me wrong, my family is a hoot. There's something to appreciate in situations like Thanksgiving with my family. I'm not sure what exactly. It might be when one of the drunken uncles grabs you and gives you a wedgie in front of your girlfriend, that you begin to appreciate your rustic roots. Maybe you begin to appreciate the makeshift moonshine grandpa made out of com mash and Aqua Velva, Glacier Breeze. Maybe you finally appreciate the candor of Aunt Pudge fist-fighting Aunt Ruth over who's-sle"eping-withwhose-husband. But I suppose one just appreciates the overall personality from such an odd bunch, such a slice of Americana. Had the Pilgrims realized their actions would eventually birth a town called Soda Springs, Idaho, they might well have reconsidered. But alas, they didn't and here I am. And I give thanks to the time out of school, my very weird family, and to "Spark Plug," the three legged cat for putting up with it all. Brandon R. Schrand is a senior English ma;or. EDITOR'S NOTE: TIDS IS THE FINAL EDffiON OF THE QUARTER. ALSO DUE TO A MALFUNCTION IN OUR SATELUTE RECEIVER WE ARE UNABLE TO BRING OUR READERS ASSOCIATED PRESS SERVICE AND COMIXWORD TODAY. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE. 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Leuen to the editor mut t be: typed an include the name and phone number. O nly the name will be printed. Names wlll not be w,thhcld under any circumstanct:1 and the edJtor reserve• editing prlvi1cgc1. Le:uers mu11 be submitted by noon frid.ty1 for Mood.ty editions, Tu..day1 for Wednesday edition, and Thurodaya for Friday edition.a. Crievancu: Any individual wit.h a grievance against the Journal 1hould direct ,uch problem first to the editor. ll unresolved, that grievance 1hould then be directed to the fournal Steering Committee, which is chaired by Dr. Frain C . Pcan,on, 586, 7971. UaJ..nity /IHll'lllll: Ollicc, in SlN Technology Building 003. Mai l at SUU Box 9384, Ced.tr Ciry, Utah 84720. FAX 14.1 51586,5 487. E-mail addte11: joumalO.uu.edu 0 PRINTED ON RECYCLED PAPER. PLEASE RECYCLE 'l'I-IIS COPY. 0 ~ "'"'<ii .. :; I ~ \ ~ ~ n ~ {; i ~ § ! SEAN GONSALVES COMMENTARY Death and biblical nonsense An eye for a n eye? N ot in Massachusetts, where I live. Two weeks ago a bill to reinstitute the death penalty lost by one vote. One vote! The legislation was introduced in the wake of several highly publicized and horrific murders in the Bay State, including the homicide of 10-yearold Jeffrey Curley, who was sexually molested after he was killed. God rest his precious soul. Unsurprisingly, death penalty proponents whipped up mass hysteria about the need to "get tough" on murderers and tried to ride a wave of collective angst to victory. Close but no cigar. I use that cliche not to blow smoke in your face but to make a point. Like the trite cigar adage, arguments for the death penalty have become little more than hackneyed assertions. And the most banal and confused argument of all for capital punishment is the biblical argument. One Brewster, Mass., resident provides a good example. In a letter to the editor published in the Cape Cod Times, the writer takes issue with an editorial opposing the death penalty. "The paper bases its opinion on the assumption that the death penalty will not deter atrocities like Jeffrey Curley's horrible fate, because the death penalty is an act of revenge and it lowers society to the level of killers. Did you forget what God has preached for thousands of years, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth?," he asks. In the book of Exodus, where God is instructing the Israelites, he is talking about tort law. The language in Exodus 21:24 (" An eye for an eye ... ") is referring to compensation in the labor market. Several verses later, God says: If an ox kills a "manservant," the ox should be put to death and the owner should consider himself warned. If the ox kills again, not only should the ox be killed, but the owner also should be put to death. Now that's a radical concept. Imagine if we held corporate America to the same standards. If two people are killed because of a faulty piece of equipment, the CEO, and maybe some of the controlling investors, get executed! Earlier in Exodus, God does say: "He that smiteth a man, so that he die, shall be surely put to death ." But according to biblica l law, the charging of interest on loan s (us ury) is also considered a mortal sin. No one, including our letter-writer, is suggesting the good people at Citibank or Chase Manhattan deserve capital punishment for having high interest rates on their loans. An overview of the entire Bible will turn up a host of Scriptures that suggest the intentional taking of human life by anyone but God is wrong. Furthermore, the Bible is filled with mandates not to oppress the poor while making every effort to "do justly (to) the least of these." That's significant for the death penalty argument given the fact that the overwhelming majority of people executed by our system of criminal justice are poor folks. It's downright hypocritical for middle-class people to support a law that disproportionately affects the poor especially when most claim a belief in equality for all before the law. Beyond the tenuous biblical polemic, our letterwriter s eems also to support the so -called deterrence argument . The assumption that capital punishment does not deter murder is a solid one. There's not one iota of sociological evidence that would suggest capital punishment is an effective deterrent. Of course, none of this means there are no grounds to support the death penalty. Perhaps state-sanctioned murder is justified if it can be shown that the family members of murder victims and the larger community have some kind of "right" to revenge in specific circumstances. The letter-writer says, "God has preached (the death penalty) for thousands of years." It's more accurate to say that human beings have preached the death penalty for thousands of years. And evidently he doesn't give much weight to 2 Peter 3:9, where it says the Lord "does not will that any should perish." Sean Gonsalves is a nationally syndicated columnist. j |