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Show SOUTHERN UTAH NEWS School WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 11, 2004 Crankcase - a bagful of elbows 01 Thats the Sarge By Clint Nielsen, Dixie State College You know how ugly Tom Willardson is? If he fell in a well, theyd be pumping ugly for a year. My wife, the Babe? When she goes into the beauty parlor, the staff starts humming Dream the Impossible Dream. Actually, the last time she went in, she came back looking quite gorgeous . . . but three days later the mud pack wore off. Ya know? If Doc Pandya and not Moses had brought the Ten Commandments tablets down off Bicycle Rodeo winner India Bulletts was the winner ofa new bike at last weeks DECA Bicycle Rodeo in Fredonia. Standing behind India are Jake Pratt, Justin Johnson and Chris Jim who organized the event for their State DECA competition project. Despite cold and snowy weather, 59 young bikers turned out. The bikers (l-r- ): learned about bicycle safety, received a free helmet, and entered their names in the drawing for the new bike. - Arcou ready to sell your home or lot? Are you looking for an experienced agent? Call p REALTY Asta Battista 644-223- 2 or 689-105- 7 14 I knew and loved in old St. George. Awhile back I talked to Mike Walkers last date. She told me, Going out with Mike was so wonderful, I dont want to spoil it by going out with him again. Great time, eh, Mike? Jim Glover doesnt eat between meals. With Jim, there is no in between meals. We call Lynn Button Peanut Brittle because hes half nuts. But then, we call Kathy Miles Venus de Milo because shes not all there. Rod Lathim? Hes like an unLast night, words passed between Doug and Jo McFadden. employed school teacher. He has She hit him with a dictionary. no class. Im sorry I called George Kelly Stay away from Jim Ott. He a uses Raid as deodorant! cheap. Actually, he gives till it To say that my pal, Fred hurts. Its just that hes exChappell is a gossip is an under- tremely sensitive to pain. statement! He gossips so much, My pal, Dilworth Perkins? he has a fence attached to his Hes so lazy that if Opportunity the mountain, people still ear. Hes like an old shoe. knocked hed complain about the wouldnt know what they said. Everythings worn out but his noise. He got an itch this mornThey couldnt have read them. tongue. His mouth is so big, he ing but hes six months behind Concerning the Ten Com- can whisper in his own ear. I on his scratching. He could fall mandments, Sarge Baker has asked him once why he liked to asleep in the middle of a nap. In come up with an eleventh comrepeat gossip. He said, What spite of that, youre a 10, Dil. mandment. It says: Disregard else is there to do with it? Hey! Ken Glover is so clutzy, that the other Commandments. Youre O.K., Fred. if he became a tree surgeon, hed fall out of his patient. When Rory Brunner was a kid, Dennis used to play house with him. Rory would be the door, and Dennis would slam him. The other day, Rory walked into the room and for a moment nobody GED recognized him. They never more delightful moment. If you want to earn your GED, tion to ratioproportion and mea- spent a Royce Gillespie? He has all advance in your career, or im- surements. charm of a dirty Christmas the GED and Adult Education prove your math and reading card. Id like to see him get a MCC is the place to be. classes are offered free (up to skills, Mohave Community Colleges seven AED credits per semes- hobby like . . . going home and north campus currently offers ter) to students 16 years and collecting dust. God should have the following open enrollment older who are not in high school. mercy on his soul. He certainly on the of him. courses: Students enrolling in an AED didnt shouldrest call Mike Walker They GED Preparation. This instruc- class must attend an orientaHe has no active ingreSanka. tion prepares the student for the tion class. dient in his bean. GED exam. Areas studied inGED preparation students Then theres 01 Rodney. His clude writing skills, reading who successfully complete the face is with ugly. skills, math, social studies, sci- GED test are offered seven The synonymous other looked the Babe ence and study skills. additional hours of free col- into the faceday, of death ... his. Hes Basic Skills Reading. This class lege tuition the semester afcute as as a He has four button. reviews and practices basic read- ter the test is completed to holes his face. How in can I deing skills starting at the fifth get them started with their scribe 01 Crankcases face d grade level. This class is college education. a bagful of elbows. and helps the student Whether you are a high school Maybe Saw Lynn Button the other work on comprehension, vocabu- drop out or just need to improve He was down in the day. lary and reading techniques. your skills theres no better time Thats where he lives. dumps. Basic Skills Math. This class to start than the present so call Mike Evangelista has a shirt reviews and practices the basic Carolyn Hamblin at your local with a Brazilian look . . . coffee operations of whole numbers, Mohave Community College stains all over it. fractions, decimals and percents. Success Center today at Glover Jim overweight? Not This also includes an introduc really, but if he gets in an elevator, it had better be going down. Come see 01 Crankcase about TIME a higher education. OF Crankcase? Hes the one whos never too old to learn new ways of being stupid. Ifignorance is bliss, All youth from Kindergarten to 8th grade hes Mr. Happy! are welcome to join. The Elementary and Middle Schools have sign up forms or you can contact Staci Wright at Need Storage? 8 or 644-- 2 75 if you have any questions. Our season will be March and April depending on how many Try Ocean sign up. The cost is $15.00 per child. For all those parents Cargo Containers to coach is there a discount! $10.00 willing 8' x 20, 8 x 40 We will also need assistant coaches, referees, vN etc... Any help is better than none. Tough & Tight - Mohave Minutes - Mohave Community College offers free and Adult Education classes self-pace- IT'S TOR SPRING SOCCER!! That's how many Americans die each year from secondhand smoke. Remember that fact next time you smoke and think, "I'm only hurting myself." Just another example of how smoking affects us all. To quit, call or visitutahQuitRet.com. The TRUTH 644-530- 1 Please have all sign up forms to the school offices, or to Staci Wright (644-- 2 75) by February 12th.(There is a $10.00 fee for all laic sign tips.) 1 Delivered to your Site Call Toll Free |