| Show Monday November Page 1 2 The Utah Statesman 1 9 1 979 survival manual for the non-skiA er by M Reilly This is a manual for the nonskier If you are a skier please turn the don t like you page or cast your eyes aside because we nonskiers The first thin for nonskiers to keep in mind is that although you live in a virtual sea of skier vou art norma!' on a cold Let me assure vou while you are siting in your warm home at ° and laughing hot a toddy afternoon Saturday sipping is inCos sell you can be contented with the knowledge that your sanity troubles real has who tact It is the skier faced with is how One of the big problems that you the nonskier are to join his to avoid the skier who is constantly attempting to get you t He will use ranks Hence the old adage misery loves company " V ou must resist at all ploy s m order to get you “on the slopes The first ploy the skier use will keep you warm is telling you that the motion of skiing ' To this I sav a very polite “b on 5 If it is so warm up there how come he has spent a small fortune warm how on hot so if he is keeping Moreover of ckithing’ pounds come he isn't at home with you and the toddies’ Another ploy the skier uses is ridicule He will attempt to convtnce ‘’Remember: you are normal it is the ” skier who has real problems become a you that you are abnormal He may even avoid you until you skier Thi situation can grl out of hand AU of a sudden you find yourself with no friend because they are all skier and refuse to han out with you If you find yourself in this dilemma I have a plan Futgo over to the D I and pick up a pair of old skis This will save you the hassle of talking to a Norwegian salesman in some ski shop and pretending as though you really care about how many inches of new snow there are Also you might be able to get your skis for about SO cents at the D I and this is a savings of about TOO percert over the ski shop Neat tie the skis on to the top of your car and drive over to the hospital Take some bucks with you and bribe one of the interns to put a cast on your leg Now you can trtl everyone you had a ski accident Skiers am t a very intelligent kg to begin with and they'll believe you and take you into their circle of friends You re set for the whole winter and you never even gig wet! It you don t feel like going over to the hospital institute plan number lent F trst pick up the skis at the U I and put them on tup of you car as per plan number one Next instead of going to the hospital drive over to your friendly Columbian neighborhood dupe dealer and buy a pound of Now fur the next three months or unlit the first signs of spring (whichever comes first) you must remain constantly and consistently stoned Your eyes will be blitzed 24 hours a day and you ran fake a severe case of Not only will people think that you ski but this should prove to be an extremrlv pieavtnl way to spend a winter in Logan high-grad- e s Commemorating JFK’s death It was Friday I was m the fourth grade The Thanksgiving holiday was just an afternoon away It was the noon hour Se would go to the cafeteria for lunch and in the afternoon have our science lesson music and art class and then he off for the vacation I was looking forward to the trip the family had planned to Roswell New Mexico to visit relatives hen I had made it through the lunch line 1 walked around the benches and tables to where Steve my best friend was sitting As we picked at those god awful beans they served Sandy Friday iSteve s older sister a came over to our table “Hev" she said as she approached “did you hear that they shot the president? She had a siUv smirk on her face I thought we were being set up’’ fig some kind of joke “Yeah 1 said “In the arm” “No In Dallas" Sandy said I still thought it was some kind of joke though I didn't get it As Steve and I left the lunwe chroom fig the plavground passed the library The door was open and we glanced inside The black and white television set in the far corner was turned on A news commentatig was talking earnestly about something The principal a couple of the teachers and some of the fifth- - and were silently watching the broadcast No one moved or said anything Whatever it was they were watching looked rather boring to me Steve and I quickly left the building for the playground sixth-grade- sixth-grader- s Cynthia Anderson and her friends were gathered about the telhrrball pole I had a crush on Cynthia and tried to impress her daily “Hey did you hear they shot the president?" I said as we walked by “In the arm in Dallas” I laughed “That s not funny” Cynthia said I had failed in my attempt to make an impression “It's a joke" I said shrugging my shoulders Following the noon recess we returned to our classroom for the science lesson Mrs Bench was absent which was unusual for her She returned shortly She was very solemn Somebody in the back of the class said something "The principal has an announcement to make We ll wail to hear what he has to say" was all she said As if on cue Mr Foote's voice came over the PA system He told us that our president John F Kennedy had been shot by an unknown gunman in Dallas The president was not expected to live Now he is gone" out of the but tai a nd noticed that the flag the flag I pledged my ilkpua every morning was only hef a up the pole try I looked The Utah Symphony to return to Logan The Cache Community Concert series will sponsor the Utah Symphony under the direction of Maurice Abravane! in the Chase Fine Arts Center Concert Hall on Nov 30 at 8 p m The program is part of the inaugural ceremonies for the university's new president Stanford Cazier The Utah Symphony Orchestra is considered to be one of the top 10 orchestras in the country today The group has performed more than 3000 concerts winning standing ovations in such music capitals as Athens Vienna London and New York The group has also won the enduring affection of Utah audiences The Budget Buck Bonanza has Begun! From now until Dec 22 every $2 you spend at Budget & Records will return to you one Budget Buck Save 'em! They will be valuable at the Budget Tape & Record auction in January Over SI 500 worth of merchandise to be auctioned a home stereo a car stereo installed and an Astra tune Stereopack Tapes The principal uid k a dismissing school for tlaiwdf afternoon And he udvtkk all go home and pray for ovpg dent His voice sounded any It wasn't until I boanfci school bus a half hour hie k became aware of the gnvitjdl news from Dallas My older brother who junior high school plained it to me "Kenned j president of the United Suin' been assassinated He d Somebody shot him" “ W hat does that meanriiM “I don't really know" he npfc "He was the man who ru air an The Logan concert will art 24th year that the orckaui traveled to Cache Valley ta form The Logan concert pragma i feature Beethoven’s (betas King Strphrn Havdna Svsjk H!i in 0 Minor and PnM Suite from the Ballet Bonaai J uliel Tickets for the Utah Srape are available through tbe SC office USU TV Seri: Wednesday SwSJ( Quality Parenting Social S KUED7 Saturday Nov 24 - 4F USU and You: Em Children - KUTV t Sunday Nov2S-- J You: Cob USU and Cheerleaders - KUTV 2 Wednesday No 21 Quality Parenting KUED 7 Parenthood I Tad - off-includi- ng mum IfiM Mon Camel Toes Tim Hoffman wed DaveRoW |
