OCR Text |
Show DAILY HERALD a TODAYIN HISTORY Today is Sunday, April 23, the 113th day of 2006. There young men he'd shot on a subwaycar in 1984. A April 23, 1564,is believed to be the birth date of English spstagyer Satay with a bidding | are 252 daysleft in the year. Today's Highlight in History: WARNING; SOME MATERIALNOT SUITABLE FOR SERIOUS PEOPLE eae ees = —— e © eee e or an ; sel off Hawaii. In 1789, President-elect Washington and his wife policy time he re-plumbed his house. His accountof this event was as long as “The Iliad” but with People sat down next to me and more soldering. I'm sure he told this story to everybody whose child made the honor roll is bor- building he ever inspected; he’s cept when car is going at least probablystill telling it, unless 172 mph upside down. Talking about golf is always boring. died in a dancehall fire in Natchez, Miss. In 1954, Hank Aaronofthe Milwaukee Braves hit the first ing, but not the part where you of his record 755 major-league home runs, in a game against could without amplifiers. They wereso boringI took notes on their conversation. Here’s an some building ownerfinally strangled him,in which case I bet his wife never reported that actual excerpt FIRST PERSON(pointing toa big.bag): That's a big bag. spo PERSON:ThatIS a ener PERSON: You can hold a lot in a baglike that Dave Barry THIRD PERSON: Francine has big baglikethat. FIRST PERSON:Francine does? Like that? boring. Boring people neverdo. THIRD PERSON: Yes. It In fact, no offense, even YOU could be boring. Ask yourself: Whenyoutalk to people, do theytend to make vague excuses — “Sorry! Got to run!” — and holds everything. She puts everythingin thatbag. SECOND PERSON: It’s a big bag. then walk briskly away? Does THIRD PERSON: Shesays whatevershehas, she just puts it nie ae andjust, boom, this happen evenif you are in an elevator? Closesi “instPERSON: Francine you with whatappearsto be But evenif peoplelistento greatinterest, that doesn't mean you'renot boring. They could be pretending. WhenPrince SECOND PERSON:Thatis a BIG bag, I wanttostress that this was Charlesspeaks, everybody pretends to be fascinated, even not all that they had to say about the big bag. They could thoughhe has neversaid any- have goneon for hoursif they hadn't beeninterrupted by a major news development: namely, thinginteresting except in that intercepted telephoneconversation wherein he expressed the desire to be a feminine, hygiene product. And evenif you're not Prince a person walkingpast pulling a wheeled suitcase. Thisinspired a whole new train of dae Charles, people might have to pretend you'reinteresting The pointis, you could easily be unawarethat you're boring. Fishing is boring, unless you agrees on what “boring” means. For example, Person A might believethat collecting decora- In 1940, about 200 people (PLAYING golf can be interest- he was missing. makea conscious effort to avoid boring topics. The problem here, of course,is that not everybody | ing. Auto racing is boring ex- try to hit the little ball; only the This is why everybody should moved intothe first executive mansion, the Franklin House, in New York. Also, come to think ofit, do- mestic policy. The fact that your the St. Louis Cardinals. In 1969, Sirhan Sirhan was sentenced to death for assassi- part whereyou drive the cart.) catch an actual fish, and thenit is disgusting. nating New York Sen. Robert F. Kennedy. (The sentence was later reduced to life imprison- Speaking ofsports, a big problemis that men and women often do not agree on what ment.) In 1993, labor leader Cesar Chavezdied in San Luis, Ariz., is boring. Men can devote an entire working weekto discussing a single pass-interference penalty; womenfind this bor- I am. PersonA is correct. wherein the entire plot consists Plate-collecting is boring. In fact, hobbies of aay kind are to have, but neveractually hav- of a man and a woman yearning ing the Rev. Martin Luther have the same hobby. (This is ing, a relationship. Men HATE that. Men can take maybe 45 at a Nashville, Tenn., hospital also trueofreligion, although you will not find me saying so seconds of yearning, and then they want everybodyto get boring except to people who inprint.) The NewAgeis boring, and so are those puzzles where youtryto locate all the hidden words, Agricultureis important, butboring. Likewise foreign | at age 66. In 1995, sportscaster How- tive plates is boring, whereas Person B mightfind this to be a fascinating hobby: Who's to say which person is correct? years ago: USS Green_eville Cmdr. Scott Waddle was given letter of reprimand as punishment for the submarine collision that killed nine people a of the Garter. e J: at an airport, reading a newspaper, when the World's Three Most Boring started talking as loud as they . —— ° S ae S DOrIN poet and dramatist Wiliam hedied52years later, also on April 23. On this date: In 1348, King Edward Ill of auction of the late Jacqueline Onassis’ ard Cosell died in New Yorkat. ‘One year ago: Leaders of China and Japan met in Jakarta, Indonesia,to try to settle their nations’ worst dispute in three decades, but failed to reach an agreementin the bitter feud over Tokyo's handling ofits World War II atrocities. Silvio Berlusconi was sworn in as head ofItaly's 60th govern- ment since the end of World War Il. Today's Birthdays: Actress Janet Blair is 85. Actress- turned-diplomat Shirley Temple Blackis 78. Actor Alan Op- penheimeris 76. Actor Lee Ma- Jorsis 67. Actress Blair Brown is 58. Writer-director Paul Brickman is 57. Actress Joyce ~ DeWittis 57. Actor James Russois 53. Filmmaker-author Michael Mooreis 52. Actress Judy Davis is 51. Actress Jah naked. Followed bya car chase. civil-court jury ordered Bern- Hooksis 49. Actress Valerie Bertinelli is 46. Actor George Lopezis 45. U.S. Olympicgold medal skier Donna Weinbrecht is 41. Actor Scott Bairstow is 36. Actress Jaime King is 27. Actress Rachel Skarstenis 21. Thoughtfor Today: “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.” — From in Car Chases” woulddoreally well among men. I have quite a .to Darrell Cabey, oneof four speare(1564-1616). ing, yet can be fascinated by a four-hour movie with subtitles A moviecalled “Naked People age 77. In 1998, James Ear! Ray, who'd confessed to assassinat- KingJr. in 1968 and theninsisted he'd been framed, died at age 70. Ten years ago: A Bronx hard Goetz to pay$43 million few morepoints to make, but I'm sick ofthis topic. WELCOME! COME ON IN HOROSCOPE momentand you will bypass CELEBRITIES BORN ON THIS ‘ YOUA AND I’'LLGIVE OUATTOUR i CoUECTIONBEFORE “Henry V,”by William Shake- DAY:Blair Brown, 60; Valerie someofthe moredifficult situations. Travel plans should be Jan Hopks, 49 in the works and will enhance your day. 3 stars LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It Bertinelli, 46; Craig Sheffer, 46; “There, with those wheels.” “John has one.” “He does?” because they want tosell you something or haveintimate “With those wheels?” “Yes, He says youjust roll it along.” “John does?”) carnal knowledge of you or have to make some tough over them. anyone railroad youinto doing but, if youfeellike getting a point: Evaluate yourpast and job and feel really good about what you accomplish. Your HappyBirthday: Youwill because you hold some power Andsoon. It occurred to me thata possible explanation for someplane crashes might be At onetime, I wasa co-investor in a small, aging apartment something you knowisn’t right for you, Thiscan be a turning electrical systems that were base your future on what you havelearned from your experiences. The future looks bright so move forward. Your numbers are 3, 9, 15, 19, 26, 31 ARIES (March 21-April 19): building with plumbing and that peoplelike these weresit- ting close enough to the cockpit maynot be a regular work day choicesthis year. Don’tlet brought over onthe Mayflower; forthe flight crew to hear them mypartner and I were regularly talk (“There's a cloud.” “Look, visited by the building inspector, there’s another...”) and eventu- whohad the powerto write us ally the pilot deliberatelyflies into the ground to make them shut up. up for numerous minor build- ing-codeinfractions, which is whywe always pretendedto be Makesomechangesat home. fascinated whenhetold us — as involvement with someone clearly didn't knowthey were he. ALWAYSdid — about the you've been questioninglately. The thingis, these people You should probablyhave less A short trip will payoff in the bery, was released in April after a fellow inmate (having looked over Brown's records) pointed out to officials that Brown's sen- but then “accidentally” (in a she loved him whenshe really meantto say goodbye. » HonestyIs the Best Policy: (1) Caught by police with il- cause, following her breast-aug- hecould havebeenkept hehind legal emergencylights on his car, Bradenton,Fla., restaurant manager Kenneth Holmes,26, said at his February sentencing bars. The probable explanation, for impersonatinga policeof- tencewas illegally long and that 15 years was the maximum time according to'sources cited by The Tampa Tribune,was that Brown'sjudge (nowdeceased) misinterpreted whether Brown was ever armed. Thus,but ficer that he did it “to get home quicker,”that the flashers were “cool” and a “fantastic timesaver”that enabled him to drive for the fortuitous discovery of ory lane oractuallyvisiting through red lights. (2) According to a February police report rental firm where she works be- mentation surgery, she couldn't get the manager to stop paying attentiontoherbreasts. wear theelectronic ankle monitor as part ofhis five-year probation because his Brotherhood Messages » In March,Fredericton, New Brunswick,anti-abortion activist David Little, 60, resisting his upcomingtrialfor tax evasion,informed the judge that he would need an indefinite onthe ArizonaState University student newspaper's Website, an 18-year-old student, arrested at Hayden Library for mastur- and stepdaughter are possessed Compelling Explanations » (1) Kuwait Times reported in bating openly while watching by Satan andrequire exorcism. downthe Hawally bakery in Kuwait City after finding dough stored in toilet, which the owner explained was so that the humidity would keepit moist. (2) Houstonpoliceofficials start- ed an investigation in March into whether Lt. Joseph Buttitta had sexually harassed a female officer. KPRC-TV reported.that the femaleatfirst described a consensual relationship that she should have brokenoff sooner, Internet porn,explained to police, “To be honest, the ee connection at my dorm isn’t good enough.” TheLitigious Society (1) Michael Oddenino,a lawyer in Arcadia, Calif., filed a iawsuit in March against the coachofhis daughter's high schoolsoftball team for $3 million for her emotional distress from the coach'scalling her a “2-year-old” andcalling the players in general “idiots” for mak- IRS PROBLEMS? EXJRS AGENTS AND TAX PROFESSIONALS NEGOTIATE FOR YOU! “..the (Nation's) most successful (in terms of size) tax-resolution company.”* -The Wall Street Journal Confidential Interview Hetold the judge that some exorcisms work quickly, but that he knowsof onethat has lasted 16 years. The judge said bring in some evidenceof the possession.(Little has openly refused to pay taxes because some government money funds abortions.) » More Religious Messages: (1) Stan andStella Hagarty began an Internet business recently as the Wholly Love shop from Bridgend, Wales, specializing in sex products for Christians “to enhance your sex disobey God. (The judge's decision wasnotreported.) Questionable Judgments In February, several pa- tients at an unlicensed mental health facility in Columbus, Ga., told the local Ledger-Enquirer newspaperthatthey had recently worked security at the Georgia Domein Atlanta during football gamesof the University of Georgia and the Atlanta Falcons. Thefacility, the Greater Grace Community homicidal tendencies. Provo to be. You arelikely to have a problem with a contractor some changesto your home. Don't spend moneyyou don't GEMINI (May21-June 20): Someone maybe trying to You'll have some good mon- put oneover on you. Don't fall for fast-talking. Stand your ground and make your own decisions.It is possible that somethingisn’t up-to-date with your personal papers that could potentially cost you have.2 stars CAPRICORN(Dec.22-Jan.19): eymaking ideas if you brain- storm with someone who is as entrepreneurial as you are. Talks aboutstarting a business will intrigue you and get your mindracing. Romanceis in the stars. 4 stars AQUARIUS(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): money. 2 stars CANCER(June21-July 22): Get out and have fun with friends, yourloveror children. The moreentertaining your day, the morepopular youwill be. little effort will go a long way whenit comesto looking the best that you can. 5 stars LEO (July 23-Aug.22): You'll be tempted to spend too much on your home,family and friends today. Put your credit cards awayandlet your enter- taining personality be enough to keep everyoneintrigued. Opportunities to showyourtal- tion and make youfeel proud, sonalities or bi-polar disorder or complicated than they have should you decide to make ent will enhance-yourreputa- facility's patients are those diagnosed withanti-social per- about your personal goals and a place you haven't been for Center, has recently been shut patients’ story. Among the whole newperspective. Talk to your loveror a good friend ‘sometimewill remind youof your goals and what you need to do to achieve them.4 stars down,but the newspaper was able to verify muchof the Keep vour thoughts to your- self even if youfeel slighted or needto lash out. Keep your private andprofessional lives separateor you will face some unwanted criticism from your rs. 3 stars PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You maybe too loose with your cash, giving the ones you love everything they desire. Someone you are dealing with is being untruthful about his or herfinancial position. If you really want to invest, invest in your ownideas not those of someoneelse. 3 stars Birthday Baby: You are 3 stars charming,instinctively know- Things may not go according You are unique, competitive ing howto deal with people. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): to plan because of emotional ups and downs.Try to take things as they come,enjoythe andoriginal. You are disciplined, well-spoken and always strive for success. Srvert HEADACHE AIGRAINE Tension Heapacues? Siire Neck? TMJ? iene cools yaaed tension in 800-499-0951 www.taxexperts.com JK Harris & Company postponement because his wife of Christ sect regards electricity as one cause of whypeople poisons. movameins {you or fiend hove any THD symptoms that ‘eer Thee sympens ‘mayinclude ‘or TMsymptoms, 368 your Free Tax Settlement Analysis: by Appointment Only 800-377-9720 Scott Smithpetitioned a judge in February not to make him that eagle-eyed inmate, Brown would have spent his entire postteenagelife in prison. April that food inspectors shut life with your spouse,”including Pure Arousal Super Stretch Rings,Silver Clitoral Charms and the Snail Trail Vibrating Tickler (but no pornographyor bondageoranal-useitems). (2) Convicted lowasex offender will payoff. Visiting someone from your past will cpen up a SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't make things more do. Takinga trip down mem- ing insignificant mistakes. (A SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov.21): Travelfor pleasure or business Stop pressuring yourself and start to appreciate what you judgerejected it.) (2) In Cardiff, Wales, in March, Sabrina Pace, 26, sued the managerof the car reporter's word) told Buttitta youproduce something unique and marketable. 3 stars things you see.3 stars TAURUS(April 20-May20): Leonard Brown,47,sentenced in 1982 to 99 yearsin prisonin Florida for armed rob- creative touch will ensure that you will get insight on how you can makethings better. 5 stars information yougather and the News of the weird by Chuck Shepherd headstart, you will do a great Physicion first, then give ws a Vew C eenLEG iminal Justice Degree ut Provo College! consulaton. *not an by the WSJ The Nation’s Largest Tax Representation Firm Memories fade, your pictures shouldn't. dares | ; Wyii se camera Provo 36 N. University Ave. 373-4440 Orem 626 N. State St. 224-0006 AF 76N. 100€. 756-3313 www.allenscamera.net Dutch Oven Cook-off At Young Living Farms SaturdayApril 29th Contestants apply on-line at www.younglivingfarms.com Judging at 1 pm. |