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Show I f 1 ijTLLr,xv or.r iruvimitv dU, 1V8Z - SECTION- d d! By Miriam Arond m VV n fact, If ouve surely seen her. In you might even be her. Shes the one who I complains that she cant pay 1 1 the food bills and then buys an outrageous red leather jumpsuit. Shes the type who treats herself to a new eyeshadow, another hanging plant, a copper mixing bowl after a fight with her husband. And d when she finally gets a she celebrates work at promotion with a sexy new nightgown, a pair of snakeskin shoes, a beautiful leather pocketbook. For her, entering a store to buy a birthday gift for a friend means leaving armed with 10 packages how could she pass up that pink sunsuit when she knows how cute her niece will look in it? And wont her husband love this new cologne? W hile everyone loves to splurge once in a while, for many women shopping is an passion and an urge they cant seem to control. It makes no difference whether they buy luxury items, like a crystal vase and a gold bracelet, or mundane necessities, like toothpaste and deodorant. The act of buying is what is important. U long-awaite- Why Women Shop Compulsively Why do women shop compulsively even though they moan and groan about accumulating bills? it Shopping perks people up gives them a lift, says Dr. Bruce Forester, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University in New York. Theres nothing wrong with liking to shop, explains Forester. In fact, people who feel guilty when they buy who have to go to the anything biggest discount store even if they are extremely affluent or who feel the need to rationalize every have a problem with purchase low self-estee- The difference between a healthy shopper who enjoys shopping a lot and a compulsive shopper, notes Forester, is that for a healthy shopper, shopping is only one of many ways of coping with anxiety. For a compulsive shopper, however, shopping is the only way to cope with anxiety. Compulsive shoppers otherwise they feel they must buy will be overwhelmed with anxiety. Marita! Conflict nt ARE YOU A COMPULSIVE Look in your clothes, linen, and kitchen closets. Are they half-fille- d with clothes you never wear? appliances you never use? packages youve never opened? Does your family get annoyed by the amount you spend shopping? Do your friends think youre too extravagant? an Do you use every occasion a evening out, family gathering, a as an excuse to buy weekend trip a new outfit? Do you spend most of your free time shopping? Do you have difficulty window shopping without buying anything? When you go on vacation, do you immediately run to buy gifts for everyone back home? The True Causes of A healthy shopper buys for either because rational reasons she needs something or because she feels shes earned a reward. Even if she decides to extend beyond her budget, its a conscious decision, says Dr. Robert Gordon, a psychologist in Allentown, But the compulsive Pennsylvania. is She buys rational. not shopper she she cant or need doesnt things afford. She tries to use shopping to solve a deep unconscious conflict. Thats why the compulsion is its never satisfied by a ongoing or even a purchase particular hundred purchases. Psychology experts differentiate between binge shoppers who go on occasional sprees and chronic shoppers who shop every or almost every day. A binge shopper is someone who only shops compulsively when undergoing emotional stress, explains Arizona psychologist Dr. Gregg Crow. Its a temporary reaction and often a helpful way for the individual to deal with anxiety. Typical situations which set off bingers are after an examination, the loss of a close friend or relative, or an achievement long hoped for. The chronic shopper, however, not only to shops all the time celebrate when shes happy or to cheer her up when shes blue, but as an unconscious way of dealing with emptiness, loneliness, and feeling unloved. Compulsive shoppers relieve their uneasiness by accumulating things for themselves. It is a behavior used by people who feel entitled to something they didnt get, says Dr. Leon Salzman, author of Treatment of the Obsessive Personality. Seattle lawyer Anne, a who shops every free lunch hour and Saturday, traces her shopping habit back to high school. My mother and father were always away on business trips and vacations, so after school Id go shopping. My parents let me use their charge cards and also gave me lots of gifts it was their way of showing me attention. Sometimes I wished they would just sit and watch TV or talk with me instead of going to exotic places and bringing me back beautiful See ection ivin Compulsive Shoppers: A Need To Buy SHOPPER on page 2 SHOPPER? Can you skip shopping for two weeks or a month? Marcie says she wants to bring parsimonious Bill to a marriage counselor so hell loosen up. Shes tired of chopped chuck every other night and shopping at Loehmann s For his part, Bill is going along to the store because he hopes to check his extravagant wifes spendthrift ways before theyre both buried up to their hairlines in debt. of everything you buy for a week, including inexpensive items like gum, candy, newspapers. Examine the patterns. Are you spending all your money on clothes? household goods? records and tapes? Were most of your purchases charged to credit cards? Do you mainly shop when youre feeling lonely and depressed? Work out a budget, including fixed expenses, like rent, and estimated expenses, like food and clothing. Decide how much you can afford to spend on shopping for clothes, the house, for gifts. If youre in debt, figure out how to repay your creditors. Carry only one credit card and use that sparingly. Leave the card at home when you know in advance youll have no reason to use it. Before buying something, think twice. Do you really need it? Are you sure you dont have something Most marriages have their troubles some petty some major. Here's how to fix that Then theres Sally, in a fury because Dave keeps spitefully neglecting to haul out the kitchen trash. Meanwhile her absent-minde- d husband swears hed be more diligent if, just once in a while, his spouse would cook up a real meal instead of fishing frozen pot pies out of the fridge. faltering foundation and get your relationship back on the right track. And how about poor Monica and Al, who whine that after three short years of marriage, romance has deserted them. The earth doesnt move any more indeed, it doesn 't even rumble though they 're a at hoping go open marriage or maybe a few visits to a sex therapist will perk their passions. By Janet Chase marriages in trouble not quite for the the people involved volunteered. Sure, woes, housekeeping and drab sex are among the complaints most often brought to counselors and divorce lawyers, but seldom are they the culprits that really erode a ' , relationship. No, the true conflicts underlying marital dissension are more basic and harder to pinpoint. Certainly they merit a little careful Three inevitable. And at that point, feelings of resentment, betrayal, and outrage begin to edge out love. And paradoxical creatures that we are, we insist not only that all our needs be met in marriage, but that we retain our sacred separateness at the same time. Says Menlo Park, California family therapist, Virginia Satir: Each partner fiercely guards his or her independence, in the process neglecting that third vital the relationship. Then entity when the partnership fails, as it must without tending, the partners think they owe it to themselves to break away. The reasoning here I want more out of life than this person can give me. scrutiny... Our newly permissive society has played a critical role in loosening marital bonds, with the sexual revolution making divorce commonplace and turning lifelong commitment into something of a rarity. According to California marriage counselor, Ann Linthorst, the belief that the partner is present to satisfy all wants and needs always leads to disaster. Many people think the purpose of marriage is to deliver and receive material and emotional goods. Difficulties begin the first which is time delivery isnt made All of us pattern our lives after role models absorbed in childhood, insisting that our spouses, marriages, and life styles conform to standards set by our parents. As a rule, though, these patterns dont emerge until after the marriage ceremony. Says Mary Hirschfeld, a Beverly Hills psychotherapist: Before then, we feel free to be ourselves. But the second were back from the honeymoon, we unconsciously adopt the role of wife or husband set for us by Mommy and Daddy. We dont have such rigid models during courtship, Hirschfeld explains, because we didnt observe our mothers and fathers during this period. Thus, the personality we project before marriage is likely to be more flexible and genuine than afterward. If our parents enjoyed a good marriage, we may try to replicate it; if it was unsatisfactory we usually react against it. Either way, however, we are serving the ghosts of the past rather than satisfying our own needs as adults. Our longing for romance is also likely to do a marriage in certainly this gossamer stuff shouldnt be the foundation on which a union is based. We marry our prince or princess fantasies, comments Virginia Satir. Then, as soon as we discover the persons inevitable flaws, we think there must be somebody else out there who is truly our perfect person. Cyndy, a shapely brunette, had little difficulty eliciting love sonnets and chilled Chateau Margaux from admiring beaux, until she married, that is. No man, however besotted he may be can constantly beguile his wife, and Cyndys demands for incessant attention eventually drove her husband away. I thought it a small loss at the time, she recalls. I wanted someone with more romance in his soul. Fortunately, Cyndy grew up a little during marriage number two. Either I had to come off the constant romantic high or else just keep on marrying and marrying the way some movie stars do. Finally, I learned it cant be birds of paradise every day. Sometimes you just settle for a slightly wilted daffodil. See MARRIAGE on page 2 Do you charge even small items a magazine, a pack of cigarettes? Do you have problems paying your shopping bills? A positive response to any of these questions may be a warning signal that your spending is out of proportion. Shopping can be a habit. And healthy, anxiety-relievin- g treating yourself to an earned luxury or buying a gift for someone you love is a wonderful way to reinforce good feelings. But it all depends on the degree. When shopping is controlling you rather than you controlling it, you are a compulsive shopper. HOW YOU CAN CURE COMPULSIVE SHOPPING Keep a list - at home that can serve the same function? Keep a shopping list of what you need (not what you want) and stick to it. Develop new interests. Next time your friend asks how you both should spend the day, instead of responding, How about shopping? suggest visiting a museum or seeing a movie. Dont shop when youre depressed or angry. Examine why youre feeling the way you are and how you can resolve the situation. Call a friend and talk about what : m" V & Cl it is HUfWWip C3 C7j a two-milli- you needed. If youre in debt, find a credit counseling agency through the Consumer Affairs Department or Better Business Bureau in your city. The following national organizations can also help you: feel hen Dr. Norman Jolliffe was director of the Bureau of Nutrition for the City of New York back in 1952, he devised a diet for the citys clinics. At those clinics millions of women (and men) lost weight. So successful was the diet that it was later borrowed by diet clubs around the world. As diet-clu- b members, millions more all told, at least women lost weight on the diet. What makes the diet so unusual is the amounts of food the dieter can eat and still lose up to two pounds a week. The diet is also unique in that the dieter can plan her own daily menus by choosing foods from the various food groups. As she does obesity-and-nutriti- youre feeling. Seek psychological help if The Worlds Greatest Diet "'VX-v- this every day for the duration of her diet, she will learn about the different food groups and become a nutrition-wis- e eater for the rest of her life. Through the years the diet has been changed by the bureau to incorporate all the latest nutrition information. Consequently, it is as in 1982 as it was in 1952. The diet includes two plans: a regimen for most women and small-bone- d men; a regimen for most men and large-bone- d women. Both are printed here so that you and can begin your entire family today to lose weight on this The Worlds Greatest Diet. te See DIET on page 3 |