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Show Page 44—THE HERALD, Provo, Utah Sunday, October 10, 1971 Easier Life Soughtfor Servicemen EDITOR'S NOTE: The author of the foilowing dispatch spent many years as a strategic planner and currently is vice commander cf the Air Force's headquarters command in Washington. His articles have appeared in U.S. News & World Report, the Washington Post, military publications and the UPI report. Here he discusses the drive to remove senseless irritations from military life, By COL, WILLIAM C. MOORE WASHINGTON (UPI) There is a frantic effort by the armed forces to make life easier, more convenient, less frustrating for soldiers, sailors, and airmen, Only the Marines are holding to a sternline. This search and destroy operation is aimed at so-called irritants—“Mickey Mouse" as they are known, The original reason for some of these practices undoubtedly as long since ceased to exist. These irritants should be eliminated. But the armed forces must be careful not to eliminate practices which although sometimes irritating nevertheless still fill legitimate needs. Barracks inspections, for example, shouldn't be eliminated if the result is dirty rooms, sloppy living, or irregular-attention to cleanliness, Shake-down inspections shouldn’t be eliminatedif to do so means possession of illegal drugs, stolen goods, shortfalls in personal equiprnent, unpreparedness for moving out of barracks andinto the fyeld, The rules, regulations, and daily rituals in the armed forces were developed over hundreds of years, They were not intended simply to irritate. All had one purpose: to increase the effectiveness of the armed foces—to improve them as tough, strict, durable fighting machines, Take two examples—hair and reveille. Both have been in the forefront in the war on Mickey Mouse, Short hair became1e order of the day in the armed forces primarily for medical and safety reasons. Any sailor knows that long hair and beards don’t mix with flash fires, Any soldier who fought during World War I knows that long hairs becomes the breeding ground for vermin—lice, cooties, and the like. These, in turn, bring consequence, typhus, short As hair a — shaved heads actually—became the rule during World War I. This rule has now been relaxed, only a small per cent of military men ever see combat and the medical profession has made great strides in treating wounds. Nevertheless, even today, a soldier, sailor, or airman would serve himself well if his hair is crew-cut whenhe goes into combat. Reveille is another tradition which has succumbed to the war on Mickey Mouse. At reyeille, three accomplished: things were Soldiers honoredthe flag asit was raised each morning. Soldiers participated in calisthenics thereby promoting better health and increasing their physical well being and stamina. Soldiers were inspected to ascertain that each man wasfit for duty, Perhaps honoring the flag is no longer needed to stimulate patriotism, elan, honor, and other ennobling emotions. It therefore can go or, at best, becomea personalrite. Perhaps the first sergeant's duty to determine that his men arefit for work can go too. But alreadyincidents have occurred whichindicate otherwise. NEW SUPER-DEE 7 HAMBURGER SMASH SUCCESS Introduced recently at Dee’s Hamburger Drive-in on 21st South. . . the new SUPERDEEmet with immediate success. The Dee's regulars began flocking to the windows ordering this magnificent new hamburger. Words spreadlike wildfire and now reports have been coming inall over the world heralding these mammoth new hamburgers Bookmakers in a certain Nevada city have been giving 100 to oneodds that the SUPERD will revolutionize the 10-minute lunch. Success was assured vhen a_ bronzed SUPER-DEEmysteriously appeared in the Rotundaof the Capitol. CAN TOMATO GROWERSREALLY‘SLICE IT‘? Thousands of men representing the nation’s tomato growers held an emergency meeting today in the Salt Palace to determine if they could supply the demandfor rich, red, ripe tomatoes that would be required by Dee's, Inc. for the new SUPER-DEE Hamburger. Speculation was growing that this new demand might require the free world’s supply for the next year. Mr. Wesley Anderson, General Manager of Dee's Drive-ins, quelled the rumors by stating, “The SUP ER-DEEwill only require the most choice red, ripe tomatoes and only about enough to fill the Rose Bowl." THE TEEN SCENE SAYS DEE REALLY PUT IT ALL TOGE WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD ON ANY ADVERTISED ITEMS! CLOSED SUNDAY RSA es RS ‘ : <7 GrapeJelly or Strawberry Preserves 2-Ib, Jor ‘It's all thereandit’s gr survival”... “A new] er goodness”. . Ina magnificent We SUPER-DEEf§ Y the charts. W \A and the WatusN@ i ing the nation. It ts cal STEP. FromEast to We folks have appeared on ¥ local gathering places chanting SUPER-DEE IT WILL BE A REAL GRIND, SAYS 1S To meet thespecifications for De puce 100% ground beef and quantities to be required t SUPER-DEE, meatpackers fron : capitols of the world are meeting in special around-the-clock sessions. This mammoth new hamburger will require a full “4 pound per serving, A conference spokesman re. portedthat the meat packers wi!l simply have to meet the meat demands. 4 WHAT NEXT? ASKED AMAZED CUSTOMER Herbert Manford, long time Dee's customer threw up his hands in dismay at the announcement that Dee’s wasintroducing the new SUPER-SIZE hamburger called the SUPER-DEE. “They will just have to add one moredayto the week,” he stated. “Usedto be Dee's just had one simple tasty hamburger and I could enjoy everything they served in just one trip. Now they have gone ahead and introduced the Double Deeburger, the Double Cheeseburger, the Triple Decker Deeburger and now the SUPER-DEE.I am just going to need an extra day to get around to all the good things that they have at Dee's.” Magnificent New [Hamburger Outrageously Big! Incredibly Delicious! * Full quarter-poundpattie of pure 100% ground beef * Giant toasted bun * Crisp lettuce * Sliced red ripe tomato * Shredded sweet Bermuda onion * Dill slices * Dee's good garnishes TRY A FREEv SUPER-DEEeje* . . . TODAY! At all DEE’S HAMBURGER DRIVE-INS ' LETTUCE GROWERS GET THEIR HEADS TOGETHER Lettuce growers have beenchallenged to supply all ofthe crisp lettuce to meet the needsof Dee’s new SUPER-DEEhemburger. “Let us decide now,” said Harvey Romaine, Lettuce Growers President, “to meet this challenge. We candoit,” he crisply added, “if we all cooperate.” Mr. Wesley Anderson, General Manager ofDee's Drive-ins said, “We'll putit on your heads, You keepthelettuce coming ... we'll sell the SUPER-DEE’s and we'll bothseealotoflettuce.” SUPER-DEE GETS COMMENT FROM WOMEN’SLIB Miriam Menshun, front runner for the local women’slib stated, “Dee's new SUPER-DEE sureis big. . . huge sesameseed bun. . Ib. pattie of pure groundbeef, big temato sli sweet Bermudaonion, crisplettuce, dill slices, special garnishes. Yes, it’s really a big one. But we've sampled the movement andit is our opinion that the gals can handle it and we would resent any special inference that the SUPER-DEE is ‘man-sized’.” ds Con rest cs 93rd octob' |