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Show y a7 & Family Weekly/ aprit 11, 1971 What Today’s Man and Wile Expect of Each Other A noted columnist and lecturer examines current sexualroles and whateffect change is having on the “typical” modern couple By Jean Adams Last year I attended the All-American Family Search at Lehigh Acres, Fla. It afforded a fascinating opportunity to study the family relationships of today; We hear so much these days about the changing roles of family members—and weare constantly reminded of the ever-increasing rates of divorce and family breakups of every disturbing kind. The All-American Family candidates are special cases, to be sure; but they are not what I would call simpl; “islands” in our society. For families like this do exist. And there are many, mony like them that are far from hostile to the family way of life. No matter what we hear. I did everything I could to take advantage of my opportunity to find out about these families, for I presumed that what I found would be representative of a large segment of America. And, after examining the results of my research, I am convinced that I was right This is the first of a series of reports, based on that research and written exclusively for readers of FAMILY WEEKLY. This report focuses on husband-wife relationships; another report, to appear in a future issue, will seek to encompass the entire web of family relationships. W. read a lot about the so-called “beautiful people” these days. The husband-wife teams I met in Florida deserve this title more than some of the wealthy, much-publicized people whousually receiveit! Not because these All-American Families had turned a big company around or were flying off to Paris. These husbands and wives were beau- tiful people because of their worked for; others, like the intriguing young family that had adopted four young Indiar children to rear, were living the causes they advocated. The family-to-family relationships were quite impressive to watch. Hus- rated by both fathers and mothers, concern for each other’s comfortand “mutual respect” emerged as the most important factor bearing on a happy family life. In fact, it turned outto be twice as important as any other factor. What is meant by “mutual respect”? As I talked with respondents I found ‘that it embodied such ideas as: —Treating each otherlike civil human_ beings. —Respect for cach other’s ideas, desires, aspirations, needs. —Treating each other with dignity, welfare, they also knew how to “have a ball” socially. I think these families For example, that beautiful family with seven children. She, an ettractive, soft-spoken dedicated mother; he, a handsome, successful man who finds time outside his career and home life to better his community. This successful mother-father relationship and rapport were obvious during the seated 35minute interview. Their children not only displayed perfect conduct but came a life-style. Quality showed! from ati over America (with rural America strongly represented) constitute the solid “where it’s at,” and reassure us the family unit is to continue as seeking traits. They were, for the most Arithougt I'm a hearty exponent of the “emerging woman” as a new force in American life, I have someti:nes wondered about the effects this and other changes in our society may be having on families—particularly on the beleaguered -American husband. As woman’s aspirations change at an everaccelerating rate, the man ofthe family is often left afioat on a sea of confusion. He is expected to continue to be. the breadwinner_and to educate his _ children and to do all those other things that have historically been his responsi- part, natural and very much themselves, bility. Sure, he may wear a shirt and tie ever to the extent ofhealthy family encounter. For example, one father strongly disagreed with his son’s long now instead of buckskin pants and boots. He might even carry a fancy title such as corporate executive or budget administrator; but his basic role is still pretty much the same as it always was. perceptions of mankind. Practically ail of the families projected strong religious backgrounds. We saw very few families hair, but he and his wife adjusted to this problem on the scene, just as they had no doutt adjusted to past family problems. Manyof the families, including the one just mentioned, had a special interest in humanistic pursuits that involved helping and understanding our fellow man. Some discussed causes they and probably will continue to be the most important element in the maintenance of a compatible relationship. From a list of 21 factors that were band-and-wife-teams not only showed obvious and sincere interest in each other and their children, and in bettering the world around them. forth with beautiful philosophies and For example, I found that “mutual respect” between husband and wife is The findings of my study led to some interesting observations about the changes currently taking place in male- female relationships. I also found what was not changing. gentleness, understanding. —Not “boxing in” ancther human being—i.e., “You are a woman, thus you must do only these speci- fied things. . . .” Atte: all, if we can exhibit mutual respect in our relationships with each other, the other important factors to 4 happy family naturally will follow. In other words, it is reasonable to expect that good communications can be maintained and that a basis for a compatible sex. life will exist. Interestingly, in another piece of research I recently conducted among teenagers, I found that mutual respect was at the top of their list, too. It stcod out head and shoulders above all other factors in boy-girl relationships. The following chart is a comparison of factors listed by teen boys and adult married men as to what makes for a happy male-female relationship: |