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Show What to Do When Your Youngsters exhibiting antiparental attitudes mayactually be calling for help! By REBECCA LISWOOD,M.D. Founder and Execrttive Director cf the Marriage Counseling Service of New York With Adele Whitely Fletcher this charming HERE WAS a great hullabaloo in the apartment building in which I “BAKER BCY’” live when a mother came PLANTER subteen daughter had compiled about her. It read: upona list of criticisms her when yo: join the famous National Handcraft Society. “I wish my mother was pretty, wore shorter skirts, used more make-up on her eyes, talked like other mothers, was more go-go.” Certain neighbors, upon hearing of this list, were quick to say this mother had asked for it, had “spoiled that kid sometring rotten.” They went on to express the hope the child now would get what she deserved. Strangely, these neighbors could remember no time when they had thought of their mother or father as less than perfect. Others, however, morerealistic and honest, admitted to moments in their youth when they had regarded one or bath of their parents as less than perfect—even, on occasion, resenting them. Fortunately, the criticized motherheld the second group’s point of view. She neither disciplined nor pouted. She told her daughter she was sorry there were so many things “wrong” with her since she, like any mother, would always like to have her child proud of wer. Then she proceeded to explain aC this clever “Baker Boy” withhis colorful “garden” brightening up your kitchen wall...or standing on the countertop or table to welcomethe family to meals! it’s such a cheerful planter—and we'd like you to haveit as a FREE gift to introduce you to the benefits of membership in the National Handcraft Society. Ritzy Pig imagine making beautiful things like these Surprise for you every month As a Society member, youreceive a delightful sur- prise package every month. And every package contains a new Handcraft Kit with everything you need to make a charming keepsake for yourself, your home...or to give as a gift. worth up to One month you may fashion a charming $4.5 planter. Ora rich-looking jewel box, or a breathtaking centerpiece to grace your table. It wili always be somethingbeautiful for only $1 and different. Kits available only to members These Handcraft Kits are never soldin stores. Coin Caercn they, are exclusive creatio~s available to Society members only. You'd expect to pay between $2.98 and $4.98 in a store—but the cost to you is just $1. Yes, $1 a month (plus 25¢ to cover shipping and insurance) is all you pay. Assembling Handcraft Kits is easy-and such fun. Each Kit contains everything you need, from a generous supply of materials to easy-to-follow instructions. Join the fun of membership—sharethe thrill of opening each month's exciting ‘surprise package.” Experience the pride of making beautiful, useful things with your own hands. Why lose another minute! Mail the membership cer- tificate today! NATIONAL HANDCRAFT SOCIETY that she dressed and madeup con- D-510 Handcraft Sidg., Des Moines, Iowa 50304 NH-25 t | f I t ! Yes, please enroll me as a club member for 6 months and send myfree Baker Boy PlanterKit at once. Also send myfirst Handcraft Kit for which | enclose $1 plus 25¢ for shipping and insurance. | agree to. send you this same amount each month. T understand thatif my club payments do not reach you in time each month | will receive my Kit C.0.D. | understand that you guarantee not to drop me from thelist of members unless _| notify you of my resignation and that you will immediately refund my $1 fee for any Kit that does notsatisfy me. Please Print 1 l t tl aT i] 1 | t t l Ht eee servatively because both she and the girl’s father, whom she loved and soughtto please, preferred an understated look. “I’m sorry not to be pretty,” she said. “But I try to be well-groomed. “As for my speech, it reflects Boston where I grew up. And a Boston accent, as you'll learn, is generally admired.” Then, resting her handlightly on her daughter’s shoulder, she said, “You andI, for the moment, have different ideas. But that 20 Family Weekly, April 5, 1970 doesn’t keep me from loving you very much. And I hope it doesn’t keep you froin joving me.” There are times when boys and girls—contrary to all sentimental concepts—are notonly critical of their parents but actually dislike them. Andthere is a reason. Generally speaking, resentment stems from insecurity—a feeling of not being loved. What causes the insecurity? Any number of thoughtless actions on a parent’s part, from laughing at a childish mistake to ignoring a childish fear. When this happensthe child reacts—reacts with hostility. Th child may say, “I hate you!” But what heis sayingis, “I love you. But I’m not sure you love me.” Irrespective of how defiant the young may appear, they know a dependencethat at timesis frightening to them.I believe it is this induces their fantazies of ae For it is not uncommon for some children to daydream of the time when their real parents —beautiful and rich and always smiling approval—will pull up in a big car and take them to a mansion, where they won’t have any chores but will be waited upon and will have anything they like. Such daydreaming, of course, is sheer fantasy escape to affluence. But it also can be escape from their dependence on their a Everything you need to make parents and the resentment that results. For with a second mother and father waiting off-stage boys and girls feel less vulnerable. A 12-year-old girl who attends a school where many pupils board because their parents are dead or divorced, repeatedly says to her mother: “You and Daddy are good and healthy, aren’t you? I know you'd never get a divorce.” Her mother, sympathetic to the insecurity behind this, says, “My child’s tone of voice makes what she says more a demand than a question.” Whatthe child is expressing is |