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Show Family Weekly/ august 19, 1967 ifeto Have My Baby” feeling tired. I could hardly use my left arm, and my’ankles swelled up like footballs. I spent weeks undergoingtests, but apparentlyAhere was no operation that could help me. ‘The valvular blockage in myheart is at the rear. It was so difficult to get to that an operation would be too dangerous. During this period my spirits were at their lowest. It depressed me to think that all my friends could go out dancing and have boy friends, and I couldn’t. I was so unhappythat at ‘one stage I was actually on the verge of a ner- “vous breakdown. I knew that I shouldn't become attached to anyone. In any serious relationship, I knew that T could only be a burden to the boy. Then I began seeing a lot of Jim Marsden, a boy I had known ‘since I was 10 or 11. I used to call him “Old \Faithful” because he just wouldn't give up trying to see me. - I liked him very much,but at that timeI felt it would be foolhardy to become involved with nyone. Jim had other ideas.Although he knew y predicament, he wouldn't be putoff. _ Somenights I almost had to close the door in his face before he would go home, he was so persistent. Even when Jim went into the army and er sent to Germany for three and a half years, e said he would stand by me. We wrote to each other regularly. _ Meanwhile, things were happening on the med“ical front. I was told that it was now possible for "surgeons to stitch two wires to the heart muscle. hen they connected these wires to the terminals of the pacemaker battery, which. was inserted in the tissue of the abdominal wall. The alterna- ncy. Somehow it quickened, and I had to o to the hospital to have another one inserted 8 a replacement. I could always tell when my pacemaker was acting up. I would become breathless and feel tired to the point of collapsing. Even now, I have to take my pulse every morning to make sure that the battery is working properly. At about that time, Jim came home from Germany andsettled not far away at Strensall Camp near York as a cook. He visited me in the hospital, and we began seeing each other. Last year we decided to marry because my future seemed a lot brighter. My pacemaker was working pérfectly at the time. I would be all right, the doctors told me, as long as I could have a new onefitted every five years. Still, 1 knew what the doctors would say about starting a family. I decided not to ask them. Instead, I became pregnant right away. When | did tell my doctor, he insisted, ‘“Valerie, it’s too risky.” I placed my hands protectively over my stomach where, though there was no outward sign yet, the life of my baby had already begun. “No,” I said, “it’s my baby, and I’m going to haveit.” WhenI was five months pregnant, though, the second pacemaker began to act up. The doctors said that perhaps the baby, growing and stirring within me, had disturbed the pacemaker. Once again I was taken to the hospital. After the old battery had been removed, I was kept alive by a heart machine at the side of my bed. It had been decided to send to America for a bigger pacemaker. The new pacemaker has a sevenyear life, which is a big advantage. Also, if anything goes wrong withit, it can be adjusted by my doctor without my having to undergo major surgery. After a small insertion is made while undera local anesthetic, it can easily be adjusted with a special key. As I lay in the hospital waiting for my third pacemaker, I couldn't help remembering my doctor’s words when I'd told him I was pregnant. “It’s your life . . .” he'd said. I knew he was right, and yet I never really believed that I might die and leave my baby motherless. Somehow I was convinced that both of us would live, butif one of us should die, so would the other. The third pacemaker was fitted successfully. I knew then that everything must turn outfine. It had to, not just for my sake but for Jim’s. Even after the pacemaker was inserted, though, I had to remain hospitalized. The baby was sap- ping my strength, the doctorssaid, and I needed to rest. I was still in the hospital when, far too early, labor pains suddenly started. It was only the sixth month, and I was ina pretty bad way. I was devastated at the thought that I might lose the baby. I was given injections, and finally they managed to stop the prematurelabor. «Except for a brief vacation around Christmas time, I had to remain in the hospital until it was time for the baby to be born. Jim was wonderful, visiting me every possible moment. He was always there to comfort me and cheer me up All mywill power was concentrated on the day of birth. Natural birth was out of the question. The doctors said my heart couldn't stand it. They decided to deliver the baby by Caesarean section, and they set a date. If I had any worries, they were about the baby. Would she, too, inherit a heart defect? Had my two operations and the times I'd fainted harmed her? I was convinced that the baby would be a girl and, feeling her stir within me, I couldn't wait for the birth. When the time came, I felt no apprehension, only excitement. The night before, I was given sleeping pills and slept soundly. I even managed to laugh and joke with the doctor as I was wheeled into the delivery room. “You mind it’s a little girl,” I told him. As the anesthetist bent over me and I lost consciousness, | remember thinking happily how close I was to the dream of mylife. Hourslater, a voice broke through the fog of sleep. “Valerie... Valerie... wake up.” It was the nurse. “You've got a seven-pound girl, -Valerie,” she was saying. ‘‘Comeon,give her a kiss.” At first I didn’t comprehend.Beside me, I saw a small bundle wrapped in a blueblanket. “You're joking,” I said. “It’s a boy.” Then the nurse picked her up and put her in my arms. I saw that she was the most beautiful baby girl. And she was mine. Atlast I was like everybody else. And so, when she grows up,will Linda be like all the other girls. Despite everything, she was born perfect, including her heart. I can’t have any more babies now, but Jim and I aren’t worried one bit. We've got the one thing that we wanted more than anything else in the world. We've got our baby. She was worth risking mylife for. @ Family Weekly, August 13,1967 5 |