Salt Lake Tribune | 2003-07-30 | Page 27

The Salt Lake Tribune BASICS D3 Wednesday, July 30,2003 Decide whatit is about the way mom grieves that bothers you Dear Carolya: My father passed awaya few months ago, and | have been having difficulties with my motherever since. Our relationship has becomestrained as a resultof our different grieving styles (hers jettingoff to Paris, buying a newlyxurycar, having substantial cosmetic surgery). While | understandwe all deal with death in our own unique ways, I can’t seem to graspthis as a mourning period for her. Although [realize I am an adult and on my ownfor the mostpart, I still feel, well, abandoned, and sometimes like I have lost both parents.I have what memory your mom is supposed to honor Not only will she grieve in her own way and self-indulgence is hardly abnormal but she also is mourning a man you don't fully know. Where you saw Daddy, she saw a husband, andthose are twodifferentthings. Look through her eyes, and ask her to look through yours. You might see why she would be tryingto outrun her grief, or spendinglike she just won one ofthose giant cardboard checks, or even feeling a kindof release. Or you might see aselfish,insensitive woman, and that would present tried talkingto a grief counselor but really, | am handling my father’s you with a choice: Eitheracceptthat death OK(though I miss him terri- was, and open yourmindto her now — orlet go andgrieveforher, too. Mom's not quite who you thought she bly) but amhurt repeatedlyby mymother’s actions. Still Smarting Dear Smarting: I am sorry about yourfather. I am sorry, too, that you are alonein your grief. RAND PENING MEIER & MEIER ro ; HEARING CENTER Pay 20% Down $40 per month Dear Carolyn: | am ina fairly new relationship. Recently, I met my girl- friends after workat a bar. | con- CAROLYN Hax Butif you want your momback, you are going to have to stop judging her. Unless your mom stood you up to go to Paris, bought the var with your moneyorhad surgery to erase any family resemblance,shereally hasn't hurt you. You do claim to understand that people grieve in different ways, but you will crack a tooth if you clench any harder whenyousay it. Clearly, you think the widow is being excessively merry, dishonoring your dad’s memory and therefore unset‘tling you, I imagine profoundly. And I can see how you would see that. Lalso suspect, though, giventhe clenching, that you have thrownParis in her face which would have madeher defensive whenyoureally just wanted support.Totell her that youfeel alone, the best words are, “Mom,| feel alone.” Unfortunately,it also is not up to you to decide ducted myself accordingly no flirt. ing, no approaching men, etc. My boy friend sayshetrusts me,butthatit is inconsistent to go toa typicallysingles place whileina relation: ship. As longas it is nota routine event and I am That’s only $10 per week on any oneof our Aids with 0% interest 0% Interest notat the bar for the wrongreasons,I think it shouldn't be a problem.It has caused a serious strainin our relationship. Canyouhelpus out? Washington Dear Washington: I'll help you out. Run. It is in consistent with trusting youto put limits on your freedom,“Aslong as it’s not... Forlife of loan in-house Financing routine”? You're sur- renderingto a controlfreak. Run, run while you can. Carolyn Hax’s “Tell Me AboutIt” column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. You cane-mail herat [e-mail] or write: “Tell Me About It,”c/o The WashingtonPost, Style Plus, 1150 15th St, NW,Washington, D.C. 20071. tionorregistration,call 587- Out of Sight Mostup to date technology ciety's annual plant sale Aug. 9. 5433. Thesale runs from10a.m. to Subwaybenefit Center, 1602 E. 2100 South in Salt LakeCity. noonat the Sugarhouse Garden. Cookbooks sought Gwen McKee and Barbara Moseley, editors of te-by: state cookbookseries, have set their sights on Utah, Theyare lookingfor locally produced cookbooks from Utah clubs, churches, communities, restau: rants and individualsfor inclusion in Best of the Bestfrom Utah: Selected Recipesfrom Utah's Favorite Cookbooks. Recipes will be chosen and includedin the book, published by Quail Ridge Press, To partic ipate, cookbooks mustcontain recipes specific to Utah, must be in print and must be avail. able for mail order. There is no cost to participate. Deadline for entryis Nov. 3. To submit cook: books for consideration,call 900-343-1583 or send an e-mail to [e-mail]. Great Safety Adventure ‘The Great Safety Adventure, a 1,200-square-foot animated homethat teaches parents and children howto identify com- Beginning this week throughSept. 5, Subway restau- rants will make a contribution to the American Heart Association every time customers buy oneofits seven low-fat sandwiches. Also during the “You've Got Heart”program, customers canenterto win a year's supplyofsandwiches. 100% Digital Safetyseat tips Utah parents can find outif they are usingchild safetyseats properly during the AAA Utah “Buckle Up Down the Wasatch" programset for Aug.14. Police officers andhealthofficials will be making thechecks in Ogden, Ask Abous Qur 30 Day Trial 935 each E Retail Price $2500 Be oF] Save Re Salt Lake City, Draper and Orem, Callat 800-637-2122 to schedule an appointment. Garden cooking Learn how to usethe bounty in your summergarden during Wasatch Community Garden's seasonal cooking workshop Saturday. The two-hourclass beginsat 11 a.m. and will be held at the Gygi CulinaryCenter, 3500 S, 300 West. Thecostis $5 perperson. Cail 359-2658 to makeyour required reserva: tion. Choir auditions TheSalt Lake Children’s Choir, directed by Ralph B. Woodward, will hold new mem: Outof Sight Most up to date technology ber auditions beginning Friday through Aug.9, Auditions are opento children through age 15 (singers 11 years andolder with someinstrumental background are particularly needed), Inter- ested youngsters can make an Plantsale appointment bycalling 537- Thepublic can buylow-cost plants thatwill bloomnext 1412. For more information, checkthe choii’s Website at http://www.childrensing. spring during the Utah Iris So- com, monsafety hazards, will be at the YWCA ofSalt Luke City, 322 bit will travel to 4155 S. Riverdale Road, Riverdale, On Aug. 8 it will be Factory Discount Interior Possibilities at the MurrayCity Boys & Girls Club, 244 BE. Vine St.; Aug, 9 at the Fire, Water & Ice Festival at the Kearns Oquirrh Park Fitness Center, 5624 S. 4800 West; and Aug. 16 at Lowe's, 140 W. University Parkway, Orem. ‘The adventure is open from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. With the help of tour guides and Rover, the Save Now through Aug 15 Home Safety Hound,children On ANY one item in stock National KidsDay Featuring on our newly-opened HomeDepot stores are cele- mezzanine level brating National KidsDay on David Stephens to 12 years old. Children, who must be accompanied by an adult, will build a memory box to take home, Childrenalsowill receive afree, kid-sized orange Landscapes, Portraits and Street scenes Framed Photographs taken in Salt Lake and around the world apron. Check local stores for times. Wineand cheese courses Including a senes trom the 1963 Tour de France Learntopair different wines A white wine and cheese course will be held Aug, 13at Salt Lake 1100 BE. 1800 South, and repeated Aug. l4 at GoldenerHirsch Inn, Silver LakeVillage, Park City. ‘The discussion onred wine and choesewill be held Aug. 20 at Liberty Heights and Aug 21 at Galdener Hirsch, All classes runfor two hours andbegin at 5:30 p.m. Classes cost $40 with a $16 special fee and are taught by Liberty Heights Fresh owner Steven Rosenberg and Wasatch | Acadony of wine director Sheral Schowe. For informa See for yourself if earwax build-up is causing your problem. aSeeed TeLeoS LECTAE Ta Some of the 22 Brands that we sell Local Artist Saturdayby offering a free how-to workshopto children 6 City's Liberty Heights Fresh, Exam 10% searchfor problem areas. and cheeses during tasting and pairing classes offered in Aw gust by the University of Utah. For 5 Days Only coe All Testing Free Vid on Otoscope Wail Sconce 18° high only $21 Just back from Eastcoast Market! New items arriving weekly Unique Home Accessories Elegant Gifts Candles 165 East 6100 South, Murray Just north of Fashion Place *Siemens *Oticon *Autotone NTT Tae | *Rexton Sadr bg Sat lity STS *Qualitone +Starkey Seyret ed BEYelit) NEW LOCATION 2710 South 300 East Salt Lake City 484-8444