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Show Edition The other day I was hunched umn of monumental intellectual cance, likening the ascent muiticulturalism to the postin- but Lend! gets to use his — whether Babe Ruth could stuff she thinks was implied by the characters glances It'll take a man no more than 45 seconds to ley. Lendl is face minutesof this stuff, and he'll say impatiently, Next. “OK. OK, Tyson vs. Yogi Berra But Yogi's got a chain saw die? Because if nobodydied, I'd like to watch the ballgame.” See. a man onlyreally wants to know Because if he’s got onafter- I think the world would bea lot better off if women engaged in the same kind of stupid hypothetical arguments as men — even if shave. I stepped out of my office and into The Washington Post’s main newsroom, a gravely serious place. and made a general an- nouncement. “Tyson vs. Yogi Berra. But Yogi has a chain saw It was like ringing Pavloy’s bell Every man within earshot imme- ls front of the TV, watching anything with a half time. d men’s conversations are different from women’s. throwsa jab, Tyson gets the scent, fires out a combination Brinkley drops like a sack of feed, ref counts to 10. Less thana minute Can you imagine women doing this? Of course not Women are not An example: A woman is at home and her phonerings. It’s her cous- in’s first wife’s former au pair. They talk for more than an hour about relatives. death, the high cost of housing and the most intimate details of their personal idiots. Take the average weekend. diately stopped what he was doing, and shouted opinions. one thing about what he missed Did anybodyget naked? then Tyson lays back against the ropes and Brinkley comingat him. Brin mmm A woman will putter around the garden. She'll go grocery shop- fyson, early. Yogi must be 60 years old Yogi. the ref stopsit oncuts. Does Yogi get to fire that sucker upbeforethebell, or does while Ty- son's rushing across the ring at tionships Someday I want to hear women Streep as a Dane or an Australian? “Forget Meryl Streep. Geena Davis, and she’s driving cross- samething happens dignity of indigenous on. But as long as I’ve got you on people. She'll finish writing her the phone, lemme ask you something: Honestly, who do you This is how your average man think's a better bowler — Lou Gehrig or Chris Evert? spends his weekend: Burping in 8 poorly 9 Gangsters gat 49 Bengal soldier dershiser 17 Rifle tubes 19 Mill product 20 Yale student 65 Judicial work 68 Marathon segment 69 Raison d’ 22Eamsatter taxes 71 Favorites 18 Alarmbutton $7 Succulent 72 BeisyorDiana 23 Director Sidney 58 Exitway 24 Girs 26 Reconnoiter 73 Border fiower 21 __ Make a Deal 70 Scrubamission 28 Uriah offiction DOWN 30 Erases 1 Heavenly being 34 Tra 2 Comic 37 Pitter Poundstone 39Islands oft Sicily 40 Ammonia E derivative 51 53 55 56 al Ends Weil 25 Practicesjabs 27 Acknowiedg ment 2 Most wan 43 Attempted 44 Genesis land 45 Oklahoma city 47 Lodgings 62 War god 66 Wester indian 67 Lawyers org. r "E FP | he T glances 59 Author Wiesel 60 Sash fio mT 42 Conducted Zary Prods Criminal fire impolite fir a j | ie rt | rw 1 dt. ah | ous a t sand. StreepandBill Hurt Too much woman. Hurt goes Now, say the brother! Themansays, “Hey, how ya doing? LookI got theball game 64 MC Trebok 3 Onenme Chrysler cars CSA soldier “Roseof Categorize Kasparov's 4 5 6 7 Get outta here She could cut to a man. The phone rings. It’s his phone feeling closer than ever She'll take the childrento acrafts 16 Pitcher “OK, Meryl Streep and Bruce Willis. of fiber and “good” cholesterol and containthe requisite amounts ACROSS 1 To the lett at sea 6 Lasting impression 10 Spanish house 14 Finger-pointer 61 Settied (up) 15 Buckeye State 63 ActorStephen her IQ in half and pound him into crying home to mama in twodays. novel. pointless cerebrations involving son, involving, say lives. The women get off the for the Toro or Black & Decker? See. men are accustomed to they're not about sports, as long as they're someidiotic compari- ping, making sure to buy meals that are nutritionally balanced fair as a wayof instilling a respect him? "Look, did anybody Yes. but Tyson is blindfoldIs Brinkley wearing afterWhy? shave? down on the canyas, twitching. hypothetical performances by realize that he’s in for 59 more David Brink- David Brinkley?” said. “Tysonsuffers a small welt he haveto fiddle with OK, Tyson ys. through the show. even adding in squash! Fourteen seconds — including the referee counting to 10,” I on his shoulder. A woman can watch a TV showand tell youeverything that happened, every- have beaten Michael Jordan . OK, boxing match: Mike Tyson tennis racket.” I hardlybothered to lookup. Except for sports, men have no attention span. thing. You'll miss an episode of L.A. Law” and ask what happened, and a womanwill start at the top and go word for word friend Gino walked in and vs. Ivan Lendl Hepaused theatrically, the way George C. Scott might sday, February 19, 1997 athletes. They use sports as a way us avoiding real I strial decline of structuralism in the visual arts. when suddenly said Wedne Tony eeeciact over my desk. working on a col- my Citizens Streep and Sean Connery country. and she gets to run over one person and get awaywithit Who? OK, OK, John McLaughlin but he’s got a chain saw CREATORS SYHOCATE©1008 STANLEY NEWMAN Answers on Page4 Community Calendar how to act in- stead of react, how to reframe mistakes and boost self-esteem. The ice skating rink opens daily at noon. closes at 9 p.m. Mon.Thurs. 10 p.m. Fri.-Sat., and 7 p.m. Sunday. Some evening ses- sions closed for private rental ® Tee Ball/Machine Pitch Leagues: Salt Lake County Recreation in West Jordan is beginning a Tee Ball league for children ages 4 ‘ough second grade. and a Machine-Pitch Baseball league for children grades 2-6. Games are played on Saturdays and some eeknights beginning April 5. Registration ends Feb. 25. Information call 569-5090 @ Art Talks: Every Wednesday evening through March 19, the Salt Lake Art Center, 20 S. West Temple. will be hosting ‘Art Talks, lectures given by artists whose work is on display at the center. The talks begin at 7 p.m. They are free and open to the public. Informa- tioncall 328-4201 age. No phonecalls pl © South Cottonwood Counei South Cottonwood Community Council meets Feb. 20, 7 p.m. in rm. 709 of Cottonwood High School. Rezoning. township status, Utah Power andother items new, on-going weekly men’s Bible fromfeelings that keep you from breakf. Recovery. is a way out day, 79 p.m ePark Library, Wednesday 6:30-8:30 p.m © Cottonwood Mall, Thursday 6:30-8:30 p.m @ day, @ day, 2 The AARP Midvalley Chapter ch 6,7 at the Midvale City Hall, r Street, Midva ers welcome. Refres and entertainment provided. © Beginning Bridge: displays, demonstrations, performanc2s and dinner. Tickes are $3.50 in advance, $3.75 at the door © Mobile MammographyUnit: ium: The Hansen Planetarium will have two star shows during 000. © Bereavement Support: Living With Grief, an 8- WHITE WOOD BLIND SALE MammographyUnit will be offer- will be held in the Davis High Au ditorium tonight at 7:30 p.m. Se- RISTORANTE ITALIANO No fee, donations ac oS 3 3935 or 1-800 semble A Regular Menu with a Fantastic Selection! Be: and Symphonic Bands Kids under 10 fe . Ca eat FREE on Tues. &Wed re { Gershwin’s 372 E. 12300 South 4 Blocks East of I-15 exit _ 003-1171 Additional 10 % Graber 1” & 2” wood blinds only SALE ALSO APPLIES TO: © White verticals * White Classic & Supreme & 1” mini-blinds « White ovenspleat shades © White fashionpleat shades © White crystal pleat shades off offer expires 2/25/97 Be: 90 DAYSsameas casu OREM 225-6977 246 E. 1300 South Parkway Center Harrison Blvd. try Hills Plaza Seeanne8 lections will include George Continued on Page 4 “FREE” IN-HOME ESTIMATES cations in Salt Lake, Davis and Utah Counties. Our service is con- is in Draper © Pops Concert: for star shows, 363-0559 for laser aio s, or visit w.utah.eduI netarium. © Women’s Bible Study Group: ruary, “The SkyTonig ing screening mammograms at lo- All You Can Eat Buffet: For schedules and other 15 South State. SLC, will also preseveral of its popular laser shows, Foformationicall 38-2104 Salt Lake Regional (formerly Church, C Street and South Tem. ple, SLC. cepted. ning’s sky, and “From Out of the Darkness,” thestory behind comets. Double feature rates are available. and the planetarium features a display of that eve- Holy Cross Hospital) Mobile THE BEST Italian Food class, begins Thursdays, 7 p.m. at First Presbyterian plications and interviewing pro- should meet at the zoo’s main en sophomores and newstudents. @ Star Shows at the Planetar- fCeeeere RR EeTRERECEREREEEOED Information call 268-2402 or The Davis High School Pops concert, featuring the Wind En- trance gate. Prospective employ- On Feb. 25, 5:30-8:30 p.m., Skyline High School will host an tion information for incoming @ AARP Midvalley Meetin venient, low-cost ($75) and ACR accredited. FREE mammograms available for those who meet income guidelines. The unit is staffed by professional women For location information andother questions call 359-4000 © Skyline on Parade: event that will feature registra- 8 holding a meeting M Calvin Smith Library, Satur10:15 a.m.-12:15 p.m Cottonwood Hospital, Satur. 2-4 p.m workfrom all mediums. Information call 582-1631, ext. 714 © Workat the Zo cc ashi¢ s, concessions, gift shop and train station employees Information call 263-0222 4639 S. 900 East, every Tuesday @ Centerville Dental Clinic 390-2778 outside SLC Zoowill be accepting ap- SLC. Course will last for eight weeks and starts tonight, 7-9 p.m. Thursday, 7-9 p.m information, call Betsy at Hogle Center, 3838 S. West Temple. study at the Amber Restaurant a.m. for a “Dutchtreat t. Information call Mike McClos 266-7624 or Kenny Wiggins at 277-9412 really living your life. Learn how to overcome nervous symptoms and fears during free weekly meetingsat First Baptist Church. Tues- and is free with admission to the lar zoo hours in the Auditorium Do youfeel like you've make a will be discuss Information call Bill Finch, 266-2904 i pport: @ World of the Wild: The Hogle Zoo’s fourth annual art show, ‘World of the Wild, will beondisplay Feb. 22 during regu- 200. The 80-piece show features E call 467 © Men’s Bible Study Free beginning bridge lessons are being offered at the Bridge sata! aaaaaa house eats Cost $1. Noon. - Lunch Bunch Seminar: How fp talk to yourself Learn self-acceptance, a slide show of exciting pictures of his adventurein the Amazon on Feb. 20, 7 p.m. at Realms of In1140 S 900 East ye re- ees must be at least Continued from Page 3 “An American In Par is” and a medly from “Porgy and When Taste Bess. © Vertical Jungle: Teacher Will Hair will ypresent ) bp& Disposable CTHE BEST VALUE IN FURNITURE > i i i Say“I ae e you” with the purchase ofa Sundancespa, thefinest BE built spas in the world! i i I i It's larger - heavier yet costs less than competitive brands. #SALE THURSDAY THRI © Traditional - Contemporary - Shaker All Finishes Available Including 2 Tone > $ Chests... 2999-499 SUNDAY® aCKYARD e OF AMERICA S 7141 S, State 561-0679 Midvale Le EXTRA $100 OFF ANY SPA WITH THIS COUPON ad Pio OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER Smith’s Ghildven’aiStores 255-4255 107 W. 7200 So. STORE HOURS: M-S 10-6 | om mee x= =a ee FREE DELIVERY eos s | = beeen Natit ceereeaeen eer ear : Js Mar |