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Show Ben Lomond Beacon, March 20, 1 980, Page 1 5 xrmrz If SDtks airfi By Susan Mawhinney iii Steenblik When you get right down to the real differences between closets are full of them, and they are all out to get me. At night, when the closet doors are closed up tight, and all is quiet on the polyester front, my wire hangers join forces. Here, in the secrecy of the night, wire hangers twist, tangle, and tie themselves into dozens of kinky contortions. I remember when we were wealth and poverty - right down to the nitty gritty well, caviar is still just fish eggs, and a yacht, no matter how big, is still just a boat. Where it really counts is in the closet. Thats right, the closet. It matters little that you have a mercedes, or a Porsche, or both in the driveway. It matters not at all that you have enough gas -- . to keep them both idling for . forty days and forty nights. It doesnt even matter that you have a hired hand to polish the bumpers. What matters is whats hanging in your closets. And I dont mean clothes, Jackie 0! Its wire hangers. Thats it. True, bonafide wealth means no w're hangers. Porsche or no, a man has not truly arrived in the upper echelons of the first married. We raided Elsies Dry Cleaning Emporium and bought about twenty of her finest wire hangers for a dime apiece. Back then, I knew little about the cold cruel world, and wire hangers were not yet on my list, the little mon- sters. -- in all an impossible, unrecognizable heap, in bondage to the closet pole. The wire hangers had formed a chain. For strength in had numbers, they crocheted At the time, I thought we were being thrifty . . . clever off to a good start. Anything was better than the romantic mingling of His and Her clothing in a pile on the closet floor. Anything. Even wire hangers. Oh what a fool I was! Little did I know that wire hangers multiply ! Yes they do! What started out to:. be a neat lit ... han-ngerle- ss world of wealth until he has bared his boudoir of wire hangers. They reek of the tacky, hopeless masses. I hate wire hangers. My tle arrangement of twenty hangers all in a row single file, if you please - soon became an unruly mob! Here in riotous disarray were thirty, forty, even fifty or more closet-craze- d wire hangers pushing and shoving their way to the top! It was an ugly sight. off Clothing slipping shoulderless wire shapes . . . shirts and skirts tied in Eagle Scout knots . . . suits, sweaters, dresses and vests necks. feet. Thats where it all begins. When youre not looking, they intertwine their wiry little necks, heads changing places, over and over, until no mortal can tell where it all begins! It is impossible, or very nearly so, to tell what clothes are hanging on which hanger. Sneaky little snips! And then, enter the innocent victim. The naked, yearning to be clothed. Expecting nothing from his closet but help and compassion. He opens the door, He will never be the same. Neither will the closet. It has now earned a place on the To Be Cleaned Out One Of These Days But Probably Not Until I Move list. And, in the aftermath of destruction, above the silence of despair, the wire hangers are enjoying a good laugh. Hee Hee Hee! What a unaware of the danger lurking within. They pounce! Unable to tell which hanger he really wants (because you see, they have all traded necks), the victim reaches out in desperation, grabbing at themselves together, link after link, until there was no end in sight. What was once many individual wire hangers had become One Great Wire Hanger, ready to do battle. Now and snakelike sinister, the wire hanger snickers under its breath. Hee Hee Hee! The secret to its devilry is the power to baffle its victims. You see wire hangers like to trade - Jean Shaw Meat loaf doesnt sound glamorous, but it always gives good taste and nutrition at a relatively low price. My family loves it served with baked potatoes and a Waldorf salad. Pour a sauce made with canned tomato soup over each serving to make it extra By Carol Jean Shaw By Carol Jean Shaw Nowadays it seems like life is just too rushed to get down to some of the things that really should be taken care of. The only way I can keep a partial illusion of being sane is to make lists of everything. At least then I can keep track of what it was I should have done. Trouble is, there are always a lot of things left .over here and there. I have K,jlspiHe?itias.tbat just tend to stay on and on. In order to make my lists look more tidy and circumvent all the frustration of having to see all those little naggy problems every day, Ive decided to keep a file of odds and ends. I will pull it out and worry over it someday when I can give it some real concentration. I can file those items away and feel good about forgetting them in the meantime. I have a good start on my file already. It contains questions that if answered - been has hours since supper. How does one get teenagers to go to bed, period? The only time they seem to run down is when there are chores to be done. How did my new white undies break out in red blotches in the laundry? Why does sinfully fattening food have to taste so good? can I possibly flub up my checkbook every month when I always use a How calculator? Why are people so of national forgiving celebrities and so hard on their neighbors? One of these days I will get time to sit down and ponder these important questions. Im sure the world is waiting for the answers. . $ special. 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They finish HEAVY-DUT- (Rlvordalo Center across from Grand Central) Phono $J99 $599 tablespoons mustard, V cup catsup, V cup minced onion and 1 CD0Ommy KkKEJO rJtoofe Gocffloro' 6 Simulated woodgrain on hardboard backing. $649 1st grade 316x4x8 lauan plywood. -m (Just off Plain CItyNo. Ogdon off M5) 316x4x8 lit grade GREEN 1st grade 316x4x8 1IDH 2687 N. 2000 W. i. FLINTLOCK Simulated woodgrain on lauan plywood. CASTLE GOLD IN RIVERDALE BY GRAND CENTRAL and further science: How come the only time there is to do anything is the last minute? Why is sleeping with a cat so pleasurable for the cat and so miserable for the 316x4x7 $599 7f040fMMm will do a lot to help humanity MAJESTIC WALNUT 316x4x8 2 pepper, I fcW-- 2nd grade simulated on lauan plywood. can afford a couple dozen wooden ones, all of my wire hangers are going back to Elsies. Or to the Daughters of Thrift. Or maybe even to my brother for a wedding present. Anywhere! On second thought, maybe Ill keep a few. After all, I wouldnt want to be a total snob. Ill need something to remind me of my humble beginnings. Maybe a few wire hangers would help me keep in my place. They would also be a big help if I ever locked my keyes in the Porsche! . Hee Hee Hee! ?', I tei W'M CASTLE GOLD wire hangers. days, when I Hearty Eating On A Budget rsBy Carol ' anything to hide his nakedness! It happens! The wire hanger chain reaction! First one hanger, then another, and another - and with them, piles and piles of clothing tumbling in a tempest around the victims bare If! v fill,1.", hoot! Yup, I hate One of these n Pi early? Going to bed early seems to provoke an all epidemic of phone calls, visitors and children who are starving to death because it YOUR KITCHEN A amBair 0RGANS 1 We'll show you how to do it yourself and save money. REDUCED! inforJConstipation rjc ? -- 5 minute 2 fingers ond Never too sudden, never too slow this remarkable little pill stimulates your system's own natural rhythm. 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