| Show BARD OF STR A rl sy among other signs of advancement long civilized lines are wireless and flightless fight less war the old plan of conducting hostile between nations has been superseded eded by strategy boards who tt anage things with maps mape typewriters cigars all of which suggests some tolg ing that the readers of the news tan n have without extra charge when mr mckinley who personally Is 18 an upright man was a candidate for OT the position he now holds he was wae JU t first somewhat hampered and hared eted by the very common circumstance of being in debt not that he vas t wholly lacking in acquisitiveness w careful carefulness new taut but being neither a miser a sharper nor a skinflint he accumulated but little and finally lost the little and a good deal more along with it the whole amount as stated being some A man who can get into debt to that extent can cain usually get along fairly bellit being only those who axe are behind a few dollars or at the most hundreds who are constantly subjected to that uncomfortable feeling which possesses the system when payment is demanded but yet a candidate tor for president with such an incubus burdening him bam would be subjected to a good deal of savage criticism which might prejudice his bis chances and that would never do so a a counsel of wax war was held by his friends and supporters at which it was resolved to effect a the job was assigned to one hanna the front elevation of whose name is strictly classical being marcus aurelius mr hanna is another type of zhan man altogether being thrifty and crafty he also has a lot of friends and business associates in the wall street section of new york where rich men axe are so common that only the poor attract particular attention between them they took up all the candidates obligations not only this but they put up much coin of the I 1 realm to make mr mckinless McKin leys calling and election sure said coin not being of small measure but counting up many millions of well he was elected and the same good people who paid the bills would not then of course desert him but undoubtedly assured him that their kindly offices would always be at his disposal in the course of events war was decided on and it does not require a great stretch of the fancy to see a committee of those sterling patriots calling at the th white H house ouse and setting forth in the form and mani I 1 ner following to wit good morning mr president As there Is to be a war you will need some counselors a board of strategy so to speak and we take pleasure in recommending the gentlemen whose names are here presented for such position they will meet with general approval at least they will with ours and the contest will under their control be prosecuted on advanced principles and so it was done CHAPTER IL it was a lovely mayday may day morning in a faraway far tar away land A magnificent harbor fronted a great city the water was as smooth as a floor and its clear depths reflected all surrounding objects with a vividness of detail rarely seen outside of the scenic half tones in railway advertisements the wharves were lined with shipping and a series of fortifications and ambat tle ments crowned the crests of the eminences surrounding the harbor A great number of warships appeared upon the scene a lot of them huddled together under the guns of the principal tort fort while another lot were slowly but steadily approaching suddenly the reposeful calm previously p prevailing was broken by a loudmouthed loud mouthed gun from one of the ships near the shore this was followed at once by others and soon both fleets were exchanging destructive compliments in a manner that the board of strategy had not counted upon it was a real old fashioned fight that was waa going on and it ended in the old fashioned way the stars and stripes waving proudly in the breneze and the other flags nowhere to be seen how did it come about listen A yankee pig named dewey was waa in command of a small flock of ships whose mission it was wa to look out for united states interests in the orient he was not widely known and only regulation work was expected of him shortly after war was waa declared he was ordered to hunt up a spanish fleet supposed to be near manila philippine islands and capture or destroy it it was not believed at the time that he could accomplish eithel feat but his movements would have hav the effect of turning attention that way thereby diverting it from the waters nearer home and for the time being satisfy the peoples demand tor for action if the result had been foreseen the order would have been countermanded or at least modified dewey not being a political fighter and being thoroughly indoctrinated with old fogy notions of carrying on an a fight proceeded before the contest content was over to sever himself from the board of strategy by cutting the cable which connected manila with the rest of the world and before communication with him could be had it was wag all ovet the spanish were licked CHAPTER III the board of strategy must have been in a frame of mind bordering on frenzy they went into and out ot secret session every hour or so it is said that one member more nervous nerv nervous than the rest wrung his hands and ana groaned the others were at times furious again looking at vacancy with an anxious careworn expression finally a suggestion relieving the awful tension somewhat was made perhaps all is not yet lost I 1 is S r mored to have been suggested hairl b by y elderly member with a hairless h he and a stomach like the turret turre t of a monitor spain will not quit yet as aa severe and crushing as was the blow that the hothead dewey dealt them no they will make an effort to re brive something in the west indies where we can continue to exercise control this war must be prolonged at least three months six of them if possible or there will not be a shadow of an excuse for a bond issue we must see to it that sampson and schley and the others have orders not to strike until ordered and then withhold the order until the bonds are issued and safely stowed in our vaults then they aan can go ahead or stop as they please the former preferred of course like rain upon the parched and ana blistered earth these words fell upon the board of Strate gys ears the meeting then after giving it out that they were overjoyed at deweys deleys victory adjourned CHAPTER rv IV sampson one of the men spoken of above was pacing the deck of the flagship of his fleet just in sight of the northwestern coast of cuba hta his hands were in his pockets and he presented the appearance of one who wao waa compelled to kill time and had grown restive under it A strong determined man is he and he be looked it but he h had orders which were stronger anft and more determined N else why did afo ft obey them every hours delay li in making a decisive stroke was giving the enemy so much more encouragement and strength and he knew it ml but like brother swan on recent occasion what could ho h do the blow that would reach solar elexis and send her reeling and helpless to the earth to is ready to be del levered but the mans arum arme axe are held from behind the board ot of strategy aided with more or less lees cheer falness by a certain secretary tary and with slightly more of reluctance than ethew wise by a certain president have that job well in hand so instead of a fight first and then peace we have the peace with a certain dramatic display of wao w to satisfy those who will be called on to pay the interest on those bond bon which are to follow hence and schley have a real hard time of it keeping out of the way ot of that fleet which itself however is not yet anxious for such a meeting and will keep just around the corner till re enforce ments find and other assistance arrive then the war will be protracted in a manner entirely satisfactory to wall street N anks to the board of strategy CHAPTER IV all of a sudden sampson continues to waltz around the antilles one after another one day he is at santiago then north of the windward passage then at porto rico then at havana then bt at key west then comes a denial that he is or has been at either yf those places but meantime a de strive blow Is a matter of only a few days daye perhaps hours this latter soothes the savage breast of the populace and the board of strategy obtain another lease leage of confidence which la is rewarded by sending sampson to a eoon coon village on the west end of cuba to look for cervera not finding him and n not pt expecting to sampson is ordered to el yuba tuba dam or paddy mc coatas Carty Co Atys 8 inlet or some such place under ak aled orders which the board of strategy will not give out all this alleged war business is costing coating the people a tiMing matter of bf per diem but what hat of that in addition to the board or of strategy we have a bureau ot engraving said and the loveliest kind ot bonds ean can be turned out at a merely nominal cost and then we will have amney enough to carry on the war halt half a year or so we axe are a AWA dt t people we like to be huro hum bogged ged not only this but the fellows that hime have previously humbugged humbugger hum bugged us can 46 it again andio and so on it la Is funny but unlike most other funny things it I 1 is a fact CHAPTER V and last mans necessities are the devils opportunities port unities the old villain has been having a little more than his share ot of late years but his business Is now being cut into seriously the wall street gentry aided by the board of strategy are making the landlord of 0 hades no end of trouble but let it be remembered in order that the latter may be given his due that he lies hot in wait only for individuals tempting ensnaring and ruining them so that desperation sin and crime are at last the means of a persons utter down wl fail the other gentry lay snares for a national nati 4 lick endangering if not its precious prec toua lives limbs and health by the unrighteous prolongation of a conflict which might be ended summarily um marily wh white boated throated pwe peace dred red bonds are to come in fax tf reverse order from that in which they hero here appear the youth the aa the blood and brawn the t treasure re ghobad S uzl of the land all a 1 placed as is bar sacrifices upon the ungodly altar MC mammon f vow HO long will it be en bredt dl tot dt even echo responds yours tours strategically S A KENNER P S B since writing the above I 1 have heard some cheering news sampson has haft been ordered to move and a decisive blow Is 19 only a matter of days 1878 perhaps hours S A K X |
