Show exceedingly suggestive Is it not possible to anticipate a period in the distant future when chicago will be looked upon as an ancient cit city y certainly it is and ju in the year 2500 A D which will also be reckoned L DS D 8 some som antl antiquarian of the nims NEWS w will 11 I 1 ff fish a h from I 1 the he mu musty a ty moth eaten tomes of a chicago newspaper the following item A group of lumbermen at the lumber exchange cha e were talking about the recent election uganda frauds alleged to have taken place in the twenty fourth ward 1 I never had any business to transact with the city council but once in my life paid eald one that was waa twenty or more years ago 0 and it any easier to do business bu business sineAs alt with i that body then I 1 suppose than at any time since we wanted the council to grant us an ordinance to lay a spur track up alongside our ur yard from the railroad track in front RE bight t across from us was another lumber lamber firm and together we worked and argued to get our ordinance erdi nance through we failed tw twice fet consecutively and had decided not to try again but to get along without the convenience of a spur track one bright sunny morning mornin g a men m en on horseback rode up in front of the 0 office mee and whistled for some of as to come out I 1 and he told me he had noticed our fruitless efforts to get that ordinance through the coux cour oil cil yes I 1 I 1 said we became discouraged and concluded to drop the scheme 1 it worth to you yon he asked 81 slapping appi I 1 ng the top of his boot with a riding whip 1 I told him it would help our business matly greatly Is it worth he asked 1 I answered that we would be willing to pay that for the spur but that we were not going into any deal tobay to buy votes stiv never ever mind my name he be curtly re plied when I 1 asked him for it its worth is it I 1 11 yes I 1 said the man rode away aw I 1 never went near the council chamby chamber the next meting meeting night but the morning after the meeting I 1 saw by the papers that our ordinance had gone through like a whirlwind it was perhaps a week afLer afi erward ward when this mysterious man rode up in front of the office door and whistled I 1 went out and he said he came for his bis pay I 1 understood what he be wanted and who the check should be made payable to great dods 11 he exclaimed II 11 1 I want the currency I 1 dont take checks 1 I gave him the currency and he rode away he never dever dismounted from the horse either time and all the conversation we had would occupy less than ten minutes time I 1 never saw the man again he went out of my existence as mysteriously mysterious lv as he be came in but we got our spur track on this little item our future antiquarian will proceed to analyze the statesmanship of the nineteenth century cien tury he will show the beautiful morality of a christian civilization and the immaculate honesty of a christian statesman and the unstained honor of a christian hickory merchant proceeding further in his researches the antiquarian will fish out another item which will go 90 to illustrate the superior financial enterprise of the age heri here is the item there was until recently a bellboy employed at the palmer house who pos besses business qualities which if they do not land him in the penitentiary will send him on the top wave of success high and dry into the lap of fortune his modus operandi operand of knocking out a dollar or two extra per e r week with one guest how bow many more fe fell I 1 1 victims to his thirst for wealth in i not known was simple the guest in mind was in the habit babit of sending him weekly to to for afave a five pound box bi x of candy tor div v ing him 2 in pity pay for the sweet meats for a time all went well but gradually there was noticed a falling failing OR off in the quality of the goods 0 I 1 do at first the guest attributed be 1 fault t to herself but later upon careful in vesti gation she learned that it was the candy which had deteriorated she taxed kehoe who denied any interiority inferiority in his goods she insisted and when he asked in what kind of the candies she found fault named a k kind ind which kehoe does doe not sell but the band candy came in your box are you sure 1 I am certain here it is and the lady produced one of his boxes filled with an inferior grade an inquiry in airy was mane made and resulted in bring bringing g to light the fact that the boy upon r receiving ece iving the 2 would go to keh keb es purchase one accomma pound pou d for fitly fifty cents and have it as an accommodation 0 put into a five pound box then t a cheap candy factory where with fifty cents more he bought three pounds and filled the box thus making 1 dollar by the transaction the boy is now searching for something for idle hands bands to do of course it will be found that this boy developed into a prosperous business man MAD became beame a deacon in a presbyterian church and a n an of standing and reliability with bankers in fact he became the man mentioned in the following whoa education in spelling was neglected here is the item which illustrates this deft there was a meeting of the wholesale paper dealers association in chicago last jast fall which closed its proceeds proceedings edi ings w with ith th usual banquet lyman j J gage vice president ot of the first national bank was present at the banquet as an invited guest after the customary toasts had been responded to mr gage was called up and made a brief speech As near as it could be recalled by one of the members of the association it was as follows we are in the paper r business he began but we aim to apa handle ane le a different line of goods from wrapping paper our stock consists usually of t the 6 gi gilt ve pater edge ge i brand only but occasionally we get a consignment of an inferior grade and we work it off to the best beat advantage vant ageg sometimes letting it go below cost about a year ago we got some papers from a concern up north that we did not know it came to us however accompanied by a letter from one of our northern customers who stood high in our estimation and who recommended the paper as gilt edged on the strength of this recommendation men dation we discounted a few thousands it was not paid when due and I 1 had my clerk fish out the letter from our reliable customer who had recommended it thinking he could be held in the light of an en dorser 1 I sent for my lawyer and showed him the letter he read it over carefully more carefully than I 1 perhaps and informed me that we had no recourse on him 11 1 why not I 1 queried astonished at the che report 11 because the lawyer answered this man is a po r speller just notice the kind of gilt edged paper he be refers to I 1 1 I took the paper and read it again the writer had bad spelled tb wd gilt with a u making it read guilt edged paper we let the matter drop lyman J gage 1 is nw now president of our worlds pair fair association he is one of our most prominent bankers and considered a sharp business man but as a critic in spelling his education also had been neglected but our antiquarian will find that all hotel boys do not develop into deacons and preachers as the following item will show after clearing up the odds and end left by his bis predecessor the night clerk of the sherman house glancing into the reading r r om last night spied there a man fast asleep going up to him the night clerk touched him but bat he retired not then he shook him but he be did not stir the night clerk took hold with both hands and yanked him back and forth but the m man an is stirred not but forthe for the fog foghorn horn blast that with each breath came from the mans in mouth he might have been supposed dead he was not dead though helas he was merely dreaming beneath the soothing influences of a mid spring jag when the night clerk had tired himself without rousing the athe man an he be called the porter to assist him the per porter ter who had learned from a policeman the most effective way of waking a heavy sleeper lee secured a chair leg which with a smile in per e 0 of confidence and a swing he be brought down with a resounding whack upon tb the e sole ot 0 the sleepers right foot oot which rested in a chair but at the sleeper did noto not stir tir with both hands the porter grasped the chir leg and struck the foot wih such force as to break the chair leg in two still the sleeper stirred not thunderstruck at the failure of his heretofore unfailing ill remedy for sleepiness the porter glared glare savagely av agey lt at ih the crowd which had gathered and d was aag guying u ghim him an anil 1 I next at the sleeper T then ben on snatching at K n a heavy cane he struck the foot a tremendous blow it ii seemed as if it would telescope the sleepers leg the 8 sleeper leeper opened one eye glanced w aril airily at the porter and muttered hit bit the he other ae leg that legs hie wooden woo jen midah midlee t ele yells 0 of 11 i he crowd the porter departed a and n the sleeper was permitted to sleep out his lag jag the sleeper had bad a wooden leg jeg or rather a cork one although he be was not a G A B R man 0 A B R did not get shot in the legs theres Ther the ebs usually fired high and that to is the reason one hears bears many patriots tell of the whizzing bullets and the mysterious little holes in the crowns of their hats hate the antiquarian will be puzzled to know what the jag meant he will hunt through all the dictionaries and dices dives but he be will find no sensible solution of what the ehg means in the case orthis of this wooden legged patriot it would be useless to tell him that in chicago english a jag means six inches of cincinnati whiskey piled up in the interior department of a chicago citizen and when one speaks of a G A R man with a I 1 jag ou 31 it does not mean a knapsack on his back but a canteen full of firewater inside his ribs language as well as society hns haa its mysteries daffus CHicA chicado may 1890 |