OCR Text |
Show THE THUNDERBIRD In MONDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1989 PAGE i through THE OUT DOOR o liiF-- ijji COMMENTARY BY PHIL CHIDESTER Phil offers first film masterpiece 25 t OFF EACH AND EVERY DRYER used this space two weeks ago to discuss my anxieties about future job interviews. My Fitness For Life teacher says stress is an evil to be avoided; and so I have opted for a career with a little less pressure. Im going to be a film script writer; and heres my first masterpiece for your perusal. I He popped Pink Floyds Atom Heart Mother into the ghetto box and sat back on his bed to think. People didnt seem to like him for some reason, and he didnt know why. Maybe the ominous horror film music that accompanied his every step? Maybe the rusted ax that hung prominently above the head of his bed; the ax that he refused to remove under any pretext? But to try and understand the intents and desires of others is the work of psychiatrists and mothers, not young kids with an entire life to look forward to. And so he closed his eyes and listened to the strains of David Gilmours guitar squeal mysteriously away into the night, letting another days worries and emotions fade slowly with the music. The harvest moon cut a smooth silhouette around his body as he walked, slowly but with purpose, down abandoned streets. The silver d light was just bright enough to allow a clear view of his face, the hair revealing a tendency to hair loss, the eyes in a dull stupor, looking neither to the right nor to the left as he stepped as one dead over the loose stones and twigs in his path. He entered without knocking, and the music followed him, a cymbal crash marking every footstep, the brass rising to a crescendo as he approached the victim. She looked up calmly, knowing what to expect, but still not in what form it would be. Whats it going to be? she asked impatiently, an old veteran of horror film imagery. Flame thrower, harpoon, or something a little more exotic? He looked at her as if she spoke another language. Never had he encountered a victim such as this, calmly awaiting her fate, pulling the wind out of his sails with her little quips. And, seeing that she had bought a little time with her belligerence, she tried again. He was confused for a minute, trying to decide if he was dreaming, or watching one of those films he loved so well, or babysitting at the neighbors. But a stench of dead fish and seaweed came wafting up from the lake nearby, and he suddenly remembered his purpose. Raising the ax to the square with both hands, he let it fall once, twice, thrice (this means three times), looking in a stupor off into the distance as he did so, losing thus that wonderful look of terror that came into her eyes. Then he turned the ax around and hacked at her some more with the right side of the ax head, and discovered that this technique worked much better. She disappeared in a blur of blood and sweat (his, not hers), and the night swallowed all memory of the incident as he leaped through the open window and made his way back to the civilized world of no surprises. Breakfast was Cheerios and a grapefruit, and a little bewilderment as to why he had mosquito bites and strange scratches all over his arms. H is mother slipped up behind him and gave him a big hug. Were you out hacking defenseless girls again last night? After all, your ax is dripping blood. Night again, and the ax was gone, and so was he. She stepped into the room long enough to turn the turntable off, and shrugged her shoulders as she shut the door behind her again. Such a respectable boy, her son. But everyone has their dark side too. He slid through the open door with ease, and seemed a bit puzzled at first: the lights on, no music, no screams. But an ax murderer goes on instinct more than anything else, an inbred need to hack and chop; and so he raised his weapon, once more to soil the blade with the blood 1 COUPON PER CUSTOMER. EXPIRES DEC. 1117 7, Is i rio 1989 LAUNDRACLEAN 5 N. MAIN 586-140- 124 S. MAIM CEDAR CITY close-croppe- of SUSC 586-390- 0 j I j I j I J I j I j 5.00 Small deep dish SAVE single item pizza two salad bars and two medium drinks for the incredible price of $7.99 Extra items nominal price Exp. Jan. 7, 1990. Good only at the Pizza Factory, 124 S. Main. Ltmcfo Steal! Mini single item deep dish or traditional crust pizza and a medium soft drink for the unbelievable price of $1.99 Exp. Jan. 7, 1990 Pizza Factory, 124 South Main, Cedar City, Utah 586-390- 0 1 SOAK AHOY 65 llfooS Condos SlUPPILY 0 586-940- 1 life. He was confident, a little too confident maybe. Who is safe from an ax murderer? Everyone is a potential victim: everyone except the man who created him... He looked up from the typewriter just in time to see the ax descend for the first of many times on his head... A Cedar I)) City y LYNN G. CRANMER, DERMATOLOGIST TUES., WED., & THUR. Dornatolcoy SPECIALIZING IN DISEASES OF THE SKIN SKIN CANCER DERMABRASION FOR FACIAL SCARS ACNE SPIDER VEIN THERAPY 150 ALTAMIRA AYE. SUITE 900 The hottest accessories for your car or truck: $16.49 "NEON" Twin Blade Wipers $ 7.26 Tinted Sunshades $ 3.18 License Frames Splashguards $ 4.24 In YOUR CHOICE of Colors pink GREEN HURRY They Are Going Fast! OFF WITH COUPON XEU-oV-J 586-64- 40 10 .J 5 |