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Show THE THUNDERBIRD . IN THROUGH SUSC MONDAY, MAY 8, 1989 PAGE RESIDENT LIVING IS NOW HIRING FOR SUMMER. POSITIONS ARE OPEN FOR: -- THE OUT DOOR COMMENTARY BY PHIL CHIDESTER GROUNDSKEEPERS, MAINTENANCE WORKERS, HOUSEKEEPERS, AND PAINTERS. Has someone blown a fuse? nuclear fusion is undoubtedly the most exciting development to hit Utah in recent memory. A couple of scientists at the University of Utah and Brigham Young University discover new and different chemical reactions in heavy water, and suddenly our humble state becomes the focus of the scientific world. And now, a month and several contradictory investigations later, the excitement continues to mount: No more greenhouse effect! No more acid rain! No more nuclear waste! Once again, it seems, our planet has been saved by the very forces that threaten to tear it apart forever. And who cares? Its difficult for those embroiled in a life of tests and essays and papers and parties to get any excitement from watching guys in lab coats play in the water (even if it is heavy water). But nuclear fusion is a discovery that will have more of an impact on life as we know it than all the MTV videos and cans of styling mousse ever could, and it is important for us at least to attempt to understand fusion and the effects it will have on our everyday southern-Uta- h lives. Fusion involves placing an ionated cathode tube into deuterium and forcing the ions to covalently react through electrical stimulus until the desired ionization has stabilized in a reaction not unlike that found in in most common... OK, I just wanted you to sweat a little. Fusion is nothing more than two atoms slamming together to create heat. We take the heat and boil our water and run our power plants and toast our pop tarts, and there isnt even any nuclear waste left at the end to make our skin turn green and fall off in big chunks. So, where does this leave us as SUSC students and patrons? Websters Ninth Collegiate Dictionary defines fusion as a merging of diverse elements into a unified whole. SUSC abounds with diverse elements that need unifying, and who knows, what with the new technology and our own ingenuity, maybe we can accomplish the following: Fusion. By fusing three or four parked cars into a single Parking-Lo- t mass, SUSC will beat its parking problems and promote student interaction at the same time. (Of course, well need a defusing machine as well to get the cars separated again maybe CEU can work on this one.) Budding Fusion. By fusing the Music Building to the Student Center, mud-trawalk across the quad we can avoid that long sprinkler-infeste- d radiate some of the infamous Oak between buildings and maybe even Hall cockroaches in the process. And besides, think of the implications: live dinner music in the Thunderbird Circle! Sports Fusion. SUSC really doesnt need to drop baseball and pick up rifle shooting and hurt so many feelings. Why not fuse the two sports into a unified whole? (One suggestion: keep the same rules as baseball, but allow the team at bat to shoot at the opposing team from the dugout to disrupt their play.) Education Fusion. Fusion of the entire college experience into a single, k course will save students from dramatically intense unnecessary pain and get them out into the work force much faster, where they can spend their days dreaming of newer and even more radical uses for this most chic of all scientific discoveries. Fusion is very much more than protons and neutrons and scantrons; its more than greenhouse effect and nuclear waste and acid rain. Fusion is all of us, members of the world family, joining together as one. But we dont like our neighbors! They look funny! So we invent a fusion bomb and fuse them together, and they fuse us, and we are, in the end, nothing more than a unified whole, our heads and torsos compressed into a huge single mass of humanity, throwing off tremendous amounts of heat as we become a giant ball of fire, exploding through space and time forever. By the way, did I mention that fusion is another alien plot to take over the world? Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the heavy water... Room-temperatu- re CONTACT NEUMAN DUNCAN C300 FACILITIES OFFICE OR CALL 5867969 THE PERFECT DATE... THE RIGHT MAN, THE RIGHT WOMAN, AND THE RIGHT MOVIES! il two-wee- D) r LYNN G. CRANMER, DERMATOLOGIST , Dern&tolcgy SPECIALIZING IN DISEASES OF THE SKIN SKIN CANCER DERMABRASION FOR FACIAL SCARS ACNE SPIDER VEIN THERAPY 150 ALTAMIRA ave. SUITE 900 ' p BRADSHAW CHEVROLETBUICK ANNOUNCES a2l89 W Tvy 'sf COLLEGE GRADUATE FINANCE PLAN GET A $400.00 REBATE FROM GMAC NO PAYMENT FOR 90 DAYS (N.A. ON LEASES) ONLY 5 DOWN PAYMENT (ON PURCHASE) PLUS GET FACTORY REBATES UP TO $1000.00 OR INTEREST RATES AS LOW AS 2.9 ON MOST MODELS ALSO SPECIAL LEASE RATES COMBINE THE FACTORY REBATE WITH THE GMAC REBATE AND PURCHASE OR LEASE MANY MODELS WITH NO DOWN PAYMENT!! COME IN FOR DETAILS 586-64- 40 360 NORTH MAIN 586-659- 5 5 |