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Show mt gn y jr g p yrjry y"4Ty' tyyr" y yy" w i er,v,'TtfTe'yy Wif ij'''yir'yyy'iri"j' yWMn,y-- f r''e,'r "wri" lyTrw v g ee e0 w f yty r,m ig The Salt Lake Tribune, Saturday, April 16, I960 Dr. Van Dcllen - By George Clark The Neighbors 17 Leonard Lyons jr Young Mothers Can Use Help of Mate on Chore Most young mothers have all the reason In the world to complain that the days are too short, the f children too frisky, and the . demands on their time too great. But they survive and, after becoming grandmothers, are likely to long for the 'od old days . low blood pressure, low me- A short NEW YORK while ago I was at Whites Club on St James Street in London, a or tabolism, female trouble." Vitamin shots, liver, and iron help temporarily, as do nerve piUs, tonics, and tranquilizers.. Some make progress when they correct bad habits such as overindulgence in coffee, tea, alcohol, or tobacco. Sometimes a reducing regimen fills the bill. These women also proj, vide a great market for patent medicines promise pep., and energy.- - rather that when they so were Oh, enthusiastic and " THE HOUSEWIFE with ordinary energy works jl6 hours a day, seven days a week. She is on the go all the time despite labor-savindevices. A vacation means' doing the same thing except at a different place. The more energetic mother does the same work but widens her scope of activities to include PTA, church work, health drives, and being a den mother, .Raising a litter of pups enters the picture somewhere along the line, usually as' a subtle method of teaching sex to the chilg dren. Dr. Leonard L. Lovshin of Cleveland noted that the more worrisome, tense and overly conscientious mothers are likely to fret and complain about fatigue, especially when they cannot keep up with their work. They become irritable and confused and develop nervous symptoms. Many believe a major disease exists. The majority cannot be convinced that their fatigue stems from too much work and responsibility; they prefer a diagnosis of anemia, Soaper Says Insurance company statis-tician- s say that the man whose weight is normal is really 20 pounds overweight. Or, to put it optimistically if youre 20 pounds overweight, youre normal A statistic informs us that the 250 million pounds of gum chewed by Americans each year could be stretched to reach Mars. Well, if all else fails, it might be worth trying. Robins and warm breezes are undependable signs of spring. Easter seals are more reliable, and just as symbolic of the seasons spirit of hope. The Air Force plans to eliminate K P. for its troops, and the I down the block says thats where he learned the only military skills that proved useful in civilian life. Oscar time always brings some confusion as to exactly what constitutes a supporting actor. The nonsupporting kind, of course, has been clearly defined by the divorce courts. ex-G- There are all sorts of challenging books and articles about hew we Americans dont know what to do with 'our leisure,' but most of us dont have the leisure to read them. Communist societies, apparently, arent any different than capitalist ones. When a politician decides to take a junket, Paris nab urally comes to mind. Pamphlets Help In Fabric Care Before you start to remove a stain from any fabric, be sure you know the proper method to use. Send for the new 1959 edition of the reliable Government booklet Removing Stains From Fabrics Home- - Methods. It gives explicit directions for using detergents, solvents, absorbents, bleaches, and other chemical stain removers. Illustrated, indexed, 30 pages. Fifteen cents, postpaid. Use This Coupon The Salt Lake Tribune Information Bureau 635 F St., N.W. Washington 4, D.C. I enclose 15 cents in coin a copy of the b o 0 . for Removing Stains From Fabrics Home Methods. Much can be done to relieve the burdens of a housewife if the husband will cooperate and the family to stress the important things of life and not waste energy on the minor Irritations - and - superficial-ties. . Ed Koterba Call the Trouble Pentagonitis WASHINGTON The people at the Pentagon are, as individuals, some of the finest, friendliest, wize, or J'orphanize," One merely on the perimeter of the problem. brass hat got carried away with himself with the latter Often, these folks in that word and testified before on "orphanized become afflicted building .Congress best - intewith funds. words. ntion e d men An impressed lawmaker This disease is known as and women asked: What's an orphanaround Washsupersyllabilosis. ized fund?" ington. An officer, badly afflicted, Their only Oh. replied the testified the other day: The trouble is they that's an appropriaArmy had only seven undefi-nitizetion that has lost its parcontracts outstanding get afflicted with that inent funding. on June 30. Then, as if encurable virus, couraged by the flavor of But occasionally the peoadvanced those five syllables, he went at the Pentagon break ple Mr. Koterba one: The Navy is still havwith a coined word through several are strains There ing trouble in the matter of that covers a multitude of of this virus. timely definitization. thoughts. One of the worst is murko-phrenia- . A NEW strain tempoIm referring to their definition of the bureaucratic rarily called, the ize have it is spreading fast. You can THIS WAS only recently yen to tax everything. They call it: - Intaxica-tion- . identified in its pure form tell when a man has it, for feasible- uses he like words by terrible tempered Dan Flood, the Wilkes Barre (Pa.) Democrat He was exposed to this extremely contagious strain at a recent By Bennett Cerf hearing of the defense appropriations subcommittee. A film producer, operating on a shoestring, needed a For a full day, Flood, a scene to pep up the last reel of a new picture, and hit fight man of crisp words with on an economical way to make it. He took his male star black mustache to match, the arm ajid said, Rep, see that young couple at the by of a under barrage squirmed corner waiting flJKa bus? I want you to start insulting the vague Army brass testimony dame until hecJiusBand gets mad enough to take a sock at on research and developyou. Then wellshvcUtbe camera rolling. Get the idea? ment. The star got the idea. He bellowed at the bewildered Finally he exploded, and " You are about the worst-lookinexcuse for a human lady, the twisted waxed tips of ever laid eyes oa This fellow here is risking Ive being his mustache twanged in his entire reputation just being seen with you. the breeze. Did he get socked? Nothing of the sort. The husband You long haired characwas lost in though for a moment, then declared triumters in research, he raved, phantly to his wife, "See? What have I been telling you are developing a barrier befor the past 10 years? tween yourselves and the After spending four years studying journalism, a young people you are trying to reach. This murky language, man decided that, after all, there was more money in raising this murkophrenia, is creatchickens. His old dean looked him up a few years later on his farm, and inquired, How are you doing?" ing a semantic barrier which is defeating your purpose. Fine, just fine, said the young graduate. "Believe it or not, at last falls State Fair, I won the Pullets Surprise. THE MOST Pentagonosis germ, however, was identified some time ago by Sen. Stephen whose own Young words usually run two sylBy Haskin lables in sentences of five or six words. A reader ran get an answer, ferent weather cycles, which The by mall, to any question ot fact TribLake vary in length from 3tt days The Salt called "chilbrains" is by writing strain 635 F Information une, Bureau, to 1,020 years. They vary in five-star frostbite. or St., N. W., Washington 4. D.C. or balancing and .intensifying Please enclose return postage In some circles its stamped envelcombinations to form a conknown as snow jobitis. ope. onward-movinpattinuous, Theres no known cure for Are all Quakers conQ. course of future the tern, it once you get it. The first to scientious objectors which can be predicted fairsymptoms may be detected A.D. war? when a man starts talking ly accurately. A. Though all Quakers like this; This Q. How many common Its in the process. are opposed to war, not all plants and flowers means; Its so wrapped up garden of them are conscientious are poisonous? E. M. in red tape that the situation objectors. In World War II is hopeless. A. A specialist on poison s of the about Well look into it. Or reported several years plants called He means, by thetime the 12,000 Quakers up some 100 of the that ago wheel of red tape runs a served as combatants or plants grown In average medical corpsmen. full turn, I hope you'll have American gardens contain forgotten about it, too. How many weather cypoison in some or all of their Q. ONE TCTIMof snow- The bulbsr tubers or cles are there? C. P. parts. roots are especially likely jobitis was queried by a reA. Dr. Raymond Wheeler, to contain poison. Since the porter on a simple matter. He replied: Til turn you specialist in this field, says leaves and seeds of so many that there are about 20 dif over to my sergeant. Im plants are poisonous, this specialist warns adults and children to avoid the common habit of chewing on bits Ever Happen to You? By Blake of plants. 't five-side- five-side- 13-ye- exclu- sive club. I was there, of course, as a of a guest member who cautioned me to put away my notebook and pencil. I suppose thats Mr. Lyons why Ive never joined any club, because the rules about privacy conflict with my natural curiosity as a newspaperman. Im permitted, however, to mention this incident, because it happened outside. Donald Ogden Stewart was a guest there and lingered on the steps of the club. His saw Stewart stop a dozen bank clerks, chat with them and each rushed off, bewildered. What Stewart told them was: Were having a membership drive at Whites and If I get two more members Ill win a prize. So, wont you join? d d wit-nes- s, d Just Try and Stop Me deep-roote- Questions and Answers ) Young-identifie- d - three-fourth- YAK-l-T.YAK-l-T- YAK,YAK..AKP Portrait FURTHERMORE. By James J. Metcalfe OUR HABITS A habit Is a certain trend As we may think or do ... . . And how we to . L C PONTAR6UE WAKE THE BACK-YOU'L- OULPREN!! City Ktnf rturi Inc Worl try cope each day . . . With problems old or new . . . Somei habits are commendable . . . And some are not so good As there are things we ought to do . . . And those we never should . . . The bad ones are the easiest To ' learn and to acquire . . . While many good ones bar-th- e To pleasures path we desire . . . We need the courage and the strength To live a better way .. . By guarding every thought, and wprd . . . And deed from day to day ... As we develop habits good . ; . Our evil habits fade . . . And through our perseverance we . . Can score a higher grade. ... ... ... ... (Please print) State (Mail to Washington, D.C) Greg likes a few minutes alone every day. Thats the only place he can get away from tha kids." to his London club, after a absence, and reported: First they made a fuss. The second time they told me Ah, good to see host-memb- er Name Street Youre Welcome Visitor, But Not With a Pencil clubs tradition was frightening, refused to believe Coward was a member. All, right, then," said Coward, meet me at the Atheneum tomorrow." r 3-PIE- They met there, and Cow- ard never came back be- cause Amherst showed up hatless, unshaven and carrying a copy of Variety in his pocket. - TABLE CE CHAIR 1 you back. Must have a long talk. And finally, on my third visit, it was just ol Hello, " boy. At the ultra-socia- l Har-mon- Club a sign was ie put on bulletin board: Warning: A member was observed bringing a brief case into the clubrooms last week. LORD JEFFERY Amherst, who once worked as a newspaperman in New York, heard his friend, Noel Cow- ard, mention his membership in the Atheneum Club. Amherst, who knew the THE LATE EDITOR of Harold Ross, was a member of The Lambs, on W. 44th Street When the membership committee asked him why .he wanted to join, he said: My office is only a block away, and I can come here for lunch without having to take r r gPOCtAL yerifkdyalael V mncHAM J OUR SUMMER SENSATION -- lawn patio, "roc" room EASY CREDIT TERMS CENTRAL AUTO aHESw I0S0 S. Slots St. EM 84 NURSERIES the New Yorker, a taxi. John Gunther and RayGram Swing once lunched at a Manhattan club, and when the y check came each Insisted on signing it, as a member. mond They discov- ered7 that this was the first time either of them had entered the club, and that they'd paid over $17(1 in dues. This luncheon cost us $350, they realized, then paid the check and resigned from the club. George Jessel once was persuaded by David Warfield to join The Lambs, but was blackballed. Then years later, when he was assured of unanimous approval, Jessel applied again. The membership committee asked why he wished to become a Lamb, and he answered: Because how could I live, He was elected, had one drink there, if Im not a Lamb? and quit When Richard Carle opened In the musical, Sally, he treated all his fellow members at The Lambs to a drink. Then he ran his hand across the bar and toppled the 150 glasses. He was suspended for six months. When Carle was reinstated, he was so delighted that he again ordered drinks for the house. He told the man next to him: I was suspended for six months. The man asked why. For doing this, said Carle, and did it again." A1 Lackey, of Sophie Tucker, la member of The Friars. HAWTHORNE Scarlet Red 5' to 6' Excellent Small Shade Tree Bechtel flowering CRAB 7 to 3' Large Double Pink Blossoms BUNNY The EASTER a One night Milton Berles Irving Grey who loses constantly at gin rummy was playing cards--witanother member, who shouted to Lackey: Hey, pipe down. How can a man play with such noise around here?" . . . Lackey replied: You can beat this sucker in a foundry. JOHN FALTER, the artist, invited his father, a Kansas clothier, to The Players club, where they sat with James Cagney and Howard Lindsay. After three rounds of drinks, the senior Falter said: Gentlemen, I've always been impressed by the traditions of the theater and the kinship to Booth in these halls. But after three drinks, its just like the Elks Club in Atchlnson, Kan. t Paul's. scarlet ot left something Grown-upREDWOOD for f he j&ssHKt BASKET reOMOURGlANT EASTER IThe EASTER Parade Begins at Redwood Nurseries JOIN US 75 EGGS LUCKY EASTER FUN! 2 40-l- b. 2 20-l- b. PRIZES include: Klen-Ubags Ortho bags Ortho P Kleen-U- p Ortho garden Insecticides (30 varieties) Brandon Peters, .the actor, once urged a friend to Join The Lambs: I Sunshine peat moss Shrubs and roses happens there all the time. Only last week a feller made a motion to have sandwiches served In the dining peanut-butte- 0,1 contained in these for EASTER in PRIZES I Oh, something s r room on Mondays. Jessel is a leading member of the Friars Club in To give you an ' Hollywood. idea of our membership, he' said, "over the entrance to the Card Room is a sign: Members Are Cautioned Not to Play With Members. ' Herbert Marshall returned Free Candy Easter the Eggs for KIDDIES! Sign of the "Most Happy Gardener" 850 4k. SO. REDWOOD ROAD m A. JML J |
