| Show tife life 0 awl ani my overcome evil with sith good hs the gentleman said sald when lie ho knot ed down a burglar with the family bible bibie mr fr smith your hogs a are ara r e getting petting into our corn neld held 11 never mind billy Pru leepy corn wont hartem hur hurt tem cm the ile gentl gentleman erhan eihan who aho fired tired at rando random dionot did not bit it and in disgust he lent his rifle to the youth who had determined to aim at immortality I 1 I 1 fanny fern fee n moe woe having occasion to write to an all acca acquaintance ain aln rance tance who had just been blown up lp in a steamboat explosion commenced lier her letter lettl r thus my c gleamed friend mena A young lady in the millinery line having been een deserted leser ted by I 1 her adorer exclaimed such sueh a menial be battered to death with thima thimbles es and out oue bened V d in a band bandbox boa bom 11 an advertise advertisement ment went in ila a boston paper lately for a young man to work in a store stor ewas was wab answered by eighteen applicants Buto but nut one nefora nor for a a gentleman to travel and play on the banjo met with dog persons my eaily dear colonel I 1 perceived you s slept pt during sermon germon time last sunday it ls ISA very verv bad tad bad habit said bald a worthy divine ilin llin 11 an e to one of uj his par Isho nets ners ah ali doctor I 1 could not kee k keep ee awake I 1 was so drowsy 1 would it not bewell be weil well colonel colo colb nel nei to take a little snuff to keep you awake doctor was the quick quicy reply would 1 it not be well weil ell eil to nut put a little snuff in the sermon lir 1 A woman c cf f excellent sense and somewhat wl at of a satiric turn of mind was asked by hei her her hen friends if she really intended to marry mr adding that mr nir was a good kind of man but so very singular well 11 replied the lady so much the better if h be e Is very verv mieze much h unlike other men he Is more likely to make a good husband during the stormy days of 1818 1819 four stalwart entered the tile bank of the tho late baron baroll anselm de rothschild of frankfort Youlia you have ve have millions on millions said they to him andee and we have nothing you must divide with us very well what do do xou you ou suppose the firm of de rothschild asworth Is worth about forny forty millions of florans florins flon flor ins 11 forty nill millions lions you think ell eh now there are forty millions of people peele in germony Ger myny that will be a florin a alece heres yours big words pass for sense with some people and sometimes may be very successfully employed when nothing 1 else wll will answer A very smart lawyer had the tile misfortune to lose a suit snit for a client who had e every v e r reason e son to expect success u the client a bla bia plain tn oad old oid f garmer farmer a was astounded by cheong bill bi I 1 of costs and hastening mst ening to the lawyers office said 1 I thought you told tola me we should certainly gain that suit so ISO I 1 lid did answered the lawyer but you see bee when I 1 brought it up there before the judges they said it was quorum non judice 11 11 veil vall well weil if they gaid said ildie it was as bad as that replied the old farmer 1 1 I dont wonder we lost it and he paid the costs and a i large fee besides without another murmur deacon C of hartford connecticut Is well known as being provid provided edwith with an enormous handle to his countenance in the shape of 9 a huge tose nose on a late occasion when taking U up P a collection in the church to which he be belonged 1 bedas as he passed through the every person to whom he presented tiie the box wenson seem seemed to be possessed by a sudden and ancon troll adle aule desire to laugh the deacon did not know what to make of it ile he had often passed it round before but no such effects had he witnessed the deacon was fairly puzzled the secret however leaked ont out he had been afflicted a day or iwo two witha with a sore on his nasal aps api bendage pen dage and lie he had placed a small piece flece of sticking plaster over it during the morning of the day in question the plaster had dropped of 08 fand and the deacon seeing it as he supposed on the floor picked icken it up and rid lid stuck it on again bu but alas F he ie picked up instead one of the pieces lleces a or 4 paper which the manufacturers of spool cotton paste on the end of every spool and which read warranted wanted anted want to hold bold out yards such a sign on such a nose was enough to upset the gravity of any congregation I 1 pop goes the weasel ve asel has become the chorus of a thousand snatches of song but not one of a thousand who sing it ever heard of ra lt origin yet its parentage Is as easily traced al as that of an english baronet A famous methodist preacher by the n name amo of craven was onee once preaching in the heart of virginia and spoke as follows here are a great many professors of religion today to day you are sleek fat good look ing yet something Is the matter wl with th you now you have seen wheat which was plump round and good looking to the eye but when you weighed it you found that it only came to fort forty eight pounds to the bushel when it should I 1 be sixty or sixty ahr three pounds take a kernel of that wheat between your thumb andlinger and finger hold it up squeeze it and pop goes the weevil now you good looking professors of religion you are plump and round but you only onit weigh h some ome forty five tive or fonty forty six sit pounds to tio ito tny tay lre bushel what is the matter ahl ah wien when you yon are taken between the thumb of the lawand law and finger of the gospel gospe ad held up to the light and squeezed out pops t the whis whisky whisks ut y bottle dottle 11 from pop goes the weevil to pop goes the we weasel aselt the transition Is easy the late mr nir mason says the boston jog jaw nai na was something of a giant in physical as well as mental nientai proportions and in youth must have possessed a powerful frame while in the strength of early manhood mr mason happened one very cold day to be driving arising along a road in the country half buried burled up under buffalo robes and looking rather insignificant to tho the casual chul observer at least so he appeared to an impudent teamster who approached in n an opposite pos ros ite lie direction occupying sa so larbe large large a portion of the roa road d with his team that passing was a difficult matter for another vehicle As they neared each ach e other mason biason politely requested the teamster to turn out and give him room but the saucy varlet with an impudent look at the ap par antly small youth peremptorily refused and told him to turn out himself mr mason who instantly perceived there was but one course to pursue quietly stopped his horse laid the reins over the dasher and began rolling down his robes at the same time drawing up his legs and rising gradually from nis bis seat the teamster silently watched these movements but as the legs obtained a foundation and fool foot after foot of mr masons mammoth proportions c came a me into view a look of astonishment dikea like ilke a c circle irele in the water spread over his hitherto calm face and with a deprecating gesture he presently ex exclaimed claimed do stran stranger geri gerl dont rise rum a any n more ore ill iii turn out mr nir mason alason soon had t the he track to himself and our bewildered teamster drove off at a brisk pace creation said he ashe touched up the off leaden leader with his whip 1 I wonder how high that critter would hate hare gone if I 1 stopped him |
