Show how portsmouth was bombarded the ile town of portsmouth in the stony state of new hampshire is a place of quiet habits and commendable decorum even in this fast age thirty years ago it was no less staid serene and well behaved still there was wa young g and frolicsome blood in portsmouth then as there is now one evidence of which will ivill be found in this veracious narrative some thirty odd years ago in some way to ine me unknown a secret association of 0 youngsters existed in portsmouth des desi designed 1 to do a little waking up of the people and re relon region ion lon thereabout there about their hur treasury was first filled filka b by y assessments upon members and afterwards aided by manufacturing and traffic mg in torpedoes the main capital however was invested in gunpowder gun powder A favorite wake up agent used by those worthy young men was made by winding tarred around say a pound of 0 powder until the diameter of the tough case was about equal to a good sized bombshell a slow match being bein 0 connected with the powder on some dark solemn cloudy night one of 0 these reporters would be laid upon a board the slow match lighted and the impromptu bomb boat pushed out upon the rapid ebbing tide title when opposite the navy yard there would comeux come up a terrific explosion with a sharp flash or of light and sudden illuminations to the consternation surprise wonder ac 0 of the forces at the navy yard and everybody else much speculation arose and many wise opinions 0 in and explanations were given about this remarkable phenomenon the general conclusion being that the cause was subterranean 1 and belonging bilon ing to the earthquake family it occasioned no little alarm among the peaceable people of portsmouth upon one occasion while the methodists were converting 0 sinners at a kittery camp meeting a mon monopoly of the cooking and feeding business having been granted exclusively I 1 to one of the deacons it was waa adjudged unfair and a nuisance the difficulty was removed at night by securing one end of a stout rope around the ies les ae legs 9 of a cooking sto vein on and about which boiling broiling roasting frying ac were going going fiercely on and the other end to one of t the e gatlin batlin bombs secreted behind a near stone wall when the tremendous explosion came that same instant the hissing spitting sputtering spattering stove and contents disappeared from the tent as did the crowd of customers A liberal reward was offered for the person or persons of the guilty but kotbin nothing more came of it but cut the richest of all their pranks was bombarding portsmouth in the course of examining into the state of the town one of the members discovered a dozen old cannons laying around loose upon a wharf close to what was called liberty jurida lurl Juri dg a solitary unfrequented place at night though busy enough by day those guns had been left upon that wharf by a privateer at the tile close of the last war as grave scholars still persist in saying and although they had bad made so bome some noise in the world in their day yet yeb et they were but dumb do dogs dos s at that time inwardly inwardly they might be bermet termed constipated by an accumulation of dirt and rust and unfit to vomit forth or f belch anything or indeed to make any effort in that direction it was decided however that thesel barkers had been silent long 0 enough and ana that their throats should ire cleaned and allowed to speak once more in truth the duty or the prize seemed so unusually tempting that there was great alah alak alacrity rity shown by all the members in the new and important work after nany many weeks of hard night toil the whole d dozen 0 e guns were reported in good clean clear reliable condition for public service in pursuance of the charitable character of the society and the great rule not to let the left hand bother the duties of the right the society waited until a very dark dreary night for the grand display on such a night as that above the owlish hour of midnight those twelve guns were loaded with a full three pounds or more of powder each that the acme same was wadded down quite up to the muzzle with green grass that twelve slow matches of proportioned lengths were set in full primed tonch touch holes hoies and that at a signal each slow match was fired at the same instant by those twelve dutiful servants of the public who fled to their homes and refu refue refuge e the instant the darin daring darlng deed was done the reader must imagine the le innocent character and habits of the good people of portsmouth the darkness and lateness lateness of the hour the startling nature of 0 the interruption to their dreams to tol have any apy sort of conception of the scenes of confusion sion slon and positive terror ensued each guilty quaking disturber of that placid scene had about reached his home when the first gun thundered upon the sleeping town actually making the earth and house tremble this waked about every soul in portsmouth Aft after ersome some ten minutes the second gun boomed its warning of danger at handland athan han dand half halt the nightcaps night caps in town were dotting the opened windows the third gun put every soul into clochin clothing and a cold sweat the fourth filled the streets with excited citizens the fifth proved the truth of the report that the british were bombarding fort constitution and the town the sixth sent the selectmen into most solemn conclave and deliberation the seventh found rusty old queens arms and shot guns in the hands of volunteers and so on until the firing ceased about three of the clock am of course there was no more going to bed in portsmouth that night and no end to the reasons for the awful event that had occurred daylight had revealed the whole story every son of a gun had recovered more than pristine vigor under the peculiar stimulants applied to them three had whisked themselves up into the air and were found va quiet i et and satisfied in the road one of them half if through the venerable bridge two had reared up and plunged boldly through an old bulling upon the wharf while another no less frisky had skipped about six feet and gone spank through an innocent oyster boat which sank u under the affliction three of the excited pieces had cast them themselves into the dock and the rest were scattered in various attitudes about the wharf this explained the mystery the people were mostly indignant at first but became more good dumoret aumorea at last the selectmen offered a large reward for the discovery of the wicked disturbers disturb ers of the public peace and destroyers of rill yand land every in ember member of the society quaked a and trembled many a day afterwards but kotbin nothing more came of it and that is the way portsmouth was bombarded N Y atlas |