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Show THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE, SUNDAY MORNING, JULY 30, 1922. t Legitimate Stage to Have Minister Plenipotentiary THE FABLE OF THE FATHER WHO JUMPED IN By GEORGE Al)E. , ! Assumes' Post Similar in Augustus Thongs to Those Held by HaysTmd Landis; High Priees to Be Considered. By GEORGE CALDWELL. by Salt Lake Tribuhe ) Miff YORK. July 28 More reasonable price at the box office and the annihila-o- f the predatory ticket speculator r two of the plana In the platform of bfuem Thomas, the new envoy and minister plwiipotent.la.ry of tfhe (legitimate. JfUus' Thome is a man of many tal-eIlaywng'it, producer, artist, nev. 1 jperTiian anr actor, he has" all the IdpabiliUe which should'make for epccos In th poet of the executive chairman of the producing manager' asaocia-tga- i. some respects his position Is similar of Will Hat in the moving Jin industry. It also ia akin to that of Judge Landis, high commissioner of professional baseball. be compared onlv let their jobs can wav Hays Is the general Ill theof most movies. interested in every ifir at the the business and concerned most angle at vgslti preventing those encroachment that lead to rCthsm into picture and to boards of censorship Judge Landis, as of old. Is concerned with igVing down of the law He stands ready t point out the wavs of the erring, but liU big job is passing out punishment arul making It stick, if he ngw leader in the theatrical field. htAvever, will give scant attention to wfbat or why or how the producers He saja the amount of dirt In drama lias bean small heretofork and 1 yenture to say it will be smaller There ek few thing of earth or of heaven which are not fit and proper to be seeri atid heard on the stage if the dramatist's is honest I Mr. Thomas has no criticism of the qhaltty-o- f plays now being written. He 1st still writing plays himself. But he rekhse that the theater owners and profiteers as partners haven't been doing well financially of late and that temperament flies In when cash file out of the box office. In other words, the must do Igfeducers, to stay in business, eiii they can to work out plans to aid in owners M theater leading back to tk legitimate drama the throngs of yes- ten ear g IT hat Is where the high cost of comes In. Speculators have made 12 In the past from luckless lit to a seat in town for the holidays or a, football game celebration. 'And this is what Augustus Thomas has ttjsny about can be no doubt that the pub (Copyright. , 1Q22, 3- eon-teatl- pro-dii- re te pjw-pot- e tfy - show-srain- late-come- -- Respects . Once there wa a leading Citlxen with oh!y one Daughter, but she was a Large Consignment. Account Jtegnice was chief Expense and Crown Jewel of a Beal Estate Jug-le- r who had done so well that all the regarded him as an l.r.emj to Society. Papa wa foolish, even a a V yaavl. He was what ou might call None!, which signified that all of his Lor Work had been done by Agenta f A person of rare Judgment, withal He never copped a piece of bulky Swag unless he had a Wheelbarrow with him at the time. He ha$ been going East with the Green ever since the Party In Power Good precipitated the first Panic Ke hart Stuck of Ths Need ful.and his rating was AA Plus 1,tn to say nothing of a Reserve cached the Uttle Tin Box. could him to uninduce alone Daughter buckle, and melt, and jar loose, and come Strap-Hanga- lic, or a large vhar of the public, ha been turned against the drama because of high price ,We hive contended owners in against It. But the theater caes have said it was necessary many The producer do not think it It will be a part of my task to attempt to make in the end the theater owners see they lose money by entering Into agreements by which speculators make great " profits. Wmmw have a lawdrrthis statethst permits the sale of tickets by dealers at only 5fl cents more than the price of the There is a question of constituticket tionality in that law. But it is going through the courts on appeal and wq will soon know whether we can depend upon it to solv our problem I think anyone i willing to pay 60 cents extra for' a ticket rather than go to the trouble of hiring a cub and going to the theater But the theaters to make the purchase. should do their utmost to aiwavs have for any day when the tickets on hand show is not sold out "Some of our producers are also theater owners, so that we believe the prob lem carl be worked. Out bv our organisaThe owners often have suffered tion through being forced at the last minute to sell their tickets st cut prices, simplv because a great part of the public would not buy seats in advance at other than fair prices While ths 'question of the price of theater seats Is one of the first to be worked out when Mr Thomas occupies his new office next week, he has other Thers are matters conbig problems. thenected with transportation rates for the-statrical companies, agreements with musician and with other employee. Mr. Thomas was given credit for the amicable settlement of She actors' strike In ISIS The Actors' Kquitv association that agreement at work-insigned a five-vetime, so that the readjustment of n twog conditions will come up again tht rs she they had et first, and sometime wished the Dear Bov would hop on them. No chance. Fa' her had nlm kidoed into believing that ail the old ham-fa- t Riddles were simply Immense. As for that Salad fepeoia'ty the poor Gink who calls louJiy for English Mustard and thinks h is a Genius because he can rub a Bowl wtth a sprig of Garlic, may have htg Brief Hour of Triumph, but no man ever rsally got anywhere by doping Salad, when you stop to add It up. If any Guests were present, then Father would pUy Introducer and tell them be fori hand how good Kenngth was When given the Cue. the I ad would swell up and spring a hot One about the Swede and the Irishmen, while Bernice Would fuse with the Salt and wonder dimly If the Future hvl might in stoze Dialect Stuff. for Father had read on a Blotter somewhere that Absence makes the Heart grow fonder, so heplayed his System with , the Reverse English He arranged a nice .long trip by Land -- her-axce- pt A Fallacy About Saving hear people say they cant save anything. Oh, I wish I could save a little but I havehard enough time to barely make a living ihesej3ays. Someday,1 though, I intend to put a little something by. How many times have you heard just thist OU too often never comes for such folks but it never comes.t Someday - They jnean well-enoug- h, A little money and. will power builds more healthy savings accounts than all the money in the world without the will' to save- .- You can save if you really want to and then you will be surprised how quickly your bank account grows. er , Thrift is the open road to opportunity and success. - "We will be glad to 'help ,you cultivate it. We have a little pocket savings bank for you or a larger one to keep at home. We will be happy to furnish one to you to sjart you on the way to a healthy bank account. Save your pennies and dimes watch them grow into dollars watch the vdollars grow at interest. -- ee rs Mr. Thomas also ia concerned wtth the proper relationship of the theater' with the critics of the drama. He doubts If this is a situation where there is much "Critics have reason for uneasiness never been "barred from theaters unless the producers felt that the critic wa Influenced more bv personal animosity than by his Judgment of the plav being I think It always proper to produced ask for the recall of a diplomatic agent who le not serving his government fairly or who is unwelcome to the country to which he is sent," he said. , Rso1t today that tomorrow la th Someday yon will start your tarings account f . a Through which it operated He put them side by side on deck. across, and kick In. and sting the Check Hpok. On day Bernice was a Little Girl, and the next she wa head Flossie among the Debutantes, wtth a pack of Society Hounds pursuing In Full Crv, each willing to help count the Bank Roll. Father was scared pink when he el zed up the Field. Sometime he would dream that he had been pushed into a Mausoleum and .that a slender Cjrll wtth a Ladvs Watch strapped to hla Wrist was spending All that Money for Signed Etchings. . Whereupon he would awake in a Cold Sweat and try to think of a safe Recipe for poisoning ai) of the beautiful bounding Bertl.) One day Bernice Went out Into the Sunshine and found someUtlng and brought it home with her and put It on a Rug in the Elizabethan Room Father came in and took one look and raid. Not for Mine' 1 won t stand for any Pussy Willow being grafted on to our Family Tree." Hts name was Kenneth, and he reduced his Percentage on the first day by Having a hemstitched Mouchoir tucked inside of the Cuff Also, It was rumored that he put oil and rubbed Perfumery on his on the backs of hts Hands around the Father walked twice, looking at him over the Specs, and then he rushed to the Library and kicked the Upholstery out of an ISO chair. in the For he could eee the Eyes of Bcgmce. She had fallen for the Flukus. Kenneth was Installed aa Steady, Whm Bernice saw him turn the Corner and approach the House, he looked to Heirher like Rupert, the long-lowhile Father discerned onlv an insect top Powder. large to be treated with If Kenneth s private Estate had been converted Into Pig Iron he could have carried It In his Watch Pocket. He was refined and had lovely Teeth, but those who knew him well believed the Storv that when he was a Ba.be In Arms the Nurse had let him fall and strike on his Head. . He wore his Hair straight back and used Patent Leather dressing When you passed through the Archway of his Intellectual Domain jou found Block. yourself in the Next Into a Parlor and But he could go sprinkle Soothing Svrup all over the Rugsa Education and Vaudeville a had He small Tenor Voice, wtth the result that many a fluttering Birdie regarded him as the bona fide Ketchup. Bernice thought she wa hickv to have snared him aw av from the others and she had slipped him the whispered Promise come Weal, come Woe. No wonder Father was stepping side- i YOUR TEETH were placed In your mouth by an Providence, who planned them to give you lifetime service. Some dentists, taking issue with the wisdom of the Cieators1 plan, ten you that pulpless teeth are diseased teeth and that diseased teeth are a menace to health and, aided by a none too reliable diagnosis, condemn ail suspected teeth to be pulied at sunrise." Whether suih advice is honestly meant or tinged with the suspicion or fanaticism or greed it will pay you to think twi before following at, vice which may seriously affect your entire future. These and other dental questions are fairly squarely and honestly answered by members of this staff without placing you under the slightest obligation or expense. Be assured that If your teeth are bevond saving, or constitute a menace to health, we will extract them and make vou paftial or full plates second only to natural teeth for a very modest price. Bring us your dental problems. all-wi- X-r- t DR. RAMSEY CONSOLIDATED DENTAL OFFICES 267k MAIN STREET (0VE$ PALACE MARKET) OFFICE HOURS: 8:30 a. m to 8 p. m. ; Sundays 10 to 2 Examinations and Estimates Free Eye-Bro- love-lig- st , - SALT LAKE CAN DO IT! WHY SEND AWAY FOR YOUR ROLL PRINTING OR COMMERCIAL STATIONERY? i About six months ago we installed the first Boll Pres in the intermountain state the only roll printer in this section, we have been so busy that we have had to install ANOTHER ROLL PRINTING PRESS to care for our customer needs, and.-bein- if waja, would'fcome home In ' the evening He and find the Mush perched on a Throne, in the Spot Light, shooting an azure- -' blue Line of desiccated Drool, with Bernice sitting out in front and Encoring Then Father would retire to the hack House to bark at the Butler part of the and act as If he had been eating Red Meet. He knew that If he elbowed In and tried to break up the Clinch It would mean a Rope Ladder, a pieeer in the Papers, and a final Reconciliation, with Parent playing the usual role of Goat The problem was to get shut of the Rodent without resorting to any Rough Stuff Father never had heard tell of the Perils of Propinquity, and he thought Psvchology had something to do with Fish. Just th same, he remembered about a Quail a day for 30 days, and ho Knew that the most agreeable Perfumery would not smell right if applied with a Ga-d- Our new machine NUMBER, PERFORATE, PUNCH and PRINT in TWO or MORE COLORS, or back and front of sheet, all in ONE OPERATION, hence the big saving over other methods. Some pastern salesmen say we cant do it. Let u show you. " Call Was. 3709 for a representative or eome in and see for yourself. t SALT LAKE EFFICIENCY PRINTING CO. PRINTERS $ ENGRAVERS STATIONERS Wasatch 3759 en Hose, Likewise, he suspected that nary a Horse would blow If put Into Quarter a two-miHandicap. So he blocked out a Program which Solomon had nothing on him. that proved Instead of grilling vpung Kenneth and holding him up to Contumely and forbidding him the use of Cosy Corner, he started in to boost the Love Match. Kenneth all but moved in his Trunk. Daughter had a ehan'e to weight him down to the last Ounce, and study the simple Mechanism of his transparent Personality. Kenneth would sit right up tins to old who would egg him on to tell Delect Stories and, after that, show how to make a Salad. The Stories were some that Chaun e Depew stopped using hi 1S9J. After Bernice had heard these Almanac Wheezes 2 or 28 times, she would sit while still and look at the Ce.iler-Pvec- o loner, was performing w The Gags didnt ond as Killing aa le Our new machinery enables ns to print your INVOICES," ORDER SHEETS, OFFICE STATIONERY, FREIGHT BILLS, BILLS OF GUMMED LADING, WAITERS LABELS, GUMMED CRAFT, CHECKS, THEATER TICKETS, BUTTER WRAPPERS, FOIL WRAPPERS, LAUNDRY LISTS, ETC. -- -DELIVERED IN FLAT SHEETS OR IN ROLLS. , 71 West Broadway ht Cash-in-Han- d, ns and Water, and took the male Sweetheart along, so that the Dcttng Pair could be together at His cunning had now become claboH-ca- l. He was getting ready to apply the Supreme Test. Every Morning when Bernice looked over her Baked Apple she saw nothing In this wide World except Kenneth, still reeking with Witch Hazel and spotted with Talcum Powder, end not very long on Soarkling Conversaion. When he was propped up In th cold Dawn, with his eyes partly open, h did nut resemble a Kov 1 Personage nearly as much as he had an some of his earlier Photographs. Father would order Eggs to be Eaten from the S.iell. vv hen Kenneth got around to hcs he would cease to be a Romantic Figure for at .esst a few Minutes. Bernice would turn awa in Dread and look out at the swaying Trees and long to see some of her Girl Friends hack home. After Kenneth had been served to her three meals a day and they had ridden together for Ages and Ages, In Pullman Compartments, she made certain horrible Discoveries One of hie Ears waa larger than the other. He made a funny noise with his Adam' Apple when drinking Hot Coffee. When he was annoyed he bit his Xatla. When suffering from a Cold he was soft-boil- Main at First South Salt Lake City, Utah Wasatch 455 - Investments Sayings Trusts Seal Estate the threw herself Into his Arms end Hotel Sofa when iShe' Mortgages Insurance passionately Father demanded, entered Why, oh, why are yen trying to force me Into marrying that Creature T" MORAL: Don't get acquainted too soon. (Copyright, 1922, by the Ben Syndicate, Inc.) MDONALD S ROOF GARDEN. S p. m. Open to the Public, Aug. 3rd, The general pubUc is Invited to be presCo. Choc. McDonald ent at the J. O. Roof Garden, 159 W. Broadway, Thursday evening at 9 p. m. A special program has been arranged for the occa(Advertisement.) sion. Sniffy. The first time she became aware of the slight discrepancy In Earg aha suffered only a slight Annoyance, It handed her a tiny Pang to find a Flaw In a Piece of Work that she had regarded aa Perfect. After she had seen nothing else but those Ears for many, many Days It be- came evident to her that If Kenneth truly loved her he would go and have them fixed. Likewise, every time her Heart's Delight lifted the Cup to his Ruby Lips she would grip the Table Cloth wtth both Hands and whisper to herself, Now we get the Funny Noiae " Kenneth, In the meanwhile, had found out that her Hair did no) aiwavs look the same, but one who Is striving to get a Meal Ticket for Life cannot be He was Game and stood ready to obey all Orders In order to pull down the Capital Prize. He had been uch a Hit In the Maple-SundSet that he could not conceive the possibility of any Female becoming satiated with hts Society. The poor Loon never stopped to figure out: that the only way ! to keep a Gin sitting up and interested is toa stay away Vacation. once In a while and give her Father waa right on the Job to see that Bernice had no Vacation. He framed It up to give her a Foretaste of Matrimony every Day In th Week. If the Future Husband wandered more than thirty feet from her side. Father would nail him and aick him on to her again. She would look up and aavt Oh, Fury! Look who's hero onca again' This waa no way for a Maiden to speak of her Sou! Mate. Father put th Cap Sheaf on nis b'g Experiment by accepting an invitation to go Yachting. He put them aide by side on Deck and told them to comfort each other, in case happened. anvthingnever could have been quite the They same to each other after that Day. Bernice wanted to get back on Shore and hunt her Room and peel down to a Kimono and refuse any Caller for a Month. F.ven the accepted Swain was tegln-nin- g to slow up. He could remember the time when he used to ait around with members of hla own Sex Father had no Mercv. He took the two Invalids back to land and rounded them up for Breakfast next morning. When Kenneth appeared he was sightlgreenish in Uoior. y One Ear was three times as large as th other. He had caught a Sniffy Cold. In partaking of his Coffee he made Sounds n'mllar to those coming through the Partition when the People hi the adjoining Fiat have trouble with the Plumb. ing He saw Bernice glaring at him and bit his Nalls in Emharrameit Father felt the Crisis impending and iakl on the last Straw. I wee trvlng to recall that Story,' The One about the German said be and the Dog" Bernice gave one Shriek and then dashed from the Room, making hysterical Outcries along the Corridor. Father told Kenneth to cheek all th Trunks for Home end then catch aa early Train Bernice was squirming about on the ae AT LAST! Glasses Within Everybody f Reach me1 h We Are Continuing for a Few More Days 'Our Special Ideal for Painting Reading Glasses Paint now for the very best results your paint In good, strong frames with spherical lenses. Fitted to your eyes by an expert of twenty years ex- surface impervious to wear. Whether you wish to paint inside or out, there is a special Bennett paint which will exactly meet your requirements and will give lasting service. Bennetts paints are made with a base of pure Carbonate of Lead, the correct scientific base for longest wear' in, this cimate. - true-heart- ' ' f perience. , t Specially Priced Regular $8.00 and $10.00 Values. will dry quickly, giving a glossy, hard, beautiful That Bennetts paints are best in this territory is proved by their success for more than 25 years. Orens Optical Co. 207 Slain St., Kenyon Hotel. Wasatch 4833. J-- Jj ilelle C7W.lst.Sa. Wmtcb 54 |